Hey, Latin D!
Hi, Morgan! ^_^
Another One-hour challenge, another character sketch... ^_^
Sounds good to me. I like your character sketches. They're always so well
thought out, and very insightful.
Hey, thanks! Some people don't like character sketches for some reason, but,
to me, they're the most relaxing and interesting writing exercise that
exists. In fact, this one could become a full series... Time will tell.
In truth, I couldn't finish this one in one hour, so it'd be a
two-hours-and-a-half fanfic. This will show the people who say my CS
are too short! ^_^
Who said that? WHO?! (draws sword) WHERE DO THEY LIVE?
Don't worry, pal. I've already dealt with them... BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh, wait. That means this is going to be long, right? Eh-heheh. (puts
sword back) Never mind. Forget I said anything. On with the show,
eh? ^_^;
Er, yes. And, um, forget I said anything too, eh? It's not like I did
anything, y'know. I'm innocent, I swear! ^_^
After reading my Chichi CS, someone dared to challenge me to actually
write all those scenes I talked about, so... here it is! This is for
you, Mike! ^_^
Cool, Mike! You talked Latin D into writing another one of these! Now tell
him to get to work on his next chapter of Silent Battles... ^_~
Heheh. One challenge at a time, okay? ^_~
Please, people, send C&C. I need it, I want it, I can't live without
it.
You think I would let a chance like this go by? After you sent me such
great C&C on MY last work? Yeah, right! Like you'd be lucky enough
to avoid that! HAH! ^_^
Oh, oh, yeah?! Well, I guess I'll just have to send you another C&C for the
next chapter of Dark Crusade, then! So there! ^_^
Send me a mail, and let me know what you think about this fic, will
you? Just a quick "Hi!", and I'll be happy. As always, I like public
comments, but I take anything, anything!
Boy, I'm glad you've been paying attention during all those "pathetic
pleading for C&C" lessons I've been giving. You're nearly as desperate as
I am! ^_^
"Nearly" being the key word here... Sensei. ^_~
Just a joke. It's true: I'm the most desperate writer in the FFML! Please,
keep sending C&C! ^_^
Thanks go to Megane 6.7 and Zoogz for prereading. You're the best,
guys!
Ain't they just?
Yep. There they were, peacefully chatting and transfering files in a private
chat room, when I came in and asked them if they had time for prereading. Am
I not just _too_ shameless? ^_^
Enjoy!
Well, if you say so, then I'm sure I will. ^_~
Heh. Don't believe everything I say... ^_^
DISCLAIMER: Dragonball Z is owned by Akira Toriyama and Toei Animation.
No copyright infringement is intended.
Owned by FUNimation too, the blood-erasing, tear-erasing, digital
underwear-painting losers. Still, despite their invention of "frothy mugs
of water", we really should give them credit.
I guess.
I'm not sure for what. Maybe effort.
Heheh. Is it possible that you don't like FUNimation? Or am I seeing things?
^_^
BTW, the jerks don't own a thing down here where I live, so I'm not putting
them in the disclaimer. You Canadian people will have to deal with them on
your own. :-p
_________________________________
FACES IN THE DAWN
A DBZ shortfic
by Latin_D (latin_d@uol.com.ar)
_________________________________
If I don't <SNIP> the title, would I seem self-centered and egomaniacal?
Don't answer that. ^_^
Wheee! Here we go! ^_^
...in a voyage towards the unknown, using the untried and relaying on the
untested...
Oh, and by the way, any and everything I say is to be taken with a grain
of salt the size of Texas. So if you're wondering what the hell I'm
talking about, just remind yourself that most people consider me loopy,
and that I may just have finally plunged off of the brink I have been
teetering on for years.
(Drat! He "IMHO" metaphor is better than mine! I'll beat him in my next
C&C!) ^_^
In other, less amusing words, everything is INMHO. Ignore me whenever and
wherever you want.
Never! I shall never give you the pleasure of ignoring you! I shall listen
to your every word, and agree with all of your suggestions! This, I swear!
