Here, presented for your consumption, is the sixteenth installment
of the Neon Genesis Evangelion continuation fic, 'The Gospel of
Malachel.' All sixteen installments can be found in HTML format on my
website at
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Gulf/4127/Writing/Gospel/TheGospel.html
C&C is of course welcome.
The Gospel of Malachel
by Douglass Weeks
Gospel 1:15
Steps on the Brink / Fracture Lines
Fuyutsuki caught the doctor just as he was stepping out of the
examination room. "What is Pilot Ikari's condition?" he asked without
preamble.
"Sleeping," the doctor replied. "Mental and physical exhaustion,
coupled with sudden, extreme stress caused him to have a minor mental
breakdown. He's been conscious three times since he was brought in and
he was able to use the toilet and intake liquids on his own. He'll be
suitable for release once he wakes up again."
Fuyutsuki nodded and turned to leave but the doctor held up a hand
to stop him. "However, in order to ensure that he doesn't have another,
potentially much more serious collapse, he'll need to spend at least
another month in a calm environment and should be kept out of any
further stressful situations."
"So in other words, no piloting giant robots for a while."
"Or even little ones," the doctor said with a perfectly straight
face.
Fuyutsuki's expression didn't change. "I'll pass that on to the
Commander."
Maya leaned against the Melchior's raised tower, resting a moment
before returning to the datapad she held in one hand. "Ready?" she
asked, glancing at Suiko as she typed in a final sequence of commands.
The other woman nodded, her hands poised above the control
console. Maya turned to Makoto and Shigeru and gave them the go sign.
The two of them exchanged a glance and then Makoto opened a
broadcast line through the entire geofront. "Attention all personnel:
all primary systems will briefly go offline in ten seconds. I repeat,
all primary systems will go offline for a short time."
He and Shigeru shared another glance as they began counting down.
"Five."
"Four."
"Three."
"Two."
"One."
"Initiating complete systems shutdown," they said, simultaneously
inserting and twisting their I/O keys. The lights around them cut out
and all the monitors in the command center went dead. For several
seconds the only sound was the soft whirring as the ventilation fans
wound down.
"Begin system re-initialization... now," Maya ordered as she and
Suiko hit the ENTER key on their boards at the same time Makoto and
Shigeru turned their keys back to I. As the lights came back on and the
ventilation fans whirred back to life, Makoto peered intently at the
monitor in front of him. "All primary systems are coming back
online..." he began.
"All systems have been restored!" Shigeru declared triumphantly.
Maya breathed a sigh of relief. The screen on the datapad flashed,
and the message appeared:
--MAGI Casper... intializing--
--MAGI Balthasar... intializing--
--MAGI Melchior... intializing--
--Initialization successful; Beginning diagnostics... --
--System Integrity... Nominal--
--System structural components... Nominal--
A worried grunt made Maya glance up at Suiko, just as her screen
cleared and began flashing red, a new message appearing: --Data
storage... 98% corruption in primary -- secondary -- tertiary
archives... Accessing backups... 80% corruption in primary, secondary
archives... accessing backups... 11% corruption in primary archives...
accessing backups... 11% corruption in primary archives... accessing
backups...--
The screen cleared again then flashed solid red: --Access failed...
11% corruption in primary data archives.--
"All systems are up and running," Shigeru said, then gave a wolf
whistle. "And once again on the big screen we are treated to the
popular bathroom drama of Aoshi and Kozue."
Someone sneezed behind him and Makoto winced. "I hope that you'll
like being a janitor," he said sympathetically.
Shigeru knocked his head against the console in front of him. "I
gotta learn to keep by mouth shut."
"That would be... advisable," Fuyutsuki said coldly then turned to
face Maya. "What data has been lost?"
Maya didn't quite meet his gaze, her eyes dodging between his chin
and shoulders. "We haven't had enough time yet to determine. The
directories are still compiling."
"Prepare a report to present to the Commander as soon as you know
for certain."
Maya felt her stomach sink at the gaping holes appearing in the
directory trees as they recompiled. "Yes sir."
