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-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: EMIN1.txt
-- Desc: EMIN1.txt
The boy was lost. Again. But this time, of all times, he didn't care.
In fact, he'd done his damnedest to get that way, and now that he was as
far away from everything as he could get, he slumped to the ground in
despair. He dropped his backpack off of one shoulder and didn't notice
when the umbrella atop it slipped into a puddle of mud.
_Akane... How could I have been such a fool! I wasn't there to be
your defender... To save you... Instead it was Ranma! Always Ranma!_ His
heart was not filled with bitterness and hate towards Ranma, as it usually
was; instead, he felt only despair in the final realization that he wasn't
as good as Ranma. That he would never be. _The body I turn into with cold
water only reflects the soul inside my man's body._
He fished a torn wallet from a pocket within his shirt. Gazing upon
it, he felt a single tear slip from his cheek to land upon the pictured
girl's face. _Akari... You deserve someone worthy of you. Far better that I
starve in this wilderness, so you may someday be the guiding light to a man
that can give you the love you deserve without reservation._ He closed his
eyes and wept softly. He didn't notice the soft glow that lit the forest
around him.
He did notice the shout that resounded through the woods. _At least
someone is happy on this night. Happiness is more than I deserve..._
The next shout was much closer. And this time, it sounded panicked.
Ryouga opened his eyes. It took a few seconds for him to realize the haze
obscuring his vision was not tears, but the pure energy his depression had
created. After adjusting for it, he saw a young foreign woman who was
pointing at him and shouting something unintelligible.
She was well-equipped for travel, wearing both a satchel and a backback,
as well as thick hiking boots. Her shorts and t-shirt were undecorated and
sopping wet. He thought about the energy flowing through his body and made
a decision. _Starving to death would take too long anyway. It seems fitting,
somehow, that I be killed by my own depression made manifest._
He watched the young woman through the haze as she made a series of
pointless gestures. _Fool. She should flee while she can. I don't think that
I could destroy more than a city block with a Houkoudan. Ranma could probably
destroy half of Nerima if he tried. RANMA..._
He felt the buildup, the flush of power that signaled the moment when the
power would have to be dissipated or focused. He concentrated most of the power
inward, to insure his death. He was about to shout the words that shaped his
energy with deadly intent, when he felt...
Hands. Many hands, tens, hundreds of hands, slipping across his ribs, in
his armpits, on the back of his neck, over the soles of his feet. Teasing,
taunting, tickling hands. And, to his surprise, he was doing something he hadn't
done wholeheartedly since before he had followed Ranma to China.
Laughter rose from his lungs and erupted from his mouth. The sort of
laughter that wracks the body with pain as it wracks the soul with relief,
kid tested and mother approved. The laugh went on longer than Ryouga would
have believed possible, testing even his superhuman endurance.
When Ryouga finally wound down, he found himself looking into the girl's
eyes, who was kneeling on the ground next to him. She smiled and said in slow,
halting Japanese, "That is Japan?" She pointed to the ground.
Ryouga nodded. "Yes, this is Japan. At least, I think that's what you're
asking."
She jumped up and dumped Ryouga's head on the ground. "Yahoo!" She danced
around wildly for several moments, then leveled one hand towards Ryouga. Keeping
it leveled at him, she spoke several words softly. A grey energy crept from between
her fingertips, up her arms, finally stopping to swirl around the girl's eyes and
into her mouth and ears. She smiled at Ryouga again. "What's your name?"
"You speak Japanese?" Ryouga was confused. If she spoke such good Japanese, why
didn't she just do it at the start?
She chuckled. "No, but you hear Japanese, thanks to the translation spell. So,
what's your name?"
"Ryouga Hibiki." She reached into a satchel at her side and fished out a piece
of paper.
She rubbed her chin while reading it, to all appearances deep in thought.
"Hibiki... Has Drowned Black Piglet Jusenkyou curse, direction sense problem,
second or third most powerful teenage martial artist in Nerima..." She shoved it
back into the satchel and gave him a friendly grin. "So tell me, Ryouga. How
would you like to be rid of your curse?"
EIGHT MONTHS IN NERIMA
by Aaron Bergman
EPISODE ONE
Ryouga stood there for several minutes, gasping like a just-landed fish.
"Wh-Who are you?"
She pointed one finger to the sky in a dramatic gesture. "I am Ruben Stryfe,
a sorcerer from what you would consider the future. I have traveled the ways of
time to remove my dread affliction. And that" she flashed a grin at Ryouga "is all
the answers until I get something in my gut. I've been slinging some major mojo,
and that always leaves me a mite peckish. Where's the nearest restaurant?"
All of Ryouga's usual frustration with being lost returned. Not only was this
girl dangling another 'cure' in front of him like a carrot, she was asking _him_
for directions! His rage mounted for several seconds, then he threw his head back
and laughed at the ridiculousness of this situation. It felt good to laugh.
"What're you laughing at?" The woman looked around several times, seeing nothing.
Then she rubbed her shirt and realized it was soaking wet. "Didn't even notice. Dammit,
I'm getting too used to this..." She looked around again, licked one finger, and held
it up in the air. "Isn't it a little warm for the middle of January?"
Ryouga scratched his head, then stooped to pick up his pack. "It isn't the middle
of January. It's summer." He saw his umbrella in the mud, and frowned. _Well, that was
sloppy of me._
"Summer?!" She grabbed Ryouga's shirt. "What's the year? In Gregorian or American
time, not some damned Chinese year of the Yeti Fart or whatever!"
Ryouga casually brushed her hands off his shirt with one hand as he stooped and
picked up his umbrella in the other. "It's 1989." She sat down on the ground and
brushed a hand across her brow.
"Whew. At least the spell dropped me here early instead of late." Then her face
darkened. "Dammit! Now I'm gonna have to spend six extra months here in the backwaters
of time!"
Ryouga turned his back on her and began walking away. Let her solve her own problems.
He had his own life to worry about...
"Ryouga. Why are you walking that way?" He turned around. She was standing right
behind him with one hand held toward him. She clucked her tongue. "Looks like the
Elder was right. You do have quite the direction sense, don't you? I can help you with
that, if you'll let me." She saw hope leap onto his face, but watched as it was quickly
hobbled by suspicion.
"There will be catches attached, I won't lie about that, but eight months from now
I leave your life, with your situation greatly improved." She chuckled again. "Heck,
hasn't your outlook on life improved a little already?"
Ryouga thought about it. Pondered his options carefully. Deliberated with himself
on the pros and cons of the situation. Then thought about it some more. The sorceress
watched the wheels turn inside his head and sighed inwardly. _You'll thank me later for
this, Ryouga. That is, if I even decide to tell you that I did this..._
She wove a compulsion in Ryouga's head that quickly convinced him helping this
stranger was in his best interests. _I hate doing that sort of thing, but sometimes...
A wizard has to use people._ "Have you made your decision, Ryouga?"
"I guess I'll help you."
"Good! Now let's go this way." She grabbed his hand and started dragging him in
the opposite direction that he had been heading.
"Why that way?"
She pointed with her free hand. "Can't you see the street lights?"
