This chapter explains a lot of the mysteries in the story so far... so
you can breathe a sigh of relief. Go on, I'm sure no one's looking.
*sigh* That's the way. Send C&C, questions, adoration... whatever.
Ranma � -- A Deadly Choice
Chapter 11: Yin and Yang Collide! Ranma�s Mixed-up Mishap
Akane felt a strange presence as someone sat down beside her. �Go
away,� she sobbed.
�Akane, what�s wrong?� asked Nabiki. �Does this have something to do
with Ranma?� Akane nodded without looking up. �What did he do to you
this time?�
�He � he �� Akane�s voice cracked as she realized how ludicrous what
she was about to say was.
�What?� asked Nabiki. �What did he do?�
�He broke our engagement!� said Akane quickly.
Nabiki stared with wide eyes for several seconds. Then, she hugged
Akane. �That�s great news! You should be happy!�
�Why should I be happy?� snapped Akane. �He hates me now!�
�Look at it this way,� said Nabiki, undaunted. �If he broke off the
engagement, that means that he must have accepted it at some point. Once
this whole thing blows over and he�s forgotten why he was angry at you,
you�ll be closer than ever.�
�He�s not going to forget this,� moaned Akane. �I just know it!� She
turned away from Nabiki. Nabiki grabbed Akane�s head and turned it,
staring at Akane�s neck. �What are you doing?�
�Looks like you two had quite a fight,� said Nabiki. ��Broke up� may
be an understatement.�
�Ranma didn�t do that,� said Akane. �Razor did it.�
�You were shaving?�
�No, Razor is Cologne�s new helper. He�s the demon who kidnapped
Kodachi and Ukkyo.�
Nabiki straightened up. �Ukkyo�s been kidnapped too?�
�We went to the Cat Caf� to check it out, and Razor attacked me.
Ranma saved me and carried me here. I was pretty weak from blood loss
and tried to kiss him.� Akane stopped suddenly, wondering why she was
telling her sister all of this. When she looked up into Nabiki�s eyes,
she saw nothing but sympathy.
�He got angry at you for trying to kiss him? He�s touchy, isn�t he?�
�That�s not it. When I kissed him, I got this weird feeling like my
whole face was being smothered in slime.�
�He�s that bad a kisser?� asked Nabiki. �I thought handsome guys
always kissed well.�
�It wasn�t Ranma�s fault,� replied Akane. �I�ve been getting these
weird feelings all day, since that nightmare about the demon. But Ranma
thought it was his fault and � and...� She trailed off.
�It�s okay, Akane,� said Nabiki. �It�ll blow over. It always does.�
�I don�t know. He sounded really serious this time.�
�There you are!� shouted a familiar and very unwelcome voice.
�Let me handle this,� said Nabiki, placing a hand on Akane�s
shoulder.
�Akane, Ranma, I found you at last,� said Mousse. �Did you see which
way Razor went? I�m going to kill him!� He gestured so violently that a
spiked ball on a chain flew from his sleeve.
�Look out!� shouted Akane, pushing Nabiki off of the bench just in
time.
�I saw which way he went,� said Nabiki in a perfect impression of
Ranma�s voice. �Down the street you just came from, five blocks on the
left. He went through the big wooden gate.�
�Don�t think this means I�ve forgiven you for stealing Shampoo�s
heart,� said Mousse, reeling in his mace. �I�ll be back to kill you
later.� He turned down the street Nabiki had indicated.
�Nabiki,� admonished Akane, �you don�t know where Razor is.�
�Of course not,� said Nabiki with a laugh. �I was just collecting on
a debt.�
Akane stared at her sister, uncomprehending. �Whatever.�
�Look, just forget about Ranma for now,� said Nabiki. �He�ll come to
his senses eventually. Meanwhile, you need to do something to take your
mind off of him.�
�Like what?�
Nabiki shrugged. �Hey, comforting my sister is part of my job.
Entertaining, I charge for.�
Akane sighed. �Let�s just go home. Maybe a nice hot bath will relax
me.�
*************************************************
Mousse pushed open the heavy wooden gate and stepped through,
pausing only briefly to stare at the sign beside the door. �I wish I
could figure out what happened to my glasses.� As he pushed the gate
closed, a strange cackle echoed through the garden in which he found
himself.
