This is a concept idea I've been tinkering with for a very long time. This
is not at all finished, but you can consider this a prolouge of sorts. Don't
expect more for a while, for as you can see I'm taking my time to do this
right.
What I need some input on the manner of which I'm presenting the story.
Rather than tell the story straight-forward, I'm doing it in a storyteller
fashion where Ranma tells about one of his adventures in his own words to
someone, and we are already well aware of some of the after-effects and
repercussions before we even hear Ranma's story of how things came to be
that way. This has been done before in many fanfics, but it's a slightly new
tool for me, plus I'm adding a slight twist in trying to change a reader's
perspective from being a -reader- to being a -spectator- as the story is
told.
Anyway, please read it over, give me opinions, etc. Email me at
fanfic@cts.com, or visit www.sofaspud.org. If I don't get any emails, I'll
assume it sucks and that'll be that.
Without further adue...
-----------------------------------
The Martial Artists's Table.
Stories told by the martial artists who lived them in their own words
As chronicled by Troy Williams.
Story conceived on: 9-4-1999
Concept draft submitted on: 9-16-2000
First draft completed on: Unfinished
First RAAC posting on: N/A
Revisions made on: No revisions made.
Notes to RAAC/TASS admin: This is a one-shot story.
Comments? Contact XStylus at www.sofaspud.org.
----------------------------------------------------------
The majority of the characters used in this story are the
property of Rumiko Takahashi. This story is written to complement her
work, not to plagiarize it. The "Star Trek: Captain's Table" series of
books (No, this is NOT a Star Trek crossover) which this style of
writing was inspired upon is a copyrighted production of Pocket Books
Inc. This is a spoof of that book series' storytelling concept and style.
----------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to my bar, the "Martial Artist's Table". Have a seat
and I'll pour you a drink. The first one's on the house, but remember...
the second one is always paid in full with a story.
Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tarin
Summers, and I'm the barkeep of this here tavern. I haven't been in the
business for too long, but I think I can comfortably say that this bar has
been around longer than the gates of time themselves.
You see, this bar is a wandering museum of sorts with one
small difference. Not only does it travel from place to place, but from
era to era. You'd never know -where- or -when- I'd mysteriously
appear. Today I'd be here, the next day it could be near some two bit
dojo in Africa for all I'd know.
How I got there wasn't my worry. My bar and I would just -be-
there, any time, any place, any era. One of the locals would come in,
get himself well polluted with his favorite liquor, and before leaving
he'd pay his 'tab' with story of his or her adventures. It was a pretty
fair bargain, seeing as a drunken man will usually tell their life's story
whether you want to hear it or not.
Of course, by tomorrow all traces of my bar would be gone,
having moved on to seek the patronage of even more legends.
Returning customers would be disappointed to find nothing but a flat,
empty lot.
Eventually I ended up here in this fascinating part of Japan
known as Nerima. I had been hoping to arrive in this town one day, as
many stories from several Martial Artists from eras as far ahead as
even the Silver Millennium had spoke of the town in mythical legend.
Few had believed the town and it's inhabitants were ever anything but.
Then again, in this era the once glorious Moon Kingdom was nothing
but a nearly forgotten fairy tale.
It wasn't long before my first local customer entered.
"Welcome, friend." I greeted. The man bowed and was about to
return my greeting until something quickly caught his attention.
On a large bookcase were several scrolls and books with many
ancient and, in some cases, forgotten kempo techniques, all left behind
by previous visitors.
What was most interesting was that each one was hand written
by the master who had founded each technique centuries ago, and none
of the parchment had shown any of the decay of age as most scrolls
usually did.
"Feel free to read some of those, so long as you're careful with
them." I said to him. "The ink still needs to dry."
"These have gotta be fake. They're just for show, right?" The
man asked. I simply responded with a rather enigmatic smile.
"So what can I get you, friend?" I kindly asked.
"Nothing, thanks. I don't drink." the man replied.
I grabbed a glass anyway. "One usually doesn't walk into a bar
unless one intends to drink something."
"I was curious about the place when I saw the name. I'm a
martial artist myself, and I couldn't help but come in to check the place
out."
"That's why I named the place." I explained as I filled a freshly
washed glass with the 'house brew'. "My name is Tarin Summers. I
don't believe I caught yours though."
"Ah, sorry 'bout that. Saotome. Ranma Saotome, Grand Master
of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts."
"Indeed? A true honor it is to meet you, Mr. Saotome." I
offered Ranma the drink. "Here you go, friend. Nothing like getting
acquainted over a brew. First one's on the house. Drinker or not, I
guarantee you'll want more."
"What is it?" Ranma asked, a look of skepticism twinged from
his brow.
"Taste and find out."