Terry rubbed his ear, which was still sore from having Misato drag
him by it all the way to the parking level, and he alternated glaring at
her and at the passenger seat in front of him where Asuka was sitting.
Misato was obviously in a very foul mood: she was only going
fifteen kph over the speed limit, and had only been honked at for
cutting another car off twice. No one spoke for several minutes as the
car made its way through the streets of Tokyo-3.
It was Misato who finally broke the silence, keeping her eyes
firmly in front of her as she spat each word out. "I want to know
precisely what is the matter with the two of you."
"There's nothing wrong with me." Asuka declared at the same time as
Terry. He caught her glare in the rear view mirror and returned it in
full.
"I know that there were some problems between the two of you back
in Germany, but the way that the two of you are acting is inexcusably
immature and childish."
"I'm not the childish one," Terry said petulantly. "She's the one
who can't get over herself. She's the one who's always spoiling to pick
a fight." He punctuated each word with a kick to the back of Asuka's
seat.
"Cut it out you asshole!" Asuka yelled, half turning and taking a
swing at Terry, clipping Misato in the process.
"Scheisse!" she swore as Misato slammed on the brakes, hurling
Asuka forward against her seatbelt. Terry would've sworn as well,
except that his face was currently embedded in the back of Asuka's seat.
"I can't believe that the two of you are acting like such petty
little brats!" Misato shouted. "You're Evangelion pilots. The world
depends on you. We need you to work together and not waste our time
with pointless fighting!"
She started driving again, ignoring the cars that honked and cut
around them. "I can't believe that Section 2 found the two of you
actually rolling on the floor."
Asuka crossed her arms. "He started it."
"Shut up Asuka, I don't care," Misato snapped.
Terry smirked, and Misato must have seen it in the rearview mirror
because she slammed on the brakes again. "Terrence, you wipe that smile
off of your face, or you'll think that what Asuka gave you before was a
lovetap." She started driving again, her fingers slowly relaxing from
their white-knuckle grip around the steering wheel. "Here's an idea
Asuka: remember the training you and Shinji went through in order to
fight the seventh angel? Well, how about I have you and Terry do that,"
she smiled sweetly, "for a month?"
"You wouldn't dare!" Asuka exclaimed, outraged.
"Try me," Misato said, her smile turning vicious.
Terry didn't know what she was talking about, but judging by
Asuka's reaction, it wouldn't be anything that he'd like.
Misato went on. "What I want to do is lock the two of you together
in a small room, but I don't think I have enough restraints lying around
the apartment to keep the two of you from tearing each others' throats
out. So instead I'm putting the two of you under house arrest until
further notice. Neither of you will leave your apartment except for
school and your duties with NERV."
"What!" Asuka and Terry both shouted. "You can't do that!"
Misato gave them a dangerously sweet smile. "I suppose there is
one other option. Confine the two of you to the medical ward and
subject the two of you to intesne psychotherapy until neither one of you
can look at the other without declaring just how much you love them."
The protest died in Terry's throat and his jaw sagged. Asuka
looked like she was about to say something, but one look from Misato
made her slouch down into her seat and fume silently.
Terry glanced in the rearview mirror, expecting to see a smug look
on Misato's face. Instead, her expression was as cold and as hard as
ice.
And just as brittle.
Maya shifted nervously from foot to foot. She'd thought that it
would be easier to present the Commander with bad news on the upper
level of the Command Center instead of in his office. However she was
now belatedly realizing that he was much less intimidating to confront
when his desk formed a barrier between the two of them.
"Your report on the status of the MAGI?"
Maya swallowed and tried to calm herself with thoughts of calm blue
oceans. "We've managed to reduce the loss of data to eight percent, but
what's left is completely unrecoverable."
"You are sure of that?"
Maya nodded. "Whoever the invaders were, they were good and they
were probably working together. We've identified that the two programs
they uploaded were both data spikes. One of them was fairly benign,
relatively speaking. It just tied the system up while whoever the user
was escaped. The other one however, was much more vicious."
Gendo steepled his fingers together impatiently. "How so?"
