Hi!

I'd love some C&C, but as this is my first post to FFML (hi
everybody!)...Please, be gentle!

Sure.  I'm terrible at C&C, anyway....

There it is, my first completed Ranma 1/2 fic.  Although the
writing was mine, the idea for the story belongs to watashi
no otouto, Xoron, although he refuses to take credit for it
or in fact admit he ever had an idea for a fanfic.  I
thought the suggestion of Kuno's true motivations intriguing
and amusing enough to warrant exploration.  Hope someone
enjoyed it!

Well, I thought so.  I enjoyed the story, which is why I'm writing in.  A bit unlikely, maybe, but possible enough to be interesting - and fun!  Didn't push Kuno too far, either - didn't make a super-martial artist out of him, or a super-genius; just smart enough to pull off a huge scheme.  Does this mean his sister's just acting as well?

One thing, though: why the scene with the Yakuza thugs?  Guns are _very_ hard to come by in Japan; a couple of teenage punks aren't going to be using them to back up some guy who wants to humiliate Nabiki.  The same scene could be accomplished with guys with sticks, or bats, or even knives - guns just struck me as kind of melodramatic, as was the revelation that the son was the son of a Yakuza guy.  Considering that the yakuza have a legitimate business front in Japan, odds are everyone would have already knows; the teachers probably got taken out to dinner a couple of times by the guy's father, even....

Aside from that, interesting story....
-Mike

noakes_m@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/noakes_m

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