Ranma shot me a very mistrusting glare. I understood the
message loud and clear. Ranma wasn't the first customer to be
apprehensive when a stranger served him a drink.
I grabbed another glass and poured it to the brim with the same
house brew. I served the new glass to Ranma, and took a large chug
from the first glass I had offered him.
"There's nothing funny in it. It's not good business for me to
poison my customers." I spoke as I took another sip from what was
Ranma's glass. "See?"
Ranma felt somewhat embarrassed. "I didn't mean to imply
that you-..."
"I'm not offended. You wouldn't be paranoid about it unless
you had a reason to be." I answered. "I'd tell you what the stuff was,
but I honestly don't know. It tastes good, so that's what I serve." Of
course, there was more to it than that, but it was the truth.
As Ranma took a large sip of the drink, he apparently must
have swallowed it wrong. His gag reflex kicked in causing him to
spew a large amount of his drink all over me.
"What is this? It tastes like my wife's first attempt at tea!"
I was a little nervous. After having just given my word that the
drink was safe, I didn't want to betray my new customer's trust so
soon.
"Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?" I blankly asked.
The drink, a strange foamy liquid, was supposed to change
itself into the customer's most desired substance the moment it
touched his lips. For me, I was enjoying an old fashioned Philadelphia
draft creme soda.
"Heh... it was the best damned stuff I ever tasted." Ranma
answered as he took another sip of his drink without a problem.
"Accidents happen, I guess. Her later attempts weren't accidents,
unfortunately."
After I cleaned up the small mess, Ranma continued to tell me
why he was out on the town today. Ranma's wife had apparently
delegated to him the task of finding a decent (and financially sound)
place to host his son's 18th birthday party. As our conversation
progressed, I had offered to host it here. All I asked for in return was
for him and his wife to share a story.
Unfortunately, you just missed the party, but that's okay.
Ranma and his wife will be back soon enough to pay their 'tab'.
You're welcome to stick around and hear their story, but I recommend
that you take a seat in the far back corner. Actually, to be honest, it's
the best seat in the house. The walls of my bar hear every whisper. If
you're sitting there I guarantee you won't miss a word.
So long as we're waiting, let me take a moment to tell you
about the party. It's not very often that *I* get to tell a story anyway...
---
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" the crowd yelled as the man of the
hour, young Hohiro Saotome, had just entered my bar. Today he wasn't
quite so young anymore as it was his 18th birthday that his friends and
family were celebrating. His handsome face which flared with his light
brown hair had washed over with a look of delight from the surprise
greeting by his loving family.
Also in attendance was his girlfriend, a beautiful young girl
with wavy brown hair that went down to the waist. She was very
beautiful... by very nature she looked like a goddess. Quite a lucky
fella', he was.
Hohiro's father, Ranma, led him to the table where a small
crowd gathered around a birthday cake with sparkling candles waiting
to be extinguished.
"Make a wish!" the boy's girlfriend yelled, trying to make
herself heard over the commotion. I noticed that Ranma shuddered at
that remark.
"Don't worry... I took a precaution." his wife whispered, which
didn't go unheard by myself. A barkeep hears all that is spoken within
the walls of his bar. Ranma, being every bit the gentleman as I've come
to expect from martial artists of his caliber, replied to the words of
assurance by gently extending his arm around his wife's shoulder
affectionately. Of course, my curiosity level was peaked.
Hohiro responded to his girlfriend's request with a kind smile
and immediately obliged. What was his wish? Heh... wouldn't she like
to know. 18 candles... easy enough. Well, it would have been, had it
not been for trick candles. As he blew, they all extinguished except
one, a single candle dead center in the middle of the cake.
Ranma smiled and nudged his chuckling wife.
"No fair!" Hohiro whined as he made repeated attempts to
extinguish the remaining candle. His attempts were ceased as he was
glomped and kissed square on the lips by his beautiful girlfriend as she
extinguished the burning candle with her fingers, much to everyone's
shock, including my own.
"Beniko!" Kasumi and Tofu exclaimed in unison. I couldn't tell
which they were more shocked by. The kiss, or the candle.
"That had to hurt..." Ranma remarked. "The glomp, I mean."
He didn't seem too surprised by the girl's embrace, a glomp that would
have made any of the few amazons I had met over my span of time
jealous.
As Beniko removed her lips from her boyfriend she addressed
the shocked crowd by displaying her fingers. Not a single mark. That, I
must say, was a trip and a half. I think someday a couple years in her
future I'll have to invite her in for a story. Maybe I can fit her in my
schedule for tomorrow...
"So what was your wish?" She asked, which conveniently
changed the subject.
"C'mon now, sugar. You know I'm supposed to keep that a
secret." Hohiro replied.