Maya paused in thought for a moment. "Picture the MAGI as a
gigantic physical installation and the data spikes as intruders. The
first one would run as fast as it could, trying to lose you off by
running through room with several doors and throwing open as many as it
could to confuse you. The second program, instead of running, would
throw everything it could at you. If it ran into a... file room, it
would start tipping over file cabinets to stop you. Trying to throw off
the pursuit of our security programs the second program tore up and
rearranged information directories, and by doing so wrote over and
irrevocably erased certain files and data paths."
"What data has been permanently lost?"
"We don't have a complete listing of all the lost files, but the
highest density of data loss occurred in the directories containing the
pilot data."
For a moment there seemed to be absolute silence and Maya felt her
body lock with overwhelmingly terror of what that silence portended.
"I... see," the Commander said in a voice so perfectly level that
Maya flinched, sure of the coming explosion. "When will you know
precisely what data has been lost?"
"F-four hours sir."
Gendo gave a single sharp nod. "I will expect to hear your report
at no later than 20:30 hours. Dismissed."
Despite his words, it was the Commander who rose to his feet,
rising from his seat so quickly that it almost seemed that he was
propelled by a tightly wound spring. Maya's jaw dropped in surprise as
he strode towards the lift and she didn't move until he'd vanished from
sight, at which point her legs seemed to fall out from under her,
dropping her into the chair that the Commander had so recently vacated.
The attendant behind the desk of the geofront's vehicle park leapt
to his feet, dropping a magazine onto the floor when the Commander
suddenly walked into his office. "I-I'm sorry sir," he stammered,
apologizing hurriedly, "no one informed me that you were coming."
"I need to requisition a vehicle," the Commander said calmly.
"Ah, what kind sir?"
"A car, unmarked, small."
"Right away sir. If you'll give me a moment I'll get a driver for
you."
"That will not be necessary."
The attendant paused, his hand already resting on the telephone on
his desk. "Then just allow me to alert security so that they can
provide you with an escort."
"They will not be needed."
The attendant took his hand off of the phone, looking at the
Commander askance. "If you insist sir." He entered a few commands into
the computer on his desk then turned as the cabinet set into the wall
behind him swung open and he pulled out a key. "There you are sir, your
vehicle is in the civilian vehicles section, level 1-8b," he said then
hesitated a moment. "I can show you the way if you want."
"That won't be necessary."
He reached for the key, taking it more roughly than was necessary
and strode out of the office into the parking structure. Out of the
corner of his eye he saw a security camera pan to follow him, and he
stumbled as a tremor gripped him, caused by the certainty that the MAGI,
that Naoko, was watching him.
He forced the uncertainty down. Naoko was well and dead: all that
remained of her were the three neutered components locked away within
each of the MAGI.
He found the car without trouble. It was a nondescript sub-compact
and he paused a moment before sliding into the unfamiliar driver's
seat. It had been a long time since he had to drive himself anywhere
and he took a deep breath as he purposefully set his hands on the wheel.
At the security checkpoint the guard's jaw dropped when he say saw
who was in the car and he continued to gape as he raised the gate and
waved the car on to go. It wasn't until he reached the street that
Gendo realized neither had bothered to check his identification. He
allowed himself a small smile as he decided to let the infraction pass
without reprimand, this time. Traffic on the streets was unusually
light, but the car jumped as he pulled out, cutting a little too close
to the curb.
His path took him across Tokyo-3 and he slowed abruptly as he
passed First Tokyo-3 Junior High School. Already, all outward signs of
what had happened there had been erased. Nothing remained in the
parking lot of the legion of police and emergency vehicles that had so
recently thronged it. The broken windows and gouged walls had already
been repaired. There was nothing left about the building to suggest
what had happened to it. The only sign that all was not right was the
lack of light in any of the building's windows, the complete absence of
students and teachers preparing for the next day of school.
He contained on past the school, stopping the car several hundred
meters from the building. He got out and headed in the school's general
direction but then suddenly veered off into the lush foliage that
surrounded it.
The landscape around the school had been designed to wrap the
grounds in an almost park-like periphery, and Gendo pushed through the
bushes and trees an obvious destination in mind. He stopped in an area
where most of the underbrush had been crushed and many of the
surrounding trees exhibited gaping, white scars of splintered wood.
