And I thought the oddball comments were taken care of in the
pre-reading.
And you thought my fics were weird before?
Not particularly. They were... unique. It's good to be unique. (Or at
least that's what my mom always told me.)
Hey, no one's normal. In fact, anyone who says they are
needs help.
Well, since you got mostly nitpicky Englishy things from my
pre-reading, now you're going to get the weird comments and downright
twisted humor I usually give you. Heh.
Uh-oh
"Out with it, boy," she growled, "or don't you have any idea what
time it is here?"
Cologne: It's almost 11! The rate for overseas astral communication
is murder! Couldn't it have waited until the weekend? Then it's just
five cents a minute!
Hey, old people get cranky when they don't have their
nappy-time. Can you imagine what she would be like without
her beauty sleep?
Not that it helps much, come to think of it.
"I apologize, elder," the boy said with a bow, "but I do not have
much time. The Night is coming."
"And I'm scared of the dark."
In this case, that is a very good reaction.
The messenger nodded, apologetically. "In about five minutes,
actually. My teachers gave me a list of people to warn tonight.
You were, I'm sorry to say, on the bottom of the list."
"My teachers said something about 'teaching that Amazon not to invite
US to her birthday partys.'"
Well, her popularity has declined ever since she was
accidently hired as a stripper.
the restaurant.
>From their earlier bout of mad, passionate sex. They thought the
stains would never come out of the carpet.
That's one!
"Come," she ordered, "we are going to the Tendo house."
"Already did. Repeatedly, in fact." Shampoo said while lighting up a
smoke.
Two!
"Oh come on, Ranma," Akane huffed. "It's not like we aren't used to
weird stuff."
They have Akane's cooking, after all.
No, that's not wierd. At least, the hasmet team didn't
think so.
staff. "Isn't that right, Ranma?"
Ranma: "No! That's not right!"
Nabiki: "Then what's wrong?"
Ranma slids open the door. She holds up a bathroom scale.
"I gained ten pounds! WAAAAAAH!"
This is not "Genma's Daughter" (sorry Deborah, just a joke).
they were being projected onto her skin.
"Catgirls, and the Fanboys Who Love Them." Next time on Jerry.
More like "Supernatural Cat-Girls That Are Afraid of Cat's,
and How They Cope."
"I was afraid of this," Cologne sighed, then gently guided Ranma
toward the family room. "Come, children, I will explain as much as
I can."
Cologne: <Let's see. What can I tell them? Hmmm. I've got it! "You're
screwed!" No, that doesn't work. "You're really screwed!"? No. "Words
don't exist for the level of screwed you are now!"? Yup. That'll do.>
I'm tempted to add that.
"You don't need to worry," Cologne explained, "the lock is not
permanent. Rather, Ranma's transformation has become an act of
will."
'act of will'? Is that like an act of God? AAAAHHH! Big mallet!
NOOOO!
Say *what*!
"No, Ranma is *not* cured. If anything, he's in worse shape than
before."
"Now we have to worry about paper-training him. And him shredding the
furniture with his claws. Oh, I'd suggest keeping any catnip away
from him, too."
And don't let him look in a mirror.
"What has happened to my son!" Genma yelled.
"I need to know if I can make any money off of it! Oh, wait. I said
that out loud. Crap."
Now, now. Let's not turn this into Genma bashing (no matter
how much he deserves it).
"Which should give you an idea of how serious the situation is,"
Cologne continued. "What has happened is troubling, and Ranma is
right in the middle of it."
Which should surprise no one. He's just lucky that way.
You've got an odd definition of "luck."
"Go away!" Wailed a voice from inside.
"Me and Dr. Tofu are busy! Hey, stay down! I don't care if the
handcuffs are uncomfortable!"
Three!
Ranma glanced at Cologne, who gave a small nod. Ranma turned back
to the door, and threw the it open with a grunt, almost shattering
it."
You have an unnecessary qoutation mark at the end of that paragraph.
Another actual correction! Thats two!
I thought I fixed that. Oh, well, correction made.
switched on the desk lamp. As light bathed the room, a gasp rose
from the assembled crowd.
