Hey, Brian!
Um... Mr. Author Sir, please don't hurt me!
On your knees, peasant! ^_^
I _still_ haven't gotten
around to reading the previous chapters (before 5, I mean).
Well, at least it's good to know the story can be interesting even if you
haven't read the initial chapters.
Oops? ^_^;;
I'll say. ^_^
So, once more, this chapter may be a little light on the sort of C&C
that can pick up on continuity errors and such - sorry. But for
everything else... I'm gonna drop the sights right on this sucker and
let fly with the big guns, man!
No prob. Actually, I really hope there aren't so many continuity errors, but
who knows?
INCOMING!!!
MAN #1: Is it a bird?
MAN #2: Is it a plane?
MAN #3: Is it... a missile?!
LATIN_D: No, it's... Brian The Nitpicker's C&C!
^_^
Well, I _could_ offer excuses for the delay. I could... and I will. ^_^
"Away for some time", "busy with other works" and a lots of others work.
Sorry; I'll try to be quicker next time. Someday, I'll be as fast as
Morgan Hudson, or Jamie Wilde, or Sparky Clarkson, you'll see.
Hey, you're doing better than I am. I've yet to finish the draft of
AGA: Amazon Nights, or even PtE 3. Sigh.
Or Reality War 3, for that matter. SIGH.
Well, there IS a reason you're not on that little list. :-P
(I'll write again, I swear! Just... I need some sleep first, please!
;)
Why do you need sleep? That's what caffeine is for!
Really! I promise!
I'll remember... ^_~
And I, as always, am begging for any and all C&C you can send me. Public
is wonderful, but I prefer public, okay? Pleeeease...? Drop me a line,
and
telll me what you think of the chapter.
Hmm. Public or private, public or private... I can't decide; I must
do them both!
(no hentai jokes, please - it _was_ an unfortunate turn of phrase,
I'll admit. :)
Aw, you're no fun. ^_^
After the long-winded notes, let's get on with the fic, shall we?
Yeah! About time, bucky. :)
Another person that misses the deep meaning of these notes...
Thrusters ignited, and the SDF-1 trembled with the unbound power
Obligatory Nit-Pick Which You Can Ignore Since It's Just Me Being,
Well, Picky: The SDF-1's engines are, technically, bound, since they're
under control...
Gah.
Maybe the term you meant was "boundless"?
Actually, I meant just that: "unbound", as I really didn't care whether they
were controlled or not--it was an stylistic touch that I liked. HOWEVER, if
it bothers you, I change it for "boundless", which is also good.
supercarriers Daedalus and Prometheus were missing. After being made
airtight and operational once again, both carriers had been linked to
the battle fortress in record time, and were now integral parts of it.
One of these days, I'm gonna put together a LEGO model of the SDF-1,
with the Daedalus and Prometheus attached. Why, I don't know... but it'll
be cool. :)
Heheheh. A model of the SDF-1? I wish you luck; you'll need it. That, and
lots of free time.
[snip]
Four letters, a world of evil.
even homicidal demons could phase him in the slightest. That is, until
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHH!!!!!
*pantpantpant*
*glare*
O_O
I see this WAAAAAY too often, and I'm gonna speak up here - sorry,
Latin, but you get to be the scapegoat. :)
Why do I always get to be the scapegoat? I'm a good guy, y'know?
It's _NOT_ -- repeat, *_NOT_* -- "phase", people. It is "faze". From
the dictionary:
<SNIP PHASE/FAZE RANT/EXPLANATION>
Oookay. I checked it up, and you're so right, it hurts. On my favor I can
say that I saw it used so many times before, I didn't even consider it could
be wrong. Won't happen again.
[snip]
Since you already were roasted over the "her" vs. "his" usage, I'll
let it slide, just this once. :)
Hey, I have one very logical explanation for that mess. I'd repeat it, but
the public has condemned me already. ^_^
"So, Ranko," Lena ranted on, apparently not noticing the young
Suggest: ranted -> rattled, rambled, went, etc.