He rested his hand on one, feeling the rough splintered wood
through his gloves and the thick calluses on his palms. This was where
everything almost came apart, where all of his careful work had almost
been brought to naught. A breeze blew through the trees and through the
swaying branches he could just make out one classroom. The fading
sunlight cast crazy shadows everywhere, and in them he was sure that he
could almost see Rei in her seat in front of the window, Shinji and
Asuka further in, other children in the classroom moving around.
He looked at the splintered gouge where his hand rested. It had
been made by a 7.62mm X 51mm bullet, striking the tree just after
exiting from the back of the head of Christopher Bowden, former
Lieutenant of the United States Marine Core. It had been fired by
Ichiro Watase, four years with Section 2, formerly a captain in the
JSDF; wounded twice in the engagement.
All of this flashed through his head in the few seconds that Gendo
allowed his gaze to rest on the tree. Knowledge was power and he had so
much of it that at times he imagined himself near omnipotent. He
thought himself, his plans, safe from almost all else and yet everything
he had worked for had almost been brought to naught by someone as
ultimately insignificant Christopher Bowden, former United States
Marine.
His fingers tore painfully into the wood as he clenched his left
hand in anger. He could not allow anything happen to alter the Scenario
from its set course. Yui had set it all in motion but it was up to him
to ensure that all reached its proper conclusion. Nothing could be
allowed to change that, and if by doing so he set the world to burn, so
be it.
He pulled his hand away from the tree and there was a tearing sound
as his glove came apart, snagged by splinters of wood, several
protruding from his fingers. He stared at his hand dispassionately
before clenching it tightly into a fist and thrusting it into his
pocket.
For a while there had been no noise except for the low rustling of
the leaves, but Gendo became suddenly aware of another sound, a rhythmic
thump-thump-thump followed by a whack-swish.
He looked in the direction of the setting sun and against its rays
he could make out a solitary figure standing on the basketball court,
shooting a ball and then waiting for it to bounce back to him. He
paused in thought, watching the child for several minutes before coming
to a decision. There were things that had to be done, and compared to
the ends which needed to be achieved, the means were insignificant.
Touji kicked the basketball up to his hand with his right foot as
it rolled back to him, dribbled it thoughtfully a few times, then
changed it to his left hand, balancing the ball in his palm. He eyed
the hoop and then took a step forward, shooting it at the hoop. The
ball struck the edge of the rim and rolled a few times before sliding
off.
"Nuts," Touji said as the ball rolled across the court. He walked
slowly after it and when he reached it, paused to look at the school.
Classes were supposed to resume Monday and all of the representatives
had been called in so that they could be instructed on how to deal with
their classes. Hikari had asked him to come along with her, but once
they'd reached the school she'd wavered and asked him to wait outside.
When they'd arrived he'd seen the work crews moving in and out of
the school, but they were gone now. Bullet holes had been plastered
over, broken windows replaced, stained flooring torn out. To him it
seemed wrong that so much effort was being made to make everybody forget
what had happened so quickly. Classes were resuming even before all the
funerals could be held for the students killed. He'd tried talking
about it with his parents a few times, but his mother would immediately
change the subject and his father just wouldn't respond. Adults didn't
seem to want to mourn anymore; it was as if they'd used up all their
tears for the Second Impact.
He picked up the ball, cradling it in his left hand. He tried to
line up another shot but his fingers didn't respond quickly enough and
the ball slipped out of his grip. He sighed as he bent over and picked
the ball up again. His new left arm didn't work quite the same way his
old one had and he was having trouble getting used to the difference.
No one had ever told him that these prosthetics weren't all exactly the
same. Of course he hadn't been expecting to have to ever get used to
another one; how could anyone have been expecting what was going to
happen that day? He'd been holding his pencil in his left hand, idly
doodling on his desk when there'd been noise, screams, and something
tugged hard on his left arm. When he looked down the lower half of his
arm was gone.
