Note: Hopefully formatting problems are fixed now. ^_^; Although this episode
had some to begin with, so please pardon. X_X

-=-

This is the universe.  You can recognize it easily because there
is no other thing as infinitely large, infinitely dense and
infinitely powerful.  Sure, there are some infinitely large
things such as the ego of your average bubblegum-flavored
pop idol, and the infinitely dense brain of Tom Green and the
infinitely powerful taunting potential of Dan Hibiki.

Even with these metaphors, it's impossible to wrap your mind
around THE UNIVERSE as a concept.  Most sentient life
forms on the blue-green planet named Earth go, 'Okay, the
universe. It's big and everything's in it,' but unfortunately that's
an infinitely tiny portion of what the universe actually is.  It's a
mystery and a half and a third and a fourth and all the way
down to an Nth.

Not even God fully understands the universe.

This is why God almost destroyed it.

In a process named 'Third Impact', a leftover from a previous
God (since it's a commonly established fact that there have
been a long string of them in the office, carrying the godhead)
the whole of creation was threatened live and direct on pay per
view.  The Void spread across Earth, nearly consuming all life
on that planet... before being reversed, thanks to some very
timely intervention.

Most people on the planet shrugged it off, unable to wrap their
minds around the idea of melting into a puddle and then
returning to human form.  "Well, glad that's over with" is the
order of the day, as everybody returned to business as usual,
without a second thought.

But the universe never forgets.

Of all the properties it may have, infinite patience is not one of
them.  A silent shape moved from the center of the infinite
slopes of dimensional reality, a shape with a beeline course for
a small blue-green planet and the higher planes surrounding it.
If it was possible to see it, to detect it, to sense it there at all, it
could be said to have a determined expression on its non-face.

*****

Nabiki looked at the piece of paper in her hand thoughtfully.
The percentage of female viewers had dropped due to the
overabundance of fanservice directed at males:  namely
Morrigan.  Hm. She should set something up to rectify that.
Now, after that whole REBOOT and Third Impact event last
week, she just wanted to relax with an easy show.  What to do,
what to do...

"Hey, Ms. Tendou?"  Tarou entered Nabiki's office somewhat
cautiously, followed by Morrigan, Marlo, Yuffie and Dark
Schneider.  "Got the card ready for tonight?"

She looked up.  "Hm."  Pulling out various pieces of paper
from one of the stacks, she started to read off, "Okay, the first
match will be the Team Rocket and Disciples of the Void
grudge match.  It won't be for the title...unless of course, the
Disciples win."

Tarou nodded.  Nabiki shuffled through some more papers.
"I'm going to set up a special match; it'll be crossover
divisions.  Lambda and Gamma."

"Great, so I get to beat on some pansy team players?" Marlo
asked.

"Not exactly. No offense, but the girls aren't exactly after
you."  She pulled out a list with certain fighters' names on it
highlighted.  "It'll be a surprise."

"WHAT?  What does that have to do with anything?" Marlo's
face turned red as he tried, unsuccessfully, to contain his
temper.


"There's a certain demographic that's missing out, and I plan to
rectify that problem," Nabiki said calmly.  "Are you okay with
that?"

"Oh.  I guess," Marlo shrugged.

"What about me?" Darshu asked, plopping himself down in a
chair by Nabiki's desk.  "I want a match with the Pink
Wonder."

"Okay, you've got it," Nabiki made a note.  "That's three
matches.  I need two more, at least."

Yuffie looked up.  "I can fight if you want me to.  I've got
nothing better to do."

"How about Naga?  She was the title belt holder for a while,
but you may have a chance against her."

"Sure!  Lemme go 'borrow' some materia from Tifa first."

Nabiki grinned.  "Good girl."  She scribbled something down.
"One more..."

The door flew open.  "I'm sorry, miss, but you can't go in
there!" The flustered secretary feebly attempted to keep the
intruder from entering, but was thrust out of the way as the
black-clad girl stormed in.

"I want my match."

Nabiki gazed flatly across her desk at Gally.  Gally glared
back, leaning forward, her gaze focused directly upon Nabiki's
face and her hands resting on Nabiki's desk.  Tarou and
Darshu stepped in a bit closer to Gally, looming over her; she
ignored them.

"I've jumped through your hoops, Miss Tendou," Gally
growled.  "Now I want Mewtwo.  I went up against your
champion; I played your games with Sephiroth.  Now give me
my fight with Mewtwo."

"Improve your tone, Gally," Nabiki frowned at the hunter-
warrior.  "It's just as easy for me if I keep your precious spat
with Mewtwo off the card for the rest of the season."  She
paused for a moment before shrugging.  "However, as your
efforts over the past weeks have pulled in somewhat improved
ratings, you'll get to fight Mewtwo."

Gally straightened and nodded to Nabiki.  "Great.  Tonight--"

"--you'll do nothing," Nabiki finished.  She favored Gally with
one of her trademark smirks.  "You're far too late to be on
tonight's card.  Unfortunately for you, you'll get your fight...
but only after the PPV."

"What!  You can't...  This is Washuu's last chance!"

"Protest all you like, but that's my final word..." Nabiki calmly
stated, turning back to the sales projections she'd been reading
earlier.  "Unless, of course, you'd like me to drop this match
from the card next season as well."  She looked up for a
moment, adding, "Coming in here without an appointment
again would be an excellent way of achieving that, Gally."

With a supreme effort, Gally held her tongue and started to
leave.

"...But, as it happens, I do have a space open on tonight's
card."

Gally stopped.  "So..."

"You get your match tonight."

Gally turned to Nabiki and bowed.  "Thank you.  I won't
disappoint."

"You had better not."  Gally  nodded and rushed out of the
room.  Nabiki gloated, "Well, there's our last match."

"That was cruel, Nabiki," Morrigan chided.  "I like it."

"So what else is on the agenda, boss?" Tarou asked.

Nabiki thought for a moment.  "Just general mayhem, I
suppose.  Only two of you are in matches.  Morrigan, you get
a week off.  Marlo, I want you to watch the crossover fight
later.  We don't want CHAOS to get another win on us."

"Right.  I'll take care of 'em," Marlo grinned evilly.

"Hm...," Nabiki tapped a pen on her desk thoughtfully.  "I
need a Lambda team.  Jack's got all of the divisions covered
except Omega, and I can't let him beat me in Lambda."

Yuffie idly twirled a shuriken.  "Don't you have some history
with one of those samurai?"

"Kunou? What a moron," Tarou scoffed.  "He's useless."

Nabiki waved a hand.  "No...not necessarily.  He is a good
fighter, just easily distracted, like Shermie or Nuku Nuku."

"And he's not that smart," Morrigan noted.  "Easily
manipulated."

"Exactly."  Nabiki smiled.  "We're going to go pay a visit to
the Samurai later today, Morrigan."

Morrigan smirked.

*****

CHAOS and their guests Tifa and Bean, sat around a table
Jack had brought in, quietly chatting.  Jessie was painting her
nails, Pikachu cuddled in her lap.  James and Shingo were
talking shop with Bean -- shop being ways for them to be
more effective fighters, Tifa was scratching at her cast
absently and talking to Sakura and Karin.  Daisuke was
reading a magazine, while Jack looked bored.  Then Jack
pounded a gavel on the table to get their attention.  "So, what
do we have, gang?"

"Squeak!"

"Now, now, Mr. Duck.  Let them speak up first."

Daisuke rolled his eyes.  "Okay, look. We've got Jessie and
James fighting the Disciples.  Jessie's injured.  This is *not* a
good thing.  While it's true that Tifa," he nodded at the Internet
belt holder, who looked down at her hands guiltily, "has been
healing her, she's still not in top condition.  Do you two have
some sort of strategy worked out?"

Jessie and James exchanged glances.  The redhead then poked
James with her crutch.  James yelped.  "Owie!  That hurt!
Okay.  Um, we're going to concentrate on just staying out of
the way and using our pokemon.  They need some practice
anyways.  Pikachu will do guard duty for Jessie when she's in
the ring, and hopefully keep those two psychotics away."
Pikachu nodded emphatically from his position on Jessie's lap.
James shuddered delicately.  "And I don't want them to mess
with my perfect face."

Daisuke nodded and marked off another mental note.  "And
none of the rest of you have matches today.  We'll stick by the
ring and watch out for foul play.  It should all be good."

A knock sounded at the door, and Shingo stepped up to
answer it.  Ducking past the Kyo-wannabe, Yuffie bounded
into the room.  Spotting Tifa she plopped next to her, ignoring
the looks.  "Hiya all!"

"Hello there Yuffie!  ...And what brings you here?" Jack's eyes
narrowed slightly as he looked at the newcomer.

"Oh, Shingo and James will be fighting as a team later tonight.
Crossover match or something."  She turned to Tifa.  "And
guess what!  I have a match against Naga today!  You'll be
cheering for me, right?" Grinning at Tifa, she gave her a big
hug.

Tifa pushed her, not ungently, away.  "Um, Yuffie?  What do
you want?"

"I wanted to say hello and stuff!  We haven't seen each other
in forever, let's go hang out or something."

Tifa smiled brightly.  "Okay.  That sounds nice, actually.  I'll
think about it."

"Wai!"  Yuffie bounced up.  "Well, I've gotta book it, I have to
get ready for my match.  See yas!"  She waved cheerily as she
exited the room as quickly as she had arrived.

Daisuke stared at the door after she left.  "You know...I have a
bad feeling about her."

*****

Hiroshi clicked on the TV.  Ultra was on.  He sighed, scanning
the screen looking for a pale girl.  He didn't find her.  He
sighed again.  Why did this have to happen to her?  That
whole thing was just a big mess.  He needed to figure out a
way to get her back.  Maybe get another job at Ultra, even if it
was just as a food vendor.

"Bison.  Now you have yet another against you."  He clenched
his fist, then sighed, abruptly aware of how puny the size of
the fist he made was.  "I can't do much, but I'll try, Rei...I'll
try."

*****


                              LIVE!
                      FROM THE UltraDome!
                     THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE
                    IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME
                      SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
                        AND IMPROFANFIC!
                        IT'S TIME FOR...

         { M A G I C A L  T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
         {    C R O S S O V E R    F I G H T I N G      }
         {             F E D E R A T I O N              }
         {                .-----------.                 }
         {                | U-L-T-R-A |                 }
         {                `-----------'                 }
         {          http://www.mtcffultra.com          }

        Episode #48: Ladies Night!  ^_~
        This Episode Written By:         Delfina
   Additional Material Provided By: Chris Nichols
                                         Stephica
                                         Twoflower
        MTCFF Ultra created by Twoflower

*****

"WEEEEEEELLLLLLLLCCCCCCCOOOOOMMMMMEEEEEEE TO ULTRA,
EVERYONE!" Sana yelled.  The crowd responded by cheering
wildly and sending numerous waves of sound pulsating throughout
the Ultradome, causing its walls to vibrate with them.
Fortunately, the Ultradome was built to withstand this sort
of thing, so it weathered the sonic booms just fine.

"And we've got a GREAT CARD for you tonight!" Sana
continued.  "First will be the Disciples of the Void and Team
Rocket GRUDGE MATCH!  WAI!  Go Jessie!"

Tarou groaned, and turned on his mic.  "We also have a match
between the Mad Taunter and Dark Schneider."

"YES!  WE DO!  And after that, a match between our
NEWEST OMEGA CONTENDER, YUFFIE!  AND NAGA!
WAAIIIII!!!!"

"Right.  And then a match between Gally and Mewtwo..."

"That's been WAITED ON for FOREVER!  WILL THIS
RESOLVE THEIR FEUDING?  Will Washuu be restored?
GO Gally!  Girl power!  And then AFTER that, we have some
WAI WAI PSEUDOYAOI LUVLUV!  WAAAIIIII!!!!"

Tarou sweatdropped.  "What she means is, there's a special
match at the end of tonight's show."

"WAI!  Lots and lots of ULTRAVIOLENCE planned in
tonight's show!" Sana cheered, bouncing erratically around the
announcers' station.

Tarou's headphones crackled.  "Watch Sana.  She's slightly
burned out from last week's episode, we think, so make sure
she doesn't overexert herself."

"And how am I supposed to do that?" Tarou asked.

"You'll think of something, I'm sure."  Nabiki's line clicked off
and Tarou cursed to himself.

"Boy, do we have a fight for you!  The Disciples of the Void
are going to fight against Team Rocket, as was announced last
week at REBOOT after the fight between Jessie and Shermie!
There will be LOTS of BLOOD and GORE and hopefully
PUNCTURED SPLEENS!" Sana yelled into the microphone.

"Basically, it'll be a bloodbath.  The fashion loving floof and
the razor-haired bimbo, also known as Team Rocket, will be
crushed by the Disciples," Tarou dryly added.

Sana nodded eagerly.  "And look!  There they are!"  She
pointed at the top of the ramp leading to the ring.

Shermie bounced down to the ring, Yashiro walking
somewhat more sedately beside her.  She waved to the fans
and blew kisses -- not the electrical ones, mind you -- out at
the fanboys in the audience.

Yashiro rolled his eyes.  "Would you stop that?  We're here to
win a fight and prove that we're the best, not cater to the
drooling fans."

"But Yash-chan...it's so much fun!"  She pointed at the
nosebleed section.  "Look!  Isn't that so nice?  They're
acknowledging our greater ability at fighting!"

"More like, acknowledging the cleavage shots you're giving
them."  He sighed.  "You're such a ditz."

"I am not!" Shermie glared at Yashiro.  "Ooh, pretty lights!"

The pretty lights were the ones highlighting Team Rocket's
entrance into the ring.  The sounds of a high-powered engine
echoed through the Ultradome as Jessie and James made their
entrance riding a huge motorcycle.

"Well, that was an unimpressive entrance," Tarou commented.

"COOL BIKE!" Sana cheered.

"Prepare for trouble!"

"And make it double!"

A BMW K1200 LS in marrakesh red roared into the
Ultradome, James driving and Jessie perched sidesaddle
behind him.  It swept past the aisles, zoomed past the
audience, sped up the ramp that was set up by the ring, and
flew over the Disciples, the ring, and out the other exit,
swerving erratically.

Jack, Tifa, Bean, and Shingo ran down to the edge of the ring
to wait for Team Rocket.

Lights flashed, spotlights circled the arena, and the bike
screamed past the audience on the other side.  Jessie was
clinging for dear life onto James, her hair whipping in the
wind.  It then screeched to a halt right in front of the ring.
Both took a moment to rearrange their hair, and then renewed
their motto, the crowd cheering markishly in the interim.

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation!"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"

"To extend our reach to the stars above!"

"Jessie!"

"James!"

"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"  The two powerposed;
well, James did.  Jessie did as best she could from her current
position.  The crowd would have cheered regardless.

"How do they always manage to make their entrances
second?" Yashiro muttered.

"I think their entrance is cool!" Shermie bounced happily.

"You would."  Yashiro turned to Team Rocket.  "Are you two
ready to be creamed?"

"Ha!"  Jessie swept a hand through the air. "Don't
underestimate us.  I beat Shermie last week and I can do it
again!"

"That was luck," Yashiro scoffed.  "Look at you.  You're on
crutches.  There's no way you can win this time."

James stepped forward.  "Yes we can, and we will."  He
whispered to Jessie, "We will, right?"

"Shush!  Now help me into the ring," Jessie said.

"So, you're making the wounded member fight first, hm?
Well then, I think I'll let Shermie take a break and sit out.  I'll
be the first to smack her around a bit."  Yashiro waved
Shermie out of the ring, who obligingly stepped to the side.

Jessie smiled confidently, leaning back on her crutches.

"Tag me in if you need to, Jessie," James called as he also
stepped out of the ring.

][ LAMBDA MATCH #1
][ DISCIPLES OF THE VOID VS. TEAM ROCKET
][ FIGHT!

"Let's finish this off quickly," Yashiro said as he rushed in
towards Jessie, prepared to knock her out.  Unfortunately, he
hit the crutch that Jessie put up in his way.  "What?"

Jessie balanced herself on one foot and one crutch, and hit
Yashiro on the head with the other crutch.
*WHAMWHAMWHAM*

"WAI!  Look, Jessie's beating on Yashiro with her crutch!"
Sana cheered.

"The idiot should get his act together and grab it.  Beating that
rocket slut up should be a piece of cake for him," Tarou
replied.

"Ouch!  HEY!"  Grabbing the end of the crutch, he attempted
to pull it away from Jessie.

"No!"  Jessie held it firmly,  not letting Yashiro take it.

"Yes!"  Yashiro tugged with all of his force on the crutch.

"Okay."  Jessie smirked triumphantly, letting the crutch go,
sending Yashiro slamming into the ropes, knocked off-balance
with surprise.  She looked at James and signaled him, James
promptly ran over to Yashiro, popped a blue wig onto his
head, and then crawled underneath the ring.

"What the-- what the heck do you think you're doing, you
floof?"  Yashiro spun around to try and grab James, but
missed as the nimble Team Rocket member disappeared from
sight.

"Victreebel!"

The plant-based pokemon popped out and immediately looked
for James.  Spotting blue hair, he launched himself at Yashiro,
swallowing his head completely.

"Ano...Yash-chan, you have something on your head..."
Shermie intelligently noted.

"Mmmph, mrph, MMPH!"  Yashiro had his hands around
Victreebel and was attempting to pull him off.

"What?  You want me to tag you out?  Okay, Yash-chan!  I'll
fight good for you!"  Shermie pulled Yashiro out of the ring
and dumped him unceremoniously on the side.  Bouncing into
the ring, she fell into a defensive stance, facing Jessie.
"You're not going to get me the same way you did last time!"

"Drat."  Jessie leaned against the post of the ring and her
remaining crutch.  She then grinned and pulled out a pokeball.
"Weezing!  Stomp!"

The gaseous pokemon looked blank for a moment and then
jumped onto Shermie.  *STOMPSTOMP*.

"Wah!  Make him stop!"  Shermie started running around the
ring, Weezing in fast pursuit, occasionally bouncing off of her
head and knocking her down.  "Yashiro!  Help me!"

Victreebel flew across the ring, slightly dazed, and Yashiro
stood up.  "You're going to PAY, rocket slut!"

"Oh dear.  Victreebel, return!  James, I think it's your turn."
Jessie started edging towards the side of the ring, holding her
arm out to be tagged.  Yashiro bounded into the ring, throwing
Shermie out.

"Owie!  That wasn't very nice, Yash-chan," Shermie remarked
as she rubbed her sore bottom.

"You can't handle the job, so I'm going to finish her off."
Yashiro rushed at Jessie, who was currently doing a
remarkably good impression of a deer caught in the headlights
of a car, and got a lightning bolt to the face.

"PIKACHU!"  An angry yellow pokemon stared at Yashiro,
pulsing with electrical energy.  Yashiro barely registered the
shock -- having been accidentally hit by Shermie's kisses, such
as they were, many times before -- and continued on towards
Jessie, who was cowering in the corner of the ring.

*BONK*

"I'm afraid that Jessie's going to have to leave the ring for a
bit," James said, putting the crutch down.  "My turn."  Jessie
quickly left the ring and hobbled over to stand by Jack,
Shingo, Tifa and Bean.

"Oh please, you're just as pathetic as she is.  Don't worry, you
won't even see it coming."  Yashiro cracked his knuckles and
jabbed his fist towards James' face.  James' survival instincts
kicked into overdrive and he started frantically dodging
Yashiro's increasingly faster punches and kicks.

"Ack!  Jessie, what do I do?"

"Use a pokemon, of course."  Jessie threw a pokeball at James,
which he barely caught.

"Thanks!  Mew!" James threw the pokeball in Yashiro's
general direction, who instinctively dodged, remembering
what happened the last time he had a pokeball thrown at him.
"Um, pound attack, Mew!"

The psychic pokemon floated serenely in the air and pulled
out a huge mallet made entirely of psychic energy.  "Mew!"

"Oh please, like some little rat is going to do anything to me,"
Yashiro scoffed.

The little rat in question floated over to Yashiro, held his
mallet high, and brought it down upon Yashiro's head -- it
happened so fast Yashiro didn't even have time to blink.
"Mew!" *WHAM*  "Mew!"  *WHAM*

"OOH!  Would you LOOK at that!  Mew's POUND attack is
being utilized by JAMES, and it appears that YASHIRO is
SUFFERING the consequences of his DOUBT!" Sana cried,
bouncing wildly in her announcer's seat, her pupils a little
dilated.

Tarou looked at Sana, with a vague expression of concern.
"Don't collapse until *after* the show, you sugar loving
freak."

"I'm just FINE, Panty-CHAN!  Why do YOU ask?"  Her eyes
opened wider and one eye started twitching a bit.

"...No reason, I guess."  He shrugged.  "But if you call me
Panty-chan agai--"

Sana screamed with joy as Mew pounded Yashiro again.
"WAI!  Back to the fight!  Where more ULTRAVIOLENCE
is taking place!"

"Get your freaking rat off of me!" Yashiro cried, dodging the
blows from Mew.

James grinned from his safe vantage point across the ring.
"Not yet."  He pulled out another pokeball.  "Arbok!  Wrap
attack!"

The reptilian pokemon bounded out of his ball and snagged
his tale around Yashiro's foot, yanking him off-balance and
knocking him to the ground in the process, then sat on top of
him.  It then looked questioningly at James, as Yashiro
struggled beneath him.

"Yash-chan!" Shermie bounced at the edge of the ring holding
her hand out.  "Let me in!  I can fight!"

Yashiro sighed as the referee walked over to start the ten
count.  "No, Shermie.  I'll beat them."  He strained against the
pokemon's grip.  James walked over and hit him in the head
with one of Jessie's crutches.  Yashiro passed out.

"Arbok!  Return!" James put the pokeball away and walked
towards Jessie, helping her into the ring so that they could
strike a victory pose together.  "We are the champs!"

Jessie nodded in agreement.  "Yes, we are!  We are the better
fighters!"

Shermie glared at Jessie. "No you aren't.  We are, and we're
going to prove it to you!  Just wait!"  She grabbed Yashiro's
arm and dragged him out of the ring quickly.  "I will show
Daisuke-chan I'm the best."

James blanched.  "You don't think they'll come after us again,
do you?"

Jessie looked uncertain.  "I hope not."

Jack walked over to Team Rocket and clapped them both on
the back, almost knocking Jessie down if Shingo had not
stepped  in and caught her.  "Congratulations you two!  Now,
let's go get James ready for his next match."

James groaned.  "I can hardly wait."

*****

Click.  Click.  Click.  Click.  SKRONNNNGGGGG.

"General Protection Fault," the chiming, musical voice of
Yggdrasil spoke.  "Beirut is now covered in grape jello."

"ARRGH!!" young Skuld the Goddess wailed, pulling at her
hair.

If she could remember which God had designed the Third
Impact subroutine into Yggdrasil, she'd go back in time and
bop him one with her hammer.

It served no conceivable purpose that SHE could see other
than to screw everything up.  Everybody dies and whoever's at
the center of the impact gets control over the universe?  God
him-or-herself unable to do anything?  What was the POINT?
Seemed a ridiculously dangerous thing to leave lying around.

But then again, wasn't that always the way?  The Godhead had
swapped around more often in the last few years than in the
last from aeons, all because the Gods were... less than all-
seeing, all-knowing, wise and loving.  She'd be the first to
admit (in quiet whispers to a trusted confidant) that the God
which came before Kasumi was a blithering idiot.  Putting the
Godhead up in a fighting contest--!  Of course, that's what
Kasumi did as well, and Jack, and so on...

They never thought about the little people.  Not the silly
mortals, of course, but the staff of Heaven who had to clean up
after the mess.  That's why she was here on a Sunday, tapping
away at the metaphorical keyboard of Yggdrasil, error
checking and spot fixing reality after the wake of Third
Impact.  A nice Sunday, too.  A Sunday when she could be
flying the new polyfiber enhanced kite she had designed...

But NOOOO, here she was, working overtime.  Despite her
Iron Sysadmin training ('Nor rain nor sleet nor script
kiddies...'), this was pushing her patience.

At least she had enough time to get Shinji to a special life
support tank she had designed before she was chained to the
debugger, so to speak.  He'd be fine in a week or two.  She
owed him that much...

SKROONNNGGG.  "General Protection Fault in Idaho,"
Yggdrasil spoke.  "It is now raining potatoes over Boise."