"You didn't blow out all the candles! Maybe if you tell me it
can still come true..." she flirted.
"I doubt I'm that lucky, Bi-chan." Hohiro muttered.
"I know -I- am." In a spontaneous move, Beniko glomped
Hohiro yet again, but this time added a new trick to the maneuver. She
planted a breathtaking kiss squarely on Hohiro's lips and held it for as
long as she could without suffocating him. "Maybe some of my luck
will rub off." She said as she released herself from his lips.
"I definitely think she's been hanging around Shampoo's
family too much." Ranma whispered to his wife.
"They adopted her, you know." Ranma's wife answered.
"They're still trying to make an Amazon out of her, I see. I wonder if
Ukyo would have approved."
"At least she ain't such a tomboy anymore, unlike a certain--...
OW! Heyyyyy!" He was quickly tapped on the head with a rather
sizable mallet which his wife seemingly pulled out of no-where. It was
just a tap... but from the welt I saw on his head, I'd hate to see a slam.
"Don't even think about going there, idiot." his wife warned.
Quite a scary woman, she was. What was even scarier was that she
seemed to have a jokeful smile as she did it.
When Beniko finished with her public-display-of-affection, I
decided to offer my congratulations to the birthday boy.
"Happy eighteenth, kiddo. Now it's time for the fun stuff." I
said, bringing over some of the presents for him to open. "I think we're
almost ready for cake. Beniko, could you do me a favor and grab a
couple napkin dispensers from the tables over in the far back corner? I
think we might need a few extra ones."
Beniko kindly headed over to the corner table collected some
of the dispensers. "Hey Hohiro, tell me something... Do you think
you'll get your wish?"
Hohiro looked over his shoulder to make sure Beniko was out
of listening range, then whispered, "I already did." He winked as he
tapped his lips, still slightly red from Beniko's lipstick.
I noticed a satisfied smile had formed on Beniko's face as she
returned with the dispensers.
Without much fanfare, Hohiro quickly got to work with his
present, starting with one that appeared to have been wrapped with far
too much gift wrap.
"A new gi!!!" Hohiro shouted as he finally tore through the
many layers of wrapping paper.
Ranma's wife giggled nervously. "Heh heh... uh, yea. Hopefully
that'll replace the one I accidentally messed up in the wash." In some
forms of martial arts, I remembered that it was considered taboo to
wash your gi... most especially if you didn't separate colored clothes
from bleachable clothes.
"Thank you, mom." Hohiro said with a kind and forgiving
smile on his face. He gave his mother a loving hug, and then it was
back to business... More presents!!!
The tazmanian devil of gift wrap quickly tore through the rest,
which yielded him a CD, a poster, gift certificates (can't go wrong with
those!) and of course, clothes, some of which were hand stitched by
Kasumi herself. That Dr. Tofu had quite a lady. I strangely overheard
something about Martial Arts needlepoint... I might have to invite her
in someday to tell me more.
Next item of business: Cake! Now, from what I had heard,
Ranma's wife had baked it, and merciful heavens... if you never believe
anything I ever say again then believe me when I say that you'll quite
painfully regret it if you ever turn down food from that woman.
When I looked at the cake, I weighed the lesser of two evils.
The first was to decline the cake and suffer the wrath of Mallet-sama,
or take a taste of the birthday cake that looked so awful that it strangely
reminded me of Chernobyl. I carefully opted for the second choice.
As I later found out, Ranma's wife had tried to 'liven up' the
cake a bit. It certainly didn't do much for looks... but looks can
deceive. The proof was most certainly in the taste, as it was nothing
less than the best cake I had ever tasted. Who would've thought that
unsweetened chocolate and asparagus made into an icing would go
together so well?
I noticed that the flame in Ranma and his wife's relationship
still burned strongly. On several occasions I saw Ranma feeding his
wife pieces of his own cake. I couldn't help but laugh when his wife
missed Ranma's mouth entirely when she repeated the gesture. Come
to think of it, I think it was intentional.
Mrs. Saotome's beauty had caught my eye and refused to let
go. She was indeed a paragon of beauty, with such feminine curves
that miraculously managed to fit in a small frame that just barely broke
5 feet tall.
She kept her hair in a simple page-boy haircut which gave her a
tomboyish look, but of interesting notice was that her hair was dyed.
You didn't have to look too hard to notice that her raven dark hair
wasn't her original color. If I were to fancy a guess, I'd have to say it
was red, and quite a loud shade of the color.
I also managed to catch a glimpse of her eyes, an earthly shade
of ocean blue so breathtaking that you would willingly drown in her
gaze. A truly blessed man was Ranma Saotome to have such a
beautiful wife.
It was then that I realized that I hadn't even learned her name
yet. Not once had I heard anyone refer to her by her first name, and it
was a question that was bugging me to death.
