Well, just as I decide to do this, you scratch my back first. :)
C&C would be very nice.
Indeed. So here you go
Don't know much about Xenogears, so some of my questions might seem a bit
odd.
If Dr. Citan Uzuki had one weakness, it was that he loved to
tinker.
Regretably, he tinkered rather poorly. Little problems would crop up in
certain things he tinkered with, like the vacuum toilet which was only
supposed to suck down waste more quickly, rather than blowing it outward
instead.
Friends gave him gifts of complex electronic and
mechanical puzzles, which Citan delighted in spending much of his
free time solving. Not that he had much free time anymore. So
he'd combined his hobby into a way of spending time with his
family, another thing he'd had far too little time to devote to
recently.
Why do I think this has the potential for trouble, tinkering around the
family that is.
Citan sat hunched over his coffee table with his young
daughter Midori sitting quietly beside him,
Quiet young child around lots of neat little objects she could scatter to
the four winds? What did he do, sedate her?
carefully winding a
large coil spring around a shaft. Several other parts and an
array of screws and screwdrivers were scattered on the table,
awaiting attention. Pining
Pinning (Otherwise it sounds like he's pining away for something)
the spring in place with his thumb, he
stuck the shaft through the top of an
a
decorative box and screwed
in the
My, my, my. Freud would have had a field day with you. You said he 'stuck'
the 'shaft' in a 'box' and 'screwed' it in. Talk about your subconscious
dwelling on sex. :)
"Citan?" Yui called from the doorway to the living room.
NGE Yui? Or is there one in Xenogears?
"Hyuga, listen. I know it's late, but you need to know
this. Are you sitting down?" Jessaih's gravely voice sounded more
serious than normal, his western American drawl was very
pronounced, making his Japanese nearly incomprehensible.
But that pales in comparison to Swedish accented Japanese. :)
Citan paused, as if to look around himself. "Yes, I think
so. What happened?"
"Fei manifested ether abilities about two hours ago. He
peaked at thirty-five, but is holding at about fifteen now."
But that's nothing. Should have seen what that Akira kid managed.
Neo-Tokyo's never gonna be the same. :)
Pieces thus far ignored were carefully added to the box,
intricately molded side plates and trim made it shine in Midori's
eyes. Finally, Citan accepted the ballerina figure from his
daughter and placed it firmly on the shaft where it could rotate
freely. As music boxes go, it wasn't complicated, even for a
mechanical toy. But sometimes it was best to stay simple.
Citan wound it up and set it on the table, kissing his
daughter goodbye and setting off to say goodbye to his wife.
two uses of 'goodbye' close together. Try to change one of them.
Fei Wong knew Tokyo-three quite well. He had lived there
for all of his life, at least, all of it that he could remember.
He didn't feel special because of his amnesia, rather, in many
ways he was grateful to it.
At least those times he remembered he had amnesia. It was a bad case of it,
after all.
> Fei ran long and hard, his long ponytail
two uses of 'long' pretty close together too. I'd drop the first.
He was a tall, muscular sixteen year old in peak physical
condition. His hair was black, common enough, but his features
were slightly different from his friends, betraying his Chinese
ancestry.
Specifically the horns on his head, which he had gotten from being a direct
descendent of the Bull bloodline. Somehow, everyone could tell someone of
the Musk from the regular lads and lasses.
Now, Fei wished he'd never taken martial arts. If he
hadn't, he wouldn't have nearly killed his best friend, and
wouldn't now be on his way to the most secret military institution
he knew of,
Not much of a secret if some teenage kid knows about it. :)
right in the heart of his own hometown.
Nerv. Built nineteen years ago to combat the wiel menace,
it was the biggest resource hog in all of Japan.
Heh. Don't think I've ever heard of it referred to in those terms exactly.
And when its
administrators proposed another tax increase to expand its budget,
every person in Japan had paid gladly. Nerv alone among all the
defense organizations had developed ways to contain and eliminate
wiels and the diseases they had brought.
Ah, more XG terminology I'm not familiar with.
He fervently hoped he'd never be able to 'blast' anyone
again.
Except Tellytubbies.
>
Fei waved back and followed the directions, traveling deep
into the heart of Nerv, alone aboard the huge lift.
So intent was he in his mission, he nearly
mission that he nearly (sounds better to me)
The man was tall and craggy, looking much like a weather-
beaten stone.
The moss on his underside made the comparison obvious.
His features were American
And as we all know, all Americans generally look alike. :P
but his uniform was
essentially the same as the guards outside, excepting only the
commander's insignia.
Which looked curiously like the big foot from the old Monty Python show.
Jessie grinned back at him as they passed through the door
onto a large moving walkway. "You, my boy, are going to be a
pilot. You show some gift for it, as evidenced by last night."
You know, getting drunk and having women throw drinks in your face as you
bragged about how good you were with your 'landing gear.' :)
When he finished, he motioned to Fei. "Come on, we've
already wasted enough time. If we're late we'll miss it, and I
hate missing it." He grinned wide in anticipation. "Think you
can catch up
'keep up' I think would be better.
"Major Katsuragi!" Jessie barked, sending her into stiff
attention. "You're over fifteen minutes late," he grinned as her
skirt settled back down.
"You also forgot to wear panties. Again." Jessie mentioned.
Jessie shook his head and closed his eyes briefly. "Well,
since you were so late, I decided to come down and meet our new
recruit myself. This is Fei Wong, the new pilot." Leaning over
to her, he stage whispered, "Don't get your hopes up, he's far too
young for you."
"Just so long as he can get a hard on he's not too young," Misato assured
him.
After switching platforms several times, they finally
arrived in a smaller cavern-like room deep under the ground. Lab
coated technicians ran to and fro, while other workers in scuba
gear dove in great tanks that filled the floor. Walkways
suspended just over the tops of the tanks were the only way to
travel through the cavern. Five of the tanks only contained a
strange orange liquid,
Ah ha! Giant vats of Tang, I see.