"They can deal with it," Skuld mumbled.  "I've got serious
errors in St. Petersburg and Zimbabwe to take care of first..."

Sometimes the most important realizations come a little too
late.

It's almost, she thought, as if the system was generating bugs
itself just to keep her busy...

"Incoming entity.  At high speed from sector zero zero zero
prime of Creation."

"Whoever it is can take a number," Skuld replied, only half
listening as she punched in the sequence for accessing reality
over the former Soviet Union.  "Hrm.  Actually, who is it?"

"Accessing."

Moments passed.  That's odd, she thought.  The system rarely
has to go to the database to identify an angel or goddess.  It
was designed to keep their records in cache, unless they hadn't
tried to access Yggdrasil in a long time...

With a quiet 'beep', a bare-bones file flashed up on screen.

Skuld squinted, not comprehending what she saw.  "What
the...?  What's the Met--"

A force which could not be seen by any mortal or immortal
eyes knocked Skuld completely out of her chair.  Alarms went
off left and right.  Something was not normal, and lately in
heaven, that was enough to send the troops scrambling...

Belldandy never scrambled, mind you.  Instead, she politely
phased into existence in Yggdrasil's core, and calmly looked
around.

"Hello," Skuld waved, from her seat at the keys.

Belldandy cocked her head.  "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing at all," Skuld said, pushing the keyboard away for
now.  "Just a false alarm.  I'm done here.  How's Shinji
doing?"

"He is well.  Your tank is quite a miracle, Skuld-chan,"
Belldandy complimented.  "I'm also impressed that you
finished cleaning up after Third Impact so soon..."

"There was nothing to clean, not really," Skuld said, fetching
her hammer.  "I've got some things to handle.  Can you log me
out, Belldandy?"

"I suppose, but--"

A sole glass of water marked the spot where Skuld was.

*****

"WELL, MY SLIGHTLY LESS LEGENDARY THAN
MYSELF APPRENTICE, I SEE THAT YOUR STRIKES
ARE STRIKING MORE CERTAIN!  WE WILL
DEFINITELY DEFEAT ALL WHO STAND IN OUR WAY
IN THIS TOURNEY!"

"Thank you, sensei."  Kunou stepped through the kata swiftly,
gracefully, as his ancestors must have done years before him.
Nabiki and Morrigan exchanged brief mutual glances of some
admiration, then cleared their throats politely and watched
with amusement as the two fighters clumsily straightened
themselves out for their employer and her companion.

"Nabiki," Kunou nodded.

"Kunou, just the man I wanted to see." Nabiki smiled brightly
and sidled up to the fighter.

"...Yes?" Kunou intelligently replied.

"I'd like you to work for me, directly that is," Nabiki said,
placing her hand gently upon Kunou's chest.  He trembled.
She smiled.  "You want that Lambda belt, don't you?  I need
someone in that division to capture the title for me..."

Morrigan swished over to Haohmaru and brushed herself up
against him seductively.  "Yes, we'd *really* appreciate it."

The Samurai gulped.

****

"Well, that was easy," Nabiki said.

Morrigan giggled.  "I told you it would be a piece of cake."

Nabiki frowned, "I just hope they don't mess up."

Morrigan smiled at Nabiki.  "I'm sure everything will turn out
just fine."

*****

"Well, hello you two.  Chris and I greatly enjoyed your fight."

Shermie and Yashiro stopped.  "Xelloss-kun...we're sorry,"
Shermie said.  "We'll do much much better next time!"

"Now, Shermie-chan, I believe you.  And I've thought of the
perfect way you can make it up to me," Xelloss said, smiling
brightly.

Yashiro spoke up, "What is it, Xelloss?  We'll do it!"

Chris nodded, "Right away!"

Xelloss thoughtfully stroked his chin. "Actually, this is a
special assignment for Shermie-chan.  She lost at REBOOT
last week to Jessie, which disappointed me greatly."  He
smiled slightly at Shermie's downcast face.  "And then, all of
you failed to prevent the world from being restored.  No, this
is something only Shermie-chan can do, to prove her loyalty."

Shermie formed a fist with her hand, and held it up
triumphantly as she cheerily cried, "Whatever it is, Xelloss-
kun, I'll do it!  I'll make all of you proud of me again!"

"Very good," Xelloss nodded.  "I want you to kill Daisuke."

Her face paled.  "Dai--daisuke-chan?"

"You've been practicing for ages for this, haven't you?  All of
the stalking, the new toys -- you know, the sharp shiny ones?
This shouldn't be a problem for you."  Xelloss waggled a
finger at her.  "Now, be a good girl and go do that, hm?  As
for me, I'm going to take care of some other business.
Yashiro, Chris, go find something to occupy your time.
Maybe practice, after all, Chris hasn't exactly been doing that
well in Gamma, now has he?"  Chris blushed.  Xelloss simply
smiled wider.  "I'll see you later.  Ta."  He winked out, the
afterimage of his smile hanging in the air for a moment.

Chris nodded. "You heard what he said.  Let's go practice,
Yashiro."  He turned and walked off in the direction of the
training dojos without a backwards glance.

Shermie had sunk to the floor and was clenching and
unclenching her fists.  Yashiro started to follow after Chris,
but then stepped towards Shermie and knelt down next to her.
"Sure you can handle this alone, Shermie?"

She nodded.  "I'll...I'll be fine, Yash-chan."

Yashiro stared at her for a moment, gave a slight nod and
stood up.  "Good.  Don't screw up or anything, okay?  We'll
train together later."

*****

"Wasn't that a WONDERFUL FIGHT?  Next up, we have lots
of WAI WAI ULTRAVIOLENCE when Dark Schneider and
Dan HIBIKI FACE off!"  Sana bounced excitedly in her chair,
dark patches below her eyes. Tarou glanced over at her again.

"Sana?"

"Wai!  Yes, Pant*cough,cough*," Sana covered her mouth
with her hand and started blinking very rapidly.

"Sana?"  Tarou leaned closer to the little girl and, not knowing
really what else to do, poked her.  She collapsed.  "...Crap.
Medic?"  Medical personnel immediately ran in, with Nabiki
following shortly afterwards.

"What's going on, Tarou?" Nabiki demanded.  "The crowd is
getting restless.  I turned off the feed from here, but they know
that something's going on."

A medic stood up from taking stock of Sana's situation and
bowed to Nabiki.  "Ms. Tendou, it appears that Sana has
overexerted herself.  She just needs to rest for a week or so
and she'll be fine."

"What?  So she can't finish announcing the show tonight?"

The medic nodded her head.  "No, I'm afraid not."  She waved
the emergency team to carry the child star out of the
Ultradome.  "We must be going along now.  Good luck with
the show."

Tarou grinned.  "So, does this mean I finally get to announce
alone?"

"No."  Nabiki pulled out her cell phone and made a quick call.
"Put on a commercial."

"But the only commercial we have is for that show you didn't
want us to advertise, Ms. Tendou," was the response.

"I don't care.  Just air out.  We need time."  Clicking the phone
off, she turned to Tarou.  "I'm going to get us an announcer,
even if it will cost me, we need someone to balance your
certain...flair out."

Tarou blinked.  "Who?"

"Oh, you'll see."

*****

A white room outfitted with a white couch and a white
television set appeared on the screen.  Then a door opened in
the white wall and a luscious blonde with long flowing hair
and dressed in a slinky red dress walked out.  She sat down on
the couch, arranged her assets for the best camera view, and
turned on the TV.  The NeoFighters logo floated onto the
screen.

"NeoFighters!  An mtcff Ultra production, every Wednesday
at midnight!"

The woman turned to the camera and smiled seductively.  "So,
what will *you* be watching?"

*****

Hiroshi heard the phone ringing and promptly ignored it,
waiting for Ultra to come back on.  Team Rocket had beat the
Disciples, good, good.  Let's see...who was up next?  Dark
Schneider and Dan?  Being a DanFan, it was pretty obvious
who he was going to cheer for in this match.

"Hiroshi?"

"Yes, Mom?"

"Nabiki's on the phone for you, and there's a helicopter
landing in the backyard."

"...Thanks, Mom."

*****

Nabiki had told him to stall, so stall he did.  "Well, that was
NeoFighters, a new Ultra production that airs on Wednesday
nights at midnight!  Right after the Rubber Lovers Club Hour
and before Edo's Pet Corner!"

The crowd looked slightly interested, so he continued.

"Now you'll have Ultraviolence two nights a week!"

The crowd cheered.

Tarou tried to think of what else to say.  "...Akari Jameson is
the announcer.  She was on that commercial just now."

The crowd wondered when the show would get started again.

"And I bet you can't wait til that exciting Dark Schneider and
Dan Hibiki match.  We'll get to see Darshu beat the crap out of
the Pink Thing!"

The crowd started booing.  Tarou realized exactly why he
needed an announcing partner.

"OR we'll see Dan Hibiki's glorious taunting attacks and a lot
of ULTRAVIOLENCE!"  Hiroshi yelled into a mic as he ran
into the Ultradome, slightly winded.  "I'm
baaaaaaaccccckkkk!"

The crowd broke out into applause as Hiroshi ran up to the
announcers' table.  Nabiki appeared beside him and motioned
for a cameraman to start recording.  Nodding when her face
flashed onto the Ultratron, she started her speech.  "Sana-chan
overexerted herself too much, so she's going to be resting up
for a bit."  Seeing the crowd's startlement, she waved her hand.
"Don't worry, she'll be fine.  She just needs to rest.  But while
she's gone, Hiroshi has agreed to come back to Ultra to
announce for a bit!"  The crowd roared with approval.  "So
now I'm going to put this show in the capable hands of Hiroshi
and Tarou!  The next fight will be exciting, between Dark
Schneider and Dan Hibiki!  Let's start!"

Nabiki waved the cameraman away and turned off her mic.
Hiroshi glanced at her, then at Tarou.  Seeing Nabiki's nod, he
turned off his mic and looked directly at Tarou.  "My terms
are non-negotiable.  If you harass me, I quit.  And if I'm forced
to get together with Lilith, I quit.  Got that, Pantyhose?"

"What?"  Tarou turned to Nabiki.  "Uh, what's going on here?"

Nabiki looked coolly at Hiroshi while she explained to Tarou.
"He's set conditions, and if we didn't need him right now we
would never have agreed to them.  First, like he said, don't
harass him.  I want you to cooperate with him.  Secondly, I am
not allowed to set him up with Lilith since he believes that he's
in love with Rei."

Hiroshi flushed.  "I am in love with Rei.  The only reason I
agreed to this is on the off chance that I might see her again."

Nabiki nodded.  "Very well.  Get to announcing, we have a
show to run.  Dan and Darshu should be entering their arena
any moment now."

The two announcers nodded and took their positions while
Nabiki quietly exited.

"Now it's time for the big match between Dan and Darshu!
Who will win?" Hiroshi yelled into his mic.

Tarou smirked.  "You have to ask?  Dark Schneider, of
course."

"And this match will be taking place on the lovely space
station--" Hiroshi was interrupted by an assistant handing him
a slip of paper.  "Well, it looks as though this match has been,
ah, rescheduled to a different venue."  He pointed down at the
ring.  "They're going to be fighting it out here!  Live, in the
Ultradome!"

Tarou grabbed the note.  "They're doing a...karaoke contest?"

Hiroshi grinned.  "This will be fun.  Look, there's the Omega
ref now!"  Krillin walked onto the ring, which had been hastily
made into a stage, and waved at the crowd.  He was holding
two packages and appeared to be waiting for the contenders.

Heavy rock blared out of the speakers in the Ultradome as
Dark Schneider, Commander of the four lords of Havoc,
Defender of the Kingdom of Metallicana, and Omega champ
walked in.  Heading towards the ring, he paused to smirk at
the crowd, then went over to Krillin, who handed him one of
the packages.

"Look!  There's Dark Schneider!  And what's in those
packages?" Hiroshi received another note.  "Oh!  Those are
the costumes for the karaoke contest!  This should be
interesting."

"Costumes?"  Tarou picked up the note and looked at it.
"Where did these come from?"  He was drowned out as "Kung
Fu Fighting" started pumping out of the speakers with intense
volume.  Then the Macho Man himself, Taunting Godhead
Legend Stone Cold Dan Hibiki, appeared in a flash of pink
light on the ring.  He bared his manly forearm and cried,
"OYAJI!"

"OYAJI!" Hiroshi echoed excitedly from the announcer's
table.  "Finally, Dan's here!  Now, let's see 'em put on those
costumes and get to work!  According to the rules set up for
this unique match, the crowd will choose who is the better
singer by applause!  Krillin will judge the amount of applause
each fighter gets."  Krillin nodded from his position in the ring
and handed Dan his package, then directed them to the
improvised dressing rooms set up in the corners of the rings.

Tarou's line crackled.  "What's going on, Tarou?  I thought
they were being sent to duke it out in that space station?"

"Apparently someone messed with the instructions given on
the computer, changing them to this," Tarou responded.  "Do
you want me to cancel this match?"

Nabiki's line went silent, then, "Let it go on.  If we stop it now
it will cause our ratings to go down."

"Yes, Ms. Tendou."

*****

Jack chortled as he watched the two fighters exiting their
dressing rooms.  "This will be FUN."  He turned to his
companion.  "Thanks Lain-chan."

Lain nodded.

*****

"Well, the two fighters are out now.  What's that that they're
wearing?" Hiroshi said, looking at the ring.  Dan walked out
of his dressing room clad in a pink and white fuku.  His manly
chest was partly exposed and he took advantage of that to pose
for the laughing audience.

"OOSHA!  And where is my competitor?  Or is he too shy and
girlish to come out in this somewhat spiffy ensemble?"

Darshu stomped out of his dressing room, his clothing covered
somewhat by his cape.  He grabbed a microphone from Krillin
and glowered at Dan.  "What is the meaning of this?"

Krillin grinned and snatched the cape off of Darshu, revealing
him to be in a similar outfit to Dan, only blue and white.  His
muscles bulged underneath the thin material of the fuku.
"Well, this is a special karaoke match, Dark Schneider.  You
and Dan here are going to do a duet to 'Otome no Inori'."

"What?!"

"Are you not up to it, Dark Schneider?  Are you afraid that my
superior singing prowess will surpass yours?" Dan pointed at
the screens set up by the ring.  "I am ready to begin!  Put the
words on there and I will amaze you with my super karaoke
powers!"

Darshu groaned.  "Fine.  I'll do it.  I'm singing Lina's part."

"Then I shall sing Amelia's part, the peace-loving princess
who fights with the Hammer of JUSTICE!"

Darshu sweatdropped.  "Just start the music, please?"  The
words floated upon the screen and the music started.

The two stood side by side, each holding a  hand up to the sky.
"To this small girl," Darshu choked, "Loving is wonderful, my
da-arling!"

Lina  happened to flip on Ultra at this time, stared at the
screen for a few moments, and then fell over laughing.

Darshu looked as though he might be violently ill.  "A
glistening rouge..."

"A longful dre-eam!" Dan bopped along the edge of the stage,
smiling brightly.

"A pink...peach?" Darshu exclaimed, but caught himself and
joined in with Dan on the next line.

"I want to reach for it -- a maiden's prayer!"  The two shifted
positions and started walking along the stage.

"I float to the night sky -- the silver of this happiness!
I like to shake the waves of darkness
My  little heart is aching so profoundly
Let my heart leap into your origin!"

Dan started crying manly tears, while Darshu bit out more
lyrics.

"I bet you, let me reach, it's this maiden's will
It's all I am, this pretty me."

During the brief instrumental break, Dan started working the
crowd by prancing up and down the stage, showing off his
manly legs that were accentuated by the pink high heels.
Darshu glared at the laughing fans.

"To this small girl loving is
wonderful, my da-arling!"

"I'm giddy, that cologne," Darshu sang flatly.

"A BEAUTIFUL DREAM!" Dan sang exultantly.

"...a light blue parasol."

"I wish it would come true, it's this maiden's will!"  Dan
moved back to stand next to Darshu and prodded him slightly.
Darshu ignored him.  This time, the audience joined in with
the chorus, clapping with the rhythm.

"I float to the night sky -- the silver of this happiness
I like to shake the waves of darkness
My little heart is aching so profoundly
Let my heart enter into your origin!"

Dan grinned encouragingly at the audience while Darshu
plotted his revenge.

"I beg you,  let me reach, it's this maiden's will
The last kiss is a boomerang
This boomerang is a ticket for a one-way trip!"

Dan moved to stand in the center of the stage and held his arm
out to the crowd.  "It's all I am!  This pretty me!"  He thumped
his manly chest emphatically while the crowd hollered with
laughter.

Not to be outdone, Darshu shoved Dan out of the way and
sang, "I feel like I'm on top of a white Pegasus!"

Together, they sang the final lyrics, "Delivering the jigsaw
puzzle of love's last piece!"

The audience gave them a standing ovation, clapping for five
minutes straight before finally lowering enough in volume for
Krillin to be heard over the speaker system.  "Okay!  Wasn't
that special?  Now, by a show of loudness, who was the better
performer?  Was it Dark Schneider, current Omega belt
holder," the audience burst into polite applause, "Or Dan,
former Gamma belt holder?"  The waves of sound issuing
from the audience almost knocked the people on stage off.
Krillin sweatdropped.  "Well, that's that then.  I judge Dan to
be the winner!"

"OOSHA!  I am the karaoke CHAMP!"

"Wow, what an interesting match, folks!" Hiroshi shouted.
"And Dan is the MAN!"

"If you think that what he is can be called a man, then yes he
is," Tarou said dryly.  "Next up is the match with Yuffie and
Naga.  Yay."

Hiroshi pounced on Tarou's last comment.  "YAY is right!
This will be a match worth seeing!"

*****

Forms, forms, AOL diskette, forms, bills, forms, forms, AOL
diskette...

Bills?

Man, the phone company could screw you even HERE.

Lina tossed the offending envelope into the trash.  If Ma Bell
wanted to send some kneecapers after her for not paying for
long distance service, she welcomed them.  See 'em try to deal
with the Lord Almighty...

It might be a nice change of pace, actually.  Lately,
NOTHING had been going well for her, God or not God.
Xelloss twisting Cloud into this war.  Third Impact nearly
wrecking all of creation.  And now, as if it was punishment for
saving the world, she had to deal with Heaven's red tape
bureaucracy just to get things done and clean up the world!

Sorceress supreme, enemy of all who live, Dragon Spooker,
Lina had been called many things -- but she never wanted to
be Lina Inverse, Paper Pusher.  So, just this one time, she
pushed all the paper on her desk directly into an incinerator
box of Holy Fire.  (Including a written request from Nabiki for
videotapes of Third Impact so she could put them in the PPV
replay.)

There was a knocking upon the office door of the All Mother.

"If it's bad news, take it to someone else!" Lina called out.

The door opened a crack, and the young goddess peered in.
"Is this a bad time, Lina?" Skuld asked.  "It's rather
important..."

"Oh, Skuld," Lina said, relieved it wasn't someone telling her
the world had broken in half or was coated in red paint or
anything.  "Come in, come in.  What's up?"

"I was wondering if we could decommission Yggdrasil,"
Skuld asked, after walking in.

"......" Lina replied.  "Um.  Yggdrasil?  The root tree of life?
The computer that the whole of reality rotates around?
Without which we are--"

"It's not needed, actually," Skuld explained.  "It was installed
sixteen thousand years ago by an earlier God who felt there
needed to be more modernization around Heaven.  To tell the
truth, all those bugs it detects?  It's creating them.  That God
had a very unusual concept of work ethic and didn't like
laziness... so he made a machine to create problems for the
Goddesses to handle."

"Cute joke, Skuld.  I needed a laugh.  But I'm actually really
busy--"

"It's not a joke, Lina.  In fact, I'd suggest looking at a few
other tried and true traditions around here," Skuld
recommended.  "You'd be surprised how often they're
superfluous.  Like Third Impact, remember?  A relic from a
long gone God whose original purpose for it was lost to the
winds of time.  If someone had noticed it lying around like a
bad apple waiting to turn up and deleted it instead of
launching all those angels against Tokyo-3, we wouldn't be in
this situation."

"Ah... I see, I see," Lina said, a little uncomfortable.  She
wasn't dense.  Something was strange here with the young
goddess.  "So... remove Yggdrasil?  How?  I thought
everything would crash without it."

"Don't you have faith in the universe, Lina?" Skuld asked,
leaning on her desk.  "If you drop an apple, it falls.  If an
object is set on fire, it combusts.  The planets whirl around the
stars.  It's like clockwork; the gears turn and you, the one with
the Godhead, have nothing to do with that.  You can change
the gears around to your liking, as most Gods did... quite
freely... without putting a lot of thought to it... but the gears
keep turning, with or without you, and without Yggdrasil.
Trust me.  It can be done, and nothing will explode if it's
uninstalled carefully."

"Is there something going on I should know about, Skuld?"
Lina asked.  "This isn't like you.  I thought you loved
computers.  And you're acting surprisingly mature about this."

"Oh, I do love computers," Skuld explained.  "Flawless
machines.  Infinite creative potential.  Terrific, really.  It's the
software of human error that makes them go wrong.  Sorry to
take up so much of your time with such a minor thing -- I'll be
going.  I've got things to take care of.  I'll speak with you
again."

"Riiight," Lina said, unsure.  "Good.  You do that."

Skuld smiled, bowed, and made her way to the door... pausing
just before stepping that final foot out of God's office.

"By the way, where's the answer?" she asked.

Lina looked up.  "Eh?  The what?"

"I see.  Never mind," Skuld answered, and closed the door
softly.

God's finger went to the buzzer of her intercom.

"Have Belldandy summoned to my office, please!" Lina called
out, nice and loud (to compensate for the intercom's faulty
microphone.)  "And I want records of everything Skuld has
been doing for the last few hours.  Something's not right here."

*****

"Wasn't that last match REALLY SOMETHING, Tarou?"
Hiroshi shouted.

"Yeah," Tarou replied dryly, "A real gas.  Someone get me
some Mylanta."  He was set upon by several nearby medical
personnel bearing bottles of indigestion medications.

"Ask and ye shall receive!" Hiroshi enthused.  "But now we
should get to our next match-up!  This one is sure to please
quite a few fans out there!  In a non-title Omega bout--"

"All of the matches are non-title till after the pay-per-view.
Naga doesn't have the title anyways, Dark Sckneider does,"
Tarou commented.

"--to get her feet wet, newcomer YUFFIE KISARAGI will be
up against everyone's favorite saucy sorceress, NAGA THE
WHITE SERPENT!" Hiroshi finished, panting slightly.  He
was a little out of practice.

Tarou rolled his eyes.  "Great, more fun with Magical Melons
and her grating laugh.  Do I get hazard pay for this?"

"NO!" his co-anchor rejoiced.  "So ARE WE READY TO
RUMBLE?"

"I'm ready to deck you, does that count?" the cursed one
muttered.

Hiroshi shot him a dirty look, then continued, "This
unprecedented match will be held in the lovely suburb of
Glastonbury, Connecticut!  Something never seen in an
Omega match -- well not for a while, at least!  They will
actually be fighting in a POPULATED AREA!  Isn't that
UNREAL?"

"Hold up," Tarou said, signaling he was serious.  "You mean
we're unleashing *Omega* level combatants in a suburban
environment?  Are you people out of your *minds*?
Remember what happened the last time?"

The radio from the control room buzzed. Nabiki's voice
crackled: "Ratings.  Besides, have you ever been to
Glastonbury?"

Tarou shook his head. "I'd never heard of it before now," he
admitted.

"Then sit back.  You don't know what kind of suburb you're
dealing with here." The radio buzzed again, then cut out.

Hiroshi turned back to his mic.  "SO I SAY AGAIN-- ARE
WE READY TO RUMBLE?"

"WE'RE READY!" screamed the rabid fans, tearing at their
clothing in near Bacchic-ecstacy.

"THEN LET'S GET TO IT!  TO THE DOME!"

][  OMEGA MATCH #2
][  NAGA THE WHITE SERPENT VS. YUFFIE KISARAGI
][  FIGHT!

An interdimensional portal opened up onto a quiet park in the
middle of a charming suburb.  A fountain splashed quietly
while birds chirped gaily and children sped past on their way
to the hobby store.  Traffic was light, the sun was shining, and
life was good in Glastonbury.

