Explanations:
For those few who didn't understand what "Backwards!" is, or the rest
who ignored it altogether: I'm trying to make parody/fun of Final
Fantasy like RPG games (I called them 'console RPG', but it turned out
to be confusing), by converting to story-like form the ideas I had when I
was actually thinking to make one, and thank the Providence I did not.
After putting first two parts out there I suddenly remembered that I
have to go to study, so it stopped a bit. But fear not, oh non-existing
reader, because my sillymeter is in red again, and that means some more
parts are coming. Not soon, but coming.
Important note: This whole affair should be marked both as [Spam] and
as [Spamfic], but somehow I don't want to.
Unimportant note: I actually wrote "Ten Miles" - it's not as thougt up as
everything else below. If you want to hear it, you can get it from
http://www.traxinspace.com/Music/Songs/DownloadFile.asp?SongID=27598
(winamp can play it)
On to the madness
--8<-----------------
Interview with PC Lamer magazine.
Recently it came to our attention that a bunch of talented people are
making a North American version of the new RPG game "Backwards!" (see our
previous issue). We visited HQ of Razorpig soft to ask these guys about this
upcoming title, as well as bring you some new screenshots and behind-scenes
information.
[Picture: Small black triangle, like on men's room. Apparently marks the
beginning of the article.]
PCL: Introduce yourself.
J: I'm J. I'm the graphician. I draw all the doodles in the game menu.
K: I'm K. I'm the musician. I'm making all those farting noises in the game.
L: I'm L, the producer of this game. I'm doing everything else.
PCL: That's nice to meet you. Tell us, what will be the main differences
between the NA and normal version?
L: Oh, they're too numerous to count, especially because neither version of
"Backwards!" is finished yet. The one that'll affect gameplay most, I think,
will be the new character system.
J: Uh-huh.
PCL: You're changing the character system? That's pretty radical. Tell us some
more.
L: Well, the character names will be expanded by one character, giving us
the possibility to use names like Billy and Monny. Also, we will introduce
diseases...
J: Yeah.
L: ...so your character will be in danger of infection in some locations.
When sick, he'll die each turn with probability 1/8th.
PCL: Sounds like very exciting feature.
L: Yes. Coupled with new save points that could be used only once, this will
prolong the gameplay by some 40 hours.
PCL: 40 hours of interesting gameplay - amazing! What other changes you've
made?
L: Combat system is simplified. Our playtesting shows that most second grade
school students find it difficult to pick one of several attack types and
watch Southpark simultaneously.
J: Yeah.
L: So we've thrown them away. Now you have menu where you can choose if you
want to win or loose the battle, and then the character will proceed to
beat his opponents with different attacks.
PCL: But won't this spoil the gameplay?
L: Oh, no! We've increased the number of random battles tenfold, so you'll
spend the same amount of time fighting as previously.
J: Uh-Huh. I'd drawn better attack effects too. I can show ya. This is how it
will look in their Eurasian version -
[Screenshot: Name and Yuki is fighting against turret with a gatling gun in
an alienish looking corridor. Name is dressed in what looks like dark blue
jacket and pants, Yuki is in her pajamas. Gun is firing - there are
prolonged flashes coming out of it's multiple muzzles, and Name is clutching
at his upper arm, which probably is shot.]
J: As you see it really not cool, and you can't get a grip on what the thing
is there going on, right? So watch now what did I do!
[Screenshot: Name and Yuki is fighting against turret in an startrekish
looking corridor. Name is dressed in tight glossy pink one-piece jumpsuit
with bright green 'N' on it's chest and light blue cape. He wears black
mask. Yuki is in white cotton underwear. Turret is firing - there are
multiple 'bam!' and 'whoop!' written over it's single large muzzle. Name is
being shot - he has red shot mark drawn over his chest, and a facial
expression as if he'd eaten some rotten fish.]
J: I'm a good graphician, ain't I right?
PCL: Oh, most certainly. It looks like NA release will have much broader
target range than the normal one.
L: You're right. We're going to sell ten million copies, whatever it takes,
so we're trying to make this game more friendly for the average reader of
your magazine.
PCL: That's so comforting. Anything else you'd like to show us?
L: Theme song. Their version has that cheesy pop, whatchamacallit...
PCL: j-pop?
L: Yes, that's it. Their title song is called "Ten Miles", and it's so
melodic, you couldn't even wake a corpse with it. Have a listen:
[Sound clip: A sampled electric guitar is playing nice melody, like the 80's
rock, only more computer-sounding. There are some lyrics:
"Ten miles away, where the land meets the sea,
I can throw my troubles away, can make them dissapear.
Look at this bay - can you hear, can you see?
Ten miles away my heart is free."]
L: I've asked band "Death from Brain Deprivation" to write theme for NA
version. I can show you their work also:
[Sound clip: Instrumentals performed on squeaky bed springs and buzzsaw.
Soloist is screaming like he's sitting on embers:
"Total decay! Total decay! Million, million deaths!
Total decay! Total decay! Million, million souls!
Die today! Die today! Die today! Die for free!
Die today! Die today! Die today! Die for free!"
]
PCL: Yes, we can really feel the difference. It's so fortunate you've
taking care of such details. We feel that this will most certainly be our
RPG of the fortnight.
L: Thank you.
J: Uh-huh.
PCL: Thank you too for this interview. Oh by the way - what is the release
date?
L: It's so early in development that I can't tell it yet, but it will be
available in about five months.
PCL: Wow, you're going to finish the game so fast?
L: No, I mean the release date.
PCL: Oh. Right. Bye-bye!
J: Uh-huh.
K: At last.
PCL: You talk! Wanna say something special to our readers?
K: Yes, but you'll cut it anyway, so I won't.
[Picture: Small black triangle, like on lady's room. Apparently the end
marker]