--- Daniel R Oliver <wjoliver@U.Arizona.EDU> wrote:
Subject: [Trailer] Coming someday before the Great Apocalypse...
Author: Benjamin Oliver
(Scene: Outer space. Pass by galaxies, stars, planets, moons, and
pass
into darkness for a while.)
Narrator: The universe is full of many wonders.
Jello, for example. Or Naga's bikini. Or Naga's or Kodachi's laugh.
(No, wait, that last example is a horror, not a wonder. Sorry.)
(Pass by a burning sun, then another soon after, and another.)
Narrator: There are all forms of energy, powers, and forces.
(Pass to a black world, covered in a bubbling black slime.)
Narrator: Forces of creation; of life...
*Yawn* Boorrriing.
(A sun supernovas in a violent and brilliant display.)
Narrator: And destruction and death!
All right! Now we're getting to the good stuff!
(The supernova shockwave rages and obliterates debris, shredding
through
the planet. The ooze screams.)
Ooze: Hey, I just cleaned! Now I'm angry!
(Dramatic drumbeating, changing the scene to a thorned starship as
a
large beam-laser slices through it, an angered shriek resounding.
Flash to
a Roman-style civilization. A large blue blast rips through the
main
palace, to the horror of a redheaded girl in a green dress)
Girl: No!
Girl: I wanted to destroy that!
(Scene changes to the dark world as the ooze calms down)
Narrator: A great conflict is about to begin.
(A glistening comet rockets toward the planet) (Scene change to an
army
of monsters headed by four people in grey uniforms.)
Woman's voice: Prepare the attack! Let none stand in our way!
"I must get that Limited Edition Endymion doll! That damn Princess
Serenity can do without!"
(Cut to a horrific melee between sword-weilding combatants: One a
short-haired blond, the other an armored silhoutte, who swings a
second
weapon out, a gun, and pulls the trigger)
"Remember: Fair fights are for people who have sucky planning
skills." *Blows smoke from barrel*
(Crash to the comet exploding in impact with the dark world,
shattering
it. The goo lets out an angered yell. Cut to a readheaded girl
continuing
that same yeall as a spherical barrier around her flashes out and
shatters
the rock around her.)
Girl: Power Overwhelming!!
(Drums sound as the scene runs over the faces of the five
sailor-suited
girl-warriors, all with expressions of shock.)
"Did anyone get the number of that scene?"
"No, but I'm going to sue!"
Narrator: Coming someday before the great apocalype... to an FFML
near
you
Oh, if only I could believe this.
(A green-armored, six and a half-foot tall warrior flashes his
sword
through a monster, bisecting it.)
Narrator: An action-packed thriller-
(Swich to a restaurant, where a pink-haired guy in a green
goku-style
outfit grabs a slightly shorter Norse goddess by the neck of her
outfit
and lifts her three feet off the ground)
Narrator: -that picks you up and won't let you go-
Nice tie-ins between the narration and the scenes.
(Another scene, Sailor Pluto approaches Ranma on a pier at sunset)
Narrator: An epic tale to end all tales...
Because there won't be anyone to tell tales after you're done.
(Several-hundred Sailor-Senshi stand on the north pole's glacier)
All senshi: COMBINED UNIVERSAL ATTACK!!!
(A humongous blast errupts from their leader)
Narrator: A story of overkill to end all overkill
Overkill? What's that?
('Tim stands atop a mountain, badly beaten with a crecent-moon
glowing on
his forehead)
'Tim: Kawaii-ken... ATTACK!!!
(Vegita's eye twitches)
Vegita: Kawaii-ken?!
Oh. THAT'S overkill! (And very evil, to boot. Yet cute.)
(Switch to a scene where a cute little blonde girl looks,
horrified, into
a full-length mirror, seeing that she's wearing a one-piece
swimsuit-style
armor with a green cape and pink boots and gloves.)
Girl: Oh no, the curse goes deeper than I thought!
"Damn you, 'Tim! This is all your fault!"
(Another scene: A six-foot tall, pink-haired man in a green Gi
carring an
A-10-style gun stands in front of a shorter pink-haired woman,
dressed
alike)
Man: Overfiends check in-
Woman (cocks her BFG-10000-D): But they don't check out!
Woman: How do you use this thing?
Man: I have no idea. I thought you knew.
(Back to Sailor Pluto and Ranma)
Ranma: So the universe is going to be destroyed, time's going to
end,
we've lost? That's it? We're done for? And there's nothing we can
do about
it?
Sailor Pluto (giggles nuevously with a hand behind her head):
Ahehhehhehheh, sucks, huh?
Ranma: You just HAD to press the button marked "Do not push or you
will end time and destroy the universe," didn't you?
Pluto: But it was so BIG and RED and SHINY!
(Cut to Beryl, consulting with Kunzite)
Kunzite: This is a bad idea.
(Beryl blasts Kunzite. Cut to A big black tower. Zoicite battles
the
Senshi, while Kunzite, missing one arm, trys to strangle a heavily
battered Atomic Starlight Knight)
Kunzite: You'll pay for that!
Kunzite: I told you: NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY!
(cut to underground base. The main computer cheerfully speaks.)
Computer: Destroy all systems. Destroy Navigation (BLAM! Big
explosion
in the database.) Destroy life-support. (Blam!) Destroy! Destroy!
(Blam)
MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Deeestroooy!!! Hee-hee-hee!
YESSS! Destruction good!
(Ranma and Sailor Pluto)
Sailor Pluto: Let's go out with a bang! (grabs Ranma, falling into
a
giant, heat-shaped bed)
"Heat shaped"? Heat has shape? Huh. Learn something new everyday.
And that's a bad pun. (Even if you didn't intend it. "Bang," indeed.
Mmmmm, Sailor Pluto. *Drool* Ack! My keyboard!)
(Sailor Moon, alone atop an icy hill, battles with her wand
against a
huge black shadow).
Sailor Moon(teary-eyed): I just wish.. Can't we all just... get
along?!
Shadow: Weeelll, since you asked so nicely... I guess I'll give it a
shot.
Sailor Moon (happy): Really?
Shadow (grinning maliciously): No, I was lying just to be mean.
*Blasts Sailor Moon*
(The Earth explodes, leaving only the title:)
Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!!
The new season!
Coming July, 2001.
Oh, thank you, GOD! It's still ten months away, but I've got a date
to hope for now! Ah, bliss. Now, to begin nagging for progress
reports... (How's it coming, by the way?)
(scene, a geen-patterned seal paces back and forth.)
Arby: Well, ya see, ya'z gotz ta 'ave Nuclear weapons, or 'ow'd we
signal
the 'shrooms to attack! 'simply wouldn't be propa'!
And the green glow Nukes leave makes nightlights unneccesary, too!
~~
Rated PH: (Psychological Help recommended)
Especially after you read the whole thing in one go.
Arby: Darn roight!
Purple Arbyfish(takes out a watch): When did he say it'd be again?
Too blasted long. I'm counting the months. And days. And hours. And
minutes. And seconds. And nano-seconds. (Okay, so I'm lying about
everything but the months part. Sue me, I'm lazy.)
Please, please get this baby out!
Ja Ne!
Slacker
=====
Always listen to experts. They'll tell you
what can't be done, and why. Then do it.
--Lazarus Long
I am...(Drumroll, please)...Slacker!
KSC, Knight of Discordia, Lord of Discord
Member of the Church of Ami & Makoto
Now hiding from the torch-weilding mob. (And Andrew Wilson.)
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