Here's the quick once-over:
Please use a fixed-with font to line up correrections...
As a result I'm now useing the 3ft program (which rocks, btw, I suggest
everyone
using
Oh, and if anyone has any ideas for a title for this chapter, feel free to
speak up.
Chapter 6
Hmm... "So Close and Yet So Far" "The Return of Kasumi"
"Kasumi Returns" "Two Sisters, One Hospital"
...
"Command, I have four - no five Zerglings, two Hydralisks, and
one...it looks like one infected human."
Looks can, of course, be deceiving.
...
Kasumi's feet hurt. She had been walking for almost a day and a
half, trying to find the human base. She was hungry, thirsty and tired.
And how was she suppose to go to the bathroom with this strange suit on?
It did not have any zippers or openings. Oh well, she could worry about
Hmm... never thought of THAT problem.
that after she had eaten.
The Hydralisks suddenly stopped and turned to look behind them.
They hissed, and the bulbous body of an Overlord floated over the ruins
of a building. It's tendrils writhed menacingly, and it's jellyfish
Its
Oh dear, the dread contraction its. WITH an apostrophe, its
is a contraction of "it is". WITHOUT, "its" is a possessive.
Strange but true. Ain't English grand?
shaped body quivered as it came close to Kasumi's entourage.
One after another, Kasumi felt the awareness of her new
companions disappeared from her mind. She watched in horror as they
disappear
...
"They have me!" Untrained, Kasumi pushed her mind outward
trying to free the creatures from the Overlord's control. They
shuddered, then collapsed, freed from the monster's control.
How about grip or grasp instead of the second usage
of control.
...
The Overlord's telepathic scream of pain echoed through her
mind. Physically, the thing was surrounded by a blue-white coruscating
storm of psionic energy. Veins and muscle blew apart as the creature's
system was overloaded. It blew apart in a shower of blood and goo,
blew apart in two consecutive sentences.
let's see... exploded, perhaps for the second usage?
raining down upon the group. Kasumi collapsed in exhaustion.
...
"Uhh...roger that, Private. Let the Golaiths handle the
situation."
Yeah, shoot first & ask questions later.
...
Kasumi tried to get to her feet, tried to tell them to stop.
She managed to do one, however, before she was able to do the other, she
felt something hit her high in the chest. She was thrown back by the
force. Strangely, she did not feel any pain. Only sadness that she was
not able to save her friends. Her world became filled with darkness.
Oh, my.
...
"So, she's definately not infested?"
definitely
...
He nodded. "When you think she's ready, transfer her to biolab
three. When she wakes up, call me." General Horato left.
The twins stood. "Well, I guess that's it for us. Let us know
how it goes, okay doc?" Moroto nodded absently.
"By the way," said Jes. "How is Nabiki doing? We heard she was
brought in last night."
Cool. They are in the same hospital, at least.
Nabiki opened her eyes. All she could see was light. Was she
dead? Was this heaven? [Oh, wait a minute, those are ceiling lights,]
Good one!
...
"Hi," he said simply. Nabiki was amazed at the love and caring
Ranma could put in one word. He still did not say "I love you," but
sometimes, he did not have to, to convey how he felt.
Ranma was never a man of many words.
...
"You've never had any problem flaunting anything."
True enough.
...
Ranma nodded absently. "Right." [A clone? Then maybe
she...it...whatever, really isn't Akane after all.]
Things are getting interesting.
Can't wait for 7 (of course I have a vested interest)
Kevin D. Hammel
========================================
khammel@mail.anime.sobhrach.com
kevinsff@pacbell.net
http://www.anime.sobhrach.com/~khammel/
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