Hello, Morgan!
Hello, Latin D! (waves)
Y'know, this one was quick. When I see how fast you write I feel
embarrased
at my own, poor speed. Not that I'm complaining, my friend, but you're
destroying my fragile ego.
You can borrow some of Pedri's ego, if you want. He has enough to spare, and
it sounds like it's MUCH less fragile. ^_^
Although... When exactly ARE you going to get around to that next chapter of
Silent Battles? (nudge, nudge...)
> Well, here I am. Thought you'd gotten rid of me, eh? ^_^
Crap! I guess the bomb in your car didn't work...
That was you? I thought the FLQ had just moved up from mailboxes...
> As always, I request any and all C&C you want to give. Especially on
this
> chapter. For everyone wondering, yes the action will start to pick up
in
> chapter 10. I'm afraid this is just more of that "plot" crap that I
keep
> sticking in-between my fight scenes. ^_^
Well, if you want to drop it, it's okay with me. Mindless violence,
that's
all I need! ^_^
Thanks, but I need the, as I call it, "plot" to help space out the violence
a bit. It also serves well as filler. ^_^
> Anyways, I reiterate (I love that word!)
Gee, you know it, too? I thought I was the only one...
Heck, I know all sorts of fun words!
"I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable,
animal and mineral..." ;b
> My address is in the "Cc:" line of this message, and also repeated down
in
> the fic itself. Or, you can press the "Reply"... do I really have to do
this
> every time, or do you know the spiel by now?
Oh, I know it, but keep writing it. It's funny to see you beg. ^_~
Then I'll keep doing it. As long as it entertains, who am I to mess with it,
ne? ^_~
> And a bonus prize to anybody who catches the Bubblegum Crisis reference
I
> made in this chapter. It's pretty obscure. ^_^
Ah, well, I know very little about BGC, so if I catch it, it wasn't so
obscure. ^_^
It was very, VERY obscure. Only someone as obsessed over the series as
people say I am would catch it. I'll tell you when we get to it.
Besides, I already got a bonus prize for getting that other thing... (if
you
don't know what the heck I'm talking about, wait till the last chapter,
my
fellow FFMLers). ^_~
That you did. A nice shiny button!
CROWD : Ooooh...
But wait! You can keep that button, or trade it all for "What's In The
Box?"!
Yes, there's something I want you to note. I got this mail at exactly
2:17
AM. At these hours, my brain is all but asleep, but I'll try to C&C right
now, anyway. However, don't complain
Hey, if a mind clouded with exhaustion and starved for sleep is good enough
for me to WRITE these things with, you should be able to do just fine
C&C'ing them with one! No excuses, you! ;p
> Here we go!
Yeah, let's move on. As always, all and every comments come from me,
Latin_D, the Killer of Chats, and so should be ignored if you want to
stay
sane. What I mean is, all C&C IMHO.
Uh... okay. I'll keep that in mind. Not that I need to, since I almost never
disagree with anything you say. ^_^
> RONIN SUMMER VI : DARK CRUSADE
>
> A Sailor Moon / Yoroiden Samurai Troopers cross-over
>
> by Morgan Hudson (dataraven_659@excite.com)
>
> Chapter Nine : Let Us Compare Mythologies
This caught me by surprise. You usually write one-word titles, or very
short
ones. I hope this says something about the quality of the chapter. ^_~
Let's hope it does. It may, however, just say something about how much I
like the works of Leonard Cohen. ^_^
> Vyne idly paged through the book he held, perched on the edge
> of his bed. His room was surprisingly spartan, with little in it that
> was not of vital necessity to him. Aside from a small dresser with
Um, I'd drop this "to him". As it's "his room", it's rather superfluous,
and
sounds off to me when I read it.
Well, that's a good point, I guess. Consider it dropped, pal! ^_~
> four drawers and a mirror, a large door that led into his closet, and
> his bed, there was nothing other than the bare stone walls and he
> himself.
What, no human-sized cage? That would have been an interesting image.
Silly. The human sized birdcage is in TULS' room. Vyne was locked in it and
had to beg for crackers: he says so down below a-ways.
> Vyne didn't believe in wasting things like space or time,
> like his brother Pedri so obviously did.
Ah, do I notice envy and resentment in his voice? ^_~
Maybe just a twinge. Vyne doesn't like Pedri one little bit. Of course,
neither does anybody else I've heard from.
Pedri : You should always judge a man by his enemies.
Holts : Wow. You must be the most popular man ever!
Pedri : ...
> The young man snorted softly and grimaced. Even when he was
> only talking to himself, he couldn't avoid the subject of his brother.
> If there was one thing that he would never understand, it was how
> their Mother could have chosen that arrogant, anal retentive little
> snot to be their leader when such an obviously better choice had stood
Sure, this is in case Mother actually chose. After all, if Pedri is the
only
one that "hears" her, this might not be the case. I see two
possibilities:
If Pedri actually hears her, and Mother is alive...
MOTHER: Pedri, listen to me. The leader of the siblings will be Tytoung.
PEDRI: (to his siblings) Mother has spoken. I shall be the leader.
MOTHER: No, Pedri. I said Tytoung is the leader.
PEDRI: Yes, Mother, I shall lead them properly.
MOTHER: NO, PEDRI! YOU WON'T BE THE LEADER!!
PEDRI: YES, MOTHER! I SHALL NOT FAIL YOU!
^_^ I could actually hear Pedri doing that, too. Of course, his argument is
that the fact he can hear Mother at all PROVES he's supposed to be in
charge.
Now, if he's nuts...
MOTHER: ...
PEDRI: (to his siblings) Mother has spoken. I shall be the leader.
MOTHER: ...
PEDRI: (to his siblings) And She wants you to give me all your money.
Now.
Hehehehe. I just got a BAD mental image of Pedri shaking down the other
siblings for their lunch money. ^_^
MOTHER: ...
PEDRI: That you want that Tuls what?!
HEY! There may be underage readers present! >_<
Wait, I think I was C&Cing... ^_^
Yes, I believe you were...
<SNIP - SOMEBODY HAD TO DO IT!>
> Somebody knocked lightly on his door. Vyne sighed dejectedly
> and tucked the book under one arm, staring angrily in the door's
> general direction. It was Tuls, of course : even her knocks managed to
> be seductive, somehow. He had better see what she wanted, before she
It depends on what was she knocking with, right?
Or how she was doing it. I mean, for all we know, "shave and a haircut" is
seductive to these people...
> came in to get it. Getting trapped in that giant birdcage of hers and
> spending another decade begging for crackers was hardly on his list of
> things to do again. His taloned feet clicked softly on the marble
> floor as he crossed the room. He had a big room, and he was glad for
Doesn't "...and was glad..." sound better?
Yes, it does. Will change!
> it, especially the high ceilings. Vyne had always suffered from slight
> claustrophobia. Pausing with his hand on the door handle, he took a
> deep breath and held it. Thus prepared, he opened the door.
Heheheh. I've waited for this description for months! ^_^
Well, I hope you aren't disappointed. After so much build-up, you'll
probably put me through the Hangman's Hundred Handed Horrifier if I don't
pull it off right. ^_~
> Tuls braced her hands on either side of the frame, leaning
> back and looking up at him through her long eyelashes. Her wild mane
> of long violet hair tumbled well past the small of her back, with a
> single forelock dangling fetchingly between her large golden eyes.
> Full, red lips were curved into a permanent smirk, and her features
> were almost deliberately delicate, with a heart-shaped face and a
> small pug nose. She was wearing pink, he noticed with a sense of
> relief, rose-coloured pants that were made of some gauzy type of cloth
> which left nothing at all to the imagination. If there had been any
> flaws on her body, Vyne would have been able to see them clearly, but
> his sister was blessed without the slightest scar, birthmark, or
I never saw the "blessed without" structure before. Why not:
I have. It was in reference to someone "blessed without the slightest
of morals, or ethical drawbacks."
...was blessed with the lack of the slightest scar...
Which, I believe, is correct.
Maybe, but it seems a bit too stilted for my writing tastes. I'll give it a
try, though, and see if I like it.
> blemish. Her skin was the colour of fresh cream, and as the silver
> belt around her waist was the only thing holding her shirt closed,
> there was a lot of skin to see. The shirt was baggy, as were the
> pants, and made from the same see-through pink material. The way in
> which the thin material shifted and moved with every breath she took,
> it was almost more revealing than if she were merely naked.
Other than the nitpick I pointed, great description. You get better by
the
minute!
Thank you. Like I said, I wanted to make sure I pulled it off just right.
<SNIP, SNIP, SNIP!>
> sternum. His other two front toes were splayed, curved talons digging
> into the wall on either side of her head. The opposable toe on his
> heel slowly began to move upwards, delicately dragging the tip of its
> massive claw along the middle of his sister's body, a thin line of red
> marking its passing. "Leave me alone."
You prude! What other girl are you going to get in that castle? Erdge
doesn't seem to care about you (at least, I don't remember her mentioning
you), and Holts... Blech. So, come on!
Vyne : Hey, if YOU want to be in the damned birdcage, be my guest! I'm a
busy guy! I can't waste my time with women when I'm going to be ruling the
entire family in a little while!
Pedri : If that's your reason for abstaining, you may as well get in the
cage...
Sorry about that.
> "Now, Brother Vyne," Tuls pouted, "is this any way to treat
> me? You know that Pedri said all of us siblings should love each
> other..."
PEDRI: Yes, siblings, love each other.
TULS: What about you, darling?
PEDRI: I've got Mother...
Pedri : Yeah, and, uhm... Hey, Tuls! WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU?
Tuls : (turns around) Where?
Pedri : (runs away)
Did you notice that Pedri talks to all of the other siblings in person, but
when it was time to get a report from Tuls, he called her up on the phone?
He's not dumb. ^_~
> "He didn't mean it as literally as you do," Vyne snarled.
>
> "I just thought that maybe we could both get a little more
> comfortable." Tuls smiled seductively. "After all," she said in a
> throaty voice, "it's so cold and drafty in this hallway. Aren't you
"Draughty", right? The whole AmE/BrE thingie again.
CURSES! Will fix. >_<
> Vyne suddenly shook his head and straightened his leg again,
> slamming Tuls back with such force that her head cracked against the
> hard stone wall. His delicate, bishounen features twisted with rage,
> and his emerald eyes were all but glowing.
With that kind of treatment, I don't know how it is that she has no scars
in
her body...
Tuls heals quickly, like all of the other siblings. She can just heal
without any scars, that's all.
> "Hey," Tuls groaned, rubbing the back of her head and staring
> at the blood that coated her fingers, "if you wanted to get rough,
> baby, you should have arranged for a safety word!" She smiled, and
> ran her tongue over her lips as she licked her fingers clean. "Not
> that we need one," she added, "but it's nice to know what to ignore."
Heheheh. I can see it already...
VYNE: Ow, that hurt! 'Money'! 'Money'!
TULS: (grabs whip) What did you say?
VYNE: OW! That's the safety word, you crazy bitch: money! OW!
TULS: Oh, that's what I though I'd heard. Where was I?
VYNE: AH! STOP! AY! WAIT! OW!
Yeah, that's pretty much what would happen. Still wondering why Vyne is
trying to avoid her? @_@
Though I really have no experience with safety words myself, and I don't
think "money" would be a good one. After all, it could also mean that...
Wait, never mind.
Good idea. I think I won't. ^_^
> "Bygones be-?" Vyne narrowed his flashing emerald eyes,
> fighting the urge to incinerate her on the spot. "You slept with my
> entire invading army the night before I attacked! They didn't even
> have the energy to lift their swords! I had to destroy the whole
> country by myself! I was nearly killed!"
Um, I know what you're trying to say, but something seems off. Maybe if
you
drop the "invading"...
Well, if I drop the invading, that means the ENTIRE army, which would be
much larger than just Vyne's troops. Maybe I should just say "my entire
squadron", or "my entire group", or the like.
Besides, I thought that the siblings' troops (except Tytoung's, of
course)
were those bone-and-slime thingies, and I don't think that what she did
is
possible. ^_^
Tuls : (winks) With perserverance and imagination, ANYTHING is possible,
honey! ^_^
> "Well," Tuls said helpfully, "that's no reason not to go to
> bed with me NOW, is it?"
VYNE: Now that I think about it...
Hehehe. He already realised she's trying to affect him. Staying mad is
pretty much his only defence.
> "My ENTIRE," Vyne hissed, "invading ARMY!" His sister shrugged
> and slowly began to lean forward again, pressing her body against the
> sole of his large foot and rubbing against it like a cat against the
> leg of its owner. Vyne steeled his nerves and did his best to ignore
> her.
>
> Tuls continued to writhe beneath his foot for a few minutes,
> then sighed deeply and hung her head in dejection. "Wow," she said,
> "not even a twitch? You really have been practising that 'Soul of Ice'
> thing you were blathering on about a few centuries ago." The
RANMA: (drooling) Hey, _I_ know the Soul of Ice, and it isn't working, I
tell you.
AKANE, SHAMPOO, UKYO & KODACHI: What did you SAY?!
RANMA: (sweating) Now THAT works...
^_^
BTW, she was writhing "like a cat", and she has purple hair. She won't be
Shampoo's long lost sister, ne?
Actually, no, but that's a pretty good way of describing her. Except of
course that Shampoo only wants Ranma, and Tuls pretty much wants everybody
she meets.
> purple-haired temptress heaved a deep sigh that nearly caused her to
> fall out of her shirt. "Well, can't blame a girl for trying. I'm off
> to find a different game." With a fetching smile, Tuls removed the
> fishing net that hung from her silver belt and slung it over her
> shoulder. "Wish me luck!" A bawdy wink later, she was gone, melting
> from beneath his talons as if she had never been there.
One wonders who she's going after now. Maybe Tytoung? I can see it now...
Still Erdge and Holts. She hasn't found them yet, and Vyne said no. She's
persistent. And YES, she's planning to use the net on them. Tuls doesn't
usually take no for an answer.
> Fortunately, Sister Tuls hadn't noticed,
> or she might not have given up so easily. If she had been wearing
> blue, she might not have given up at all : she was as persistent as
> she was perverted, and she ALWAYS got what she wanted, eventually.
So her lust is color-coded? That's definitely useful, I think...
Yep. Although she may not always be so considerate... or picky. ^_~
<SNIP A LITTLE, SAVE A LITTLE...>
> He'd be Mother's Pride yet, and then she'd talk to HIM,
> instead of Pedri. Then HE'D be the special one, the one Mother loved.
VYNE: So, Brother Pedri, how is it that you got Mother to talk to you?
PEDRI: Oh, it's easy. You have someone hit your head repeatedly with a
hammer for about two hours. If you survive, you'll be able to speak with
Mother, Napoleon, Caesar, Curly, Larry and Moe all at once. Yay!
Naaza : I wondered why they haven't been returning my calls lately...
Somebody find me a hammer!
> And what would Pedri be then, without his position to protect him?
> Well, Vyne thought, surely Brother Tytoung was getting hungry again.
> Pedri could be a peace offering to him. Pedri could be lunch.
"He could be lunch." maybe? This sounds a bit circuitous.
Well, it's on purpose. Vyne is thinking that Pedri could be this, and Pedri
could be that, and then the next scene starts with Nasuti saying what Pedri
IS. I can change it, if you want.
> **********
>
> "Pedri," Nasuti tried to explain, "could be the single most
> dangerous creature any of you have ever faced." Pausing, she took a
NASUTI: He _could_ be, but he isn't.
ALL: (facefault)
Nasuti : Thank you! Thank you! I'm here all night...
Kayura : Not with jokes like THAT, you aren't.
> deep breath and looked around the clearing. "If," she added, "he's the
> same Pedri I came across in my research. He might not be."
>
> "Right," Haruka Ten'ou replied sarcastically, running one hand
> through her short mop of blonde hair. "Because Pedri was SUCH a common
> name, especially in ancient Japan."
And why exactly should Pedri be a Japanese myth?
Haruka is assuming that he is. Nasuti is a professor at Shinsai University,
and specialises in ancient japanese myths and legends. The reason she was
having so much trouble remembering Pedri is that she didn't read about him
in Japan. She read about him while she was still in France.
> Sitting at the feet of her partner, Michiru Kaioh calmly ran
> a brush through her damp, sea-green hair and smiling over at the
> flustered young woman. "Don't worry, Nasuti," she said, "Haruka doesn't
> mean anything by it. Just tell us what you know."
>
> "Well," explained Nasuti, scratching her head, "it all depends
> on what this Pedri is like. Kayura, would you mind describing him to
> me?"
KAYURA: Well, he's tall, mean-looking, and a nutcase.
NASUTI: Ah, that certainly is unusual for your common evil overlord...
Pedri : Boy, it's a good thing I shaved off that cheesy goatee of mine,
then! I used to REALLY look like an evil overlord!
> Seated on a nearby rock, the frail raven-haired empress
> shrugged as she pulled on Nasuti's white short-sleeved shirt. The young
> woman had offered to let Kayura borrow a few clothes, and the empress
> had taken her up on the offer.
Nope. Kayura asked for some clothes, and Nasuti let het borrow hers.
True. I guess I should rewrite that, for continuity's sake. ^_^
<SNIP DESCRIPTION>
> "Huh. Did he, by any chance, have a violin?"
This may be stylistic, but I don't think you need the commas here.
It's stylistic. The commas show that Nasuti paused while saying that. I
don't NEED them, but I think they look nice where they are. Since "by any
chance" counts as a parenthetical expression, I can even use them.
> Kayura blinked. "A what?"
>
> Michiru smiled happily. "Pedri plays a violin?"
Heheh. Michiru and Pedri playing together...
A mental image I actually don't mind having, for once. It's better than the
one of Haruka as a cute little puppy. :b
MICHIRU: (after finishing playing) That was beautiful, but I think you
missed a note...
PEDRI: Repeat that and I'll torture you.
HOTARU: (overhearing) You're threatening my mother? Death... Reborn...
Revolution!
See? I really, really want to see that attck. ^_^
Trust me, you will. Just wait for it, my friend. Be patient...
> "No." Nasuti shook her head. "The violin was for his victims,
PEDRI: Now you'll face my most powerful attack. The... Pop Music Eardrum
Destruction!
[Pedri grabs his violin and starts playing "Get Down". Tytoung, Vyne,
Thraw,
Pedri and sing, following the music]
MASHO & OUTER SENSHI: No, please, no more...! Anything but the Backstreet
Boys! Anything!
AGH! Now THERE'S a mental image I could have done without! Egads!
PEDRI: (stops playing) Hah! That's nothing! Now... Really Horrible Pop
Music
Eardrum Explosion!
[Pedri starts playing again. Mother, Erdge, Tuls and Holts appear from
nowhere]
ERDGE, HOLTS & TULS: Girl Power!
MASHO & OUTER SENSHI: Nooooooo!
MOTHER: ...
GLAH! Make the bad man STOP! SOMEBODY!
Sorry.
I guess that's okay. Just try not to do it again, and maybe my brain won't
jump out of my head and try to escape out the window. ^_^
> according to the legend I remember. Pedri was l'esprit d'amour propre,
Wha...? Translate, please.
The Spirit Of Self-Love, literally. (no hentai jokes, please!) "amour
propre" is also used as a word that means "ego", "arrogance", or "vanity".
> or at least, the Pedri I read about was. Apparently, he was a very
> volatile creature too : il est tres mal. Even mentioning his name
Again, what? In English, please. Or Spanish, if you want to use a foreign
language... ^_~
But Nasuti wouldn't be speaking in Spanish. She's French. ^_^
Basically, "il est tres mal" translates into "he is very bad". Or, depending
on the way it is used, "he is very sick".
<TINY SNIP>
> "if this Pedri we're up against is the same as the Pedri you were
> reading about, then what is he? A youma? A demon?"
>
> "A god, actually, and not the kind of god that other gods
> invite to many family picnics." Nasuti pulled on her denim jacket and
> glanced over at the three women watching her intently. "Like I said,
> Pedri was l'esprit d'amour popre. That was how the scrolls usually
> referred to him, since even mention of his name was supposed to anger
> him. It's French for 'the spirit of ego'. He was called 'l'incarnation
Ah, here it is. Forget I said anything.
With my memory, I probably already have. ^_^
> de fietre', too : the incarnation of pride. My theory at the time was
> that Pedri's ancient legends were what led to the current myths about
> Satan challenging people to a fiddle contest."
So Pedri's myth should be older that Satan's, right? Brother Pedri must
be
really, really old, then. To think he's as fit as a fiddle...
Hehehehe...
Ugh. Baaad, bad joke.
That's okay. I like them. ^_^
> Haruka chuckled. "You mean it was PEDRI who went down to
> Georgia, looking for a soul to steal?"
Huh?
"The Devil Went Down To Georgia". It's a song about Satan challenging a man
to a fiddle contest for his soul, and losing. Kind of funny, and often
turned into songfics.
> "Possibly, although it was likely somewhere in Greece or Rome,
> not America. The scroll I was reading was translated into French from
> Latin - they called Pedri the deus fastosus, the god of haughtiness-
LATIN_D: Me what?
Har har. Very funny. :b
> "Well," Nasuti was quick to offer consolingly, "I doubt it
> really is the same Pedri. It's likely just someone using his name,
> or trying to convince people of his own divinity. Frankly, he could
> have picked a more stable god : according to the few legends I can
> recollect, Pedri was as tempermental as Thor with a toothache."
Typo: temperamental
Nuts! Will fix!
THOR: Ow! M' mouz!
PEDRI: (grabs chain-saw) Hey, you said you had a cavity, so now don't
complain. Open wide...
Wow. THERE'S a mental image that gets nicely rid of that horrid "siblings as
the Spice Girls" thing... You seem to have a very good handle on old Pedri,
don't you? ^_~
> "Either way," Kayura responded, "I want you to try to recall
> as much as you can about the Pedri in your legends. Especially try to
> remember any weaknesses he or any of his siblings might have."
Yeah, right. If she finds one, it will be in the last chapter, ne? ^_~
Not true. Nasuti has a tried and true habit of remembering exactly as much
as the heroes need to know to beat the CURRENT menace, and then forgetting
the rest until the next time they get stumped. ^_^
<SNIP!>
> **********
>
> Pedri sat back in his throne and stared at the figure before
> him. Nearly eight feet tall, the giant creature was nearly all muscle,
Oops. Two "nearly" in the same sentence. Drop one.
Glah. No problem. Tytoung can be a flat-out eight feet tall. No nearly about
it.
>
> Tytoung sat forward slightly on his haunches, clawed hands
> resting on his knees as his wide tail swung back and forth in an
> attempt to keep him on balance. His entire body was covered in small,
> bead-like scales, black with a strangely beautiful coral pink pattern
> that shifted in the light. He looked most unpleased.
Which was NOT good for Pedri...
Not particularly. When Tytoung ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy... ^_^
> "What," he asked, in his usual dry hiss, "do you think I am?"
>
> "A lizard," Pedri answered honestly. "A particularly large
> and venomous lizard, and one which has no place telling me how to run
> my people."
>
> "You," Tytoung suggested, "are full of shit. That's what I
Well, he didn't "suggest" that. He affirmed it.
He affirmed it for YOU, maybe. I'm quite sure Pedri has never considered the
possibility before.
>
> "You're going," Pedri answered coldly, tightening the black
> leather gloves he wore. "Mother has asked that you go."
>
> "Let Mother ask me in person," Tytoung said, pointing towards
> the large crystal tube in which a nude woman floated serenely. "If
> my presence is so important, why can't she ask for it WITHOUT your
> help, you little parrot?"
Now I finally see someone with half a mind asking the question I've made
myself since the beginning of the fic...
It was a question that was bound to come up eventually. Of course, the
answer may be rather interesting, since it could completely turn Pedri's
whole character around. Which is why it won't get answered just yet. ^_^
> "You know as well as everybody else that Mother only speaks
> to her chosen one, Brother." Pedri paused and looked over at the tube,
> head cocked as if listening to something. Tytoung winced at the use of
> his full name. He hated his slurred nickname, but at least it wasn't
Wait, wait. Where did Pedri use Tyotung's full name? I think you missed
something here...
Sorry about that. Originally, Pedri's speech was much longer, and he used
Tytoung's full name, "Tytolung", as he does again lower down. I trimmed the
speech for space and time, and forgot to keep the "Tytolung" reference.
> said with that icy tone that Pedri reserved for speaking to him.
>
> The last time Tytoung had faced Pedri, the young man had used
> those same tones. "Tytolung," he had said, "Mother feels that your
> presence in the castle is disturbing to others. She thinks that perhaps
> you would be more comfortable elsewhere." And Tytoung had gone, because
> he HAD to obey Mother, even when she was saying she didn't want him
> anymore.
>
> Well he'd be damned if he did it twice. If Mother wanted her
Well, he'd...
Check! Will fix, my friend! ^_^
> "Still," Pedri said, "he is most contrary. I feel that some
> form of punishment may be in order." He paused again, listening to
> something Tytoung couldn't hear. "A reward? I suppose that could be
> suitable, as well. Of course, Mother, I never meant to imply that any
> course of action could be as suitable as your own. I am eternally
> sorry." Turning back to Tytoung, Pedri sighed. "Mother," he said
> imperiously, "has informed me that should your behaviour be acceptable
> on this mission, She would be willing to accept you back into our
> home."
Either he's crazy, or he's very, very clever.
Or easily both. Isn't it fun to be ambiguous? ^_~
> Tytoung twitched. Home? Out of the stinking, wet, grimy, cold
> tunnels and caverns where he had been forced to reside for... how long
How long...
> was it, two or three thousand years? He couldn't even remember. She
> would actually let him come into the light whenever he wanted? Was this
> some kind of trick?
CROWD: YES!
TYTOUNG: Oh...
> Of course it was. Pedri was baiting him. There was no way that
> he would let Tytoung within a hundred feet of him without Mother to
> protect him. No matter what was promised, it would almost definitely
> be taken back after the mission was over. Almost. He sighed. Damn it.
>
> "I'll go," he groaned. "But if this turns sour, you had better
> start wondering which kind of wine you go best with."
>
> Pedri smiled. "Red, of course. Now go and turn your teeth
> against the Masho and their allies. Prove that Mother was right to
> place her faith in you."
>
> **********
Well, Setsuna is alone, NAKED, in a pool in the middle of the woods.
Rajura
is near... This could lead either to a very scary LEMON scene or to an
all-out fight.
Yeah, that's pretty much the only two ways I saw it going, too. Since
neither Rajura or Setsuna is quite angry enough to throw the first blow yet,
I settled for an argument. The scary LEMON option I discarded right away :
too out of character, especially given part of what I plan to reveal about
Rajura's past.
> that she had needed a chance to relax. Although, she admitted with a
> hidden smile, her husband Shutendoji had all but spoiled her with his
> constant affection, the last time she had been to the Gates of Time,
> and with such a peaceful and wonderful hot spring to bathe in, she
> could soon find herself actually enjoying her life if she wasn't
> careful.
Gee, this was one helluva long sentence. Hard to follow, IMO.
Yeah, it kind of is, isn't it? I'll go in there with my trusty chainsaw and
see what I can do to break it up a little more. I never even noticed until
now just how run-on that sentence was. Chee...
