Title: Ranma 1/2 -- A Deadly Choice
Genre: Drama, Fantasy
Author: Nidoking
Email: Matthew.P.Katinas@Rose-Hulman.Edu
Homepage: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp
Archived at www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/DeadlyChoice.html
<SNIPPAGE OF CHAPTER SUMMARIES>
The whole series is a decent effort, I'll give you that, at perhaps
attempting to recapture some Ranma flavor while keeping the plot
going.
Some
things are done right - Razor, for example, is a Takahashi-worthy new
character.
Thanks... that's what I was shooting for. I'm planning a series of
stories that project the ideas of A Deadly Choice further into the
future, changing the Ranma-verse subtly as they go along... and making
some not-so-subtle changes later on, of course. Razor becomes a
mainstream character after ADC, although of course, he fills a role
similar to, say, Mousse or Kuno, taking part in some events and all but
disappearing during others.
Other things are... well... not. I'm probably not the only person
who's let you know that aggressive != assertive, and the fact that so
much
of your plot hinges on that leaves a rather sour taste in my mouth.
The
premise is good, but I find the execution somewhat lacking.
Yes, I quite agree. I neglected (because I didn't realize it until
later) to mention an important factor somewhere in the story - Ranma's
mind rejects the involuntary assertiveness training, giving him a
tendency to strike out with little provocation at times, usually quite a
while after the training. Why do you think Cologne has to repeat the
training every day? Because it doesn't stick
on one go, reverting Ranma to his usual temper until the next session.
You'll notice that the other readers of Egrul's book truly are more
assertive (although the effect is minimal for Akane, for the reason
discussed in the final few chapters). Obviously, I'll have to mention
that fact within the story, probably when Cologne reveals her plan.
As for the assertive-aggressive issue... I do need to go back over the
story and work some of that out, don't I? It made sense to me at the
time, somehow... the thing is, "aggressive" wasn't the word I wanted.
"Influential" and "argumentative" perhaps... his arguing skills for the
most part still leave something to be desired, it would seem, as, for
example, he loses the argument with Ryoga and loses his temper. Just
watch Ryoga's actions throughout the story, though, and remember that he
actively reads the book and follows its advice. Ranma, on the other
hand, is being forced into it and hence fights its influence (just as he
fights his engagement to Akane, despite any feelings he might have for
her).
I'll read over the story again and make whatever changes are necessary.
I won't burden the list's already taxed bandwidth with my revisions,
however. Perhaps when I'm done, I'll repost the link to the Deadly
Choice page and let everyone know how the revisions turned out.
Thanks for reaffirming my already burgeoning (but too weak to provoke me
to make major changes at the time) suspicions that something was
wrong... and keep up the good work! Keep the C&C flowing! (Especially
when I start releasing unfinished stories... remember, I'm working
without the benefit of prereaders at the moment. Interested parties,
please respond!)
- Nidoking
MOM: I'm getting rid of this TV before the mindless garbage rots your
brain!
JOHNNY: Mindless garbage not rot brain!
(SHAMPOO: Mindless Johnny not got brain to rot!)
"There's a billion places like home. But only one of them's where you
live." - Granny Weatherwax, "Witches Abroad" by Terry Pratchett
ED: My eyes are stuck! I can't open them!
EDDY: Open your eyes, Ed.
ED: (opens eyes) Thanks, Eddy.
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp