I'm starting this during Ranma's introspection on his motives as a
martial artist, primarily due to the fact that the direction his
thoughts are turning is rather fascinating. I think this story would
be interesting whether he turns from embracing the idea of being a
killer, or if he turns away from it...but there aren't many stories
where the great and wonderful Saotome has fallen. It was actually
hints of Ranma's thoughts that have kept me reading thus far, him
exploring the fact that he might not be satisfied with a staid,
boring existence. I'm going to look forward to how this turns out, for
this, more so than the overt plot thus far, has caught my attention and
intrigued me.
soon as he hit the ground, while all Akane could do was stand
and gasp with sudden chill with one hand pressed tremulously
to her throat.
You have two "with"s here, you might want to change one of them,
just eliminating the second and using a comma would work, for
instance.
quickly concealed. The larger man nodded with satisfaction as
he stepped through the threshold, thinking, Now he's ready.
^^^
This probably shouldn't be capitalized.
ever saw, the side that devised outrageous but surprisingly
effective training techniques; created innovative, if occasionally
stupid, fighting styles; this was the side of Genma that was truly
'Teacher' -- and damn good at it, too.
The side so many people tend to ignore, I'm glad to see it here.
essays to write, and I'd rather not have to ask for an extension
due to an unforseen case of extreme being dead. Know what I
Yeah, the professors only accept that one a few times before they
start getting suspicious ;)
the way: "Yes, sensei, I know I'm late with my essay, it's just
been kinda hard to write ever since that demon my sister
summoned up bit off both my arms. But don't worry, I'm
learning to type with my toes. . . ."
Heh, I like Nabiki's dialogue thus far.
would they be? Ranma shivered and felt suddenly afraid, and
berated himself for such weak feelings. But if an attack was
coming tonight, it wouldn't be long now.
Why would Ranma think this? Especially if he's going into a
seige mentality. I would think he'd try to overestimate the
monsters rather than underestimate them, and to me it seems
attacking late at night, when the household is likely to be
more tired would make more sense.
"Hey," the new arrival said, waving feebly with one hand while
clutching his stomach with the other. "I got your call and came as
quickly
"Hey," seems a bit informal for Kuno, maybe a "Greetings," or
something instead.
All told a good chapter, I'll look forward to this, or Choices,
whichever you end up doing next.
---
James M. Zema
http://uakron.edu/~zema/ranma.html