A few seconds later, they stepped out of the city park.
* * * *
Ruben leaned back in the booth, patting her stomach. "Ahhhh. I needed some of
that." She closed her eyes.
Ryouga eyed the three neat stacks of bowls and plates. "Don't you mean you needed
a lot of that?"
Without opening her eyes, she replied, "A sense of humor. Good, you'll need it.
Now we get down to business. I'm going to get an apartment in Nerima. It won't be the
one I planned on, simply because I arrived here six months early."
"Why in Nerima?" Ryouga sipped his soda calmly. It had taken all his willpower
to not level the building the moment he saw "pork chops" on the menu, and he was
holding to his calm firmly.
"My information has led be to believe that there are several people I can recruit
who would be interested in what I have to offer."
"Which is?"
She opened her eyes and leaned forward, staring intently into Ryouga's eyes. "A
magic that will grant the user one reasonable wish." She leaned back again. "And
removing a curse with no ill effects is definitely a reasonable wish.
"The problem is that I need a group of powerful warriors to aid me in navigating
the labyrinth that guards it. The solution is in Nerima, and a whole load of powerful
warriors who, according to legend, live in it, and demolish it regularly."
She smiled. "Want to become my roommate?"
"W-what?" He was on the verge of nosebleed. A beautiful girl asking to become
roommates with him could only mean one thing, but what about Akane and Akari?
Ruben laughed shortly. "I can see your concern, but don't worry about it." She
smiled in a way that Ryouga, perilously close to nosebleed, took as seductive.
"Y-you can?"
"Sure. But don't worry about your share of the rent. You won't have to find a
job for a month or so. I've got it covered." Ruben made an expansive gesture with
one hand.
Ryouga's jaw nearly cracked the table.
"Shall we be off then?" She stood up, and without looking, stepped out of the
booth. This was a mistake, because a waitress carrying a pitcher of coffee was
standing there. It splashed all over both women.
"Auuughh! That's hot!" The shriek from Ruben changed in midnote from a soprano
to a baritone. Ryouga watched as a metamorphosis he had seen Ranma go through many
times took place to the young woman he had just met.
In one instant, she grew nine inches. Her hair darkened just a touch, from a
honey-brown to a normal brown. The other female attributes also disappeared, leaving
a young man that looked eerily like the girl who had just stood there. That man
rubbed his shirt where the coffee had spilled. "Never gonna get _this_ stain out..."
Ryouga did nothing for several seconds as his anger and disbelief merged into
action. Then, he leapt for the man with a growl in his throat. "RANMA!!!"
He was surprised to find himself slumped against the wall with no memory of
how he had gotten there. The young man looked puzzled. "Who's Ranma, Ryouga?"
Ryouga took a closer look, and saw that there was no way this could be Ranma.
Too short, hair wrong color and too long, and the facial features were definitely
foreign. "Jusenkyou?" His tone was questioning.
The man sighed. It was a gesture he seemed very intimate with. "I wish it were
that simple, Ryouga. Now, do you want to sit back down, and let me explain everything?"
Ryouga nodded and sat back down. The man sat across from him. "As I said before,
I'm from the future. And I'm telling you, it's great there. The air is clean, the
water's clean, even the dirt" he nodded for emphasis "is clean. Bowling averages are
way up, and minigolf scores are way down. The arts of magic and machinery have combined
to create a near-utopia."
Ruben grinned. "But I was supposed to explain my curse, right? It would be much
easier to show you, though."
He waved one hand in a circle over the table, and a strange, shimmering outline
of a scene formed itself under his hand. Ryouga watched in fascination as Ruben swirled
his hand faster and faster, and the picture responded by filling out in color.
Ruben took his hand away, and Ryouga examined the scene closely. It seemed to be a
typical living room in a well-to-do home, with a couch facing a television over a low-
set table. Two loveseats flanked the couch at an angle, and seated on one of them was
a couple entangled in each other. On the couch were two guys with another girl seated
between them. One of the men was instantly recognizable as Ruben. Scattered across the
table was an impressive collection of multicolored bottles and several hundred
shotglasses.
Ruben cleared his throat. "On that fateful night, I was sixteen. I'd been invited
to a party, my first, and I knew the only reason I had been invited was because I'd
helped Luna with a problem she'd been having with a real asshole of an ex-boyfriend."
He raised one hand and flame started playing between his fingers. "Fireballs are
_very_ effective intimidation weapons. The main themes of the party were alcohol and
some crazy old cartoons..."
A passing group of otaku chorused "Anime!!!" then went wherever otaku go when
they aren't correcting people about the Secrets of the Universe. Being an otaku myself,
I cannot in good conscious insult my brethren.
Ruben waved one hand dismissively. "Whatever." Then he waved his hand one final
time over the scene, and it started moving. Ryouga watched the story unfold.
* * * *
Luna was _bored_. When Link had invited her to the party, he hadn't mentioned
that the only things to do would be watch some Japanese anime his friend had unearthed,
make out, or drink yourself into oblivion.
Luna didn't really like cartoons, Japanese or otherwise; she was currently
'between' boyfriends, thanks in part to the guy sitting next to her, Ruben; and there
wasn't a drop of tequila anywhere on the table, and she wasn't going to sink low enough
to drink bourbon.
Suddenly, Nin's current bink let out a particularly loud moan, and Luna threw a
pillow at them. "Shut up! I hate assholes that don't know how to share!"
Nin moved his gaze away from the bink long enough to eye Luna. "Come on over here
then. I can handle two at once."
Luna shuddered theatrically as she gave Nin's bink a long, hard glare. "I refuse to
mate outside my species." Nin, not wanting to waste time responding to this, turned his
attention back to the bink, and Luna started looking for something else entertaining.
There wasn't much.
Left without any other options, Luna turned her attention to the other man seated
on the couch with her: Ruben Stryfe. As she watched him drink himself to oblivion, it
was obvious to her experienced eye that he'd never been drunk before in his life. With
some reluctance, Luna decided that he would just pass out if she tried seducing him.
She was about to turn her attention back to the TV, hoping at least the sheer
stupidity of the cartoon would put her to sleep, when Ruben muttered something that
she had to strain to catch. "I dunno what dat guy's stressin' about. I t'ink it'ud be
coooool to turn inta a guirl sometimes."
Suddenly sensing the potential for something a _lot_ more interesting than any
cartoon, Luna latched onto the comment. "It's a lot harder being a girl than you
might think, Ruben."
Ruben waved the shotglass in his hand around, slopping quite a bit of it over
himself. "Yeah ri'. How hard could it be?"
"Oh, really?" Luna allowed herself a slight smile. He was good and hooked now.
"I bet you fifty bucks wouldn't last one day as a girl, Ruben."
Ruben sobered up a bit at this. "An' how do you prepose- sugget- recommend I
become a girl?"
Luna frowned inwardly. Maybe it would be best to give him a bit of line to play
with... "I thought you were the best magician in school, Ruben. Are you saying you
aren't good enough to cook up a sex-change spell?"
