At 06:01 PM 8/21/00 -0400, Sean Gaffney wrote:
Facades
by Sean Gaffney
Not bad, but could stand quite a bit of development and better pacing to
build up the apparent climax (Gracia's recovering her Naga memories). As it
stands, the story is rather quiet and low-key throughout, with no rising or
falling action.
One point which immediately caught my attention, and truly disappointed me,
was the first plot point introduced- Lina accidentally killing an innocent.
This was not played up to any original effect, and by the middle of the
story it had disappeared completely, without any resolution or even a hint
of lasting impact. Inasmuch as it might be necessary to leave Lina guilty
enough to lean on Gracia for support, I would recommend having Lina
-almost- zotz Naga instead. As it currently stands, the plot point just
doesn't work for me, and either needs to be resolved much better, or be
dropped entirely.
Redneck
Kris Overstreet, aka Redneck Gaijin
publisher, White Lightning Prod. - www.wlpcomics.com
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