Ahem.
"O my god, you killed Ranma!"
"You bastard!"
Given the title this wasn't really unexpected. Oh well, looks pretty
good so far though. Keep it up, and don't over do the emotion thing too
much. I've seen fics where pages and pages of Akane crying and thinking
about him dying were all that several chapters in a row had in them. Try
to expand a bit, and do a bit more than Mousse and Kuno going. 'Gee, I
never liked him much, but I'm sorry he's dead...' Akane beating the hell
out of Kuno for mentioning that she is 'Finallly free to date him' has
been over done a bit too.
Both Shampoo and Ukyo [and yes even Kodachi] should be hostile towards
Akane after this. Not a forgiving friend who cries on her shoulder, or a
simple disregard of the fact that he's dead. I've seen both done far too
often. It never seemed right too me. They are very vengeful people.
[Don't try to defend against it, Ukyo hunted Ranma for ten years, and
Shampoo's first appearance in Japan was for a similar role. I quote
"Ranma I Kill!"] Both parties will probably blame Akane for the deaths
and attempt revenge. Mousse is probably the only character who could be
indifferent about his death, and he may help Shampoo get revenge if only
to please her.
As for Ryoga, when exactly is this set? If its towards the end of the
Manga [basically anywhere the magic fishingrod of love, he would feel bad
about killing him. He appears to be much more friendly towards the boy
after these events. They still fight of course, but Akari mellowed him
out almost completely. He treats Ranma more like a friend after that.
I can see where you're going with this, there are a lot of fics out
there like this one. Just a warning there, if you want to keep reader
intrest, you have to either do it really well. Or do something completely
unexpected, add some new element.
Hope to see more soon. Ja-ne!