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I don't know why I have to write this now, but I must or lose
the idea. As long as I'm in the lab, I figure why not email it
to the ffml? What have I got to lose?
Once upon a time, there were two gods who decided to
become roommates because They were fed up with the obscenely
high rents in the only available dimensions...
Maybe that isn't the best way to start it. Maybe it's
the only way. I really can't explain _what_, exactly, these two
gods agreed to on that 'afternoon', any more than I could
explain this computer to a butterfly. As long as you accept that
anything and everything in this story is simply a metaphor so
your poor heads won't explode trying to comprehend the infinite,
you'll do just fine.
Now, back to the story. These two gods had been friends
for a while, and They often hung out together to be amused by
the world the Other had created. So, when One called and asked
if He could come over...
Genders. Gods don't really _have_ genders. What they show
us puny mortals is a persona they don just as easily as you put on
a swimsuit, and for much the same reason. When it's just us gods,
however, they tend to let it all hang out and don't really bother
with being male or female, because they're too busy simply BEING.
If you can understand that, you'll be well on your way to the
secrets of the universe.
Anyway. So, when One called and asked if He could come over,
the Other naturally accepted. When the first god showed up at His
friend's door, He could see that His friend had come over because
He was seriously bummed.
"What's wrong, my friend?"
The first god came in and sat down on a convenient
mountaintop. "I just got a look at what They want for the upkeep
of my little corner. I don't ask for much, just to be left alone
the chance to play with the lives of my mortals a little! Is
that so wru-hu-wrong?!" And then, to the acute embarrasment of
the second god, His friend started weeping, causing massive
flooding all through His finely-crafted world.
The second god sent out a hasty mental command to some
of the less stable people in his realm, commanding them to build
big boats and cram everything they could onto their newly built
survival devices. He added that He didn't know how long the flood
would last, so hold on tight! Confident that His puny mortals
would be saved, He turned back to His friend who was still
sniveling like a weakling demigod.
He said kindly, "Could I see this bill?" Still flooding,
the first god handed the second a small slip of paper. The second
god was literally floored. He sat down suddenly, creating a "God's
Basin" that was deep enough to take all the water His friend was
leaking all over His nice world. The less stable people were left
high and dry, and mocked for their lack of faith. Halleluja.
"This is outrageous!! How do They justify such high prices!"
The first god sniffled. "They say it's because my world has
magic in it. They're raising rates on all the worlds that have magic
built into them."
The second god managed to get to His feet. Still staring at
the bill, He said, "But your world only has a little magic in it!
My world is... built... on... magic?" He looked at His longtime
friend for an Eternity, then a jangle sounded, announcing a visitor.
The second god answered his door. Behind it was a minor
angel-construct, holding a slip of paper. "Yer energy bill fer
this month, yer Holiness."
Ripping the note out of the angel-creation's hand, the
second god quickly scanned through it. He would have turned pale,
then flushed bright, _bright_ red in anger, had He owned
capillaries. "By Myself! This is obscene!"
The angel-construct held out its hands in a defensive
gesture. "I don't write the bills, yer Holiness. I just deliver
'em. Please don't smite me, I'm so insignificant!" It groveled,
just for good measure. One thing it had learned about this god, He
didn't call Himself the Sea of Chaos for nothing.
Fortunately, the Sea of Chaos was too busy being angry at
the Universe in general to focus His attention on one puny construct.
He waved His hand absently. "Go back to your masters, insect. Tell
Them the Sea of Chaos will not take this lying down!"
"But - sniff - I thought that all seas had nice, soft beds?
Why not lie down for a wu-while?" The Sea of Chaos rounded on His
friend, prepared to start a little holy war all of Their own over
a joke in horrible taste.
Holy wars have started for less.
The angel-construct fled whilst its betters were occupied.
The Sea of Chaos paced back and forth, accidentally creating a
race of demons in his rage. After absently creating a bunch of
dragons to combat the threat, He turned to His friend. "What are We
going to do about this travesty?" He demanded, shaking the fist that
the two bills were clenched in.
The first god sniffled again. "I thought of a whole bunch of
stuff to do, but the thing is, all of them require a friend in They.
They hate us, remember?"
The Sea of Chaos waved His empty hand in a dismissive
gesture. "You win a couple of holy wars there, a bet on a true
worshipper here, and One get a few enemies." Then, the full import
of what His guest said struck him. "Are You saying that They are all
against Us?"
The first god nodded.
The Sea of Chaos boiled. "We won't lose to Them! We can't!"
He paced back and forth more furiously. "Don't worry, I'll get a
revelation soon..." He snapped His fingers, letting slip a fragment
of Himself. "I've got it! We can become roommates, and share the
energy bills! No problems."
The first god stood up and confronted His friend. "I'd say
there's a problem. It isn't as if either of Our worlds is a complete
fantasy land where anything could happen..."
The first god trailed off, then nodded. "When can I move
in?"
The Sea of Chaos waved His hand. "Give me a millenium or so
to prepare My world. How about Yours?"
The first god shrugged. "I'll freeze it where it is now.
Just to make things more interesting for both of Us. So, what do
You have planned for a thousand years from now?"
"Look for yourself."
The first god accepted the invitation, peering at the
skein. He nodded, then His brow furrowed in deep thought. "I have
another thought for You. What do You think will happen when Lina
Inverse and Ranma Saotome meet?"
The Sea of Chaos shrugged. "I don't know, Jusenkyou. Let's
find out..."
WITNESS...
Nabiki and Xelloss team up!
GASP AS...
Ryouga and Zelgadis go out and get drunk!
SHIVER AS...
Naga the White Serpent and Kodachi the Black Rose clash!
GET WARM-FUZZY FEELINGS AS...
Gourry and Kasumi help the other's relationship out!
AND QUIVER IN FEAR AS...
Two redheads of our acquaintance butt heads!
If anybody actually wants to see this insanity pulled off, email
me PERSONALLY at iamfanboy@hotmail.com. My Hotmail account,
please!
Don't ask me to account for this, I don't know _where_ it came
from...