>C&C (of a sort) Below. Snippage throughout.
>
>> Making Kittens
>>
>> A Ranma 1/2 - All-Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku Spamfic
>> By
>> D.F. Roeder
>
>Technical C&C may seem overkill for spamfics, but I think they
>deserve it as much as normal fics. That's why I'm writing this.
Well, overkill is our motto... right? ^_-
>> This spamfic is dedicated to Douglas MacDougall... just
>because. ^_^
>
>This had nothing to do with it. Really. Would I lie to you?
Not at all... :)
>> "Excuse meee for interrup-tiiing!"
>
>KASUMI: Father, did you engage us to Steve Martin?
>
>NABIKI: Ooh, he's cute!
>
>AKANE: "Wild and crazy?" I HATE wild guys!
I see the art of the non-sequitor is alive and well. :)
>> Everyone in the house sat up or disengaged themselves
>from what they
>> had been doing,
>
>making sure their shirts were buttoned up again.
Yup. On the nose.
>> Kasumi passed out of the kitchen, headed for the door.
>"My, how...
>> enthusiastic." The sound of the front door opening was clearly
>> audible to the people in the tearoom.
>
>suggest: stepped out
>or: glided out
>(This avoids any confusion with the other meaning of
>"passed out".)
Agreed.
>Am I to take it then, that Nuku Nuku yelled at the door?
>I'd assumed she was in the house peering over someone's
>shoulder or already talking to Kasumi. Is there any reason
>why she didn't ring the bell?
Is there a bell? I wasn't aware that there was. My understanding is
that people come in through the gate and either knock or call out a
greeting at the door. Besides, the calling out of that phrase (in
Japanese, of course) is a standard greeting call, unless I'm
mistaken on that.
> [Bell rings]
>
>KASUMI: Coming!
>
> [Bell rings]
>
>KASUMI: Just a moment!
>
> [Bell rings]
>
>KASUMI: [opens door] Hello?
>
> [NUKU NUKU is on her back, playing with the bell]
AKANE: Give that back right now!
NUKU NUKU: Nyaaa!
>> "Errr... ... ... Can I help you?"
>
>suggest: Ah...
>or: Ano... (for you Japanese freaks. ^_^)
>("Ah" sounds a little more refined than "Errr".)
Agreed.
>> "Hi! My name is Natsume Atsuko, but call me Nuku Nuku!"
>>
>> Several people face-faulted.
>
>suggest: big sweated
>or: little sweated
>(Facefaults are reactions to outrageous situations;
>this one is just weird.)
Okay.
>> "Ah... Certainly, Nuku Nuku san. What can I do for you?"
>>
>> "Well... What is your name?"
>
>KASUMI: Kasumi Tendo
>
>NUKU NUKU: What is your quest?
>
>KASUMI: To maintain the house.
>
>NUKU NUKU: What is the average air-speed
> velocity of a laden Japanese swallow?
>
>KASUMI: Thirty-seven kilometers per hour.
>
>NUKU NUKU: Oh good! Nuku Nuku can run that fast!
> [dashes away] I'm coming for you, Mr. Birdie!
>
>RUMIA: [deperately flaps] I'm not a swallow!
> Get away from me!
>
>NUKU NUKU: Don't worry! Nuku Nuku will swallow you!
/me puts head in hand and shakes both. At least you got the Python
ref in. ^_^
>> A short pause and a rustle of clothing; Kasumi was
>probably bowing.
>> "My name is Tendou Kasumi. I am pleased to meet you."
>>
>> "I am pleased to meet you, too, Kasumi-san!"
>
>suggest: I'm pleased
>(I believe Nuku Nuku would use the contraction;
>I'll leave Kasumi's formality up to you.)
Unless NN is trying to be mildly formal, here. Hard to say.
>This exchange is awkward, especially with the blunt "what is your
>name" and roundabout "she was probably bowing." As the section
>doesn't actually add anything to the fic, I'd suggest you excise
>it entirely:
Will consider.
>"What can I do for you?"
>
>"I'm looking for..."
>
>Alternatively, when Nuku Nuku gives her name, Kasumi can
>just give her own name then. After the introduction and
>"pleased to meet you," then Kasumi can ask what she wants.
