Gary Kleppe wrote:
Well... first of all, it's Principal Kuno, not President Kuno. Though
the latter just has to be spamfic material. For the people who despair
over the current slate of candidates, a reminder that it could always be
worse. :)
son of a BEACH!!! I still don't know how I missed that one...
ah well, that's what drafts are for!
Beyond that, well... I have some trouble accepting the explanations
given in this fic. While it makes sense that Kuno would try to impress
Nabzy by outwitting her, would he really go to such lengths as seen in
the manga? Okay, maybe we can discount the Wishing Sword story (in which
Kuno squandered the wishes that could've fixed Ranma's curse, or even
discovered a cure for cancer) as an isolated incident. But what about
his inciting hordes of students to attack Akane every day before school?
Most of us can still find canon Kuno somewhat likeable, even though he
did this, because he's a schmuck who means well; he doesn't really
understand the harm he's causing. This one does, or at least should.
It's hard not to hold him responsible for stuff like that.
I can understand your points while not entirely agreeing with them. In
this case, regarding Kuno's motivations, and his responsibility for what
he does...well, to begin with, Ranma being a comedy and all, there's
quite a bit that goes on that would be more harmful in reality than it's
taken in the manga/anime.
But aside from that, the Kuno in 'Subterfuge' probably is aware of the
trouble he causes. In this story Kuno's mind is a lot sharper than it
appears - whether or whether his morals are any better, is more
questionable. I mean, he's been trying to get close to a girl by lying
to and tricking her for at least a couple years. I don't know that he
is such a nice guy...but then, Nabiki would walk all over a nice guy....
On Nabiki herself: I think overall she was handled quite well. However,
her criminal-type activities are very fanfic cliche. There's no support
in the manga for Nabiki as the school bookie/loan shark. Now, I'd be
willing to put up with this for the sake of a good fic, but it seems to
me that in your case it's quite unnecessary. As far as I can see, what
you're doing here would work just as well with a more canonical
treatment of Nabiki.
As far as Nabiki's financial activities go, I admit to not having read
all the manga, so am not well-versed in her character there. But in the
anime she definitely does act as a bookie, and even goes so far as to
try to fix matches, or at least influence them, re: Ryoga's first fight
with Ranma, way back when.
Frankly, I was more curious how a highschool student managed to hire
thugs with guns in Tokyo...never underestimate the power of the Yakuza!
I don't want to sound too discouraging here. Your writing was very good,
and it's certainly one of the better first fic attempts I've seen in
quite a while. I just have problems with the premise. I hope to see more
from you.
Thanx! =) While this is one of my first forays into the realm of anime
fanfic, I'm not new to fanfic in general, and I prefer honest C&C to no
comments at all (besides, I can always blame the premise on this one on
my brother; it was his idea after all!)
and I might have another Ranma story up my sleeve, at that...
XmagX