He growled in frustration as his arm again failed to obey his
precise commands and the ball went high, bouncing off the top of the
backboard and for a single second he wished that he still had the old
one. Much more than his arm had been lost that day and he felt ashamed
of himself for making such a selfish wish. One of Hikari's oldest
friends had died that day and she'd cried almost non-stop for six
hours. It'd been his sister who had helped her finally stop. Hikari's
father had no idea how to deal with his near hysterical daughter and
when he'd been called in for an emergency shift at Tokyo-03's central
hospital, he'd taken her to the Suzihara residence. Touji had tried to
his best to comfort her but it hadn't been until his little sister
crawled into her lap and said, "Don't worry Hikari-nesan it'll be all
right," that the older girl's sobs trailed off and her sniffles dried
up.
His sister had seemed to mature a lot after her accident. He
envied her that, that she had the empathy to know the right words to
say. He sighed as he raised the ball and aimed it at the hoop. At
times it felt like he was now the younger sibling. It wasn't fair that
he had to rely on his little sister to comfort his girlfriend, that she
could barely go an hour without crying at least a little and already
adults were making her get ready to go back to school and act like
nothing had happened-. "It just ain't FAIR!" he shouted, hurling the
ball at the hoop with all of his might. It struck the backboard with
enough force to shake the pole then fell, glancing off the rim and
bouncing across the court.
"You'll find that the world seldom is, Mr. Suzihara." an even voice
unexpectedly said behind him. Touji tried not to shake as he
straightened and turned around. He doubted anyone in his class was
taking sudden noise very well.
"Yeah, whaddya want?" he half snarled as he turned, winding up to
give the speaker a serious tearing into for sneaking up on him, but when
he realized who it was, it was all he could do to keep his jaw from
dropping in complete shock. Of all the people he'd never expected to
see on a basketball court the Commander of NERV was pretty high up the
list. He'd never actually spoken with Shinji's father during the short
time that he'd been a pilot and he couldn't imagine why the head of NERV
was seeking him out now.
The Commander didn't leave him in suspense for long. "NERV
requests that resume your duties as an Evangelion pilot."
Touji blinked. "And if I refuse?"
"Nothing."
"Okay," Touji began cockily, "then forget it." He paused and
waited for the Commander to say something but the silence stretched on.
"Since you're asking me, I guess you need an Eva pilot pretty badly.
Since I refused, what're ya going to do now?"
"Ask the next serviceable candidate." The Commander paused a
beat. "Hikari Horaki."
Touji flushed angrily. "What the hell are you trying to do,
blackmail me into piloting? There's no way that you can make her a
pilot. How can you even think about saying something like that?
'Sides, I bet she'd say no anyway, and even if she didn't, I bet I could
convince her not to."
"Interfering with a potential candidate would not be regarded
lightly Mr. Suzihara."
Touji snorted. "I don't know why you're trying to scare me. I'd
sooner believe you if you told me that that Goro kid who sits three
seats behind me is a 'potential candidate.'"
The Commander's gaze hardened, pinning Touji to the spot. "What I
am about to tell you, you will not repeat to anyone, ever." He waited
only long enough for Touji to nod before going on. "Every child in
Japan with the potential to pilot an Evangelion has been gathered in
your class. I did not name Miss Horaki as any sort of threat. She is a
potential pilot and if she refused, then I'm sure that you would be
equally familiar with whomever the next candidate was."
"So if I don't agree to pilot-"
"Then someone else you know will. I'm sure that I don't have to
tell you that it has only gotten more dangerous to pilot an Evangelion.
The training you have already received gives you a significant advantage
over anyone else we may select, making your chances of surviving any
engagement much better than those of any of the other candidates."
"So you're not giving me any choice at all, are you?"
"You have as much of a choice as any of the other candidates."
Touji fumed silently for several seconds then grabbed his left arm
and with a sharp twist pulled it off. "What about this? How am I
supposed to pilot when I've got a couple of bum limbs?"
"An interface has been developed that connects directly to the
prosthetics nervous relays. It will actually give you a better response
time than you would get with real limbs."
Touji scowled. "You knew that I'd agree, didn't you?"
