Matthew Harrison wrote:
The blame for this can be laid on Both Cris Jones (Slash fics we'd rather
not see) and Stephen Fry (Latin! Or Tobacco and Boys).
And yes, this is silly.
Why don't I think you mean "slash" as in "with a plushie machete"? ^_^;
"Ikari."
"Fuyutski."
"Now that we have each other's names sorted out, Ikari, I have some pressing
news."
Well, Fuyutski and Shinji never *did* talk that much. I guess it would
make sense that they're that much of strangers.
(And if you *really* want a scary image...reread this fic, but
substitute Shinji for Gendo. Like father, like son.)
Gendou Ikari obeyed, a slight frown on his face. "What is it?"
It: a gender-neutral pronoun.
"It has been noticed that the first child has been... walking oddly
recently. Doctor Akagi did a few tests, and while these were going on I
spoke to her... and she smiled, Ikari! In the name of all that is holy, she
actually smiled!
"I asked her what the reason was for her... behaviour, and then she
told me... a story of such depravity and iniquity as I have never heard. It
SHOCKED me, Ikari, shocked ME! I, I need not remind you, who spent a year
among the nymphomanaiacal buggerboys of Buenos Aires! She told me ALL of
it!"
The frown was wiped off Ikari's face; what could be seen of it went white
with green highlights. "What, All?"
"All, Ikari."
"Including the part where we dismembered, cooked, and ate one of her
clones?"
"Umm...not that part, though I was wondering how you kept from going
hungry without getting any food all day."
"ALL, Ikari. Yopu have put that poor clone through a sequence of depravity
that I would never, indeed, could never descend to!
"Which is why you're the boss, and I'm just your lackey."
"But who is this Yopu?"
Is no part of that poor
girl's body safe?
Let's see...which part of her did *not* get blown to bits that one time?
You have performed lewd, obscene and disgusting acts upon
her person including... and I must say that this beggars belief... rape and
laceration of the backs of the knees."
Either I'm jaded/desensitized (two sides of the same coin), or he's
easily impressed. After all, he was using *all* of her body.
"Ikari... do you know how much of a gossip Ritsuko is? I had to promise her
six sessions with the vaulting horse, the tawse, a security detail and Ms.
Ibuki to keep her quiet!
What, and she wouldn't just extract payment from Gendo herself? She
said explicitly in canon that she's doing Gendo.
Thursday afternoons, too, and that's normally my
session with Maya!"
So make it a threesome. Trust me, Maya won't mind a bit. ^_-
"Yes, mine. You have been performing horrifically indecent and highly
inventive acts- I made notes, mark you- with a minor for which you are in
loco parentis."
He's "loco" alright. (Sorry, I know, cheap shot...but it was so *easy*!
^_^;)
"You can't get me for incest as well."
Fuyutski was briefly struck dumb. "Ikari...!"
And if you really dug into the DNA evidence...well, it'd be all over the
papers alright, but "man sleeps with wife" *is* perfectly legal just
about everywhere, so long as it's consensual. (And if one counts age
since the birth of "Rei Zero".)
Gendou sighed. "All right. How much do you want?"
"You offer me money?"
"It's what you're working up to, isn't it?"
"Let's see. Humanity going to go poof in a few months if everything
goes according to plan. Humanity going to go poof sooner than that if
we screw up and let the Angels win. If the Angels don't win, the only
way for anyone to stop us involves N2 leveling of the Geofront with us
in it, or something else with massive amounts of death - ours most
importantly. Now, *why* am I saving up for retirement again?"
"...a wet towel? You're sick."
Always know where your towel is.
Gendou sagged, again. He only had himself to blame...
...for the glasses which, with his hand away from his face, had finally
slipped off.
Nice! ^_^