Yes, I think that would work.
>> "I am looking for... for..." Everyone strained and
>leaned towards
>> the door, hearing the crinkle of paper. "Oh! I am looking for
>> Saotome Ranma-san! I am his fiancee! Papa-san, err--" *Crinkle,
>> crinkle.* "Papa-san bailed Genma-san out of jail. Engaged son to
>> daughter if both have... something, something... Did
>that come out
>> right? Is Ranma-san here? I like horsies!"
>
> [Splash]
>
>GIRL RANMA: Hi. I'm Ranma.
>
>NUKU NUKU: But... You're a girl? [poke poke]
>
>GIRL RANMA: [blushing] Draw your own conclusions.
>
>NUKU NUKU: Oh. [pout]
>
>GIRL RANMA: Well, I guess you should be leaving, now...
>
>NUKU NUKU: [deploys ears]
>
>GIRL RANMA: Eep!
>
>NUKU NUKU: [after a few seconds] Don't worry. It's all fixed!
>
>GIRL RANMA: Fixed?
>
>NUKU NUKU: Yes, Mr. Papa didn't realize you were a girl.
>
>GIRL RANMA: Well, these things happen.
>
>NUKU NUKU: So Nuku Nuku called Ryunosuke.
>
>GIRL RANMA: Ryunosuke?
>
>NUKU NUKU: Mr. Papa's son. It looks like he gets to marry you!
>
>GIRL RANMA: Eh?!
>
>NUKU NUKU: Mr. Papa will be very happy. You'll
> be a good wife for Ryunosuke, won't you?
>
>GIRL RANMA: Uh... That is....
>
>NUKU NUKU: Mrs. Mamma won't be happy if you don't treat
> him right. Neither will Nuku Nuku! [frown]
>
>ATTACK HELICOPTER P.A.: Akiko Mishima wishes to speak
> with the girl who wants to marry her son.
>
>NABIKI: [appearing out of nowhere] Akiko Mishima?
> of Mishima Heavy Industries? [eye twinkle]
>
>NUKU NUKU: Nuku Nuku thinks so...
>
>NABIKI: [pulls out magaphone] I am the go-between for
> Miss Saotome. I'll be happy to arrange her wedding
> with young Mr. Ryunosuke.
>
>GIRL RANMA: Hey!
>
>GENMA: This is for your own good, boy!
>
>GIRL RANMA: Pops?!
>
>GENMA: After all, my only so-- (er) daughter will have to have
> the money to support her loving parents as they grow old...
Well, there's not much to add to that... ^_^
>> Akane glowered at Ranma, who cringed. Genma-panda was already
>> packing to leave when he was forced to stop by virtue
>of his son's
>> foot planted firmly in his face. Genma was then allowed
>to take a
>> nap.
>
>punc: stop, by virtue of
>(I think.)
Not so sure about that one. I'll check.
>> "Well, yes," Kasumi said, "he is, but you see, Ranma already has
>> fiancees-- already has a fiancee."
>
>suggest: "Well, yes he is," Kasumi said, "but you see
>(It's better to break the quote apart at the conjunction,
>which is really joining two different sentences already.)
Agreed.
>> "Just, ah, what exactly are you?"
>
>suggest: "If I might ask,
*nods*
>> "I am a real, live, walking, talking, breathing PERSON now!"
>[...]
>> "Well, I was a cat first..."
>
>NUKU NUKU: But then I learned the human fist! Chocolate bars
> were tied around me and I was thrown into a pit of starving
> humans... [sniffle]
Would she not, then, go berserk at the sight of *any* human? ;p
>punc: "Well, I was a cat, first..."
Yup.
>> Ranma went white and started shaking.
>
>suggest: turned white
Yup.
>> "Then Papa-san put me inside an android body, and then I was a
>> girl... sort of."
>
>RANMA: Why would anyone want a cat to pilot a human-sized
> robot? HOW could a cat pilot a human-sized robot?
>
>NABIKI: I think she means that her brain was
> put in the android body. Isn't that right?
>
>NUKU NUKU: A brain? Nuku Nuku doesn't have one of those.
> (Do they taste good?)
