Hi!

Thanks, as always, Gary, for the great C&C.  I'd recipocrate, but that would require another chapter of HaM, no? <hint> ;)

>     Yeah, I'll bet, Nabiki thought.  But you'd be surprised
>how quickly you get used to that kind of thing.  "It was
>terrible!" Ms. Suzuki said, nearly in tears.  "Hiro-chan and I
>were cuddling, it being a Thursday night, you know, our special
>night, and. . . ."

HIRO: Hey! Cuddling wasn't *that* terrible!
MRS. S: It might help if you showered first, dear.

You just swoop down on those ambiguities like a... um, like a nasty swooping-thing, don't you? <grin>

>     Ranma knelt, and Genma resumed his position opposite
>him.  The young martial artist listened with rapt attention as his
>father and teacher began to speak on the last lesson he would
>ever pass on to his son.
RANMA: Hurry up, Pop! The narrator says you're gonna kick the bucket in
this fic!

Damn narrator!  Too bad people never listen to him more.

RANMA: ...could color my hair lime green?
AKANE: Oh. Uh, sure. It's not like anyone will notice.

I was waiting for a hair-colour commentary to pop up at some point. <grin>  I'm just surprised it took three chapters - you swooped down on Choices at the first.... ;)

>Ukyou mourned that lost of
>what had been the closest, perhaps, to a mother she had ever
>known -- and she was determined to regain that closeness
>again.  So she turned back towards the woman, doing what she
>could to avoid the fat man standing next to her, and tried to
>strike up a conversation once again.

UKYO: Oh, hi, Mrs. Saotome! How about this weather! Think Ranma will
marry Akane? Oops! I wasn't going to mention that. Have you eaten yet?
Think they're having sex up there right now? Ack! I mentioned it again!

Ukyou's a tough person to write fairly.  I mean, she's basically a nice person, but with a really nasty violent streak in her.  A bit like Akane, actually, except Akane's not capable of the level of deception Ukyou is.  Hard to balance between showing Ukyou as nice, and Ukyou as nasty.

>     "Pig-tailed girl!" exclaimed Tatewaki Kuno, rushing
>forward to grab him in a tight embrace.  "My heavenly beauty,
>my vision of eternal radiant beauty, how I have missed thee,
>how I have yearned for thee, how I have. . . ."
What, no comment on his make-up?

Gonna catch that on the revision.

"Hey?" That's not a very Kuno-esque thing to say.

And that.

>     Her father looked as gallant as she had ever seen him,
>wearing the old brown dogi which had carried him through his
>travels with Genma and Happosai.  He stood stoically by the

Shouldn't he be wearing his samurai armor?

That I'm iffy on.  It's true, he often gets decked out in full warrior gear, but those are usually in comic situations.  I'd imagine for a real fight, he's stick with the more manoueverable dogi, especially if he's gonna be using some Anything Goes.  Then again, a lot of people have commented on this, so I might be changing it.

Not much to say here.... I like the story so far; the mix of action and
good character development seems just right. Looking forward to more of
this or of Choices.

Many thanks!  I'm going to be sticking with LtCF for one more chapter, since I feel like I've picked up a bit of steam with it; then I'll switch back to CHoices.  I didn't comment on the grammatical stuff you C&Ced - my grammar's crap, so I'll probably just be implementing most of it.

Later, and again, thanks!
Mike

noakes_m@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/noakes_m

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