^_^
BTW, what does the "N" in "INMHO" mean? Or is it just a cameo? ^_^
Dawn broke upon the world in a ritual older than
What's up with these huge indents? Is this just on my browser, or did you
do it on purpose?
That's the usual lenght my "tab" key creates. But it was left on purpose,
yes. My indents in SB are short, and I was trying something new. I used the
same kind in my other CS.
I'm not complaining, but it may make your fic look a
smidgen funny on other people's e-mail programs. Excite has an auto-wrap
thingie, so I'm okay with it.
Well, to avoid that kind of problem, I replaced my indents with just the
right number of spaces before posting. Clever, ne? ^_^
life
itself, the sun peeking timidly over the far-off horizon. Immediately
igniting the sky, its rays painted the grassy hills in a million of
I think you want to say either "in a million impossible", or "in millions
of impossible". Other than that, though, an awesome opening. I love the
imagery and you've got a perfect descriptive style here.
Ah, yes, I had originally written "in millions of impossible", but then I
decided the other choice sounded better, so I changed it. I must have missed
the "of". Consider it corrected!
<SNIP>
As nature basked in the primal energy the star
willingly gave it, and fed on it, pulsating and growing, the clouds
suddenly opened up, pushed aback by some unseen force. A new sun
appeared then, this one hot-white and diminutive, soaring through
I gotta agree with one of your other C&Cers here, my man. "white-hot"
might be better than "hot-white" here.
As I told him, I'm not sure. However, when two C&Cers comment on the same
topic, it's sure sing that you're wrong. ^_^
Will change.
Tall and fair, he could
have been confused with an angel, or perhaps with a messenger of the
gods themselves... And even those titles would have been befitting to
this man. He flew gracefully across the morning, blending with the
soothing peace of the moment, losing himself in it. Nature accepted
him, gleefully recognizing his chosen son.
Interesting. Most people see Nature as a woman (i.e. "Mother" Nature). I'm
not saying it's wrong to do it this way, just a bit different. I like
different. ^_^
Well, you raise a good point... but, for some reason, I always thought of
nature as male. Does this mean I'm chauvinist? ^_^
And, am I to assume Goku is a Super Saiyan at the moment? ("Tall and
fair" implies blond hair.)
First person that gets it! Good for you, Morgan!
Yep, he was a SS at the moment, all right. I simply didn't spell it out
because I'd already included a description of the change. Besides, I always
felt the transformation INTO Super Saiyan (as opposed to FROM SS) is far
more exciting and interesting. Um, maybe I should change the description of
Gokuu's aura to make it more evident...
Then, with no warning, the man abruptly stopped his
advance, effortlessly hovering over one of the hills. With infinite
Lessee, here... I don't think you need to say "abruptly" and "with no
warning" in the same sentence. One implies the other, so you should be
safe in dropping one and keeping the other. Either would do, but using
both makes it sound like you're repeating youself and saying the same
thing twice. ^_^
Me, repeating myself? Me? Repeating myself? ME?! ^_^
You're right, Morgan, it's superfluous. I'll drop "abruptly".
slowness,
I'm not sure "slowness" is a word. It may be, but I'm not certain. Maybe
you should say "Infinitely slowly...", but that sounds off, too. Ah, maybe
I'm
wrong.
Well, "slowness" _is_ a word. It means "lack of velocity", and fits, IMO. I
would use "Infinitely slowly", but I'm trying to cut down on the number of
adverbs I use.
he lowered himself onto the ground, descending with an
elegance reserved to creatures of the air. When the white energy
touched the grass below, the tiny blades bent, as if bowing in
respect to the warrior's power, and created a perfect circle around
him. Light as a feather, his feet finally met the ground, and his legs
tensed in answer, securing his balance.
That is one of the best, most beautiful descriptions I have ever read,
especially of something most people just brush off by saying "Goku
landed". Excellent work, my friend, excellent.
Thanks, man. Coming from you, one of my favourite writers, that means a lot.