Well, now, I truly believe NN was speaking existentially, after a
fashion. I mean, when she speaks of "me" in that context, I believe
she was speaking of that which makes her her, as it were, in which
case one can then construe the particular use of "me" to infer
brain, that being the seat of consciousness for most of us, ahem. On
the other hand--
*BAM!*
AKANE: Gah. I hate existentialism. It's so... Western.
>
>> Much scratching of heads ensued.
>
>NUKU NUKU: Sorry about the flees. Mr. Papa took them off me
> when I was a cat and put them inside android bodies...
Kyusaku: Have to keep the food chain going, yup!
>> "Then a pretty lady came out of the mirror one day and
>said, 'Nuku
>> Nuku, you get a wish!' Well, she didn't say Nuku Nuku.
>She was very
>> formal and called me Natsume Atsuko-san! Anyway, I
>could not decide
>> whether to be a cat again or a girl, but the pretty lady said I
>> could be both!"
>
>Again, this doesn't really add anything to the fic. Indeed, it
>detracts from it; it's a arbitrary addition. A literal feles ex
>machina.
>
>I mean, why does Nuku Nuku have to be a physical cat girl? So
>she can have the title "kittens"? There's plenty of precedent
>for androids in anime that can bear children.
There is?! Such as? At any rate, it is rather clear that Kyusaku did
NOT give her the ability to reproduce in THAT anime, so the
transformation becomes necessary. All other android anime are
irrelevant.
> Is it to set
>Ranma off into the cat mode? Nuku Nuku's deployed ears and
>mannerisms should be plenty for that.
The reason is at the end, and is rather obvious, once one thinks of
'making kittens'.
>> "Is Ranma-san here? Can I at least say hello? I love horsies!"
>
>NUKU NUKU: Mackerel and horsemeat are my two favorite foods!
>
>RANMA: Must run away... Must run away...
LOL!
>> Ranma was waving his hands at the door, mouthing 'NO! NO!'.
>
>Ranma's not within eyeshot of the door, so there's no
>point to waving
>or mouthing; she won't see him. So who is he directing this at?
It's a typical piece of human behavior. Just because someone cannot
see another, doesn't mean they won't do it. The notion of wincing
when no one can see it is the exact same thing, only restricted to
the face. Why do it? It happens, of course.
>> "I, er, suppose it would be okay."
>
>suggest: I... I suppose
>(I'll restate my "Er" comment.)
Right.
>> Footsteps sounded in the hall, and Kasumi appeared in
>the hallway
>> entrance to the tearoom and stepped aside. Everyone
>gasped. A person
>> of intermediate height, Nuku Nuku sported a glorious
>mane of pink
>> hair. Two tufted cat ears rose out of the mass, and
>twitched this
>> way and that. The ears, as well as the visible parts of
>her body not
>> covered with the sundress she wore, were covered in a
>downy tan fur.
>> The sundress was stretched around the chest
>
>in six shapely bulges,
Heh.
>(Fur? That's a little too catlike. ^_^)
That's the point.
>> and loose in the waist.
>> Tabby stripes rose up the back of her neck and
>partially down her
>> arms, one could probably assumed the stripes descended down her
>> back, as well, especially since a similarly marked tail
>flicked in
>> and out of view from behind Nuku Nuku. Her orange eyes
>had slitted
>> irises, and they twinkled merrily.
>
>suggest: Dark stripes rose up the
>("Tabby" is not a color.)
I wasn't suggesting it was. It's a pattern.
>If you're going to make her that catlike, should she look like
>her original cat self? That was light grey with dark stripes.
>Yellow eyes with green irises.
>
>Actually, it would probably be appropriate to have her hair color
>match the dark fur color. Either brown, or (using my suggestion)
>dark grey. But not pink.
>
>[starts counting money marked "Bribe from G.K."]
Ah, yeah. Do try to enjoy the fic, Doug.
>> "Definitely cat! Wheee!" She bent down and whispered in
>his ear. The
>> only word the rest could hear was 'kittens'. Ranma's
>eyes rolled up
>> into his head, and he yowled.
>
>Why didn't Akane (a) step in or (b) knock Ranma out,
>as per her standard operating procedures?