The euphoric atmosphere was shattered by an ear-piercing
"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

Naga the White Serpent surveyed her surroundings with some
surprise.  Where were the dry, desolate canyons and
unpopulated rock deserts?  Did she take a wrong turn in the
portal subspace somewhere? No, someone of her greatness
could not possibly have made such a mistake.  She shrugged,
bosom bouncing in defiance of gravity, and awaited the arrival
of her opponent.

The sorceress didn't have to wait long.  Another portal opened
up not ten feet away and spilled forth a young girl in tan shorts
and a green shirt.  She wore some sort of body armor on her
left arm, and had what appeared to be some sort of brace on
her left leg.  In her right hand was a shuriken of impossible
size.  Her eyes roamed the landscape mischievously.

"*Ahem*," Naga cleared her throat.  "You must be the little
girl who has come to try to defeat ME, Naga the White
Serpent, in single combat before thousands of my adoring
fans!  However I, Naga the White Serpent, will quash your
dreams where they stand because you are highly outclassed!
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

The girl looked up, and a sly grin crept across her face.  "You
think so?"  And without another word, she whipped her
shuriken in Naga's direction.

"What the -- HEY!" Naga ducked, the weapon nearly grazing
her.  She turned to Gokuu, who was just stepping out of a
portal that had opened directly over the fountain. "Can she do
that?  Just hurl something at me without warning?"

Before the referee could answer, Yuffie pulled out another
large shuriken from subspace.  Something small and jewel-like
flashed as she proceeded to hurl shuriken after shuriken at her
opponent, who ducked and spun repeatedly, cursing all the
while.

"Now wait just ONE minute here," Naga panted, chest
heaving, as she dodged Yuffie's high-speed attacks.  "Can't we
-- *huff* -- Oh for crying out -- *puff* -- THAT'S IT! ZELAS
GORT!"

The air was suddenly filled with jellyfish of all shapes and
sizes.  Some poor creatures were mercilessly cut down by
Yuffie's lightning-fast attacks, while others landed harmlessly
in the fountain.  Still others fastened themselves to each
combatant's heads and bodies, meeping impossibly.

As one landed over her face, Yuffie growled, "Tifa didn't
HAVE materia for this!"  She peeled the sea creatures off her
throwing arm and her head, then started doing some sort of
rhythmic motion with her arms.  In a frenzy of movement, she
dashed around Naga's form and struck the sorceress in several
places with the shuriken.  Naga's clothing fell away in bits and
pieces.

*****

"What the HELL was that?" Tarou asked.

"Looks like Yuffie got off a LIMIT BREAK! What a GAL!"
Hiroshi screamed, turning several shades of red, followed by
purple, then approaching blue.

Tarou gave his co-announcer a withering glance.  "Try
breathing sometime.  You might like it."

Hiroshi grinned back.  "Try dying sometime.  The fans might
like it."  He turned back to the monitor.  "Well, I see we're
getting our usual bit of fanservice from Naga!  Wonder what
she'll do next!"

"Hopefully get some real clothes and swallow one of those
jellyfish whole," Tarou commented.

*****

"FREEZE ARROW!"  Naga the White Serpent cried,
oblivious to her nigh-nakedness.  The icy blast hit Yuffie
directly in the chest and sent her sailing across the town
center.  She landed in a pile of slowly drying jellyfish, which
cushioned her fall only slightly.

It was at that moment that the local police arrived.

"Excuse me, ladies," an officer said, striding into the town
center.  He carefully avoided dirtying his spit-shined shoes on
the gelatinous sea creatures.  "Is there a problem here?"

Naga glared at him.  Yuffie picked herself up from the ground
and wiped jellyfish-ooze from her clothing.

"You do know we have a town ordinance against having
unlicensed pets out in public," the officer continued, pulling
his citation pad out of a pocket.  "I'll have to write you up for
this."

Neither of the combatants could think of a dignified response.

Officer Oblivious started jotting on his pad.  "Oh, and miss?"
he addressed Naga,  "I'm sorry, but we have regulations about
the sort of clothing you can wear in public in this town.  Shirts
must cover the midriff, and shorts can't be more than four
inches above the knee.  I'll have to write you up for that as
well."

Naga found her voice.  "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to have
mistaken me for a common peasant from this area.  Do you
not recognize the beautiful, talented Naga the White Serpent,
Greatest Rival and Friend to Lina Inverse, current God?"

"I'm sorry, miss, but all I see is a large-breasted woman
wearing entirely too little clothing," the nice officer replied,
still writing.

"Are you insulting my fashion sense, little man?" The
sorceress's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"What fashion sense?" Yuffie muttered.

The officer looked up from his notes. "No, miss, I'm just
telling you that you need to put on more clothes.  Prostitution
is cause for arrest in this town."

Yuffie fell over laughing.  Naga's reaction was a bit different.

"Prostitution, indeed! I cannot BELIEVE I'm being accused of
something so demeaning as prostitution-"

"Uh, miss?" the officer interrupted.  "Could I see some
identification?  You seem a little young to be wearing clothes
that revealing, and I really think I should notify your parents."

In response, Naga grew red and shrieked, "GU LU
DOUGER!"

The sky grew dark, and something even darker could be made
out on the horizon.  It approached quickly, becoming a large
dragon spewing out large-scale destruction on the suburb.
Strangely, there were no screams or flames or any signs that
said destruction was taking place.

The White Serpent let loose a glass-shattering
"OHOHOHOHOHOHO!" and waved her arms wildly, as if
air-traffic-controlling the dragon's path of flight.  The dragon
was having none of it, however.  It continued to fly in a
straight line- directly over the town center.  Naga and Yuffie
both dove for cover while the police officer continued to write
up the citation in peaceful oblivion.  Naga dove headfirst into
the fountain, among the jellyfish still there, while Yuffie tried
to cover herself with piles of jellyfish on the ground.

Gokuu, to his credit, remained exactly where he'd been the
entire fight: Sitting on a park bench.

The dragon roared overhead, its breath annihilating jellyfish
throughout the town center.  Then it was past, continuing on
its flight path to the opposite horizon.  Out of the blue, a
crowd of conservatively dressed men and women assembled
themselves in the line of fire, and started waving arms and
shaking fingers and making speeches in the dragon's general
direction.  The dragon circled them warily, still bent on
obliterating anything and everything, then gave a pained
squawk and ceased to exist.

At the same time, the video feed to the Ultradome went black.

*****

"Who WERE those people?" Hiroshi yelled, gripping the table
with white-knuckled fists.

"What I want to know is, what was that spell?" Tarou said,  his
rude demeanor eclipsed by his own sense of shock.  "I don't
think I've ever seen Naga cast anything that powerful."

"She summoned a Dimos Dragon," came a familiar voice,
"But she should have known better than to do it in a public
place like that."

Both announcers turned to see the current God, Lina Inverse,
standing near a monitor.  She had her arms crossed and looked
none too happy.

"GOD, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" Hiroshi roared before
he could stop himself.  The crowd cheered hesitantly, still
unsure of what to make of the fight.

"What, exactly, is a Dimos Dragon?" Tarou asked, elbowing
Hiroshi under the table.  His co-announcer responded in kind
with a heel to the shins.

Lina started pounding on the monitor.  "Well, it's a species of
dragon indigenous to the Kataart Mountains.  The Gu Lu
Douger summons them, but they're a pain in the ass to control.
Normally, you can't get rid of them without a high-powered
shamanistic or black magic spell.  Poor Naga has the power to
summon them but can't banish them.  So I'm wondering what
those locals had that did it."  She kicked the monitor.  "What
the hell does it take to get some tech support around here?!"

Immediately, several technicians were dispatched to get the
monitor working again, as well as reestablish video feed from
the Omega match site.  After several applications of
percussive maintenance, the monitors around the Ultradome
came back to life.

*****

Naga the White Serpent dragged her soaked self out of
Glastonbury's town center fountain, hair dripping and jellyfish
clinging to her body.  She was unharmed, however, by the
Dimos Dragon's attack on the suburb.  The jellyfish on the
ground, outside of the fountain, had not faired as well; there
was a coat of sea-creature slime layered over the entire town
center.

The police officer still stood where he had before the dragon
passed overhead, writing in his citation book.  He looked up as
Naga shook herself off and said, "Swimming in the fountain,
that's a seventy-five dollar fine right there, miss, crisis
notwithstanding."

*****

There was a collective "..." from the crowd at the Ultradome.

"But WHERE'S YUFFIE?!" Hiroshi cried to the monitor.
"THIS FIGHT STILL ISN'T OVER!"

*****

Naga ignored the officer and shuffled off through the slime,
pulling meeping jellyfish out of her hair.  Then her foot caught
something and she went down face first.  She lay there a
moment before pushing herself up and brushing the slime
from the ground.

*****

Under a coat of obliterated jellyfish lay a very scorched and
very unconscious Yuffie Kisaragi.  Naga prodded her
experimentally, then, satisfied the girl was not going to get up,
she let rip with a "OHOHOHOHOHO! Again, I, Naga the
White Serpent, am victorious!"

Gokuu roused himself from the park bench, only slightly the
worse for wear, and inspected Yuffie's inert form.  He nodded
once, raised Naga's left arm and said, "Naga the White Serpent
is the winner."

Naga smiled, then promptly collapsed and passed out.

*****

"There you have it, folks!" Hiroshi announced.  "Naga the
White Serpent has defeated Yuffie Kisaragi!"

The crowd came to its feet and cheered, glad to have a winner
after all the weirdness of the fight.

"Wait a minute," Lina interrupted the celebrations.  "There's
something I want to know.  Why did they have a match in a
Connecticut suburb?  I thought Omega matches were reserved
for barren planets and unpopulated regions of the worlds."

"Let me explain," Nabiki said, striding down the aisle from the
control booth.  "Glastonbury has been looking for publicity as
a 'Haven for the Conservative'.  It wanted to prove that its
Dome of Conservatism was impenetrable by even the most
destructive and bizarre of events.  I agreed that an Omega
match would be the perfect test."

Lina Inverse, still leaning against a monitor, whirled on the
Tendouu girl.  "But what if their Dome had been too weak?
We could have taken out too many innocent people with a
match like that!  Do you have ANY idea what a Gu Lu Douger
is capable of?  Naga's lucky she's still breathing, and we still
don't know about Yuffie's condition!  What kind of outfit are
you running down here, anyway?"

Ultra's owner and CEO just smiled.  "You just have to trust
me.  I'd say it was a pretty profitable experiment on both our
parts."  She shrugged. "Besides, no one got hurt.  The Dome
held, and if you look carefully, suburbia is happily
undisturbed."

She was right; nothing that was originally a part of
Glastonbury had been harmed during the dragon attack.

"In fact," Nabiki continued, "Naga probably did the smart
thing by diving into that fountain.  And to think, I always
figured that if she had a brain, it was in her bustline."

*****

Shermie walked silently through the halls of the Ultradome,
stalking her prey.  The lead pipe was getting a bit slippery
with her sweat, so she kept readjusting her grip.  There!  The
infamous CHAOS war room, also known as the combined
dressing rooms of Team Rocket and Shingo.  Footsteps
sounded down the hall, Shermie ducked into a doorway to
avoid being seen.  Peeking out slightly, she saw Jack walking
cheerfully, engrossed in a deep conversation with Mr. Duck.

"Yes, I do think that it would be very spiff if that happened.
But do you really think she's going to use grape jello?"

"Squeak."

"No, no!  I don't think so.  Strawberries and lemons just don't
mix well together in my opinion."

"Squeak, SQUEAK."

"Well, if you don't want to, you don't have to.  But I'll
certainly enjoy it."  He stopped before the door and pulled it
open.  "I'm here!"  Stepping inside, he closed the door firmly
behind him.  Shermie started to move in when she heard some
more voices floating down the hallway.

"I really don't think I brought enough whipped cream, Karin."
Two familiar figures walked down the hall together, carrying
various packages.

"Oh, come on, Sakura.  It'll be fine.  I'm sure that they'll deal
just fine with no whipped cream, assuming we run out."

"Well, if you say so..."

"Trust me!  I've done this many times before."  She knocked at
the door.  "Let's go."  A figure Shermie couldn't quite see
came to the door and let them in, then closed the door
securely.

"Ano...what is going on in there?"  Shermie shrugged and
hefted her lead pipe, stepping out into the hall.  She then heard
a muffled gasp from behind her.  "Hm?"  Spinning around, she
held up the lead pipe in front of her.  "Dai...Daisuke-chan?"

"Aaahh!  Shermie, don't hurt me!"  Daisuke cried, holding his
arms in front of him.  "Shingo!  Sakura!  I need some help!"

Shermie looked at the lead pipe she was holding and dropped
it.  The sound of the metal hitting the tile floor resounded
loudly, sending echoes down the hall.  Daisuke hesitantly let
down his arms and looked at her.  The door behind her
slammed open and the CHAOS stable piled out to look at the
scene.

Shermie looked up, her bangs falling away to reveal her eyes,
which were shimmering with unshed tears.  "Dai...Daisuke-
chan...I couldn't do it..."  Shingo quietly stepped forward to
pick up the lead pipe and handed it off to Jessie, who took it
inside their room.

Daisuke exchanged glances with Sakura, who had moved to
stand very close to Shermie, ready to knock her out if need be.
"Um.  Couldn't do what, Shermie?"

"I...I don't know if I can tell you..." The distraught girl swayed
a bit, then straightened.  She locked gazes with Daisuke, her
green eyes boring into his soul.  Daisuke gasped.  "I just
wanted to make you happy, Daisuke-chan.  I wanted to make
Yash-chan proud of me.  And Xelloss-kun too!"  She shook
her head.  "I can't make everyone happy.  Yash-chan is right.  I
am just a ditz."  She drooped.

Daisuke cleared his throat and waved everyone away, then
went over to stand by Shermie.  "I don't think that you're just a
ditz."  Although she scares the bejesus out of me.

She looked up.  "Really?"

"Yeah.  You're a little scary, but you're not just a ditz.  You're
a good fighter, too."  Daisuke realized what he just said, but
fortunately Shermie didn't seem to notice.

"I...I've still failed.  I've got to go.  Thank you, Daisuke-chan."
She quickly got up, bowed slightly, then ran down the hall.
Daisuke shook his head and walked into the war room.

Xelloss blinked into existence and smiled crookedly, gazing at
Shermie's departing form.  "Well, that wasn't a surprise.  Now
to make some arrangements..."

*****

Daisuke entered CHAOS HQ somewhat shell-shocked.
Shermie had just run off, and hadn't even tried to kill him.
Well, true...she was holding a potentially deadly weapon, but
she'd dropped it.  He idly wondered what  had happened to the
somewhat ditzy psychopath.  Shrugging, he decided that he'd
better attend to some more important things, such as attending
this small meeting.

Stepping inside, he was greeted with what looked like a small
spread.  Snacks were everywhere, some music was
playing...and everyone was sitting quietly and staring at the
door when he walked in.  "Um, hi guys?"

"Daisuke, are you all right?" Sakura asked.

"Where did Shermie go, anyways?" James said, peering past
him into the hall.

Jessie pushed James aside.  "She's gone."

Jack handed Daisuke a cup of grape jello with whipped cream
on top.  "Have a snack, Dai.  You look pale.  Paler than usual,
that is."  Dragging him somewhat unceremoniously to a chair,
Jack made him sit down.  "So what happened?"

Daisuke shook his head.  "Shermie told me that she was trying
to do something, but couldn't."

"Judging from the lead pipe, I'd say she was trying to kill
you," Sakura said.

He shuddered. "She also said something about not making
Xelloss happy.  I'm not real sure what's going on there.  She
seemed really upset."

Karin looked thoughtful.  "What if one of us tried to talk to
her?"  She indicated herself and Sakura.  "We're fairly neutral
in this whole thing."

Jack nodded.  "That might be a good idea, girls.  Just don't
give Shermie the impression that you're interested in Daisuke
as more than a friend."

"Oh dear Lina, who knows what she'd do to you in this state."
Daisuke groaned.

Shingo chuckled.  "Well, Karin's definitely not, I hope.  And
Sakura's got David."

Sakura blushed.  "Ah, long-distance relationships don't work
out that well.  I'm afraid that we've cut it off for good."

Jack clapped Sakura on the back.  "Better keep that lead pipe
when you go then!"

"I would go with you," Jessie started, "but we've got that
whole rivalry going.  And James and Shingo have that match
later."

Karin blinked.  "Forgot about that.  We'll have to find Shermie
later than, okay Sakura?"

Sakura nodded somewhat hesitantly, but inwardly resolving to
talk to Shermie before the day was over.

*****

"And now we're going to watch this next Omega bout, long
awaited by many fans.  Will Mewtwo win?  Will Gally win?
Will Washuu ever be restored?"  Hiroshi assumed a somewhat
serious tone as he announced, then grinned.  "Will there be
lots of ULTRAVIOLENCE?  You BET there will be!"

"Let's just go to the match, retard," Tarou interrupted as the
Ultraton flared into life with the setting of the next Omega
match appearing on its screen.

*****

In another time, there was a great city here.  But the world had
moved on, and the city was gone.  The rotting shells of its
skyscrapers dotted the dun-colored land.  The river that flowed
on each side of the
city had become thick and toxic centuries ago, then choked as
the great iron bridge and the steel and stone rail line collapsed
into it.

In the center of the city, above a desecrated plaza, a set of
portals opened, disgorging the combatants at opposite ends of
the square.  The referee, Krillin this time, addressed the pair.

"You both know the rules?"

A bolt of electricity passed between Gally and Mewtwo's
gazes.  Gally's duster fluttered in the grit-laden wind.

"I want a clean, fair fight," stated Krillin, for what it was
worth.  He prudently backed toward the far end of the square.

"FIGHT!"

][ OMEGA MATCH #3
][ GALLY vs. MEWTWO
][ FIGHT!

At the word, Gally propelled herself forward, the options
display snapped into place over her field of vision.  Tactical
data and attack probabilities danced across her eyes.

Across the plaza, Mewtwo flared with blue psychic energy,
floating off the ground slightly.  >Why must we do this yet
again, child?  You are no longer a slave to that mad woman's
folly.<  Mewtwo gazed at the figure rushing across the
flagstones at him.

Washuu has her hooks in you still, I see.  Very well.<

A flare of psychic power lanced from Mewtwo's aura, running
across the ground, ripping the worn pavement to bits.

In the same instant, the options display shifted and Gally
launched herself into the air...

The energy wave passed through the space mere inches
beneath Gally's feet as she leapt out of its path.  The psychic
flare raced the rest of the way across the open area before
slamming into the half-fallen ruin of a skyscraper, while Gally
sliced through the air, landing near a point where a long street
framed by rubble emptied into the plaza, a good distance to
Mewtwo's left.

The psychic pokemon changed the angle of flight, bring itself
to bear on the young cyborg warrior.  Mental energy spilled
from Mewtwo, causing a cloud of small objects to hover about
him.

I shall cleanse your mind of whatever mechanisms Washuu

has used to keep you enslaved.<

Gally clenched her fists.  "You bastard...  Do you really think
this is about something Washuu put into my head?"

Of course.  What other answer is there?< came the

reverberating internal echo of Mewtwo's psychic reply.  He
raised an arm at Gally, a beam of psychic energy shrieking
through the air towards her.

Gally didn't wait for the options to offer a course action this
time.  Turning, Gally dashed down the rubble-littered avenue.
An instant behind, the psychic blast gouged a crater at her
heels.

A sonic boom marked her departure into the ruins of the city.

*****

Moments passed, as Mewtwo floated above the city, surveying
the streets and crumbled remains of skyscrapers beneath for
his opponent.  Obviously, Washuu had left more of her mad
technology to taint the mind of her former slaves.  After all,
why else would they shun the freedom he offered them?  Once
freed, the slave should not long for its master's lash.

This time, he would purge Washuu's influence, even if he had
to tear the girl's mind apart and build it up from nothing.

Idly, the psychic pokemon continued scanning the cityscape,
until a flash of blue caught his attention.  A moment later, it
repeated, the sparks issuing from the stump of a skyscraper.

The child's plasma flare...<

Mewtwo spiraled downwards toward the ancient building.
Slowly, the ping of Gally's mind within his psychic sense
appeared.  He could see on the exposed floor of the ruin the
lean black line of Gally's form and the flapping brown patch
of her coat.  Coiling his mental strength, Mewtwo lashed out,
slamming the figure with a wall of psychic force, pouring his
Amnesia attack into her.

Mewtwo touched down, ready to claim the rightful victory and
execute the psychic surgery the girl so obviously needed.
Gally leaned, unmoving against the wall.

Now we will heal you of the poison of Washuu's disrespect

for nature's order...<  Mewtwo trailed off as he examined the
black shape he had taken for the battle angel.  The psychic
pokemon nudged the blackened bulk of wood with one foot,
causing it to fall over, the coat sliding to the floor beside it.

Eh?< asked Mewtwo, sweeping the area for the supposedly

blanked mind of his opponent.

Then Mewtwo's world burst in a ball of plasma fire and debris,
as Gally burst through the floor in a burning Panzer Kunst
uppercut.

*****

Gally landed gracefully as Mewtwo went sailing across the
room in a cloud of debris.  Seizing the moment while the
genetically engineered creature was still disoriented, Gally
aimed a second strike.  With a battle cry, Gally pushed off
leaping across open chamber, her boot smashing into
Mewtwo's gut.  The pokemon was slammed into the far wall
of the chamber, which held for only a second before
crumbling.

The wall fell away, taking Mewtwo with it.  Dazed from
Gally's blows, Mewtwo fell a substantial distance before
pulling himself together enough to begin levitating again.  As
he fell, Gally peered over the ledge to witness his fall.

Below, Mewtwo righted himself.

Gally dashed back to the hole she had created in the floor,
dropping to the chamber below.

Mewtwo raced upwards.

Gally's arm snapped out, the plasma vents burning.  Moving at
her top speed, the black-clad girl traced her arm along the
edges of the wall.

Mewtwo continued to fly toward the highest level.

Gally launched a running jump kick at the weakened structure,
the scored region falling outwards and Gally following.

The huge piece of falling stone from the wall slammed point
blank into Mewtwo.  Gally touched down onto the stone, then
bounced off, leaping with a graceful arc into a passing
window.

Mewtwo was not so lucky, and continued to fall, hitting the
ground, well, like a stone.  The section of wall shattered on
impact, burying Mewtwo under a pile of rubble.

Gally wasted no time leaping and dashing her way down to
street level.  Cautiously, she approached the pile of rubble that
marked Mewtwo's landing point.

With a groan, the stones near the center shifted away, seeming
to roll aside of their own accord.  Seconds passed, before
Mewtwo levered his pale bulk out of the pile.

That was unpleasant.  Yet one cannot blame the child.

Washuu's venom runs--<  Mewtwo's thoughts went silent as
the chilly steel point of Gally's Damascus blade touched the
back of his neck.

"Don't even think," Gally instructed.  "I want Washuu back,
you monster."

Even posthumously, Washuu has made you her puppet,<

Mewtwo mentally hissed.  >That mad woman stood for
everything I loathe.  Why should I undo my work?<

Gally increased her pressure ever so slightly, dimpling the
skin of Mewtwo's thin neck.  "You've destroyed my friend, my
loved one.  I don't care what I have to do, but I will save her.
Either you do this and I let you live, or you refuse and I kill
you and I find another way."  Gally drew a ragged breath and
blinked away the droplets forming in her eyes.  "I am a
Hunter-Warrior; I've killed before.  Don't think I won't do it
now."

I see.  Yet without Washuu's hooks, would you feel the

same?<

Suddenly, there was pain thrumming behind Gally's eyes and a
sensation not unlike golf balls running over her brain.
Mewtwo's eyes snapped wide.  The pain and sensation
disappeared.

Inconceivable!  There's nothing -- no devices, no tampering.

Nothing.<

"Of course, you bastard!  This is my free will!" Gally shouted.
"I want Washuu back out of loyalty and friendship and
compassion, not some artificial reason.  Unlike you, some
people don't tear people's minds apart for kicks."

There was silence for a moment, before Mewtwo spoke again.

Very well.  I will do as you say... on one condition.<

"And what's that?"