(And flattery goes back and forth between them! ^_^)
Besides, I had one whole hour to do anything but describe and describe--of
course, that meant I only managed to finish three scenes, but...
He slowly raised his gaze, and his eyes shone
"raised his gaze" has one tiny problem: it rhymes. That's not always bad,
but it's not always good, either. It can make a reader's mind stumble
slightly. Maybe you could say "raised his head" instead?
Um, I hadn't noticed that. "Raised his head" works perfectly, so I'll use
it. Thanks for the suggestion.
with unbound joy. In a moment, the energy receded into his body,
where it rightfully belonged. He felt his shirt flapping in the gentle
breeze and smelled the soft perfume of the daffodils. Hearing
distant sounds of animals, he turned his head and saw birds fluttering
away in haste, frightened by some unknown threat. And as his senses
were overloaded with impulses of every kind, he realized he had
arrived at last. Taking a step forward, he began the short walk
toward the large cabin that waited a couple of miles ahead.
Gokuu was home.
Awesome bit of description, here. This was one of the best scenes I've
read in a while.
Thanks! Some of the credit goes to Zoogz and Megane 6.7, who helped me to
rewrite it. At the challenge, some of the guys told me it was a little
overwritten, and that it didn't fit DBZ. Now, however, I think it reads much
better, and I owe it to my prereaders' comments.
---
These guys saved my life... ^_^
I walk up to the door, suppressing somehow the urge
to run. Too much time has passed this time, too much. I try to remember
their faces, but all I am able to conjure are blurred images, mere
sketches with no details.
Woah, change in narrative! Most people frown on those, but in this case
it's okay, as long as you mark the changes with those dashes. Besides, it
actually helps the story, IMO, to be providing different views. From a
single point, the emphasis would be lost.
Those were my exact thoughts, yes. I enjoy writing in 1st person, but 3rd
person is more fitting for description (and 1st person is better for the
insightful narrative needed for CS), IMO. I couldn't decide which one to
use, to I took the "Kuno approach", and used them both. ^_^
In fact, I asked a some people if this was possible, and read some examples
on how to do it before using it myself. It helped a lot.
Good view of how Goku must feel, too, always racing off and leaving his
family behind for such long stretches of time. I don't think too many
people take the time to look into how much anguish it must be for the
poor guy. I mean, he's out there doing what he does for his family, but
because he's out there, he almost never gets to see them.
Yep, that's how I see Gokuu. However, I also think (like many others, I'm
sure), that Gokuu loves fighting. It must be difficult, trying to decide
which path to follow. What do you do? You surrender to your instincts or to
your heart? One of the things that make me love Gokuu's character so much.
<SNIP--FINALLY, NE?>
Next comes Gohan, taller than ever and much older,
too. Have I been away for so long? What other things have changed? I
look at him in the eye, and observe, hidden behind the exterior shell
of shyness and calmness, the hard glint that defines him as a warrior:
the
mark of the Saiyan. A sigh escapes my lips as Gohan stands by my side,
seemingly waiting for something. Whatever else my children may have
become, they are still faithful to their heritage--and I'm glad for
that.
Interesting take on how Goku can view his family. And on how they view
him. After all, I notice Gohan didn't rush over and hug the man, like
Goten
dead. How welcome can Goku feel when he is practically a stranger in his
own home? Even if he does love him, Gohan must be feeling a bit ignored.
Goten is young enough to overlook the act he rarely sees his father.
Remember he met Gokuu for the first time many years after he was born. He
loves him for what he is, and he doesn't need more. Gohan, however, is an
adult now, and is bond to start questioning his father's actions. I always
thought Gohan didn't dedicate his whole life to the Art because he loves his
peaceful, happy and simple life. That wild side of him he showed during
Piccolo's training, or the trip to Namek, or while battling Cell, was, in my
opinion, greatly subdued by the time he went to College (I _think_ it was
College. I really ignore the Japanese educational system). Now, if it's hard
for GOKUU to understand how he can leave his family, can you imagine how it
is for Gohan? This HAS to cause some tension between them. They still love
each other, but it's an awkward situation.
But this is material for another character sketch, so I'll stop now. ^_^
<SNIP!>
I gather my whole family in my arms, and we hold each
other for a small eternity as the day gets old around us.
I like this way of ending the scene, but I have to say that I like the way
it began more. The slight awkwardness at first is a bit more realistic,
almost as if they can't believe it's really him, or aren't quite sure what
to do. It makes the ending of the scene seem that much more emotional.
Thanks, Morgan... I think. ^_^
Seriously, I think Chichi has waited for him for too long to actually wait
for the awkwardness to pass. When she sees him, she runs towards him and
perform a glomp worth of Shampoo. And Gohan, seeing his whole family
together, can't help but join in. At least, that's how I see it.
Like, for example, when you meet a cousin you hadn't seen for years, but
that used to be the best of friends with you in the past. At first, it's
awkward. You don't know what to say, how to talk to him/her. Then, you both
start bringing forth old memories, and comparing what you remember with what
he/she does. In a few minutes, you're friends again. Gohan may be reluctant
at first, but he loves Gokuu and obviously missed him.
<SNIP!>
Although I've got to say that the sparring scene was pure gold. Goten's
worship of Goku and Gohan, Goku's pride and concern over his son, and
Gohan's feelings as he loses to his father -acceptance,and yet a twinge of
something else, too- were wonderfully done.
Thanks one more time! I couldn't have a DBZ fic without one fight on it at
least, ne? ^_^
The bedroom scene with Goku and Chichi was well done, too. You actually
managed to show exactly how Goku feels about his wife, and why. His almost
childlike wonder at her beauty was a nice change from her usual portrayl
as a shrewish woman (of course, Goku would never see his wife like that).
Well, Chichi is my protege. I would have never described her as shrewish,
not a chance. She only gets _really_ defensive (and angry) when her children
are involved, and in the few scenes shown in the anime where she's alone
with Gokuu, she was loving and patient. Don't forget Gokuu is _never_ at
home, and she still accepts him when he returns--and he still loves him,
too. If that doesn't say something about her temper and character, then I
don't know what will.
BTW, did you notice I didn't go Lemon? Not even Lime, I think... It was
difficult, but I managed to suppress my hentai urges. ^_^
<SNIP>
"I gotta go, Chichi," answered Gokuu. "I felt
something."
I love it. The fearless Goku (another stereotype), filled with terror at
something so simple. Not that he's facing a new threat, not that the Earth
is in danger, just that he has to leave, and he has only just arrived. I
love it.
And thank you again. Sorry if this sounds chichi (pun? Me? ^_^), but, while
Gokuu's a Saiyan, his heart's still very human. He loves fighting, but the
posibility of losing his family again must be devastating.
<JUST ONE MORE!>
They always say the same... ^_^
I think of Gohan, of Goten; I see Chichi's beautiful
face, her dark eyes full of life.
And as she smiles at me, I fight.
---
The End.
Take a bow, pal, because you deserve a round of applause. These character
sketches of yours keep getting better and better. This one was great,
giving a surprisingly deep view of Goku, who most people like to think of
as
a fairly shallow character. As always, you've found an interesting way to
view a familiar character. Kudos! A job well done!
*bows* Thanks you very much, indeed, for both your kind words and the
insightful C&C. I owe you, m'friend--again. Besides, with comments like
these, I think I'll try my hand at another character study sometime in the
future.
So... when's that next chapter of Silent Battles I keep harping on about
going to show up in my Inbox, huh? ^_^
Um, I _still_ have to revise chapter 6, but the new scenes are already
planned, and ready to be written. Ah, chapter 7's plot is finished, too, so
it _might_ (note the emphasis here) come out faster than 6 did.
Yeah, right. ^_^
Now you get to write, that I want to see whether Hotaru ends up with Rajura
or not.
*rereads sentence and throws up*
Okay, maybe not that, but you know what I mean. ^_^
See you, Morgan!
Latin_D