By now, the couple had stopped making out and started paying closer attention
to the conversation. Link, too, had pressed pause on the ancient VCR's remote control
and turned his attention to Ruben. Under such close scrutiny by his peers (especially
Link, who was almost his equal in spellcasting ability), Ruben flushed. "Of course I
could. But it would be incridid... real dangerous to make a spell jus' fer a bet."
And now to reel him in... "I guess I can understand if you're not able to do it."
That did it. Ruben stood up in a sudden fit of anger and dashed his shotglass against
the table.
"I'll do it ri' now!" Ruben turned to Link. "Got any drawin' paper and pencils
around? I'm gonna sketch up a ritual real quick."
Link stuttered for a moment. "B-but that's crazy! At least wait until tomorrow!"
Ruben directed the full force of his glare at Link. "I get it. Ya don' tink I can
handle it either! Well, I'll show you. Now, *Get The Paper.*" Too suprised by the
sudden spell to resist the Command, Link got up and got what Ruben had demanded.
While he was waiting, Ruben downed several more shots. Luna suddenly started
feeling a little guilty. Even though she didn't know that much about magic, she could
figure out that it probably wasn't a good idea to cast spells while under the influence,
much less make them up. "Uh, Ruben, I'll understand if you want to wait until
tomorrow..."
Ruben waved one hand dismissively. "No, no, no! I can do it tonight. I got an" he
belched loudly "angle, y'see." He walked unsteadily to the kitchen table after Link
handed him the paper and pencils.
The people in the living room listened, concerned, as Ruben spent the next two
hours drawing madly, muttering and screaming at himself by turns, and occasionally
staggering back into the living room for a 'bracer.' Soon after the credits on the
fifth episode rolled by, Ruben rolled into the living room. "I'm don'! Link, d'you
have a piece a' chalk an' some floor space I could use?"
Link and Luna exchanged a glance that said 'this is rapidly going from bad to
worse.' Then, Link cautiously said, "Of course, Ruben. I use my basement for rituals."
Ruben turned for the door leading down to the basement, but before he'd taken one
step Luna threw herself at him. "Please, _please_ wait until morning!"
Ruben shrugged her off. "NO! I'm jus' as good as I always am!" He stormed angrily
to the basement door, slammed it open, and disappeared down the stairs. Luna turned to
Link.
"Couldn't you, like, put him to sleep with a spell?"
Link shook his head slowly. "No. Even as drunk as he is, he's still able to counter
anything I cast."
Nin's bink had left an hour ago, but for reasons known only to himself, Nin was
still sticking around. He started for the basement. "Well, it would be a waste not to
watch a _real_ master at work, wouldn't you agree Link?"
Link fumed silently at this latest insult to his own abilities, then stomped down
the stairs right behind Nin. Luna, left alone in the living room, pressed 'Stop' on the
video player, then went down into the basement herself. She wasn't about to miss out on
the fun.
* * * *
The scene stopped moving as soon as Luna left it, and Ryouga breathed a quiet sigh
of relief. Though he didn't know what magic had made him able to hear inside the girl's
head, even a little, he hadn't been comfortable with the sensation at all.
Ruben swished his hand through the scene, dissolving it. He spoke softly, but with
a tone that drew Ryouga's eyes to him. "I quickly drew the ritual pattern on the floor,
centered myself as best as I could while drunk, then chanted the words.
"Energy swirled around me, caught me up in a whirlwind and lifted me into the air,
then disappeared just as quickly as it had come, leaving me. Unchanged. I wasn't
entirely clear-minded at that point, but I remember being so angry at something that I
stormed out of the house, into the driving rain.
"As the first drops struck me, I changed in ways that I would become all to familiar
with in the next few years. All I can remember thinking, as I stood in the rain, was 'I
have BREASTS.' Then, I fainted, and woke up in Luna's bed. The first thing she said to me
was, 'I told you that you couldn't last one whole day as a girl.'"
He sat silently for a moment, than added, "As you might imagine, that didn't help
my hangover any. It wasn't until three days later that I found out hot water turned me
back into my male form, and I rejoiced until I got cold water splashed on me and found
that this was no temporary thing."
Ryouga had found himself grinning wider and wider as Ruben explained, and finally,
he couldn't hold back any longer. He started laughing and couldn't stop, not even after
Ruben smacked him in the head. Ruben sat back and waited for Ryouga to finish, which he
did several minutes later.
"What was so funny?" Ruben sounded very angry, and somehow Ryouga couldn't blame
him.
"Sorry, I -ha- couldn't help it. At least I can blame Ranma for inflicting me
with this cursed body, but you, you, did it to _yourself..._" Just stating his
reasons set Ryouga off on a fresh gale of laughter, which made Ruben angrier, which
made Ryouga laugh harder, which made Ruben.... You get the idea.
The spiral degenerated further until Ruben, fed up past his limits, pointed one
finger at Ryouga and spat out a harsh-sounding word. Electricity arced from his
finger to his victim, making Ryouga convulse briefly.
He was just too tough to let even two thousand volts slow him down. But the
shock caught Ryouga's attention and made him stop laughing, and so from Ruben's
viewpoint it was a smashing success.
"So why didn't you visit Jusenkyou and cure it?"
Ruben made an angry gesture with a spoon. "Because I wasn't cursed _at_
Jusenkyou, the results of jumping in a spring were unpredictable. I could have
ended up even worse. I spent four years of my life searching for a solution that
wouldn't harm me in any way. And when I found it..." His voice trailed off, and he
stared at something unseen. His eyes glistened.
"What happened?"
He turned his attention back to Ryouga. "I had to kill it in self-defense.
And that's why I'm here, at a time before I destroyed it." He smiled briefly. "It's
only a fringe benefit that you get the chance to be cured along with me." Ruben stood
up again. "Shall we leave this time, for real? I know of someone that will help us
find an apartment."
* * * *
"I don't believe it. I just don't believe it." Ruben dropped his satchel to
the ground roughly, then slipped his pack off. "The place I wanted was open."
"Why'd you want this one?" Ryouga looked around the front room of the apartment.
Though it was small for only two people, at least it had its own kitchenette nestled
in a corner. He almost couldn't believe that he was going to live somewhere that wasn't
in a ditch, or the side of a road, or in a cave, or under a tree, or even in Akane's
arms. He started to get depressed again. _Akane..._
He was distracted by a Nerf brick to the side of the head. "House rule one: No
angsting unless you share with your roommate the reason why you angst. So start
explaining why I have to distract you from killing the both of us with a tickle spell."
Ryouga scratched his head. "That was a tickle spell you put on me in the park?"
Ruben laughed. "Yup. Useful for two things: Distracting godlike teenage martial
artists from destroying a large part of the landscape with heavy emotion, and baby-
sitting children ages 10-under." He smiled and waggled the fingers on one hand towards
Ryouga. "They can never get away from the magic fingers. Bwahahahahaha!" Then he closed
his hand and waggled one finger towards Ryouga. "Now start explaining before I have to
torture it out of you."