�Come in, come in. I always enjoy visitors.�
�Is that you, Razor?� asked Mousse, casting about for signs of life.
�You�re speaking forwards.�
�I have no idea who this �Razor� is, but I know who you are.
Mousse.�
�You have the advantage of me, then,� said Mousse. �I�m looking for
Razor.�
�You won�t find him here,� replied the voice. �In fact, you�ll never
leave this place alive.�
�What? What are you �� Mousse was cut short as the ground opened
beneath his feet and he plummeted into the darkness.
�Ha ha! One of my traps finally works! Master Kuno will be so
pleased!� Sasuke dropped to the ground and raced for the staircase that
led to the labyrinth below. �I wonder what happened to him...�
*************************************************
�At last, my labor is nearly at an end!� shouted Kuno. �Soon, I will
be able to once again pursue Akane Tendo and the beautiful pigtailed
girl!� He grabbed another dirty plate and dropped it into the sink.
�Yeah, yeah,� said the chef. �Just keep washin� �em till I says ya
can stop.�
�Such outrageous prices,� spat Kuno. �How could I have expected that
merely securing a table would deplete my funds completely! If only I had
brought my credit cards...�
�I�ve heard the story a million times,� replied the chef. �Shut up
and keep washing those dishes!�
�Finished!� shouted Kuno. �The last plate of my quota sparkles like
the sun!�
�Great,� said the chef. �Now get outta here before I gets sick a the
sight a ya.�
�Now Ranma, prepare yourself!� shouted Kuno, waving his bokken to
punctuate his statement. �I will rid the world of your lechery once and
for all!� The crash of a hundred dishes interrupted Kuno�s bold
declaration. Wordlessly, he sheathed his bokken and set to work on
another stack of dirty dishes.
*************************************************
Kasumi looked up from watering the flowers as Ranma stormed out of
the house. �For the last time,� he shouted at the closed door, �you�re
not going to talk me out of this!�
�Oh dear,� murmured Kasumi to herself. �They�re fighting again. I�d
better stay out of this.�
�Listen, boy,� said Genma. �You have a duty to the Saotome school of
Anything Goes...� Genma screamed, followed by a loud splash from the
backyard.
�This whole thing was your fault in the first place, Pop!� yelled
Ranma.
�Ranma, are you really going back to China and leaving Akane
behind?� asked Soun.
�Look, I never asked to be engaged to Akane, and I don�t want her!�
�What�s not to love?� asked Happosai. �Akane�s full bosom covers a
sweet innocence that�s simply irresistible!�
�Then why don�t YOU marry her?�
�You disappoint me, Saotome,� said Soun. Kasumi heard the sound of a
marker writing on a sign.
�What do you mean, I�ll come to my senses, Pop?� asked Ranma. �I�m
not staying around here any longer, and that�s final!�
�So what are you planning to do in China?� asked Soun. �Try once
again to find the Spring of Drowned Man?�
�Maybe,� said Ranma. �Maybe I�ll just settle down in China and deal
with my curse. Maybe I�ll bring Shampoo back with me. After all, she�s
the only fianc�e I have left.�
Kasumi�s curiosity finally burst its dam. �What are you talking
about, Ranma?� she asked. �What happened to Akane?�
�Nothing happened to me!� shouted Akane from the gate. �What�s going
on here?�
�Ranma�s leaving!� explained Kasumi, turning to Akane. �I think he�s
upset about something.�
�Kasumi!� shouted Ranma. �Watch what you�re doing!�
Kasumi turned the hose away from Ranma. �Oops. Sorry about that.�
Ranma stared at her dripping clothes and suitcase. �I�m NOT going to
China like this.�
Akane clenched her teeth. �I�ll go get some hot water.�
�Why bother?� asked Ranma. �Not like my gender matters to you.�
�Is that how you think I feel, Ranma?� asked Akane. She ran into the
house before Ranma could see that she was crying.
�What�s with her?� asked Ranma.
�You should know,� said Nabiki angrily. �You broke up with her.�
�She made it perfectly clear that she doesn�t want me,� replied
Ranma.