Next week, I will face the other child in your group and we

shall test your loyalty, friendship, and compassion.  Should
she win, then I will undo what I did to Washuu.  ...However,
should I win, you will leave me be and trouble me no more.  Is
this acceptable?<

Gally considered this for a moment.  The time frame gave
them one week to get Nuku Nuku ready.  Could it work?

"I accept," she stated withdrawing her blade from the
pokemon's personal space.

Very well,< nodded Mewtwo.  >I concede this day.  You

have won this round,< he added.  Mewtwo rose a few feet into
the air, and then teleported away.

Krillin stepped out of where he had been watching the match,
and raised Gally arm overhead.

"The winner by concession -- Gally!"

*****

"Wow." Hiroshi brilliantly commented.  "That was
just...wow."

"Looks like the ditzy catgirl is going to get beat next week by
the cat pokemon," Tarou said, then frowned.  "Why is it that
Ultra has an overabundance of ditzy chicks?"

"Cute chicks, he means!" Hiroshi exclaimed.  "So, next week
is the FINAL BATTLE between Mewtwo and the Cybergrrlz
to get Washuu-chan back!"

*****

Xelloss walked into the training dojo, startling the pair of
fighters currently sparring.  "Hello, gentlemen.  How are you
doing?"

"Oh, just fine, sir," Chris replied.

Yashiro dusted his hands off, "We're getting ready.  We'll
prove we're the best."

Xelloss waved a hand airily.  "That's nice.  I want to tell you
that Shermie might not be coming back.  You two will be
Lambda."

"What?  What do you mean?" Yashiro asked.

"She didn't accomplish her objective.  Now, carry on!"
Xelloss grinned and disappeared, leaving the new Lambda
team to silently stare at the space he had occupied a few
seconds ago.

*****

"Our final match of the night, this one goes out to all the
ladies!" Hiroshi exulted.

"I have no idea what women see in these guys," Tarou
commented, looking down at the ring.

"This is a special crossover division match between the teams
of Iori and Mousse, and Shingo and James!" Hiroshi shouted.
"Iori and Mousse are already here!"

Iori and Mousse glared at each other down in the ring as they
paced back and forth, back and forth, waiting for their
opponents.  Then two spotlights focused on the top of the
Ultradome where two figures were standing, in very artistic
looking poses.  One of them was blushing.

"To protect Ultra from the administration!" Shingo shouted.

James nodded approvingly.  "To keep the show from
degradation!"

"To denounce the evils of vindictive booking!"

"To always be polished, groomed for looking!" The two
briefly powerposed, the lights hitting them just right, so they
appeared to have a halo of sparklies around them.

"Shingo!"

"James!"

"Team CHAOS blast off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

The tiniest member of Team CHAOS sighed when James
nudged him and then said his lines, "Pikachu!  Pika pi!"  The
trio started walking down, amid the cheers of the marking out
crowd.

Mousse sweatdropped at the display.  "How do they always
manage to do that?"

Iori grunted noncommittally.

Shingo and James nervously stepped into the ring after
looking at the expressions on their opponents' faces.  "Shingo,
you can start if you want,"

"Thanks a lot."  Shingo examined the situation.  One fighter
was an Amazon warrior with bad eyesight but deadly skill
with multiple weapons, and the other really hated his guts.
Damn.  "Ah, Iori-san, would you care to start?"

His reply was a barrage of flames.

][  SPECIAL CROSSOVER DIVISION MATCH
][  IORI AND MOUSSE V. TEAM CHAOS
][  FIGHT!

"Right."

Mousse's reply was a volley of chains, toasters, and
volleyballs.

"James!  This *is* a tornado match, want to give me some
help?" Shingo yelled as he dodged the objects and flames.

James looked at Shingo from his vantage point in the corner of
the ring, as far away from the fighting as possible.
"Oh...sure...be right there."  Pulling out a flamethrower, he
joined the fray.  "I'm the man!"

Iori looked askance at James.  "What the--?  A flamethrower?"

James shrugged, "Hardcore rules, and it evens the odds, seeing
as you and Shingo both have flames."  He aimed.  "Have a
nice day!" Pulling the trigger he sent wave after wave of fire at
Iori.

Iori absorbed some of the flames, his clothes catching on fire
and burning off, before sending back some flames of his own.
The two fighters faced off, with Shingo and Mousse
cautiously staying to the sides.

"Wow, look at that!  The flames are hitting hard!  Wonder
how long this will last?" Hiroshi mused.

"Until the floof's gun runs out of fuel," was Tarou's reply.

At that moment, James' gun did start running out of fuel and
his flames started growing smaller, and smaller... "Aiee!"
Tossing the gun aside, James ran to cower behind Shingo.
"Save me!"

Shingo sweatdropped.  "Um."

"Better pay attention to the fight," Mousse said as he launched
a volley of sharp, pointy objects at the CHAOS member.
Shingo, being fairly good at noticing things like impending
death coming towards him, danced to the side, holding his
hands out and throwing flames at the cursed boy.  They faced
off, circling in the ring while Iori and James politely stood out
of the way to let them have their spar.

"What kind of match is this?  I would've thought that Iori and
Mousse would have kicked CHAOS butt by now," Tarou said,
looking bored.

"They're being courteous," Hiroshi responded.  "It's a concept
you could probably stand to learn."

Tarou growled in Hiroshi's general direction. "Feh.  I want to
see something happening."

Then something did happen.

"I, THE LEGENDARY HAOHMARU AND MY
SLIGHTLY-LESS-THAN-LEGENDARY STUDENT WILL
TEACH YOU A LESSON!"  So saying, the Samurai
stormed the ring, their swords held high.  Haohmaru slashed at
Mousse with his reversed blade while Kunou struck at Shingo
with his bokken.

Mousse's robe was ripped away to reveal rippling muscles, a
washboard stomach, and the silk pants that clung to his
muscular thighs.  A large section of the audience -- mostly
composed of females -- started fanning themselves frantically
and leaning in to watch the action happening down in the ring
a bit closer.  Shampoo was not happy.

The bokken made quick work of Shingo's ensemble, causing
his spotless white shirt to fall gracefully to the ground,
exposing his rock-hard pectorals, as well as his black jacket,
the sleeves sliding off to reveal the superior musculature of his
biceps.  A small group of girls sitting on the lowest level
rushed towards the side of the ring to snatch some of the
shreds from his outfit, but were forced back by Ultra's
security.  Karin was not happy.

The two fighters who had been hit were also not happy.

"Don't ever interfere in a match with me," Mousse growled as
he whipped out some heavy gauge chains and threw them at
Haohmaru's legs, tripping up the Samurai.

"SHIIINGO KICK!" Shingo yelled as he brought his foot
down upon the Blue Thunder's face, knocking towards Iori,
who caught him and enveloped him in flames.

"Well!  What a match!  It looks as though the Samurai Squad
has decided to join the fray!  And it appears as though the
fighters who were formerly fighting one another have now
teamed up to get rid of the interruption!" Hiroshi yelled from
the announcing booth.

"Morons." Tarou muttered.

"Aiieee!  Do not mess with the Blue Thunder of--" Kunou
started to protest as he brought his bokken around to bear upon
Iori, but was promptly punched in the face and sent backwards
towards Shingo, who simply kicked him back.  Wielding his
bokken clumsily, he accidentally -- and through very bizarre
luck --  sliced through Iori's choker and all the way down to
his waistline.  Various pieces of clothing fell to the floor --
immediately swept away into the hands of eager fangirls
congregating at the ring's edge -- and revealing his sleek torso,
with the taut musculature of an acrobat.

James, however, was unfortunate enough to have Haohmaru
run into him while spinning around rapidly from his earlier
encounter with Mousse.  His sword caught on the Team
Rocket member's shirt and tore it off.  The light glistened off
of the sweat that had formed on his chest.  Several girls, who
had been focusing upon the other, more obviously masculine
fighters, were suddenly attracted to James, their eyes being
pulled towards him like iron to a magnet.  Jessie was not
happy.

Grabbing one of the chains still hanging off of Haohmaru,
James brought it around onto his head, striking him several
times.  Mousse joined him and hit the legendary fighter over
the head with an anvil, knocking him down.

"And would you look at that?  The Samurai are getting
slaughtered!  But wait!  Is that another team I see moving to
join this madness?" Hiroshi indicated the small crowd
gathering near the ring composed mainly of Lambda and
Gamma fighters.

*****

In the audience, a group of five energetic girls sat watching
the fight below with awe.  Well, four did anyways.

"Shingo is so cute!  And James has a lot more muscle than I
thought..."

"I told you so!  James is the man!"  The second speaker bidaad
at the first, who simply grinned.

The third girl grinned mischeviously.  "I want Iori.  Bad."

"I much prefer Mousse, myself."  The fourth girl in line
blinked.  "I hope I remembered to set my VCR."

The last girl simply rolled her eyes at the lot of them and
continued to watch the fight.

*****

"Ranma, do something," Akane tugged at her fianc�'s sleeve.

"I can't, Akane," Ranma replied.  "Only teams are allowed in
there, by order of your sister."

"Well, we can team up!" She grabbed Ranma's hand and
started pulling him towards the ring.

"Sorry, sis.  This is fanservice, after all.  Only men allowed."
Nabiki walked up from where she'd been talking to a
cameraman, telling him to do some more close-ups, trailed by
Marlo.  She smiled brightly at the couple and headed off again
to check on a few more things.

"Thunder thighs is man enough for this fight, in my opinion,"
Marlo sneered.

"Grrr..." Akane reached for a mallet, but was stayed by
Ranma.

"It's not worth it, Akane.  Not here and not right now."

"Suure.  You just don't want to see your little girlfriend getting
her butt kicked by the Furnityre Savior!"  Marlo chortled.
"And you know what?  I think I'm going to help the fearless
and stupid duo up there."  Spotting a certain small Pokemon
trainer, Marlo grabbed him and threw him into the ring.
"Come on, Ash!  Let's fight!"

"Heey!" Ash cried as he was tossed through the air.

"Ash!  Are you okay?" Misty cried, running up the edge of the
ring, only to lose Ash to her sight as he was promptly sucked
into the growing brawl.  She was stopped from entering the
ring by Akane, who placed a hand upon her shoulder.

"Misty, don't worry.  I'm sure he'll be fine...if it weren't for
that jerk Marlo..."  Akane's battle aura glowed briefly, then
flickered out.  "Well, Ranma?"

"Hm...who can I get?" Ranma looked curiously around the
Ultradome.

"But Andyyy!  You've got to do something!  You can't just let
them cheat like that!"

"I need a male partner, Mai.  I just can't ignore the rules." The
silvery-blonde bishounen pushed back his hair and sighed at
his bouncy red-haired partner.

Ranma and Akane exchanged glances.  "Hey, Andy?"

*****

"Look at that!  Marlo and Ash have just joined the battle,
adding even more confusion to what's already going on!"
Hiroshi yelled into his microphone.  "Poor Ash didn't even
want to be in this fight, and he's seriously outclassed!  He's
already been trampled, while the former Hardcore champ is
laying about with his furniture on everyone!  If he keeps that
up, the fighters may just turn on him."  The crowd obligingly
broke out into booing.

"Marlo's a better fighter than all of them," Tarou commented.
"He knows the true meaning of Hardcore."

"Oh, sure..." Hiroshi shook his head.  "But if he doesn't set up
some kind of defense and work with some other fighters, he's
going to be beaten on, and hard!  I doubt even Marlo can take
that much ULTRAVIOLENCE!  I just hope that Marlo's
clothes don't get ripped off."

"Well, that's one thing we both agree on, clone boy," Tarou
grunted.

*****

Andy charged the ring, landing on Haohmaru, who was
currently being held at bay with fireballs from Shingo and Iori.

"ANOTHER CONTENDER?"  Haohmaru turned to face
Andy.

Iori had apparently decided that he was more annoyed at
Haohmaru for interrupting the fight than at Shingo for the
flames, although Marlo's having joined the fight upset the
balance.  "This is not your fight," he growled.

Ash was cowering in a corner, behind the Furnityre Savior
who was keeping Mousse and James away by throwing pieces
office desks at them.  Even Mousse couldn't match the huge
pieces of furniture that Marlo was casually tossing out.  Kunou
was near Haohmaru and helped his legendary instructor up,
only to set him up for Andy's attack.

"UWA UGITO!"  Andy flipped in the air, his foot coming
down on Haohmaru's head.

"KUNOU!  What are you doing?"  Ranma's voice came from
above the samurai.

Kunou made the mistake of looking up into the heel of
Ranma's foot as he jumped into the ring.  "Thanks for breaking
my fall, Kunou."

"*gasp* No...*wheeze* problem...*cough* ...Ranma..."

Mousse blinked at Ranma.  "Shampoo?"

Ranma sweatdropped.  "No."

"Oh.  Okay then.  Ranma, you die!"  Mousse flung a series of
large blunt objects at Ranma, which he easily dodged.

Ranma batted away a barrage of rubber ducks.  "Mousse, do
you mind?"

*****

Mai waved her fan irritably.  "I can't believe them.  Always
getting into fights."

Akane nodded.  "Jerks."

Shampoo's eyes were following Mousse's lithe form.  "I want
Mousse stop fighting NOW."

"We'd like Iori and Shingo to stop their idiotic feuding too."
Karin and Yohko walked up, followed by Jessie.

"James needs to, um, fix his hair.  He looks positively
atrocious!  He needs to leave the ring, right now!"

"I don't know, I think James looks very  nice," Sakura  noted,
blushing slightly.  Feeling a chill go up her spine she turned to
see Jessie glaring at her.  "Oh, but his hair...um...he should fix
that."

"And I no want husband fighting either.  He supposed to be
with ME!"  The girls turned to look at the green haired jungle
resident, who was walking along with the female -- and some
say better -- half of Team Pokemon.

"Ash doesn't know what he's doing out there.  Look at him, it's
taking all he has to not get hit."

Mai snapped her fan decisively.  "We've got to do something."

*****

His yellow rubber glistened with the sweat from Jack's brow
as he rode precariously upon the Controversial One's shoulder.
His soft back bounced with delight as Jack moved on his
mission.

Daisuke was on a mission as well.  To keep Jack from doing
something extraordinarily stupid.

"Why, hello ladies!" Jack exclaimed as he reached the group
of annoyed women.

"Daisuke, have you been watching this match?  Now there's
ten fighters in the ring," Karin said, coming up to Daisuke and
totally ignoring Jack.

"We were thinking of storming the ring, what do you think,
Daisuke?" Akane asked.

"Or maybe just teaching those boys a lesson," Mai said.

"Ladies?  Hello?  Jack's here, no need to fear!" Jack
pompously said, trying to get their attention.

"Well, I'm not really sure what you can do.  After all, they are
in the fight, and it is by the rules.  And unfortunately, you girls
aren't allowed in the ring." Daisuke said, rubbing his chin.

"Cham Cham not care about rules!  She going to get husband
NOW!"  The green-haired girl bounded into the ring, bouncing
off of the fighters' heads till she got to Haohmaru.  He blinked
up at her and barely registered that the jungle warrior was
there when she hit him on top of the head with her boomerang.
He started to slump to the ground, but she caught him and
dragged him off, Paku Paku hopping along behind her.

The girls looked at Cham Cham, then at Haohmaru's inert
form, than at each other.  Shrugging, they too entered the fray.

A fan whipped out and smacked a certain blond in the face.
"Mai?"

Mai grabbed Andy's arm and pulled him out as Akane used
Ranma's pigtail to do the same.  Shampoo grabbed one of
Mousse's chains and reeled him in.

"Stupid Mousse.  Put your robe back on."

Mousse blinked at her.  "Shampoo?"

Shampoo avoided meeting his eyes.  "You might catch cold."

Mousse blinked again, and then smiled goofily, trailing after
her.

Jessie and Karin stood by watching James and Shingo.  The
two had been forced to the side of the ring and were standing
back to back.  Jessie grinned and pulled out a pokeball.
"Arbok!  Wrap attack!"  The little pokemon pounced on the
two fighters and bound himself around them.  Jessie and Karin
walked over and pulled them out.  "Come on, you two," Karin
said.  "Time to go."

Misty and Yohko didn't have to do nearly as much work.  Ash
was simply pulled out from behind Marlo, and Iori was
accidentally knocked out of the ring by a flying armchair,
leaving Kunou and Marlo as the only two left in the ring.

Hiroshi and Tarou just stared at the scene of mass violence.
"Well, it appears as though Kunou and Marlo are the only two
left in the ring..." Hiroshi started.

"That makes them the winners," Tarou declared.

"Actually, the LADIES are the real winners here!" Hiroshi
decided.  "Thank you for watching, and good night!"

*****

Sakura found the girl huddled in a corner of one of the ladies
restrooms.  Not that she was looking for her at that moment,
exactly, but she had needed to drop in anyways...

"Shermie?  Are you okay?"

The redhead looked up at Sakura with red eyes, barely
comprehending her surroundings.  "Who?  Wha?  Sakura?"

Sakura knelt down by Shermie.  "Yeah, it's me.  Sakura."  She
shifted to sit down next to the Disciple.  "Want to talk about
it?"

Shermie sniffled a bit and wiped away some of the marks of
her weeping bout.  "Don't tell Daisuke-chan, okay?"

Sakura nodded.  "Of course not."  I'll tell Jack and he'll tell
Daisuke.

"Okay.  After the match earlier, Yashiro was very
disappointed in me!  So was Chris and Xelloss!"  She paused.
"Xelloss told me the only way to make it up to him was to..."
She choked.  "Kill Daisuke-chan."

Sakura blinked, her eyes growing wide in shock.  "Are you
serious?"

Shermie nodded. "That's why I was there, earlier.  But I
couldn't do it.  I just couldn't!  I can't go back to them now."

Sakura carefully put her arm around Shermie and gave her a
hug.  "It's all right.  We can go talk to Nabiki and get you into
Gamma, if you want."

"I don't want to just leave Yash-chan..." Shermie blew her
nose noisily into a tissue Sakura thoughtfully provided.

"Well then, let's just think about it, okay?  We can still go talk
to Nabiki," Sakura said.

"Okay then," Shermie nodded, standing up.   "Let's go find
Ms. Tendou."

*****

Computers were not Belldandy's forte.  She knew enough to
take care of basic clerical work, but the system administrators
of the family were always Urd and Skuld.  Urd was still
recovering, and Skuld...

Skuld was missing.  Which is why Belldandy was poring over
logs.  Lina had explained her sister's unusual behavior,
behavior Belldandy should have noticed, should have done
something about when she followed the system alert earlier...
no.  She couldn't change the past.  The past was Urd's domain,
anyway.

The logs showed error after error popping up, Yggdrasil
thrown into instability after Third Impact.  Beirut.  Idaho.  St.
Petersburg...

The next line didn't look like the others; it was a proximity
alert, not a reality matrix flux.  Belldandy highlighted it, and
followed the record to the database pull Skuld had done in
response to it.

An angel?  This was an angel's record, but there was no sign
of previous Yggdrasil login, no system identification, no bio
on file... simply a name.  Belldandy fumbled a bit with the
system search engine, trying to find out more about the
mystery guest...

Five minutes later she was running for Lina's office.

*****

Kasumi Tendou (soon to be Kasumi Tofu, she hoped) was
busy washing dishes after another pleasant evening spent with
Doctor Tofuu, when she was visited by an angel.

The angel popped out of the dirty water she was washing
dishes in, which took away a lot of the dramatic impact.
Skuld looked down at her dress, now quite soiled, and sighed
in dismay.

"Skuld-chan!" Kasumi exclaimed.

"I'm not used to this," Skuld explained, stepping out of the
sink, and having a seat on the counter.  "It's been a long time.
Forever, to tell the truth.  I'll have to clean this outfit later, it's
not going to help me persuade anybody if I smell like grease...
sorry, sorry.  I'm getting distracted.  Hello, Kasumi Tendou."

Kasumi smiled brightly.  "It's been a long time, Skuld-chan.
How are things upstairs?"

"Awful, as usual," Skuld sighed.  "That's why I'm here,
actually.  Listen... Kasumi, this is vitally important.  Where is
the answer?"

"Pardon?"

"You don't remember, do you?  I was expecting as much.
They always lose the important memories after returning to
mortality.  Lina didn't know either, though... that means you
DID know, and you didn't pass it on to her.  It's vitally
important that I find it, Kasumi..."

As Skuld leaned in closer, Kasumi leaned back.  There was
fear there, in the young woman's expression.

"...why are your eyes silvery, Skuld?" Kasumi asked.  "I
couldn't tell until I saw up close, but... who are you?"

"Perceptive," Skuld said, smiling warmly.  "Much more so
than Lina.  You were always one of the less problematic Gods,
I always appreciated that... to answer you, I will say Skuld is
here, but... she's taking a nap.  I guess that's the best metaphor
for it.  Don't look afraid.  I just need her physical form so I can
take care of business.  I'll release her once all this is done.
Actually, maybe you can help me; I don't have any power
whatsoever beyond Skuld's power, and I'm realizing that a
little girl can't do a lot on your world.  I had a nasty time
trying to reach the phone book to find your address, I can tell
you that."

"Who are you?" Kasumi repeated.  "I feel as if... I SHOULD
know you, but..."

"Hrm.  Maybe this will help?"

The infinite wings of the angel unfolded right there in
Kasumi's kitchen.  The concept of the twin radiant planes,
invisible to all but the most raw of nature's senses,
momentarily sent Kasumi's mind into a tight downward spin...

The wings vanished.

"Sorry, I guess that's too much for you now, being human and
all," Skuld apologized.  "Like I said, I'm new at this.  I haven't
been NEEDED since the dawn of time, so my social skills are
a bit rusty... but some part of you knows what I am.  All the
Gods that are, were, and ever will be know me.  Lina doesn't
seem to know, but she'll realize soon enough..."

Kasumi thought hard.  "You're... you're the..."

"I am the Metatron," Skuld stated.  "I am the voice of the One
True God.  Creator of all creation, the origin of the universe as
well as the very universe itself, the one who needs no
Godhead.  And He's not very happy at the moment, I can tell
you that for certain.  But maybe, with your help, we can find
the answer and set a few things right before everything He's
ever made has the chance to be unmade again."

*****

"Well, thanks to that crossover match, we've got lots of
opportunities to maximize our profits.  Calendars, mugs,
ooh...the possibilities are endless!"  Nabiki practically drooled
at the thought of all the money she could make off of that
match.  She'd have to check to see how many close-ups they
got and perhaps sell a special edition.  They'd have to edit out
Marlo and Ash though, most likely.  The two just weren't that
attractive, although Ash may appeal to the younger fans...

"Do I get a match next week?" Morrigan asked from her
position sprawled on a divan in Nabiki's office.  She idly
stroked Wolverine's head as he lay patiently by her side.

Nabiki shook her head.  "I don't foresee it."

"Hm...well what about my...pet?"  She indicated Wolverine.

"Ah.  That we'll think about."  She shuffled a few more papers
and gloated.  This was HER Ultra and it was making even
more money than before.  She idly glanced at the plans for the
huge platinum statue of herself that she was thinking of
putting in the center of Tokyo.  Hm.  Would that be *too*
much?  Setting it aside in the 'maybe I'll have to do that later'
pile, she basked in the warm fuzzy feelings of her success.

*****

Author's Notes:  Yes, I know.  I didn't do the episode synopsis.
I'm such a slacker, but the thing was a real pain.  Maybe I'll do
it later when I have more time and tack it on.  And I'd like to add,
that I *never* expected this to get so long.  I was shooting for 50k.
Ah well.

This episode is dedicated to the ladies of the DGML who
never got that Ladies Night omake that was promised them.
So, Stephica, Yasha, Lady Chaos, Phoebe, Omi no Miko, Katy...this is
for you.  ^_^

I'd like to say that writing this was fun.  I was never meant to
write this episode -- I applied but didn't make it in.  The only
reason I did get to write my own ep was because much more
qualified authors had to drop due to various circumstances.

This isn't really my own ep, either.  Chris Nichols wrote the
Mewtwo/Gally match, Stephica wrote the Naga/Yuffie match
- she made her Ultra debut, wai!  And Twoflower wrote the
esoteric Metatron plot setup.  I also got a lot of ideas from the
chatroom's residents.

I'd like to thank my prereaders, Stephica, Falcon, Phoebe,
Kristen, and Shachi.  They all got me back on various stages,
and I'm afraid I didn't get quite everything they suggested into
this ep, but oh well. ^_^;  I'm sorry y'all.




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