Ryouga told his tragic story. In the interests of brevity (and my own laziness
as a writer), I will not reproduce his tale. Suffice to say he spent the next hour
moaning, ranting, bitching, and complaining about stuff that anyone with a vague
interest in this tale is intimately familiar with. One thing anyone familiar with
Ryouga's story would have noted, is that even though Ryouga described his curse in
detail, he left out any mention of P-Chan.
Ruben, however, was not familiar with Ryouga's story. In fact, he was more
than slightly horrified by Ranma's terribly evil acts. "You say this Ranma has four
women on a leash, following his every command?" Ryouga nodded silently.
"And he has the same curse as me, and uses it to taunt you and many of the
neighborhood men?" Ryouga nodded silently again, and Ruben scowled. "I've used my
curse to my advantage sometimes, but actually using it that way..." Ruben shuddered.
Then, he held up one finger. "I'll need some independent confirmation."
Ryouga looked out the window of the apartment. "Ucchan's is just across the
street. Ukyou Kounji runs it."
"Isn't that one of the girls Ranma's been stringing along?" Ruben rosed from his
crosslegged position.
"Yes."
"Let's go." Ruben opened the door and started out. "What're you waiting for?"
* * * *
Ukyou Kounji watched the last customer of the day leave, and sighed with
relief. She could still hear his last question ringing in her ears. _Whatever
happened to that cute girl who used to waitress here?_ Ukyou wished she didn't
know the answer.
Rather than performing the ritual of closing she had done every night for the
past year, she sat on the still-warm stool and reached into a pocket for a piece of
paper. As she read it for perhaps the upteenth time, a mist came over her vision.
_Miss Kounji: I am afraid I will no longer be able to continue my employment
at your establishment. I hope that you will be able to give me a favorable reference
at my next position. -Konatsu_
She cried silently over the note, staining the ink yet another time. Although
she hadn't ever wanted to return Konatsu's feelings, nor did she want to now, the
note seemed to sum up all the aftermath of that disastrous afternoon in the Tendo Dojo.
"What's wrong, Ukyou?" She looked up, tears and hope blurring the man's figure
into Ranma, reaching towards her timidly. She blinked the tears away, only to find
Ryouga. There was an unfamiliar man standing behind him, looking her over with a
penetrating stare. She shook her head.
The unfamiliar man leaned forward. "Let me handle this, Ryouga. Okay?" Ryouga
nodded, and the man sat next to her. "Ukyou, my name's Ruben. I only want to help
you, so tell me what's wrong?"
His voice sounded so warm, so friendly, so like... Ranma's... she burst into
tears and hugged him fiercely. "Ranma doesn't love me! He loves Akane and he hates
me!" She felt his arms close around her.
Unseen by Ukyou, Ruben directed a look at Ryouga. "So this is what you mean.
Her entire life was centered around this Ranma, and he shatters her heart into shards."
"How could you tell?" Ryouga was left out of his depth. His usual response to
tears from a woman was to pound on whatever caused it until the woman stopped crying.
But this.... He could sense that beating on Ranma wouldn't cure the problem. It hadn't
ever helped before, after all.
"Her aura. I could see that her entire sense of self-worth has collapsed for
some reason, and from what you tell me, it must be this Ranma person." Ruben shook
his head slowly. "I'm starting to actively dislike him." Then, he frowned, lost in
deep thought. "Though the name 'Ranma Saotome' sounds _very_ familiar..."
"Is there any way to help her?"
Ruben, train of thought derailed, looked at Ryouga and shook his head again.
"There's only one way that could help her in time."
"What do you mean, 'in time?'"
"She'll try to commit suicide in the next few days, and there's no way to tell
when. I can see that much of her future, and it's far too short unless I do this." He
began whispering words that slipped from Ryouga's ears even as he heard them. Then,
he cupped Ukyou's cheeks in each of his hands and kissed her gently on the lips. She
collapsed like a puppet with her strings cut, and he gestured to Ryouga. "I'm not the
muscle here. Could you carry her up to her room?"
Ryouga gently gathered Ukyou in his arms. "What did you do to her?"
"Cast a truly evil spell upon her. The book I found it in named it 'The Widow
and The Bastard.'" Ruben closed the door and started up the stairs in the back.
Ryouga followed him, not knowing where he was going. Did I even have to write that?
It does seem rather redundant.
"It's a love spell that requires two things: a woman that has just lost the love
of her life, and a real bastard to cast the web over her and redirect those feelings
to himself." Ruben opened the door to Ukyou's room and glanced inside. "Fortunately
for her, it only lasts three lunar months." He sighed. "Until then, she loves me as
much as she loved Ranma."
Ryouga took a close look at the woman in his arms. "I really hope you aren't
tempted to do anything to her. If you did..."
Ruben said flatly, "I buried my first, last, and only wife not four months ago."
Ryouga stopped, not knowing what to say. Finally, he blurted out, "I'm sorry."
Ruben shrugged. "Don't be." Then he grabbed what he took to be Ukyou's futon
and unrolled it. "Lay her down here." Ryouga gently put her down. "This is just great.
A girl who's obsessed with me will be living right across the street. Joy. High school
aaalll over again." He shrugged and drew the blankets up over Ukyou's body. "Time to go.
We're going to have an early start tomorrow."
Ruben left the room without a backwards glance.
* * * *
"Time to rise and shine, Ruben!" Ryouga went back to the little kitchenette. He
got there on the third try.
"Argh. Next time I get a roommate, I'm not getting one who wakes up before nine
o'clock." Ruben sat up and looked around. The place looked much better in daylight.
"Need to get some posters on these walls, Ryouga. What kind do you think we should
get?"
"How should I know?" Ryouga turned his head around while mixing something in a
pan. "How does scrambled eggs sound?"
"Pretty good." Ruben frowned. "Wait a second. You mean that there's food in
here?"
"Yeah. I was surprised too. I've been thinking about what you said last night."
"Oh. Really?" Ruben shrugged. _I wonder how much he'll find out by questioning
me?_ "So you have questions, I presume?"
"Yes." A clatter sounded from the kitchenette as Ryouga opened a cupboard and
pots rained from it. "Ow. You could see Ukyou's future?"
"Actually, no." Ruben reached into his satchel and extracted a t-shirt and a
pair of shorts. He started getting dressed. "I could see the general trend of her
aura, which is something entirely different. She probably would've committed suicide
today, maybe tomorrow. I really think that helping her wasn't a good idea, though."
Ryouga turned completely around, wielding a frying pan like an umbrella. Hey, in
Ryouga's hands that's much more threatening than it sounds. "You mean that saving her
life was a bad idea?"
"No. It's just that if I interfere too much, I risk invoking the Guardians."
Ryouga stepped back into the kitchen. "And they're lazy sots who don't appreciate
having their play interrupted."
"Well, breakfast's ready." Ryouga walked into the living room, holding a plate
in each hand. He handed one to Ruben, who looked at the blackened charcoals dubiously.
"These are scrambled eggs?"
Ryouga took a closer look himself. "I guess I'm a little used to cooking over an
open flame..."
"Never mind then." Ruben stood up and went into the kitchenette. He held his
head under the sink, and turned the water on. "I guess it's time to try this
okonomiyaki stuff that Ukyou cooks."