�She did nothing of the sort,� said Nabiki. �You just misinterpreted
what she said. Maybe you should give her a chance to apologize.�
�Right,� said Ranma. �Like Akane would ever apologize to me for
anything. She�d just yell at me and call me a jerk, and then hit me with
something.�
�Time to find out,� muttered Nabiki.
Ranma gave a start and turned to find Akane fuming right behind her.
�Ranma, you really are a jerk!� she shouted, raising the teakettle over
her head.
�Akane, I didn�t mean it, really,� Ranma began.
�Oh, be careful of the flowers,� warned Kasumi, turning once again.
�Watch the hose!� shouted Ranma as Akane turned the teakettle over
and smashed it onto Ranma�s head. The hot water ran down Ranma�s left
side as the cold hose water splashed him from the right. Ranma removed
the teakettle from atop his head and looked down at himself. His left
half had become male again, but his right half was still female. �What
happened?� he asked in a voice only slightly higher-pitched than his
usual male voice.
�Oh my god!� cried Akane. �Ranma, you�re half-boy, half-girl!�
�I noticed,� said Ranma matter-of-factly. �Kasumi, could you give me
some cold water, please?�
�I�m afraid I don�t have any here,� said Kasumi.
�The hose?�
�Oh.� Kasumi sprayed Ranma liberally with the hose.
�Nothing happened,� remarked Nabiki.
�I know that!� snapped Ranma. �Obviously, I�ll have to become
completely male instead.�
�I�ll get some more hot water,� said Akane quickly. She ran into the
house to refill the teakettle, praying that the hot water would work.
�Come on, slowpoke!� shouted Ranma. �I don�t want to spend the whole
day like this!�
�Why does he make me so angry all the time?� Akane asked herself as
she made her way outside with the hot water. She poured the water onto
Ranma�s head and waited.
�Looks like he�s stuck that way,� said Nabiki at last.
�Stuck?� asked Ranma, beginning to panic. �I can�t be stuck like
this! There�s got to be some way to get me back to normal!�
�I�m sorry, Ranma,� said Akane. �I�m out of ideas. I�m really
sorry.�
�That�s just great!� yelled Ranma. ��Sorry� is really going to help
now!�
�I�m so- I mean, I really don�t know what to do!�
�You�ve done enough,� said Ranma. �Just leave me alone.� He sighed
and made his way back into the house. Akane started after him, but a
hand clapped her on the back, knocking the air out of her lungs.
�Great job, Akane!� said Soun Tendo. �You�ve convinced him to stay!�
Happosai jumped up and hugged Akane�s chest. �Well done! I always
knew you had enough brains to match your ample ��
Akane pounded Happosai in the head. �Why are you feeling me? What
happened to that book of yours?�
�Oh, I still have it,� said Happosai, rubbing his head, �but there�s
no substitute for a warm bosom!�
�Well, you�ll have to find a substitute for mine!� she shouted,
storming into the house.
�My, she seems touchy today,� Soun whispered to Genma. Genma simply
nodded.
�MUST BE THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.�
�Indeed,� agreed Soun. �You know women well.�
*************************************************
Ranma stared into the mirror, cringing at the sight of himself. His
hair was black on one side and red on the other, with a dividing line
running right through the middle. His pigtail was a candy-cane swirl of
color. A single breast disrupted the shape of his manly chest, and his
left arm and leg were each longer than their counterpart on the right.
�Now I really am a freak,� he moaned to himself.
�Ranma,� said Akane from the door.
Ranma turned to her, and she shrank backwards despite herself.
�Yeah, that�s right,� said Ranma. �You happy now? You always said I was
a pervert. Is this what you meant?�
�Ranma, I really am sorry. I didn�t mean to offend you earlier.�
�Yeah, whatever,� said Ranma as he sat down heavily on the floor.
Akane choked back her anger. �I�m trying to apologize here! The
least you could do is accept it!�
�Accepted, all right?� said Ranma dismissively. �You always say you
never wanted that engagement in the first place. I thought you�d be
happy it�s over at last.�
Ryoga poked his head in the window. �What�s that I hear? The
engagement�s off?�
�Butt out, Ryoga,� said Ranma.