Fei gawked openly at the huge machines, one hand reflexively
clutching a small silver cross suspended around his neck.
And does Misato have a matching one?
Fei watched as two scuba divers labored intensively on the
palm of one hand underneath the translucent orange liquid. Try as
he might, he couldn't be certain of the nature of their work.
Just practicing scuba diving, ironically enough.
"Organic," Misato replied. "Each of those is really an
organic construct, called an Evangelion. That's why they have to
have special pilots. The one you're looking at is Eva Unit 1-3."
Interesting. Why the new number designation?
Jessie shook his head. "Armor, that's all you see. As for
alive, that's debatable. You can forget trying to understand
them, that's for the techies and them alone.
Tech: Actually we don't understand them either. We just pretend to work on
them, make up some non-sensical technobabble, and collect our paychecks.
We just need to see
if you can pilot one."
Misato chuckled. "Well, now that we've given him enough to
think about for a few years, lets
let's
Later that night, Fei lay awake in his bed at home, staring
at the ceiling. Although he was tired, he couldn't sleep with all
the questions running through his head.
"If I hit on Misato, will she put out for me?" was first and foremost on his
mind.
Debriefing had proven less informative than he'd originally
hoped. Rather than explaining why he suddenly felt eight feet
tall and made of steel, they had simply outlined his new martial
arts training regimen at Nerv. When he'd asked about the Eva,
they're
they
responded with assurances that he would have other uses
should he fail as a gear pilot.
Testing concrete footware at the bottom of a river, for starters.
And when he'd finally dared
question about who they were really fighting, they'd showed more
stock footage of Wiels eating people.
Don't think you capitalized Wiels before. Should it be or shouldn't it?
Wiel was the military designation for the strange humanoid
creatures that had suddenly boiled out of the deserts of the
Middle East and Africa nearly twenty years ago, in 2005. They
were quite dangerous in their own right, a two to four meter
shambling brown monster that either burrowed through the sand or
ran on top of it to grab and rend anything it encountered.
Yeah. I can see where that would make them a wee bit dangerous.
Then the plagues had started, wiping out nearly all
resistance around the Mediterranean sea and allowing the wiels
free reign.
Hmm. Odd coincidence there.
For a while the wiels
and again here.
They had started appearing in Central America around eleven
years later. Now that entire region was empty of human life and
both the US and Brazil occasionally had to fight large groups
migrating from the area.
Nasty
Dimoshi had been awake when he got there, surrounded by some
of his other classmates. Most of them didn't seem to hold it
against him, but Dimoshi's girlfriend Aruru had given him several
piercing stares. Those had hurt more than public ridicule, as
Aruru was his other closest friend. Typically enough, her little
brother Dan had been full of awe and congratulations, and had even
encouraged him to 'hit 'em again!', much to everyone's amusement.
Nice kid.
****************
Citan looked up from a video screen as Jessie walked in,
whistling easily. On screen a replay of a bright yellow beam
lancing out from Fei to another boy repeated itself several times
a minute, lighting the otherwise dark office. Pictures of family
and friends covered the walls, many of them done in oil on canvas.
"I take it it went well?" Citan asked.
Jessie grinned. "Couldn't have went smoother
have gone smoother
"Heh, interesting choice of words," Jessie said, smirking.
"He was a little put off at first, but not many young boys can
keep up the mature act around Misato.
Unless they're gay.
>
There, Fei was ran
was run (would be better, I think)
through a variety of tests, from the
standard physical to more grueling tests
two uses of 'tests' I'd change the first to 'examinations' or just 'exams'
Ritsuko nodded, not looking up from her readouts. "Yes,
according to what we extrapolated from his initial manifestation,
he demonstrated �ther abilities at around thirty-five or forty on
the PK scale before dropping back to fifteen. Now he's almost at
twenty."
Misato; Then he'll be old enough for me then. Hahahaha!
"I thought you were already able to predict that kind of
thing?"
Ritsuko shook her head. "We can, sometimes, but Unit 6-2 is
a second generation Eva. We've never tried a new pilot in this
series."
"What about Unit 1-3?"
Ritsuko shook her head. "A third generation Eva?
Now we know what the second number is for.
Fei gulped, tensing as a clear fluid began filling the tube.
Better than a milky white substance. (Maybe I shouldn't go there.)
As it rose to cover his face he reflexively
face, he ( I think)
held his breath.
"Remember, Fei, it's just like we talked about.
"Hold your breath or you'll drown."
Fei blinked, trying to get used to feeling very large.
"Umm, strange. But okay, I guess."
"Okay, now, I want you to push with your mind. It's been
described as almost like waking up in the morning, you have to
gain control over your body, or in this case, the Eva."
"I'll try," he replied. (Okay now Mr. Eva, lets
let's
get too
to
Fei snapped awake with a jerk, clutching at the sides of the
bed. Two nurses, alerted by the machines, rushed to his side.
"Easy, easy, it's okay, you're in a hospital now," one
soothed gently holding him to the bed as the other prepared a
pressure injector.
He responded by coughing repeatedly, each time causing
wheezing
causing a wheezing
"How much do you remember?" asked the first as the second
quickly exited the room.
"Umm, I remember feeling really big when I was in the Eva.
Then my head started hurting. After that, nothing."
"You don't remember us molesting you while you were asleep. Excellent," the
nurse said.
"I'd thought
I thought
"Yeah, Dad said you were in charge here. When did that
happen?"
Citan: When I had all of my superiors killed.
Interesting work. Not knowing Xenogears hampers things, but the plot is
beginning to take shape and things are moving right along.
D.B. Sommer