"ranted" suggests that she was angry about whatever she's talking
about.
Right you are. Consider it fixed.
"Well," Ranma said, more confident now, "he was on a trip with
his pop, training. That's how he got as good as he is, y'know."
Not that it's all that important, but I'm especially reminded of
Paragon, by Mr. Haynie, throughout this section. :) They're totally
different, but it's Ranma doing the same thing - describing his male side
while he's in his female form, to a stranger who is not aware of his, er,
double nature.
I hadn't realized it, but, now that you mention it, they have something in
common. Of course, this Ranko doesn't go starry-eyed when talking about her
"hero". ^_^
[snip]
"Um, sure, but I really oughta get going now. I'm really tired,
and I still gotta go to get my ration at the Refugees' Center..."
It was common those days for the civilian refugees to spend hours on end
standing on line, waiting to get the frugal rations of food that the
army distributed. The biggest problem was that the ship hadn't been
prepared for supporting the entire population of Macross, and while the
food supply saved from the shelters was considerable,
and the frozen seaweed, fish, oysters, clams, etc from the transported
beach and sea....
Yes, okay, but the water was frozen. How could they extract the fish, etc.
from it? Unless they actually brought big cubes of ice to the ship, and let
them defrost.
Which makes me wonder where the heck that _enormous_ tuna fish Rick and
Minmei saw came from, as the waters supposedly froze instantly after the
force field disappeared... Another of those incidents only explained as
"Protoculture's side effects", I guess.
(hey, if _I_ thought of it, I guarantee that THEY did ;)
You have a point there... ^_^
"Oh, but you _have_ to stay a little longer." Ranma's surrogate
aunt seemed very disappointed. "There's so much I want to ask you. I'm
very fond of Ranma, you know, and I want to learn more about him. He's
just so... reserved! By the way, Ranko, is he as healthy as he seems?"
Lena asked, winking mischievously.
*sputter**choke**wheeze*
Bwwaahh haha hah hah! *gasp* Oh, man, the look on his... er, her ...
face would have been PRICELESS!
Yes, it was. Believe me; I saw it right here, on my mind.
By the way, you owe me a new monitor and keyboard. Diet Coke just
does NOT go well with electronics, especially when introduced as a
high-pressure stream, such as that provided by a hysterically-laughing
otaku who just took a drink as he read that line...
Hey, thanks a lot! (Do you notice the irony here? ^_^)
[snip]
"Ouch!" Clutching the back of his head in pain, he hurried out of
Just a minor grammatical thing, but I think it'd read easier -- and be
more effective -- if you seperated the exclamation "Ouch!" from the next
sentence, like so:
"Ouch!"
Clutching the back of his head ...
Technically, they're both correct... but the second is more common. :)
I'm nothing but a gambler that always observes the rules, so if you say it's
so, I'll change it.
[snip]
the town. In the weeks he had known him, the man had never worn a
tie--hardly the common, sweet-talking, black-suited politician he was
Ever wondered about the fact that we're all familiar with the
Men-In-Black concept (and I'm not talking about the movie here), and yet,
Aw, but I _like_ the movie. What about a MiB/Ranma fusion? Like "Anything
Goes Archeologists", but with a twist:
AGENT R: C'mon, Pop! We can't let the 'roach leave the planet!
AGENT G: You're right, Ranma... It's all yours! *runs away*
AGENT R: Come back, POP!
AGENT G: *yells over his shoulder* Don't let your planet down, boy! Make
your father proud!
Think about it. ^_~
we still accept it when politicians, who fit the image rather nicely,
profess
to be our friends?
The scary thing is that some people actually believe they work, or that they
even care!
Just something to think about... ;)
The world seems dark, lonely and oh-so-dangerous right now... Thanks! ^_^
(Open your eyes--there could be a politician waiting in the shadows.)
"Sure," Ranma said, not turning around, "no problem." Only when
he reached the first floor did he realized the real meaning of this new
turn of events: there was only one spare bedroom in the White Dragon,
and it was the one he was currently occupying, so that meant... Oh,
crap.
This was going to be messy.
Oy, vey. Rick and Ranma, roommates. Yeesh. :)
Yup. This was going to be developed in chapter 7, but after reading the C&C
I got, I'll put some scenes in ch6 when I get to revise it.
Hey - the R&R Project! (if anyone gets this, I'll be amazed - and, I
wanna talk to you, ASAP!)
Er, something to do with the Blair Witch Project? Or with M&Ms?
...Okay, I didn't get it. Sue me. ^_^
"Sensors register defold activity, sir!" Vanessa's voice cut
through the bridge with infinite clarity.
Eh... I dunno. I'd say something like:
Vanessa's voice cut through the clamor on the bridge with crystal
clarity.
Rather than the, frankly, hard-to-grasp term 'infinite clarity'.
Um, yes. Though I liked "infinite clarity", hard-to-grasp as it was,
"crystal clarity" sounds more fitting.
Maybe it's just me. :)
Maybe. ^_^
[snip]
Roy strolled up to the table shared by the Lynn family and Ranma
and flashed one of his patented grins. Ranma's trained eye observed the
secure, confident, evenly-measured steps he employed, knowing them to be
reserved to accompished martial artists, and made a mental note to get
him as a sparring partner.
Yeah, that's Ranma - always looking for a fight.
(ba-da-thump!)
Heheh. A guy has to have his priorities, they say. And Ranma's are these:
the Art (first and foremost), food, a cure, food, avoiding fiancees, a cure,
and just a bit more food. That's what happens when you live with Genma for
ten years, y'know.
Oh, and BTW: accompished -> accomplished
Crap! Where do all these typos come from? Consider it trapped, processed,
and exterminated, Brian!
After the greetings were exchanged, the blond pilot turned his
attention to Minmei. "Good to see you again, Minmei. I heard my
perverted buddy is here with you?"
I _really_ expected Ranma to react to this. C'mon - wouldn't it have
been in character?
"Hey, who are you callin' a pervert?!"
Heheh. Maybe if a woman were saying it... ^_^
Minmei looked disconcerted for a moment. "Oh," she said at
length, "you mean Rick. Yes, he's upstairs, resting."
"Minmei," Max intervened, "why don't you go and wake Rick up?"
Why go there? She could do it from here. All she has to do is sing -
that'd wake EVERYONE up, and I include the dead in that statement.
And they say Genma gets bashed too often... No one likes Minmei!
(No, I do _not_ like Minmei's voice actress. Why do you ask? :)
I know better than asking, m'friend. ^_~
Actually, I--maybe not "liked", but was used to Minmei's voice when she sang
in English. Then I went and bought "Macross, Do You Remember Love?" in
Japanese... Let's just say that the change was jarring. I found myself
forwarding Minmei's songs many, many times.
But the movie was great.
"Oh, is that so, Fokker?" Ranma asked, a grin of his own in his
lips. He didn't know who was the first one that had used the last name
to call the other, but now it was almost a tradition whenever they met.
"Well, let's go outside."
And a continuity error! Yay! (maybe)
Nooooooooo! ... ...Wait, where? ^_^
Obviously, if they've gotten to the point where they have a
'tradition' (of sorts) about their names, then they've known each other
for
at least a short time, no?
Yes...
So why is Ranma only NOW noticing that Roy is an 'accomplished martial
artist'?
Good point. However, I only said Ranma observed Roy's steps. I never said he
was observing them for the first time. He _could_ have made the mental note
many times before, I think.
But I'll make this clearer. It's good to know you're paying attention,
Brian! ^_^
"Well, y'know we're short-handed nowadays, dontcha?" Seeing Ranma
nodding hesitantly, he continued, "I'll be blunt, Saotome, we need
pilots. There're more Veritechs than people capable of flying 'em,
and--"
"Not interested, thanks," Ranma interrupted, frowning.
