Here's some C&C...read it...nurture it...grow a tree!
Or not.
Warning: I don't own any of theses Chracters
Okay...I don't own any Chracters either. it should be uncapitalized
"characters". And a better disclaimer is usually nice (although I'm not a
extraordinary example) something along the lines (in a real fic, not a
spamfic like this)
"Disclaimer: I hold no rights to these characters, and am not announcing
any claims thereof. Ranma 1/2 is the creation of R. Taakehasi." (And
before anyone else says anything, I'm using the Romanization system I'm
learning, not the Hepburn system, which is lousy.)
Temporary Maddness.
Sight on the Kerry Stinger Show
---
-Is this a title? Then it would look better as Temporary Madness: A
Sight on the Kerry Stinger Show
-(You could also use Jenny Washington if you're looking for a real
inside joke.)
---
"KERRY, KERRY", a large mob of drooling fannatics chanted as a man
standing a mere 5 feet wobbled on to a large stage platform. Kerry hated
---
-Well, Kerry is a girls name...but:
" 'Kerry! Kerry!' chanted a large mob of drooling fans, as a man standing
a mere five feet tall slowly waddled out to a large stage platform."
---
doing this show topic but he was paid the mega bucks to tell the world
about
these freaks. A few of the Bodygaurds got ready as he was about to speak.
---
"...doing his show, but the megabucks the studio paid him made it
worthwhile to tell the world about these freaks."
-Bodyguards shouldn't be captialized.
"Several of the bodyguards readied themselves as he prepared to speak."
---
Always during the into one of the crowd would try to bum rush Kerry just
to
get a handshake or a hug. Sometimes Kerry would even have to sign some
stupid thing or another for them so they would leave him alone. Today was
different Kerry noted mentally today was different.
---
"Kerry looked around. Everytime he did his introductory speech, a
member of his fine studio audience would try to charge the stage to get a
handshake or a hug. Sometimes he even had to sign some stupid shirt or
unmentionable article of clothing to make that person go away.
<Today will be different,> Kerry hoped. <Today will be different!>"
-A bum rush implies that more than one person is rushing the stage. A
bull rush or a charge is a much better choice.
---
"Todays topic is", Kerry started as a man tried to rush on stange to
grab Kerry's Shirt but was caught by the big Body Gaurds and hauled
off."Ahem can I finish what I was going to say? Today's Topic is My Love
life is in Shambles And I blame my Fathter The Gaint Panda"
---
"Kerry began his intro. He got as far as "Today's topic is..." when the
first member of his studio audience rushed to the stage. Unfortunately,
that man (however, fortunately for Kerry) was caught by the bodyguards and
hauled off."
"Ahem...As I was saying, today's topic is 'My Love Life is a Shambles
and I Blame My Father the Giant Panda' "
-You don't need capitalization on the following words: shirt,
bodyguards, topic, and, and 'the'. You do need it on life and blame.
---
"KERRY,KERRY", THe mob started again. Kerry pulled out a winchester
38
and pointed it towards the skylight and pulled the Triger letting out a
loud
bang from the gun and the sound of glass shatering.
---
"With that, the mob began chanting wildly. "Kerry! Kerry!" was all
that could be heard before a shot rang out, with the sound of shattered
glass following directly behind. Kerry could be seen on top of the stage
pointing a Winchester .38 pistol towards the skylight that sat above the
audience."
---
"SHUT UP YOU FREAKS!", Kerry Screamed. THe Crowd sat in awe of the
man
they had come to love and admire. Ranma was backstage watching the whole
little play go on and wondered if Kerry would ever shoot a fan? He might
after all and the people would still love him. Muist be something in the
water. "My First Geust is Ranma Saltome."
---
"Close your damned yaps, you freaks!" screamed Kerry. Awed, the crowd
fell silent at the feet of the man they had come to love and admire.
Backstage, Ranma Saotome sat watching the show on a monitor.
'Hmm...I wonder if he'll shoot an audience member? The crowd'll still
love him. Must be something in the water over here in the United States,'
thought Ranma. It was then that he heard the end of the last sentence of
Kerry's introduction.
"My first guest is none other than Ranma Saotome!"
----
Load exsplotion from backstage as Ranma Runs off Screaming Damn you
Nabiki!
"A loud explosion came from the backstage area. 'Damn you Nabiki!' was
all that could be heard by the wildly applauding audience. It was, after
all, an explosion, and they weren't nearly as common as two naked women
fighting each other."
Sorry I had to do this. It was stuck in my head
all day long. you will see more of these in the coming months as my
maddness sets in too deep.
Okay...you do need to work on a lot of things. Spelling, grammar, and the
like. But the more you work on it, the better you'll get. You've got a
good sense of the absurd, and that's always good.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jerry Levine
Patch Monkey
"Rhonda had a house in Venice, lived on brown rice and cocaine; Patty had a
house in Houston, shot cough syrup in her veins; Linda thought her life was
empty, filled it up with alcohol; Katherine was much too pretty, she didn't
do that shit at all...Not Katherine."
patchmonkey@patchmonkey.net jlevine@wam.umd.edu
maddhatter@earthling.net jerry@jancomm.com
AIM: maddxhattr
http://www.patchmonkey.net