>
>AKANE: Yeah! I'd never let that pass. The price for
> stopping Ranma from being perverted is eternal vigilance!
How often do you see a catgirl, Doug? I expect she's still a little
stunned, although having said that, I see I need to make that
clearer.
Now me, I see an anime catgirl every time I close my eyes, but then,
you probably guessed that. ^_-
>suggest: hot on her striped tail
>(Tabby-striped would be redundant; "tabby" *means* striped.)
Yes, it does, but it further defines the kind and patterning of
stripe.
>> "Nuku Nuku PUNCH!"
>
>KASUMI: My goodness! I never would have
> thought to add catnip to the fruit juice.
A little Hawaiian guy wearing a funky pronged hat walks onstage,
looks around, then leaves. "Forget it."
>> Akane lay in bed, handfuls of bedsheet in her fists.
>
>sp: bed sheet
Yeah, my spell-checker doesn't like it, either. Okay.
>> "ARGH!!!" Akane got out of bed, opened her window, and
>tossed out a
>> barbell, but it was too dark to make out anything below. "Take
>> THAT!" She wished she'd had a bucket of water, but all
>the buckets
>> had been shredded for some strange reason.
>
>Nuku Nuku doesn't know about Ranma's curse, and cat-Ranma doesn't
>have the presence of mind to destroy the buckets. The "for some
>strange reason" feels like a cop out.
>
>You'd be better off not having Akane think about buckets at all.
Well, that was in because someone suggested Akane should have been
thinking about dousing Ranma.
>> ----- Disclaimers -----
>> Ranma 1/2 is the property of Takahashi Rumiko, Shonen
>Sunday Comics,
>> Shogakukan, Fuji, and Kitty TV (Japan), and Viz
>Communications, Inc.
>> (USA).
>
>North America. Unless you consider Canada the Maple Leaf
>State. :j
>(Think carefully before you answer. Two of the FFML moderators
>come from the Great White North. ;)
Ah, right. :)
>> All-Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku (Banno Bunka Nekomusume)
>> characters and situations are copyright 1992 Movic/King
>Records/Yuzo
>> Takada/Futaba Sha. This work is not intended to infringe those
>> rights. (Thanks to Vince Seifert for the BBN disclaimer.)
>
>Bolt, Beranek and Newman hold rights to Nuku Nuku?
>BBN: Well, we DID invent the Internet...
>MARKETING GUY: Buy your very own Android NK 1124 unit! They're
> standards compliant! Not like that proprietary "Multi" robot.
MULTI: I just sweep floors all day. What do I know? Who are Bolt,
Beranek, and Newman, anyway?
>
>----
>
>I've seen Ranma crossovers with All Purpose Cultural Cat
>Girl where Ranma turns into a cat and plays with Nuku Nuku.
>Likewise he plays with Ryo-Ohki in Tenchi crossovers.
>
>I hate those fics. ^_^;
Ah.
>Ranma doesn't like cats, even when he is one. Remember how he
>treated the cats Gosunkugi collectedfor him, and the ghost cat
>(version one)? That he would for "some strange reason" be
>amorous with Nuku Nuku stretches my credulity to the breaking
>point.
Well, if NN as a *real* catgirl by virtue of divine intervention --
or having an android spontaneously become capable of giving birth in
a series in which that capacity most probably doesn't exist --
doesn't stretch your credulity in the first place, I'm not sure the
criticism has much merit.
Isn't there something in the definition of spamfic that says people
don't always react the way you expect?
>Sorry, but after Ranma started chasing Nuku Nuku, the story
>lost all appeal for me.
[See definition of spamfic above.]
>That aside, the fic could be a little stronger. Be vicious
>cutting out parts that don't build directly to the conclusion.
*nods*
>You might want to remove the first reference to "kitties," as
>it steals the thunder from the end.
That's a thought.
>On a positive note,
/me falls out of chair.
> I'm happy to see that Ranma wasn't trying
>to get in touch with his feminine side at all. For that matter,
>he was male for the entire fic! You've finally broken your
>typecasting, Dave! Congratulations! :D
Gah. :)
*******************************************
D.F. Roeder
FanFiction - http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html