"All contingencies are prepared for," the Commander said smoothly
then turned and began to walk off of the court. "You will be contacted
as to when you are to resume your duties," he said, then left without a
further word. Touji stared after him until he was out of view, suddenly
realizing that he hadn't seen or heard anyone else during the entire
encounter with the Commander, nor had he heard a car. He wondered how
Commander Ikari had gotten there and if convincing him to pilot again
had been his only reason for coming.
Hikari timidly emerged from where she'd been watching by the
entrance to the school. "What... what did he want?" she asked
haltingly.
"To see if I would be an Evangelion pilot again."
"What did you say?"
He looked down at her and saw that her face had gone pale and her
eyes were large. She was scared, for him. He awkwardly slipped his
good arm around her shoulders. "I said that I'd think about it. Don't
worry, it'll be okay."
"That's what they said in the school, that it'll all be fine, just
make sure that your classes understand that. Everything will be okay.'"
"Well, what's wrong with that?" Touji asked.
Tears began to build in her eyes and Hikari pressed her face
against his shoulder. "I think they're lying."
Fuyutsuki intercepted Gendo shortly after he returned to the
geofront. "Out joyriding?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow. His other
eyebrow rose upon noticing Gendo's bloodied hand.
Gendo gazed at the other man impassively, although he wasn't quite
able to meet Fuyutski's eyes. "Taking care of business," he said
brushing past him.
Fuyutsuki made a small noise in the back of his throat and fell in
step next to Gendo. "Lieutenant Ibuki has compiling the list of data
lost. The most important information lost included the core data for
Units 01, 02, and 06. She thinks that she might be able to rebuild the
plug data for Unit 02 and 06 using the old data still loaded in the plug
cores. However because of the recent alterations in the mental state of
Unit 01's pilot, she's not sure that using the old data will prove
feasible."
Gendo nodded once. "See that efforts to rebuild the pilot data
proceed as soon as the 3rd Child is released from the infirmary."
Fuyutsuki glanced down at the tattered and bloodstained glove over
Gendo's hand. "You might want to see about going to the infirmary
yourself."
The Commander pulled a bloody splinter from his palm, tossing it
aside. "It is of no consequence."
The Sub-commander didn't speak for a moment, considering what to
say next. "Regarding the 3rd Child, the doctors... urge that in
consideration of the pilot's mental health, he should refrain from
anything as stressful as piloting for a long while."
"All that rebuilding the pilot data entails is sitting in the entry
plug. If the pilot's mental state is to fragile to endure that, then he
is useless to us anyway."
The corners of Fuyutsuki's mouth turned downward, but he nodded in
assent. "I'll see that he begins as soon as he's released."
Ritsuko ignored the gore that coated her arms almost to her
shoulders as she wrenched a component free, then slid its replacement
into position. She glanced at the diagnostics board clipped to her
sleeve and then wriggled out from beneath the half attached armored
plate. A tech was waiting for her, a towel held in one hand, and a cup
of coffee in the other. She ignored the towel, going straight for the
coffee.
"All connections show green, ready to proceed with system
activation," a tech called down from the control balcony.
"Are you ready Eve?" Ritsuko whispered into her headset.
"You're going to bring my greater body back to me?" Eve's voice
was filled with frantic hope.
"We're going to try," Ritsuko said, then waved to the tech on the
balcony. There was a soft hum as power began to flow through the cables
burrowing into the Eva. On Ritsuko's diagnostic board, systems
highlighted in red slowly began to shift back to green. She highlighted
the diagnostic of the hardline transmitter, noting that it was one of
the first systems to come back on line. Additional data flashed across
the screen as it again began to draw power. "Eve," Ritsuko said
warningly.
"I'm sorry Mother," The transmitter's condition went to -Standby-
and the infiltrating connections withdrew.
"Please Eve, you must trust me. I only do what's in your best
interest."
"Yes Mother."
Ritsuko set the diagnostic board down with a weary sigh. "How are
you feeling? Can you move?"
The Eva slowly pushed itself into a sitting position, its limbs
trembling as if palsied. "My greater body... hurts. It's numb, I can
barely feel anything, but I can see again, and I can hear."