Aw, but why not? Think about it: excitement, adventure, really wild
things... er... okay, considering your prior life, I guess that's not all
that attractive after all...
Heheh. The truth is, his answer has to do with that background you know
nothing about (;-p). In fact, some people told me Ranma's decision felt
rushed (while others said it didn't), so I'll be making some changes
suggested to me to make the transition martial artist-pilot smoother (thanks
Mage, Jason!).
"Attention, all hands to battle stations. Attention, all hands to
battle stations," the voice blared though the ship's PA system. "This is
not a drill; I repeat: this is not a drill."
"It is, in fact, a hammer. And it's coming down... on us."
LOL!
There's something so appealing about bad jokes... ^_^
"Think about it," Roy repeated, before whirling around and
running towards a jeep parked nearby. "See ya!" Soon enough, the
four-seat vehicle was speeding down the street, losing itself in the
city's considerable traffic.
Yeah, 'cause, y'know, the best time to cruise the strip is right after
an air-raid warning (or the equivalent). You get all the babes that way.
Riight.
Do I sense sarcasm in your voice? Naah, it can't be.
Okay, I'll stop being sarcastic, and instead point out that I'd
suggest giving us a REASON for the traffic, since there IS a warning in
effect at this point, and I'd imagine most people would be running for the
shelters and CLEARING the streets - I'd be surprised, honestly, if the
SDF didn't have a policy that enforced it. Clearing the streets, I mean.
During an emergency, they've gotta be able to shift equipment quickly,
right?
Okay, during that first modular transformation, Macross was a chaos (always
according to McKinney's novels--we love you, Jackie!). For example, many
people failed to go to the shelters and wandered throught the streets like
brainless idiots. Besides, I really doubt that, even if the populace tried
to clear the streets after hearing Lisa's announcement, they could do it in
the little time required for Roy to get into his jeep and start it.
I'll see what I can do, though, to make it clear people weren't on a
shopping spree after the warning.
Ranma watched him go, before shaking his head and entering back
into the restaurant. The table was nearly deserted now, as Minmei, Jason
Redundant; if he's 'entering' the restaurant, he's already going 'back
into' it. Just use 'entering'.
Yup...
and Lena seemed to have left. Its only occupant, Max, was looking to him
suggest: looking to -> looking at
...yup...
in curiously, but didn't say anything until Ranma himself was seated.
in curiously -> in curiousity
...and yep. See? I even put all the errors close to each other so you could
find them easily. ^_^
Will fix.
"Because I'm not a soldier," Ranma spat, a bit irked at the other
man's insistence. "Because war has no honor. Because I don't use
weapons. Because I'm not a killer. Take your pick; they all work for
me."
Because war has no honor? Er... I'd be inclined to think that Ranma
wouldn't agree with that statement.
The weapons and killer parts, yes. The war part? No.
Um, you think so? Remember this Ranma grew up in Global Civil War times, and
something like that can modify the way you look at things. I've added some
references to this throughout the initial chapters, but this is my opinion:
would Ranma, a person used to hand-to-hand, eye-to-eye, skill-to-skill
fights, a man that always tries to defend his name and honor, agree with
war, where someone pushes a button and suddenly a million people die?
This is a matter than can be discussed endlessly, and, in fact, I've had my
fair share of discussions because of it (you again, FFIRC guys! ^_^). Let's
just say that Ranma's opinion will change with time.
(Although I'd think that even Ranma would recognize the fact that it's
rather hard to fight someone in outer space while your blood is boiling in
your veins and your flesh is freezing solid... Thus, the need for
protective outerwear. :)
Heheheh. Knowing Ranma, he'd only recognize it _when_ his blood were boiling
and his flesh were freezing. ^_^
'Crap,' thought Ranma, struggling to stay alive. 'You were right, Uncle
Henry; I should've worn the spacesu--'
^_^
("And in fashion news: Emil Lang, the famous designer, has revealed
his new spring line of protective outerwear! The new VT's shown here
are decked out in all the latest in designer destruction devices, and
painted in HOT colors! With these, the stylish VT pilot can be confident
that he or she will be the talk of the skies as they demolish the enemy
forces. Back to you, Bob..."
Okay, that was wrong. Sorry. :)
LOL! ^_^;;
Well, Morgan, there's another spamfic begging NOT to be written. These
babies pop up everywhere!
[snip]
The Zentraedi vessel closed on the SDF-1, weapons at the ready.
Responding to the threat with swiftness, the battle fortress
regurgitated its own mecha, which quickly swooped around to face the
incoming pods. A furious dogfight ensued, dozens of pods and Veritechs
erupting in flames at the same time. The rapid fire of the SDF-1's
batteries and gun turrets and the VFs' Gattling rounds met Zentraedi
And, as always, I can't help but wonder how many pilots' last words
were, "Dammit, you idiots, you're hitting MEEEEE-" *boom*
Heh. Don't know about the RDF pilots, but the Zentraedi ones...
ZENTRAEDI PILOT: Be careful! You're gonna hit me!
COMMANDER: And your point is...?
ZENTRAEDI PILOT: GO F-- *BOOM*
The Micronians hadn't fired the ship's main gun, Breetai noted to
his utter puzzlement. What reason could they possess to forsake their
most powerful weapon? Such incomprehensible behavior...
Ah, yes, Humanity's most powerful secret weapon: unpredictability. :)
It practically won the FRW all by itself... and the second... and the
third...
[snipp-o]
Everything with "-o" is good, I tell you.
Jason caught his breath, not believing his ears. What? They were
going to leave Ranma alone during an alert? No, he could not permit it.
As Ranma always said, it was the duty of a martial artist to protect
those he cares about. If they weren't going to do anything, then he
would have to look for his sensei.
D'OH!
The child has his logic. I'm sure if you dig deep enough you'll find it,
too.
Stealthily moving towards the door, Jason gingerly opened it wide
enough for his little body to fit through. He slid past the narrow space
and, not bothering to close the door, simply sprinted up the street,
knowing he would reach the park in no time.
Ranma would be so proud.
Yeesh. Kids.
Tell me about it. My little brother is a pest.
...But he's a chick magnet, too. ^_^
[snip]
Gloval was aware that the ship couldn't withstand the attack for
much longer. A new cannon bolt hit a nearby battery, and Gloval could
see through the forward viewport as the lifeless bodies of the gunners
floated away in the vacuum. Something snapped within him.
"That's enough! We're firing the main gun!" he yelled, enraged.
"THAT's it, this chick is TOAST!"
Heheh. Yeah, something like that, Fokker. ^_^
The park was all but deserted, and Ranma was thankful for this. A
break to sort himself out, that's what he needed. There was something
unreal about the whole situation, about the park itself. Perhaps it was
the continuous, unnatural breeze that constantly ran through the closed
environment of the ship's vast insides, or the eerie metallic ceiling
that hung over the city. Perhaps it was the importance of the decision
Oh, they haven't implemented the artificial sky yet?
Nope. IIRC, the EVE experts didn't get around to doing that till Rick
finished his training.
[snip rest]
You've got some seriously good work here, man. One issue that I
_would_ have yelled about has already been hashed to death -- namely,
Rick's lack of screen time -- and I don't really have any other
complaints.
About Rick, well, I'm working on that. Some of the Ranma-Rick interaction I
had planned for ch7 will go in ch6, instead. I've learned many thing from
all this. One of the things I now know is that Rick's fans are a force to be
reckoned with. ^_^
Very nice work, my friend. Looking forward to more!
Thank, Brian! I'll get to revising ch6 ASAP! Now you go and get to write!
^_^
Thanks for the great comments one more time!
See you!
Latin_D