"Excuse me, Mrs. Saotome?" For some strange reason, Ranma
wince when uttered that. "Pardon me for asking, but I don't think I've
had the pleasure of your name."
I had no idea that such an innocent question could bring a party
to such an abrupt halt. Everyone, with the exception of Hohiro and
Beniko who had no clue what the problem was, stared at Akane as if
her response were to be a climax to a suspense movie.
"Did I say something wrong?" I timidly inquired.
"No, you didn't." Mrs. Saotome gave a strained grin, and
eventually shared a slight chuckle with Ranma. After a moment's
pause, my initial question was answered. "You can call me... Akane."
Akane's answer immediately softened the suspenseful stares,
melting them into reassured smiles. I wasn't quite as comforted, as I
still had no idea what that was all about.
"Mrs. Akane Saotome, is it? That's a beautiful name." I
replied, trying to further soften the mood.
"Thanks..." Akane answered, reducing her voice to a whisper.
"But, uhh... it's actually Ms. Akane Saotome."
Once again, Akane and myself were met with strangely
concerned stares from everyone in attendance except Ranma and
Hohiro. Ranma seemed impassive, where on the other hand Hohiro
had been staring at Akane out of shock rather than concern. I don't
think she expected him to hear it, and I figured out how he did when I
realized that Hohiro and his girlfriend had been sharing a few
affectionate moments near, of all places, the corner table.
"Oh god..." Akane buried her face in her hands.
"I knew the secret was gonna come out sooner or later." Ranma
muttered.
"Uhh..." I nervously uttered. "Do you mind if I ask how you
two are related?"
Ranma sighed.
Akane withheld her answer for a moment as if searching for a
proper explanation. "Let's just say I'm adopted."
"She's my sister." Kasumi explained. "They were going to be
married, but when-... that is, you see..." Apparently she was also a hard
time finding a proper explanation as well.
"A few... ...uneventful circumstances caused that to become a
problem, so the Saotome family adopted her instead." Tofu finally
answered.
I looked around to everybody and noticed that through my nosy
inquisitiveness I had quite successfully brought what was a delightful
party to a screeching halt.
"I'm-... I'm really sorry." I said. "I really should have kept my
mouth shut. I've ruined the party."
"Yeah, well... don't worry about it. You didn't do anything
wrong." Ranma answered "Besides, you said you wanted a story.
Believe me, you're definitely gonna get one."
It wasn't long afterward that the party came to a close, with me
vowing to myself to never to host a party ever again. Tofu and Kasumi
said their goodbyes and returned home. I wanted to talk more with
them, but they had plenty to do. On my schedule in the near future is
paying their children a visit to hear a story or two about their
grandeous escapades in their lives. It'll certainly mess things up if they
don't -have- children first... Besides, today I was here to listen to
Ranma and Akane's story.
Beniko left as well, as she had other commitments to take care
of. I think it was along the line of some strange chores such as burning
chestnut plucking and stone breaking.
Akane had personal matters of her own to attend to. It wasn't
just her son's birthday, it was also supposedly a day to pay a tribute to a
very good friend of hers. She wouldn't talk much about it as it seemed
to be a rather sensitive subject, especially around Beniko, Hohiro, and
Ranma, but I'm willing to bet that I'll be hearing about it soon enough.
After a little bit of cleaning up, the party was pretty much done.
Hohiro and Ranma had personally taken care of any leftover cake, and
it wasn't much longer that they were ready to make their exit..
"So... you're letting me walk outta here without paying you a
thing?" he asked.
"Actually, I'm trusting you to come back and make good on
your 'tab'." I answered. "I have no question that you will. One thing
about martial artists is that usually their credit is exceptional."
"You obviously haven't met my father, have you?" Ranma
asked.
"Indeed I have. He's the only man to have ever skipped out on
his 'tab', hence the reason why I said 'usually'. Heck, he even took
something from my collection of artifacts. That's okay though. I
consider his tab paid in full." I replied.
"Why's that?"
"Because if it weren't for him, I doubt your adventures would
have been as interesting as they were, and thus you wouldn't have any
stories to tell. So, in a way, your story also pays his tab." I answered.
Ranma shrugged and headed for the door.
"Oh, by the way..." I said just as Ranma was about to leave.
"Does your dad still have my Chinese Jusenkyo map? I'd appreciate it
if he'd return it one of these days."
I don't think I'd ever seen a more horrified look.
------------------
Okay. Well, now that you've read all that, tell me what you think of the
concept. Do me a favor and email me at fanfic@cts.com, or go to
www.sofaspud.org.
Just to warn you, don't expect any more of this for a while. I don't intend
on releasing this again until it's 100% completed.
-Troy