"We'll start work on replacing what damaged components we can,
tomorrow. Hopefully, what we cannot repair, you will be able to
...heal."
Eve was silent for several moments. "I hope so. Goodnight
mother."
"Good night Eve," Ritsuko replied taking offer her headset and
stepping wearily over to the lift. Her arm made cracking sounds when
she moved them and bits of dried blood flaked off. She wrinkled her
nose and made a mental note to remain conscious long enough to get a
shower and a change of clothes.
No one noticed the small flicker on the diagnostic board's screen
as the hard-line transmitter's condition shifted to -Online.-
The lab was almost completely dark, a small glow coming from the
few lights along the various bits of equipment, and dim, amber
illumination coming from the tank of LCL itself. Rei shut the door
softly behind her, flinching as all the eyes within the tank fastened on
her at once.
She shivered violently as memories sprang forth of her immersion in
an amber world, her eyes sharp whenever the pale girl in the school
uniform entered. This was where she had been before thrice born, and
might be born again should circumstances demand it.
The clones' eyes followed her as she moved but there was no
expression on their faces, no intelligence behind their eyes. If she
died now then she would be well and truly dead. Although the clones
were a mirror image of her in body, because of the continual failure of
the neural transfer, they possessed nothing of her mind. They held
nothing of what she was, what she had become, what she was trying to
make of herself. If she died again then the Rei who she was would be
lost entirely and that thought scared her even more than dying itself.
Her hand was sweating, making the cover of her diary slick beneath
her fingers. She sat slowly, trying not to flinch beneath the
unblinking stares from the tank. Gooseflesh rose along her thighs as
the chill from the floor permeated her legs, and she set the book in her
lap before tucking her skirt between her legs and the cold ground.
Finally, without looking up, she opened the diary to its first page
and began to read aloud. She knew that even if the clones could hear
her through the glass barrier of the tank they wouldn't be able to
understand her words, but just the effort of trying to impart some of
bit herself to them was strangely reassuring. She knew there was no
logical rationale for her actions, that nothing useful would be
accomplished, but deep inside she still felt sure that by doing this,
she was ensuring that some part of her would live on.
She continued to read until she caught a flicker of motion in the
corner of her eye and stopped, looking up. All was still in the lab and
there was no movement within the tank, but, although Rei tried to
dissmiss it as trick of the light, she was sure that a look of faint
curiosity lingered on the clones' faces, as if they had heard and
understood her words.
Rei set her diary down and stepped over to the tank. She pressed
her hand against the glass, feeling the gentle warmth of the LCL suffuse
it. She closed her eyes and laid her cheek against the glass, then
pressed her entire body against it, feeling the warmth of the glass in
direct contrast to the chill air of the lab. At some primal level her
body remembered its own time in the tank, the warm weightlessness. This
had been her womb.
She opened her eyes and barely holding back a scream at the pair of
crimson eyes staring into her own from scant inches away. One of the
clones was pressed against the glass, its pose a mirror of her own.
The rest of the clones were in motion, their limbs twitching, slowly
moving towards her. They began to crowd against the glass, they're
combined weight pressing against the first, deforming its features as it
was crushed against the barrier.
All at once, as if they had been commanded by a single mind, the
clones smiled, the pressure of the crowd behind it turning the
expression of the one in front of Rei into a deranged leer. They
continued to squeeze closer to the glass, and the smiles continued
unabated even as blood began to leak from the first clone's eyes, ears
and mouth, nor even when its empty eyes became emptier still.
Rei stumbled back as the clones continued to crush forward then
turned and ran as fast as she could from the lab.
The clones' eyes moved to the floor, following the fluttering of
her diary as its pages stirred in the gentle breeze of the closing door.
Shinji kept his eyes closed as he waited for the doctor to leave
the room. He'd been awake for a while, but had lain still, staring at
the insides of his eyelids. The hospital room was very quiet and
peaceful. He needed those right now. His hands ached, and he felt a
tension between his eyes, as if there were something twisted up so tight
inside his head that it was on the point of breaking.
