Subject: [FFML] [Spamfic][Eva][Cybersix] The Newest Pilot
From: Erin
Date: 8/27/2000, 7:48 PM
To: FFML post

(That's CybersIx, not CybersEx. Perverts.)

Erm. Ahem. I think this is a first. I don't think anyone else has 
posted a C6 fic to this list.

This is supposed to be humor. If it works, I'm happy.

Oh, yeah. I'm Erin. (Waves)

Disclaimers: Cybersix was created by Carlos Trillo, Carlos Meglia, 
and is copyrighted to the aforementioned Carloses, and TMS-NOA, a 
Canadian-Japanese venture. Eva belongs to Anno and Gainax.

The Newest Pilot
A Fan Fiction


It was a rather quiet day at NERV headquarters, and Gendo Ikari 
had gathered the three pilots in his office. He had a reason, of 
course. It wasn't like he was a sadist, and enjoyed watching 
innocent, helpless children sweat it out under his gaze. Except 
for Rei. Rei didn't sweat. But if she did, each precious drop 
would be worth more than diamonds...But this isn't a lemon, so 
back to our point.

	"I have gathered you here today," Gendo intoned, and 
smirked internally as Shinji withered in his seat, "to make an 
announcement:

	"Shinji, you're fired."

	Shinji gasped and seemed to shrink even more. "Father, no! 
How could you -"

	But the rest of his self-pitying diatribe was cut off when 
Asuka jumped out of her seat and began to dance around the room, 
singing loudly in German.

	Rei watched them both, no emotions registering on her 
beautiful, flawless face. Rei was too perfect for emotions...But 
since this isn't a lemon, we aren't touching that with a thirty-
foot pole.
 
	"Silence!" Gendo bellowed. Shinji's mouth clamped shut and 
Asuka froze mid-dance. "That's better," he continued. "Shinji, 
you're being replaced by someone more competent," I hope, he 
thought, "than you are." He touched a hidden control panel on his 
desk and a secret door opened beside them

	A small figure goose-stepped its way into Gendo's office, 
and stopped only a foot away from his desk. And completely and 
totally coincidentally, it was also close enough to see up 
Asuka's skirt. But, since this isn't a lemon, it was a 
coincidence. Really.

	The boy (for, indeed, it was a boy) smirked at them, the 
light reflecting off his pince-nez, and succeeded in looking 
rather menacing.

	"Who is this spore?" Asuka yelled.

	Alas, it was only a look.

	Gendo cleared his throat. "Shinji. This is your new 
brother, Jose."

	"What?!" Shinji and Asuka yelled in concert. Rei simply 
raised an eyebrow.

	"Yes," Jose said. "Father was sick of watching you fail all 
the time, so he created someone who wouldn't: me." 

	"Yes," Gendo added, a note of pride in his voice. "Jose is 
not only my son, he is also my clone."

	"What?!"

	"This isn't possible..."

	"That would explain why I have not seen a stork."

	"Father?" Jose piped in, and shattered the din. All four of 
them turned to watch as he spoke. "I have a request to make. I 
want you to get rid of the stupid redhead. She's too loud."

	"What did you call me?"

	"A stupid girl."

	"Why you little..." she snarled, taking a step toward the 
diminutive clone, her intent quite plain.

	"I don't have to take this." Jose gestured vaguely. "Boys, 
get her!"

	It took him a few moments to realize that, no, he didn't 
have any huge, green bodyguards, and by then, Asuka was on top of 
him. Yep, Gendo cloned Jose, but forgot the Fixed Ideas. Sucks to 
be him, eh?

	While Asuka pummeled the newest pilot into chunky salsa, 
Shinji and Rei quietly let themselves out - Rei because it was 
getting boring, and Shinji because he didn't want to be next.

	Gendo pinched the bridge of his nose as Jose's screams grew 
to fill his office. Next clone, he wouldn't bother making an 
announcement to all the pilots. And maybe he would replace the 
German girl as well. She had her uses, but she was far too 
violent for his tastes. Another Rei would fill the position quite 
nicely. 

-30-







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