The first thing Akane noticed when she entered the house was all the crates
and cardboard boxes. They seemed to cover every available bit of space in
"available" and "bit of" seems a bit redundant to me, you might want
to make it either "every available" or "every bit of"
Not quite. Without the "avalible" in there, it gives the
impression that there is no room for people to move around
(or even be in the house), since all the space would be
packed with the boxdes (litteral floor to ceiling).
Try something like "all avalible space was covered..."
Ranma barked out a laugh. "I'd hate to disappoint you, but your memory
starts to wane after a few hundred years."
Now that's original, an immortal who doesn't have perfect recall :)
'Bout time too. He's human, so he forgets.
Ranma closed his eyes and let his head rest against the wall. "Don't start
wishing for immortality, Akane, it's not all that great." He felt a pair of
fingers gently brush his cheek. He opened his eyes and quickly turned
towards Akane.
I could never really understand this particular viewpoint, maybe when
I've lived
more than 20 years. The only real despair and pain I've ever felt so
far though has been a fear of death, it depressed me for months on end
until I just tried to put it behind me and decided to enjoy life to the
best of my ability, despite the limited amount of time I have. That's
probably why Akane's comment really struck home for me.
I think the best line to support this is from a movie I
can't recal the name of (didn't like it much anyway). "I
don't want to live forever, I'd get bored!"
Think about it. Never aging while everyone around you
grow's old and dies. Watch "Highlander," and listen to Sean
Connery talking about his past, you might get an idea. It's
worse for Ranma, though, because there is no way he can die
(is that it? I haven't read BoI, so my informtion comes
from this fic) until he has fallen in love a thousand times.
I'm a little surprised it hasn't driven him insane.
Thanks for reading.
You're welcome :) Seriously, we should be more grateful to you for
writing, this is a great series, and you've done alot with it. I'll
look forward to the next chapter. Of this or most of your other series
:)
Ditto. Keep this one comming.