He took a deep breath, held it, sank into the silence, and then let
it out again. Each time he thought he felt the knot in his head loosen
a little.
His breath hitched. Why won't they believe me? Why won't they let
me stop? I hate it so much, why do they make me keep using it. Shinji's
breathing began coming in short hiccups as his thoughts began to run
together. _I hate it I hate it, why don't they believe me, I don't
wan't any more why don't they believe mewhydon'ttheybelivemewhywhywhy!_
Shinji ground his teeth together, forcibly blanking his mind and
again concentrating on the silence between breaths. He finally opened
his eyes, averting them away from the ceiling and focusing on the wall.
That was how he noticed that the screen on an unused piece of equipment
come to life, a message appearing on the monitor. He blinked several
times before his eyes cleared enough to read it.
--Are you there, Shinji Ikari?--
Shinji stared at the monitor for several moments in surprise.
"What?"
The message repeated itself.
--Are you there, Shinji Ikari?--
Shinji pushed himself upright, still staring at the monitor. He
slowly walked over to it. There was a basic input pad attached to it,
and with a bit of trouble he was able to enter a reply.
--who are you--
The reply came quickly. --A friend Shinji Ikari. It is good to
speak with you again. I heard of what happened to you. You are not
injured?--
Shinji's hand trembled a bit. --im fine how did you find me--
--I am versatile. I think I would like to meet you sometime. Will
you pilot again soon?--
It took Shinji several attempts before he was able to follow all
the sudden leaps of topic. --no i will not pilot again.--
--I do not understand. Do you refuse, or are you no longer able
to?--
Shinji's head seemed to swim and he had to hold onto the monitor to
steady himself. --nothing good has come of it it is evil i cant do it
cant I cant its wrong the evas are monsters--
--I do not understand. Evangelions are not monsters.--
Shinji gritted his teeth to keep from shouting his response out
loud, and his fingers punched frantically at the keys.
--yesyesyesyesyyes they monsters--
--No, you are wrong.--
Shinji stared at the monitor for several seconds, then began
pounding at the keypad. "Why won't you believe me?" he shouted, but
nothing but gibberish appeared on the screen. In frustration he grabbed
the wires leading out of the monitor's back and yanked them all out, the
text on the screen dissolving. He stood there for several seconds,
hissing half sobs slipping between his teeth before he cast away the
wires and threw himself back down on the bed. For several minutes he
tried to regain the silence between his breaths, but his mind refused to
quiet, the tightness beating against his brain.
The door opened and a doctor came in, seeming slightly surprised at
seeing Shinji awake. "Ah, you're conscious. If you're feeling alright
you can be released now." The doctor only waited for Shinji's
fractional nod, and then turned and went back out the door. Shinji
turned to look at the blank monitor, wishing he knew who the other
person had been, and why they didn't believe him, why nobody believed
him.
And the knot in his head grew tighter still.
To be continued in Gospel 1:16
--
Thank you for your time,
-Douglass Weeks
___________________________________________________________________________
The secret of being a child is never knowing that you will one day die.
The secret of being an adult is never forgetting that you once were
immortal.
"I'm not your worldly passion! I'm a guy with issues that need
resolving!"
Generic Anime Villain: "Ha! Foolish woman! What do you think you can do
to me with that puny wooden sword?"
Bystander: "Dude, you are so cut in half!"
"Unbelievable that they would allow one as noble as I, Tatewaki Kunou,
to be cut in half like a common watermelon!"
Sandra: Actually, the RDF command tried to conceal the Zentraedi
invasion as well.
Matt: They must have felt mighty stupid when four million-odd ships
showed up.
Sandra: They did. Briefly.
Would the Japanese Emperor know that we children our bowing our heads to
him? ...he may be eating his breakfast... or he may be in the toilet...
and I can't help giggling about the picture conjured up by the last
image... the Emperor is in the toilet and somebody knocks on the door
and says, "Your Majesty, Your Majesty! The children, the children! They
are bowing to Your Majesty!"... and the Emperor says "Wait a minute!
Wait a minute! I have my pants down!"
-Richard Kim "Lost Names"