"Why'd you turn to a girl?" Ryouga opened the apartment door and stepped out.
Ruben followed, vigorously rubbing her wet hair with a towel. "Do you think I
want her fawning over me? I'd rather be a girl whenever I go near her, thank you
very much."
* * * *
Ukyou turned the okonomiyaki while humming a happy okonomiyaki chef's tune.
Her regulars commented on the difference to themselves. "Must have a new
boyfriend." "The last one dumped her out of the blue for another girl, did you
hear?" "No way!"
Two more customers stepped in the door. Ukyou looked up. "Welcome to..." She
recognized one of them. "Ryouga! How nice to see you. Who's your friend?"
Ryouga scratched his head as he sat at one of the open stools. "This is, uh..."
"Robin. Nice to meet you, Miss Kounji." She held one hand out in American
fashion.
"Please, just call me Ukyou. All my friends do." Ukyou shook hands, then turned
to Ryouga. "Where's your friend from last night, Ryouga?"
Before Ryouga could answer, Ruben butted in. "You must mean my cousin, Ruben.
He's a wanderer, and might stop by anytime." She glanced at the prices listed on the
wall. "Uh, Ukyou, I've never had okonomiyaki before. Could you tell me which recipe
tastes best?"
Ukyou laughed and poured the batter. "Sugar, all of them are good. But the secret
is in the sauce."
* * * *
"Now I feel like even more of a bastard."
"Oh, really?" Ryouga actually couldn't care less. After the meal, which had filled
them up very nicely, they'd gone back to their apartment. Ruben had pulled a set of
robes from her backpack and put them on, and Ryouga was busy not looking at her while
she did it. _Well, she certainly has Ranma's sense of modesty..._
"Yup. Ukyou deserves someone to love her. You can turn around now. Do you want to
volunteer for the job?"
Ryouga spun around in surprise. "Huh?! I-I've already got two girls that I like!"
Ruben produced one-half of a leather wallet with the practiced twist of a stage
magician. "Is one of them... Her?" Her eyes looked over the picture closely. "She's
pretty. What's her name?"
"Akari." He snatched the wallet from Ruben's hands. "Thank you."
"Hey, just trying to help." Ruben put one hand on her chin and made a show of
studying Ryouga. "Hmmm. Nope, won't do at all. If I'm going to a sorceresses'
convention in three hours, I'm gonna need a familiar of some kind. A burly, more bone-
than-brain martial artist won't do at all."
She ran into the kitchenette, leaving Ryouga scratching his head. She reached
into a cupboard, grabbed something, and put it under the faucet after turning the
water on.
Ruben turned around and revealed a cup of water. Splash. Instant pig. Ruben
watched the piglet struggle out of the pile of clothes. "Geez, you wear boxers?
What kind of a martial artist are you?!" She scooped up Ryouga and cuddled him
close. "Now this is what I call a familiar. Don't you feel familiar with me?"
_He's really a man... He's really a man..._ Ryouga was used to the lesser
brainpower in his pig form by now. He'd learned how to hold a thought in his head
for some time, but being cuddled tended to drive any other consideration out of his
head. He snuggled his head into her bosom, cursing his weak piglet mind all the while.
"AHHH! What am I doing!?" She hefted Ryouga in one hand, and Ryouga thought for
one terror-filled that she was going to dash him against the wall in a convulsive fit.
She lowered the hand, however, and set Ryouga gently against the ground.
"I am getting WAY too used to this Fates-be-damned curse. Sorry about that,
Ryouga, but this body's natural reactions have grown on me over the past four
years." Pulling a teakettle out of Nowhere, she poured some hot water on Ryouga.
He tried to cover himself before remembering that this was really a man standing
before him.
Ruben shook her head. "You're lucky in a way, Ryouga. You'll never get too
comfortable in your pig body, and it's too wildly different from your regular
body for its thoughts to slip insidiously into your mind. Me, on the other hand..."
She gestured with the teakettle in one hand. "This body is just too familiar,
now. I've changed a dozen times so far and haven't even noticed it. That could never
happen to you." She held out a hand to Ryouga. "I should have explained what I needed
you to do with me. Can you forgive me?"
Ryouga took one look into her eyes, so solemn and huge, and almost laughed. "I
can't believe that you're taking this so seriously, Ruben, but yes, I do forgive
you." He grabbed his pants, stood up, and put them on. "Now what did you need me to
do with you?"
"Good! Well, I'm heading to a small meeting of the local Guild of Sorceresses."
She put the teakettle away.
"And how do you know when it's meeting?"
Ruben shrugged as she tied a sash laden with pouches around her waist. "It's all
a matter of record. The guild had/has an emergency meeting the day after a mysterious
surge in magical energy occured, and the person who caused it showed up with her
familiar."
She stuffed a small dagger into her sleeve. "That's the reason that I'm going
as a girl. The records state there was a woman at the meeting, therefore, I have to
be a woman when I go there. Altering the timeline is something this spell is capable
of, that's why it belongs to the Guardians."
"You mentioned these... 'Guardians'... before. Who are they?"
"I hate to snap at you, but that really doesn't concern you. They aren't going to
affect you in any way, even if they eat my soul for violation of their rules. I think."
This last was muttered so low that Ryouga had trouble catching it. He decided to change
the subject.
"Where is this meeting taking place?"
Ruben made an offhanded gesture, then reached down and closed her satchel.
"Someplace called the Cat Cafe. Do you know where it is?" She chuckled. "Never mind.
Forget I asked. I'll find it, don't worry. So will you become a pig? Just for a little
while?"
Ryouga took a deep breath, then answered his roommate's question.
* * * *
Shampoo looked up as the door chime rang and frowned. Framed in the doorway was
a young foreign woman wearing robes, looking at her with a oddly sad expression. The
woman stepped towards her and said softly, "Ta Wel?" Then, she shook her head sharply.
"Of course not."
Shampoo set down the rag she'd been using to polish the tables and walked over to
block the woman's progress into the restaurant. Her Great-Grandmother had told her not
to let anyone else in, and Shampoo had no intention of disobeying. "Sorry miss, but Cat
Cafe closed for morning. If you like come back later..."
The woman in robes shook her head again, then pushed Shampoo aside gently. Her
arms tingled where the foreigner's fingers had touched her, and when she tried to move
she found herself paralyzed. _Poison!_ "I know that it's closed. I'm the reason, and I
need to tell the other sorceresses that."
She strode in with her little pig following her closely. Shampoo took a close look
at the pig, then frowned. _Can't be Ryouga. Why would he be following a strange woman?_
"No, I did not have anything to do with it, ladies. In fact" the sharp-faced old
woman glared around at the other sorceresses sitting around the table "I rather resent
the implication that..."
The conversation stopped as a shadow fell across the table she and the other
sorceresses were seated at. Cologne looked up, wondering who would dare to interrupt
a meeting of all the sorceresses in the Tokyo area. A robed young woman, apparently,
dared.
Cologne shifted her perceptions. What she saw dancing around the young woman
surprised her. She'd viewed many powerful auras in her stay in Nerima, but all of
them were simple and focused. That made the owners easy to manipulate. The young
woman standing at the table's edge came close to Happosai in magical power. _She
comes close to me, as well._
Deciding that peace was the best policy for now, Cologne smiled. "Who are you?"
The young woman smiled back. "I'm Ruben Stryfe, the reason that you're meeting.
*Greetings, Elder Ku Lon. I see that my information was correct in stating that you
lived here,*" she added in Mandarin.
Cologne started. Who was this foreigner, to know she was an Elder? She replied,
"*If you are not from my tribe, how would you know that I am an Elder?*"
"*Ah, but I am from our tribe. Adopted into it, but you know that makes no
difference.*" Ruben returned to Japanese. "But that's a story that can wait for
later. May I have a seat?"
"Be my guest."
Ruben pulled another chair from a nearby table and sat in it. "My story starts
some one hundred and fifty years in the future. I have invoked the Guardians on my
behalf and traveled backwards in time. Though I only planed to be here for two months,
there was a problem and I think it likely I'll be here for eight or nine months
instead."
An older woman in a flowered kimono spoke up. "What do you intend to do while you
are here?"
Ruben flashed a smile. "Not much. Stay out of trouble, don't interfere, and see
a few sights."
Another old lady with her hair pulled back in a tight bun frowned. "Do you expect
us to believe you tampered with the Guardians for nothing more serious than sightseeing?"
"Of course not." Ruben let that sit over the table for several seconds, then Mousse
brought over another teacup. "I saw that you had an extra guest."
Cologne frowned again, but this time at the sight of the young man. _Ever since
that debacle at the Tendou's two weeks ago, Mu Tsu has been dancing on air. Does he
really think that I or my Granddaughter will give up on Ranma that easily?_
They all took a quick drink, then the woman in the flowered kimono smiled and
leaned toward Ruben. "My name is Meiko. Could I invite you to dinner tomorrow night?"
Ruben frowned. "I won't tell you anything about the future..."
Meiko interrupted. "Of course not! I just want to make you feel welcome, that's
all."
Ruben made an odd gesture with her left hand. All of the magicians at the table
tensed, then relaxed when no spell formed. "I guess it couldn't hurt. I'll be bringing
a friend along. I hope you don't mind."
Meiko smiled. "Of course not."
Ruben smiled back. "So, where do you live?" After pocketing a business card, she
sat back and sipped her tea.
The conversation turned to small talk about things like the latest hexes, old
tomes unearthed and written about in _Magician's Monthly_, and "Did you hear about
that Cthulhu cult in Kyushu that got wiped out?" When they were done, Cologne rose
from the table and put her staff under her. "I believe that would conclude our magical
business this morning. I'll see you ladies three months from now in the usual Tokyo
conference?"
The three other ladies nodded and left. Ruben continued to sit until they left,
then reached a hand to Cologne. "*I believe we still have something to discuss?*"
Cologne seated herself again. "*Yes. What rank are you in my tribe? I realize
asking anything more than that would jeapordize your position, but you can at least
tell me that. Someone as powerful as you would be getting ready to become an Elder,
correct?*"
Ruben sipped her tea again. "*A bit late for that, I'm afraid. I became an Elder
two months ago by my time.*"
"WHAT!?" Cologne was shocked. Another Elder, here in Nerima, could call a Council
if she judged any of Cologne's actions to be extreme. As many of them had. _This could
ruin everything!_ Cologne calmed herself forcibly. "*You are awfully young to be an
Elder, Ruben. Are you sure that you have what is needed*?"
"*Of course. You know as well as I that the only prices required to be an Elder
are those of power and intelligence. I have both in abundance.*"
"*I am afraid I do not believe that you have enough power to retain your hold on
being an Elder, Ruben.*" At this turn of conversation, both Shampoo (who had recovered)
and Mousse turned from their tasks to pay closer attention. They drifted over to the
table both Elders were seated at.
Ruben leaned forward, ignoring the two teens behind her. "*Perhaps you wish to
challenge my power, and test it that way?*"
Cologne almost held her breath. _It's a calculated risk to challenge someone
almost as powerful as I. But I can't allow another Elder to threaten all that I have
built here. I almost have Ranma in my grasp..._ "*Yes, I do.*"
Ruben sat back and clapped her hands once. "*So be it! Three weeks from today,
in a place of your choosing, we shall have the battle out between us. I presume you
can have everything ready in that time?*"
"*Of course I can. Can you prepare the ritual to guard the audience?*"
"*Of course I can. I must insist on shared catering rights, however.*"
Cologne raised an eyebrow. "*With whom must I share the catering rights?*"
Ruben smiled. "*A young woman who runs an okonomiyaki shop across the street
from me. Her name is Ukyou Kounji.*"
The old woman chuckled. "*I've been sharing catering rights with her in Nerima
for quite a time. Of course, you'll gain half of her profits.*"
Ruben shrugged. "*That is, if I live. Which brings me to another subject. Do you
wish your corpse to be handled in the traditional fashion here, or at home, if you
should die during this test?*"
"*At home, of course. Do you wish the same?*" After recieving a simple nod,
Cologne made a shooing motion with her staff. "Now I'm sure that you have better
things to do than bother an old woman. Please go away unless you plan to have lunch
here."
Ruben rose from the table. "Well, I already ate today, so I suppose that having
lunch so soon is a bit out of the question. I'll see you in three weeks." She strode
out the door, piglet scurrying close behind her.
Shan Pu stepped over to where her great-grandmother still sat, watching the door.
"Great-Grandmother?"
"Yes, child?" She didn't look up.
"Why you not laugh when she ask you how you want your corpse treated? She not have
chance of kill you, Great-Grandmother."
Cologne looked up and out the door, her thoughts far away. "Do not be so sure of
that, child."
* * * *
Ryouga was frantically worried. He didn't really speak a lot of Chinese, but
he did understand the words for "Challenge," "Fight," and "Death." Not being able
to talk, he tried to convey his worry in the only way he could: Bweeing frantically
and biting Ruben's ankle to attract her attention.
"Of course I know what I'm doing, Ryouga! Now stop biting me for a second, will
you?" Ruben knelt down and looked the small piglet in the eye, hoping that addressing
him as an equal would calm him. "Ryouga, what's your problem?"
"Bwee!" Suddenly fed up at the whole situation and angry at himself for agreeing
to go with Ruben in the first place, Ryouga kicked some convenient mud into the woman's
face.
"Ah! Why the hell did you do that?!" In one swift movement, Ruben grabbed the
piglet by his bandanna. She hefted Ryouga into the air, then untied his bandanna by
touch and used it to wipe her face. Needless to say, Ryouga was dropped unceremoniously
onto his little piggy butt.
"Bwee! Bwee!"
Ruben stuffed the bandanna into one pocket absent-mindedly and continued on her
way. "Can you at least wait until we get back and you get some hot water before you
start complaining to me?"
Because Ruben was looking down at Ryouga as she stepped onto the sidewalk of
the busy throughfare, she stepped into a spot another young woman was also occupying.
The laws of physics being what they were, that meant they collided with a rather hard
impact.
The bundle the young woman was holding flew out into the middle of the street,
and before any of them could react, four cars in quick succession had driven over it,
scattering the pages of the cookbooks to the wind.
"OH NO! And I was going to cook something so nice from those, too!" The young
woman slumped to the ground and seemed about to cry, so Ruben responded.
"I'm sorry, Miss. That was all my fault." Ruben held up one finger. "Tell you
what. Why don't you borrow my favorite cookbook? It's guaranteed that no meal from
its pages can go wrong!"
The young woman looked up at her. "Really, I'd hate to impose..."
"No imposition at all, really! I should have been watching where I was going,
but Ryouga here distracted me." Ruben scooped up the small pig that had been cowering
behind her.
"That looks like P-Chan! Except he's missing the bandanna Ryouga gave him."
The two girls looked at each other and chorused together, "You know Ryouga?!"
Then Ruben put down the piglet, and he tried to hide behind her. "Is your Ryouga
around six feet, muscled heavily, not very bright sometimes, has little fangs, would
be cute to someone who likes the type..."
"Sounds like him, all right. How do you know him?"
Ruben smiled. "I'm his roommate."
"HUH!" The girl's face almost split in two, such was the force of her shocked
gasp.
Ruben sighed, then grasped her hand. "My name's Ruben. What's yours?"
"Akane. Akane Tendou."
Ruben dropped her hand. "One of the girls that this Ranma has been leading by
the nose?"
"Now what makes you say that!?" Akane was at once incensed and embarrassed.
_What we almost did two weeks ago had to mean something to him... right?_
Ruben shrugged. "It's just the way that Ryouga put it. So, would you like to
borrow my book?"
"Sure." Akane stood up. "So, why are you wearing robes, Ruben?"
"Uhh..." Ruben started walking, and Akane followed closely. "Well, I'm an
actor, and I was just practicing my part in a play." _That's close enough to the
truth..._
"Really? I'm an actress too!" Ryouga trotted to keep up with the twosome as
they traded stories, some true, some false.
* * * *
"Uh.... What is this book?" Akane looked closely at the writing on the book,
but only the occasional word was familiar to her through her English studies.
"Oops, sorry about that! I'll get it translated in a jiffy." Ruben took the
book from her and reached into a pouch at her belt. She said a single word softly,
then scattered a handful of dust on the book and dusted the pages inside by blowing
the dust from her hands into the book. Akane took another look at the cover. _Cooking
for the Magi: How to Use Sorcery to Spice Your Meals!_
"Uh, yeah... Thanks." Akane opened the book and took a look at several of the
recipes listed in the table of contents. _Shoggoth Stew, THE ULTIMATE CURRY, Elven
Eclairs, Primordial Ooze (caution: do not use without the supervision of a major
deity), Cthon's Crispy Crunchy Chocolate Chip Cookies, Super Soba, Ambrosia, Ucchan's
Secret Recipe..._ "What?!" She quickly flipped to the page indicated.
Ruben peered over the top of the book at the recipe Akane had stopped at.
"Ucchan's Secret Recipe, eh? Always tasty." She rubbed her stomach. "Ucchan was a
master chef for the last Emperor of the Ming Dynasty. He earned a recipe in that
book by impressing an traveling sorceress who was also a jaded gourmand. To this
day, I have no idea what the dish might be called other than Ucchan's, but it's
worth tasting."
Akane sighed in relief.
Ruben waggled one finger in admonishment. "Some of the items on a few of the
recipes are hard to get. If you need something, I'm sure I have it somewhere."
Akane put the recipes out of her mind, and looked around the one room
apartment. "So, where's Ryouga?"
Ruben looked surprised. "Right here." She pulled a thermos out of her sleeve,
and Ryouga's mind suddenly froze in terror. _Ruben can't mean to..._ He made a break
for the open window, but was grabbed by Ruben in mid-flight. She started unscrewing
the top one-handed, but Akane grabbed at it before she could pour the hot water on
the piglet.
"What are you doing to my P-Chan?!" As the two females grappled over the
thermos, Ryouga started squirming in a frantic attempt to get away.
That was his undoing. As he pushed away from Ruben's body, he hit the the
thermos with the back of his head, knocking it from both girl's hands into the
air. It spun around twice, sending hot water all over the trio.
Akane didn't change at all, but this was only to be expected.
Ruben did change, gaining nine inches and a more masculine aspect. Akane
wasn't expecting this at all, but the transformation happening at her feet quickly
took her attention away from her newfound friend.
Ryouga was on the ground, going through a change that he was intimately familiar
with. Akane, however, was shocked at what was revealed.
The 'oh my God P-Chan turns into a man' thought was quickly replaced by 'Ryouga
is P-Chan' and advanced to 'P-Chan's seen me NAKED' and the train of thought from
there would have sent most telepaths gibbering about knuckles.
Ruben was pretty sure he could tell what those thoughts were from the strictly
visual clues, such as the rather impressive aura building around Akane and the fact
that her face had just turned a frightening mix of purple and red.
Fearing for his life, Ruben did the only thing he could think of doing, and
tried to weave a sleeping web over the enraged woman. Akane took a step forward,
her hands hooking into a classic hamhand position, and for a terrifying moment
Ruben thought the spell had failed. _I'm gonna die._
Then, the aura faded, and Akane fell forward into Ruben's unsuspecting arms.
He looked down at Ryouga, who looked back at him.
After calmly and coolly laying Akane on the ground, Ruben calmly and coolly
kicked his roommate in the ribs. Hard. "I cannot believe you pretended to be her
pet. I'm going to give you one chance to tell me why I'm not going to wake her up
and watch from a safe distance as she rips you apart."
Ryouga looked up at Ruben with an utterly terrified expression as he stammered,
searching for an answer. Finally, he said, "Because I couldn't help it?"
Ruben grinned maniacally. "Bzzzt! Wrong answer, but thank you for playing
'How do you want to die?'"
Ryouga threw his hands out, waving frantically. "Wait! It's true! I... for
almost all of my life, I've been alone. My parents managed to keep me near them
until I was about nine or ten, then Dad wandered off to get some milk, and two
weeks later, Mom went looking for him.
"Since then, my only companion has been my martial arts, and I was the best
that I knew. Until I met Ranma. He was the only one I couldn't defeat, and he seemed
so, so... _natural_ in his abilities!" Fear forgotten, Ryouga trembled with rage.
"So I challenged him, then, when he didn't show up, I followed him to..."
"China, yeah, yeah. You already told me. Get to the point!"
"I was getting to the point!" Ryouga paused for a moment. _Where was I?_
"Anyway, I managed to find him in Nerima, and challenged him. Once again, he ran
away, and I spent another week looking for his house. I entered it and challenged
him once more, fighting him in the driving rain, but in the middle of our fight
something hit me on the side of the head, knocking my umbrella from my grasp. I ran
into the driving rain, but didn't get far before the change overcame me.
"As a pig I somehow managed to get back into Ranma's house, but found myself
in a girl's bedroom. When I tried to escape, the girl smacked me, then picked me
up and carried me downstairs to give the lump on my head some first aid.