<SNIP>
> "I think," Setsuna said as she slowly turned, trying to keep
> her eyes on the armoured form circling her, "that in 1569, a passing
> troop of soldiers were sent to check a border fortress that hadn't
> been heard from in months. They found it burned and gutted, with every
> creature under its roof murdered. Even the crickets had been poisoned."
RAJURA: Those damn insects kept interrupting my beauty sleep, what did
you
expect me to do?
RAJURA : Besides, I also strangled the dogs, drowned the cats, and
slaughtered the people, but does anybody EVER mention that? NOOOO, it's
always "the crickets,the crickets"! I'm sick of hearing about the damned
crickets! Find another freakin' topic, already!
> "I suppose I was mistaken, then. I assumed you must have known
> her : she would have been born to her parents only a few years after
> you were, and it was such a small town, and all."
>
> "As I said," Rajura snarled, "I left home very young. I must
> not have met this person."
>
> "Still," Setsuna countered, "it's odd. She was kidnapped by a
> general named Torio Tsugakuro. And one year later, ON THE EXACT DAY OF
> HER FIFTEENTH BIRTHDAY, Torio and every living thing in his fortress
> were brutally murdered."
RAJURA: Really? Wow, I never got "brutally" before. "Horribly", yes, but
"brutally"...
This was kind of his piece de resistance. The ultimate application of every
form of killing he had learned to that point. It gets more detailed later.
You may or may not appreciate a few of those details.
> Rajura smiled behind the steel grate of his mask and spread his
> arms in a shrug. "Perhaps," he suggested, "it was a case of bad karma.
> That can come back to haunt people, you know."
SETSUNA: If that's so, you're in big trouble, m'friend.
Rajura : Nah, I'll be just fine. I happen to have certain Polaroids of karma
in a few comprimising positions with its secretary...
<SNIP>
Although I will, of course, be using all those typo corrections you made.
> Her tower was just across the courtyard, a gleaming pillar of
> silver with fine gold trim and delicate filligre all along its
Typo: filigree (I think)
Yup. It was pretty late by this time. I started making more mistakes than
usual.
> surface. Golden dragons and lions stood gaurd, encrusted with jewels
Typo: guard
See? ^_^
> and beautifully carved. All she had to do was get to her tower, and
...beautifully carved... what?
The DRAGONS and LIONS are beautifully carved. I can switch the sentence
around a little, and say "...stood guard, beautifully carved and encrusted
with jewels", if you prefer. It might make a bit more sense.
> then she and all her treasures could be alone together... it had been
It had been...
Right, I'm on that! Will fix!
> nearly two days since she was there to care for her pretty little
> babies. In her mind, she could see all of the coins going uncounted,
> the rings and tiaras going unworn, the art going unappreciated... her
> stuff, going UNTOUCHED! It was criminal!
>
> But the courtyard seemed so very big, and she had no way of
> knowing where Tuls was. Holts was still safe ; she was snoring away in
Extra space right... ...here! ^
Blasted space bar, it's turned against me. I'll patch that up right away!
^_^
> Vyne's closet, and Vyne hated Tuls too much to betray one of his other
> sisters to her. Erdge, however, had accidently caught a glimpse of
Typo: accidentally
Check!
Boy, I was making a lot of these near the end, wasn't I? ^_^
> her treasure cache from Vyne's window, and immediately began to hear
> her precious things calling out to her.
>
> Squeezing her eyes shut, Erdge lowered her head and rushed
> across the open area as fast as her legs could carry her. Subtelty be
Typo: Subtlety
Here's another one. Blast it all! >_<
> damned, she decided : I'm close enough! I can make it! The air burned
> in her lungs, and she was already sweating horribly -black leather not
> being the best suited attire for sprinting- but she could already see
Best-suited?
I would have used the hyphen, but since I was using dashes to mark the
parenthetical statement, I couldn't. It would have been confusing.
> the huge platinum doors with their golden lock. Forcing herself to
> run even faster, her body seemed little more than a blur of motion as
> she darted to the doors and grabbed the lock.
>
> "Eighty-five," she muttered, rubbing her fingrs together and
Typo: fingers
Heh. All the typos at the end. I bet you were half asleep.
Yes, I was, thank you very much. I actually banged my head on the keyboard
while I was waiting for my Inbox to open. ;p
> glancing nervously over her shoulder as she worked the combination
> lock, "fifty-seven, eighty-six... come on! Open!" The lock popped, and
Come on!
Speaking of which, this is the BGC reference. 85-57-86, the combination
Erdge uses to open her door, are the measurements of Linna Yamazaki, of the
Knight Sabers. The combination that closes the doors, 90-58-90, are the
measurements of Sylia Stingray. Like I said, pretty obscure.
Still, no more obscure than the one you got, pal.
<'NOTHER SNIP>
> each before tossing them over her shoulder. "Manuscript," she mumbled,
> "magic sword, emerald necklace, magic sword, scrolls, potions, magic
> sword, Merlin's hat, a magic AXE, well, there's a change... Let's see,
MERLIN: Where the heck did I leave...? Wait!
GOURRY: Huh, I think I lost my sword...
GOLDEN AXE'S WARRIOR: My axe!
^_^
Yes, that's right : Erdge is a kleptomaniac.
Erdge : I'll take anything that isn't nailed down!
Merlin : Wait a minute... My hat WAS nailed down, wasn't it?
Erdge : Not in any SERIOUS manner...
> "There you are!" she cooed. "You had me worried. Let's unwrap
> you, and see how pretty you are." Reaching up, she undid the clasps
> and straps that concealed her greatest treasure, and pulled its
> protective cover away.
>
> "Don't worry," she whispered to the contents of the box, "I'll
> always take good care of you. Pedri would break you, and Tuls would
> take you away from me,
...and Tytoung would eat you, and Holts would lose you, and Thraw would
also
break you, and Vyne would throw you away...
Yeah, pretty much. These siblings can't slip anything by you, can they? ^_^
> but I'm going to keep you safe, and happy.
> Nobody will ever know about you, except for me."
Have you ever read "The Hobbit", or "The Lord of the Rings". Well, this
makes me remember that scene whit Gollum and the magic right. I already
can
see Erdge whispering "My prezious..." while caressing it.
Y'know, that was what this scene reminded me of, too? Except that the
"precious" Erdge is worshipping is something Gollum hated, and hadn't seen
in years. She probably has the One Ring in that tower of hers, somewhere...
next to the Guyver Units, and to the left of the Prime Matrix. ^_^
> Feeling suddenly
> paranoid, Erdge glanced over her shoulder and held the box a little
> tighter to herself. "You're mine," she whispered to it, "mine, mine,
> mine, and I don't have to share if I don't want to. Vyne says I should
> help him fight Pedri. He says we could actually kill him for good, if
> we all worked together. But Pedri is supposed to be Mother's chosen.
> What if killing him makes Mother mad? And what if we fail? Then PEDRI
> will be mad. I've never seen him mad before. He's bad enough when he's
> just upset. What should I do? Holts won't turn on him : she thinks
> he's great. Of course, she's never gotten hit with that whip, either."
Isn't "gotten" American English? Not sure.
I believe so, but since Erdge is speaking, she's allowed to use phrases and
grammar that are less than acceptable. I believe we Brits and Canucks would
say "been", but it's okay for Erdge to speak American if she wants to.
> The box didn't answer, but of course Erdge hadn't expected it
> to. She knew she was just talking to an inanimate object. Still, it
> helped her to sort her thoughts out.
>
> "I think," she said to herself, "I don't know. I think this is
> too big a deal to trust myself with. I'll have to ask somebody else
> what to do."
>
> And she knew exactly who she wanted to ask.
Who? WHO? WHO, YOU MEANIE?!
Next chapter, my friend. Next chapter. ^_^
> **********
>
> TO BE CONTINUED...
...with caps and everything, you hear me?! ^_^
Damn straight! When I say to be continued, I mean TO BE CONTINUED! ^_~
Gee, I think I finished this C&C in record time... Did you notice I
didn't
SNIP once? Wow.
I know. I was most impressed. Shame I had to snip as much as usual, but
there was really no point forcing people to scroll through my whole story
again just to see my responses to your replies. Half the time, they're just
"Ooh! Good one! Will fix!", anyway, like with the typos.
Anyway, Morgan, I'm speechless. This is the best-written chapter of Dark
Crusade till the moment. Wonderful description, as usual, and very
interesting plot--tough I still like mindless violence. VERY good work.
As
I'm used to, not many grammar errors or mispellings, and very good
dialogue.All in all, a pleasure to read.
Thank you. I assure you that my next chapter is already under way as we
speak. It may not be out QUITE as fast as this one, but I think you'll like
it : the violence kicks in again, and there's even a smidgen of plot to hold
it all together! Plus, I get to write about Naaza again. I like Naaza. ^_^
Well, m'friend, this is it for me. Please, keep writing.
Not a problem, pal. You keep slogging away on that Silent Battles, too,
y'hear! We're waiting on you! ^_^
Way too late. Need sleep. Brain tired. Body too.
Ugh. Ditto. Sleep sounds good right about now.
Till next time, Morgan!
I'll be there if you are! ^_~
-Morgan Hudson
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