----- Original Message -----
From: "Jamie and Bridget Wilde" <wildeman@psn.net>
To: "Dave Menard" <deibu_kun@sympatico.ca>; <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Thursday, September 14, 2000 3:22 AM
Subject: Re: [FFML] [Fic][Ranma/x-over] The Shadow Of The Past
I thought I'd write and say that I've enjoyed this 'fic so far, with a
few minor and not so minor beefs.
THE GOOD:
You've captured the flavor of the Shadow and his dark world well. Kudos.
Using the Musk Dynasty instead of the descendent of Genghis Khan. A good
use of the Ranma source material.
##Thanks!
THE BAD:
Is it really that important to have the story set in 1940? First of all,
it makes Cologne more than just a touch too old for the character you've
portrayed so far. Second of all, if you wanted tension between the
United States and Japan, there was plenty of that throughout the 1930s,
and even as far back as the the mid 1920s, American military planners
were considering an eventual war with the Japanese Empire.
##I'll consider the time reset; it's merely that, as a non-American,
I'm
more familiar with US history during the World Wars than I am with other
time periods.(Plus I have some additional reasons I can't go into here
without giving away some surprises.) But you make some very good
points, -especially the bit about Cologne's age- and I'll do some
additional
reading before I start the next chapter. Any insight you might have about
American military thinking about WWII (but before Pearl Harbor) would be
appreciated, if you feel like responding privately.
THE UGLY:
The idea that the Shadow, with at most sixteen rounds of .45 caliber
hardball loaded in his nickel-plated rods, could shatter the block of
cement Cologne's feet were encased in is ludicrous.
##Of course it is; it was silly in the movie, too, when Alec Baldwin
freed the Japanese Physics professor the same way, but it's a very
super/pulp hero-ish thing to do. However, you make an interesting
suggestion
below, so I'll see about revising that whole scene. The only flaw I can
see
in the suggested scene below is that it would be very un-Shadow-y to just
leave a woman immobilized and essetially helpless after dark in a bad part
of New York. Maybe the Shadow's pet cabbie could be nearby, like he was in
the movie... Hmmm...
Better to have one
of his minions come and free her later, and that way you could have a
scene where Cologne and the henchman compare the rings they've been
given.
##Thanks a lot for the C+C! I know I'll be using a lot of your
suggestions. Thanks!
Dave Menard
-------------------------------------
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"Just as there are laws of Conservation of Matter and Energy, so there are
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or
destroyed.
But one can be converted into the other."
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