I could make a joke about 'quivering mound', but I'm trying to be a
good boy. Besides, anyone who would have got it has already made it
mentally, now.
Four!
<ducks under hail of golfballs>
emerging from her back, the black feathers glittering with silver
highlights.
Whoo-hoo! Love the description! On behalf of Andrew, let me beg:
PLEASE, PLEASE SOMEONE! DO SOME FANART OF KASUMI!
Anyone out there, just do it so he'll leave me alone.
"Leave?" Disbelief was strong in Kasumi's tone as her eyes began to
turn blue. "But where will we go?"
"How should I know? Ask Andrew! He's the one writing this blasted
fic!" Cologne shouted, then continued in a mutter, "Kids. Always
asking questions."
Hey, don't ask me, I just write the fic.
Congratulations, Ranma," Colognes voice was rueful, "you have found
a way to escape Shampoo."
Turning into a Nightbane vs. marrying Shampoo. I think Ranma got
shafted on this deal. (Depends on your view of Shampoo, I guess.)
Close call, unless you consider the fact that he get's
Kasumi here.
Ranma began to sweat. "But... I don't wanna get marrried! I'm not
rrready!"
"I just want mad, passionate sex!"
(That's twice I've managed to fit it in. Can I get three?)
Five!
"Why are you helping us?" Kasumi asked.
Okay, why would Ranma call and Kasumi ask the question? Need to
change that. (Or at least explain it.)
Corrected.
a blue tint. "If there is anything that I can do to help my family,
I will do it."
BOOM! A spot-on explanation of what drives Kasumi, IMHO. Also the
reason she's the only one of the Tendo's that I would truly FEAR.
Oh yeah. Wait until later when the entire family gets...
Wait a minute, that's not what I was planning.
"How do you feel?" Ranma asked, in a rare display of insight.
"Like throwing you on the bed and having mad,passionate sex."
(That's three! I'm on a roll! I should be worried, shouldn't I?)
Six! (your count is messed up)
happen to us. I don't even know what I am."
"But I do know I'm very horny. And this bed is very soft. Hmmmm. Come
here, Ranma."
Seven!
"For the past year you have been stuck with a curse that makes you
change sexes."
"Hey, Ukyo wasn't complaining!"
Eight!
"Just because that happens..."
"Do I need even need to mention the Kuno's?"
Please don't. Kodachi's laugh makes me shudder just be thinking about
it.
Oh, you mean the one that goes
"OOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"
I prefer my own laugh. MUHUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
here. Now, could you please turn around so I can put this on?"
"Or you can watch. I don't care. By the end of the series, we're
going to have mad, passionate sex anyways. Or we'd better if Wilson
knows what's good for him."
(Four! And just to let you know, as far as I know, Andrew doesn't do
lemons. So don't bother him for one. Sorry.)
Nine!
And no, I don't do lemons. Any sexual content is done "off
camera." It will be hinted at ("hints" meaning something
that even Kuno would get), though.
"Crude," she said, examining her work in the mirror, "but it will
have to do for now."
"I'll have to pick up something in skin-tight leather later."
(Kasumi in skin-tight leather. Mmmmmm, happy thought.)
Okay, Kasumi fanboys out there. On the count of three,
commence drooling.
1...
2...
Nah, some other time.
Kasumi sighed, her eyes returning to white, then took a pen from
her desk. "I suppose this is the only way."
<Now I can have mad, passionate sex with Ranma whenever I want. And
no guilt! Yup, this whole monster thing is worth it.>
(And that's five!)
Ten!
"Good luck, children, you will need it."
<And a lot of condoms, judging by the look in Kasumi's eyes.>
Eleven!
All of them were black, with long hair of the same color, and each
carried an axe-like spear.
Ranma's throwing herself on Kasumi? In the middle of the street?
After a building blew up in front of them? Man, talk about a libido.
Twelve!
Get your mind out of the gutter. You're blocking my view.
Is this an evil enough ending for you?
Nah. I'm the guy who's received death threats for his cliffhangers,
remember?
Really? I'm going to have to work on it then. <note to
self: endings not evil enough>
"Remember, a fair fight only happens because of poor planning on your part."
Isn't that one of the lines I gave you?