"That girl, whom I now know as Akane, gave me over to Ranma's care for a hot
bath, and in the course of that bath, Ranma discovered that the 'piggy' was Ryouga
Hibiki. After I found out that he was the one who knocked me in the cursed spring,
he turned me back to a pig with an underhanded maneuver. I attacked him, he fought
back, but the fight was interrupted by Akane, who grabbed me, snuggled me, then
_kissed_ me!"
Seeing that Ruben was hardly convinced of his righteousness, Ryouga pressed
on. "She loved _me_, don't you see! In my entire life up to that point, I've never
been loved, and that attention, that trust, simply... I... I... couldn't help
myself." Ryouga started crying. Only a few tears at first coursed down his cheeks,
but soon sobs were wracking his body. "I am so weak!"
Ruben watched his roommate cry for only a few moments, then sighed. _I guess
that I can understand him._ He put one hand on Ryouga's shoulder, and Ryouga looked
up at him. "Okay, okay, I'm convinced. These curses do things to your mind, I can
understand that."
Ruben picked up Akane with difficulty, then laid her down on one of the futons.
"Spirits, she's _heavy_! What does she eat, lead?" He wiped one hand across his brow,
then turned his attention back to Ryouga, who'd stopped crying.
"Now, there's only one thing to do about this situation. You're going to
apologize to her." At Ryouga's panic-stricken expression, Ruben laughed out
loud. "Don't look so scared! Of course waking her up and making you apologize
right now would be a death warrant, but I, as always, have an angle."
Ruben started moving one hand over Akane's brow in circles while chanting
quietly. After watching for several minutes, Ryouga reached for his clothing and
got dressed, his mind whirling. _What is he doing to her?_
After nearly fifteen minutes, Akane sat up suddenly, sending Ryouga crashing
backwards in a reflexive attempt to avoid her scrutiny. She smiled at Ruben, who
looked wrung out from exertion. "Sorry about fainting when you changed, Ruben. I
wasn't expecting you to have Ranma's curse at all! I guess it isn't _too_ weird
for you to be roommates with Ryouga after all."
She stood up, and Ryouga did too. He walked over to where Akane was picking
up the cookbook Ruben had lent her and said, "I... I'm so sorry!"
Akane gave him a puzzled frown. "For what, Ryouga?" Then she gave a quick
laugh. "Oh, for losing P-Chan when I asked you to watch him? That's no problem!
Just bring him back when you find him, that's all I ask."
Ruben opened the door for Akane as she walked up, then placed one hand on
her shoulder. "Akane, would you like me to stop by tomorrow sometime and show
you how to sling together some of those recipes?"
Akane smiled and lit up the room. "That would be great! I know Kasumi tries
hard to teach me, but she's so gentle sometimes..."
Ruben laughed. "No worries about that with me! The apprentices I used to
tutor part-time called me 'Tyrant' for a reason!" Akane laughed politely and
left. Ruben closed the door behind her and slumped against it in relief. "I'm
glad _that_ worked..."
Ryouga stepped closer to him. "Not that I'm complaining, but what did you
do to her?" he asked, genuinely curious.
Ruben shrugged. "I hypnotized her. It's only a temporary fix, her will is
strong enough that she'll beat down the barriers I left in her mind in three weeks
or so, but by that time you should be able to apologize to her about being her pet."
Ryouga looked hopeful. "You mean she'll forgive me?"
"I don't think she will." At Ryouga's suddenly downfallen expression, Ruben
patted him on the shoulder encouragingly. "But at least she won't kill you, and
isn't that what we've been aiming for?"
Somebody knocked on the door, making both Ruben and Ryouga jump. "What
the..." Expecting it to be Akane again, Ryouga opened the door and found Ukyou
waiting behind it.
"Hi, Ryouga! Is Ruben in?" She peered around his shoulder and glimpsed Ruben
making furtively for the sink. "Ruchan!" As Ruben started, then turned around
slowly, Ukyou held up a small carry-case.
"I brought you two some lunch, in case you were hungry. If I can find some
extra help, I'm thinking about starting up a delivery branch. Can't let the Cat
Cafe dominate the whole market!"
Ruben laughed uncomfortably. "Just don't hire Ryouga, okay?" They all shared
a polite laugh at that, but after it died away, uncomfortable silence filled the
air between them.
Ukyou was the first to speak. "So, Ruchan, where's Robin?"
"Ahh, er, you see..." Ruben put one hand to the back of his head and laughed
nervously. "She and I don't really get along. So she stepped out for a while."
"Oh." Ukyou considered that for a moment. "Doesn't matter, I suppose." She
sat down at the small foot table, and the other two followed suit. Ukyou opened
the carry-case and started handing out okonomiyaki.
Ruben started when he saw that the recipe she'd handed to him was the same
that he'd tried out for breakfast. "Uhhh..." There was a kanji scribed in sauce
on the top, but he couldn't read Chinese well and he didn't know how close it
was to Japanese, so he ignored it.
Ukyou laughed lightly. "Oh, you haven't had okonomiyaki before, have you?"
She didn't wait for a reply. "Don't worry about it. That's the same kind your
cousin had this morning, and she liked it just fine."
Ryouga saw the kanji written on Ruben's okonomiyaki too, and almost choked
on his lunch in shock as he read it. _Love..._
AUTHOR'S HEARTFELT APOLOGY
In case you're wondering, no this is _not_ author insertion fanfic. Ruben is
a character from another story of mine, and his history will be more fully revealed
as I continue. Just for the record, his specific curse was _not_ my idea. I place
the blame fully on a friend, who shall remain (visualize Obi-Wan) safely anonymous.
If I _was_ going to write author insertion fanfic, it would be depressingly like
a number of other ai fanfics, with the author chara being a martial artist that can
come _this_ close to kicking Ranma's ass and beats the crap out of Kuno etcetera.
I thought about putting the honorifics (-san, -chan, etc.) in, but decided against
it. Not because I don't know how to use them, but I'd be too tempted to use them as
obscure insults (adding -hime to Ranma's name when he's a boy, that sort of thing.)
Oh yeah, in case you don't realize it, I'm also _not_ going to add -chan after
a chara's name to indicate female form. You'll just have to pay close attention to
the gender pronouns I use. I think they're called pronouns...
If you actually bothered reading this piece of drivel, I'd love to hear what you
thought of it. I do enjoy constructive (or destructive) critism. I actually _listen_
and don't take offense at whatever someone says. I know that I'm just an amateur. For
now.
I'll be writing the next few chapters whether anybody likes this or not. Who can
judge a story by the first chapter anyway? Well, judge fairly, anyway.
None of the charas depicted in this fic are mine, except for Ruben Archimedes
Stryfe, and I apologize to Rumiko Takahashi for involving her characters in a shoddy
piece of work like this. Luna, Link, and Nin belong to my sister, and I actually _do_
have her permission to use them. She isn't even a paid comic or manga artist yet, and
_already_ someone's writing her charas into a fanfic. I'll bet she's happy.
Aaron Micheal Bergman
iamfanboy@hotmail.com
"The only difference between genius and
stupidity is that genius has limits."
-Albert Einstein