Ryoga stared at Ranma. �You look different, somehow.�
Ranma turned to glare at Ryoga. �I got stuck between forms, that�s
what happened. I bet you�re happy about this, aren�t you? I�m not going
to stand between you and Akane anymore.�
�Really?� asked Ryoga before he caught himself. �Ranma, how could
you say such a thing? Akane�s given you the best years of her life! You
have no right to throw them away like that!� Oh please, he prayed, don�t
let me be able to talk him out of it.
�It�s my fault,� said Akane. �I�ve treated Ranma like dirt ever
since I met him, and he deserves better than me. My feelings aren�t
important.�
�And what are these alleged feelings?� asked Ranma.
�What do you care?� asked Akane. �I�m not your fianc�e anymore,
remember?�
�If you don�t want me to care, I won�t,� replied Ranma.
�That�s not what I said!� returned Akane.
�Neither was �I love you,�� Ranma pointed out. �You�ve never said
that to me, not once.�
�Well, neither have you,� retorted Akane.
�That�s right!� interrupted Ryoga. �If you really love Akane, why
don�t you tell her so?�
�Nobody asked you!� shouted Ranma. He heard the door slam behind
him. �Akane, wait!�
�It�s too late, Ranma,� said Ryoga. �She�s gone. You�ve lost her for
good this time.�
�You set this up, didn�t you?� asked Ranma. �I don�t know how, but
this has your piggy face all over it!�
�Ranma, I�m deeply hurt,� said Ryoga. �I honestly have no idea what�
s happened to drive you two apart, but if you think I�m too noble to
cash in on an opportunity like this, you�ve got another thought coming!�
His face vanished from the window.
�I�ve got to get there first!� shouted Ranma, darting for the door.
He ran into the hallway and smacked right into Nabiki. �Hey, let me go!
I�ve got to get to Akane!�
�Not now, you don�t,� said Nabiki. �Right now, you�re probably the
last person she wants to see.�
�But Ryoga�s going to get there first!� protested Ranma.
�Good. He�ll be able to help Akane get over her depression. Once she
�s in a better mood, she�ll probably just pound you a good one the next
time she sees you and then things will be back to normal. Well...� She
prodded Ranma�s breast. �As normal as they�ll ever be, at any rate.�
�Thanks for reminding me,� said Ranma flatly, slapping Nabiki�s hand
away.
Nabiki smiled. �That�s what I�m here for.�
Ranma groaned. �Well, if she can talk to Ryoga, I can talk to
Shampoo.�
�Good idea. Vent your anger on someone else so you can talk to Akane
calmly.�
�That�s not exactly what I meant,� said Ranma, �but close enough.�
*************************************************
Shampoo hung the broom beside the door. �All finished here! Time for
Shampoo beauty sleep!�
The door opened. �Hey, Shampoo. Got a minute?�
Shampoo turned to greet her visitor. �Airen! You want talk?�
Ranma nodded. �Akane�s depressed, and Ryoga�s cheering her up. I
could do with some cheering up myself.�
�What Shampoo can do for you? Shampoo think a kiss cheer up husband,
yes?�
�Well, sure,� said Ranma. �I think that�ll work.�
Shampoo�s eyes narrowed. �Ranma want to kiss Shampoo? Really want
kiss?�
�Yeah, I want to kiss you,� said Ranma, puckering up.
�Something not right,� said Shampoo. �You not Ranma!�
�How perceptive of you,� said the demon. �But now I can shed this
disguise and use my full power to capture you.� Ranma�s body vanished
into a black cloud. Shampoo screamed.
�Is demon! Someone help Shampoo! Demon is here!� She darted for the
door, but a black screen rose before her. Another screen appeared in
front of the kitchen door.
�There is no escape,� said the demon. The floor below Shampoo�s feet
collapsed, and she fell screaming through the floorboards into the
darkness. Shampoo felt the darkness wrap itself around her in its
inescapable embrace, and her consciousness faded.
---------------------------------------------------------
MOM: I'm getting rid of this TV before the mindless garbage rots your
brain!
JOHNNY: Mindless garbage not rot brain!
(SHAMPOO: Mindless Johnny not got brain to rot!)
"There's a billion places like home. But only one of them's where you
live." - Granny Weatherwax, "Witches Abroad" by Terry Pratchett
ED: My eyes are stuck! I can't open them!
EDDY: Open your eyes, Ed.
ED: (opens eyes) Thanks, Eddy.
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp