Subject: [FFML] [Fanfic][Ranma ½][FFIRC One-Hour Challenge] Ranma ½: All Messed Up
From: Mats Forsén
Date: 8/18/2000, 8:01 AM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

[Fanfic][Ranma �][FFIRC One-Hour Challenge] Ranma �: All Messed Up 

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         Ranma � - All Messed Up
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                         Author: Mats Fors�n (garnax@lysator.liu.se)

Warning! This contains spoilers for the entire series of Ranma �.
It is set just before the final story with Saffron. This fanfic
contains a humorous look on suicide and should not be read by the
easily influenced or offended. If this matter upsets you I strongly
recommend that you put this fic aside and read another.

My other stories can be found at:
     http://www.lysator.liu.se/~garnax/fanfics.html

This fic was made as part of the FFIRC OneHour challenge, in short
it is about writing a fanfic within a one-hour limit. This means
this fic isn't up to my own standards really but I finally decided
to publish it just to let people know I'm still alive and kicking.
I might clean it up and make a regular fanfic of it if anyone likes
it. :)

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing except my distorted visions. I have no
money. Don't sue.

' ' = thoughts, " " = speech,

Revision 0.2 - 2000-08-18  (Only Header changed)

-----

Ryouga looked out over the city that sprawled beneath him. He was as
usual wearing his yellow shirt and green trousers bound at the
bottom. One unsual thing however is the lack of the huge pack with
the red umbrella on top that he usually carries with him wherever
he goes. He looks even more depressed than is usual for even him, 
the legendary lost boy. If you look real hard you can see his eyes
watering as he thinks back to that fateful day last week.

  'God.. If only Akane hadn't been trying western-style hot cocoa
   for breakfast.. If only Ranma hadn't taunted her into throwing
   over the table and spilling all the food.. If only the hot cocoa
   hadn't landed on me.. If only Akane had paid more attention to 
   Ranma trying to flee than to her precious little P-chan getting 
   soaked.. If only... If only.. no..'

Ryouga can't get his mind of how her face looked as she cradled her
poor little P-chan in her lap and reached for a napkin.. Her look
turned from worry into utter amazement as he transformed in her lap..
He remembers how he sat there red-faced and sputtering out random
sentences about how it all was ranma's fault.. Akane didn't react
at all for over a minute and just sat there staring at him.. He
remembers taking this as a good sign and trying to extricate 
himself from her lap.. At once her eyes snapped into focus and her
battle-aura flared to immense proportions. 

  "You.. you.. you're P-chan... You.. You've slept in my bed.. You
   looked as I was changing clothes.. I told you all my secrets!
   You.. You.. hentai!"

As she was ranting out her tirade her battle-aura grew to an even 
bigger never-before-seen size.. Ryouga looked at her fearfully
and cowered down before her. She wouldn't have any of this though
and drew out her biggest mallet yet.. steel-reinforced.. with
studs.. and smashed him brutally through the roof out into the
night...

Ryouga shudders at this memory.. 'It actually hurt me!'. He 
reaches back and massages a sore spot on his back. It only hurt
his body a little but his heart was broken in a gazillion pieces.

And here was.. standing at the top of a skyscraper.. looking out
down at the city below him.. He could just imagine all of the
people out there who still had a reason for living... All of those
people going home to their loved ones.. Ryouga choked back a sob
and thought back to the letter he had mailed to the Tendo dojo
just yesterday when he was lucky enough to stumble across
a post-office.. He apologized for decieving Akane and explained
in a most logical fashion how everything was utterly Ranma's 
fault.. Sighing again he stepped up on the low wall that surrounded
the edge of the roof..

  'Wow.. I must be like.. 10 stories up.. I hope I don't land on
   anybody.. well.. it'd probably be Ranma's fault anyway..'

Asking Akane for forgiveness once more in his mind he steps of the
roof and plummets to the ground far below...

-----

  "Ehm.. Akane?... are you alright?"
  
Ranma fearfully knocked on her door again and listened.. He was ready
to bolt at a moments notice if she was still in a rage.. He had to
figure out some way to defuse the situation...

  "Akane? Ehm.. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it.. I mean.. he's
   always so lonely and..."
 
Without any warning the door flew open and Akane stood there looking
out at him with glowing eyes.

  "Are you defending him? I bet you even knew before this that he was
   P-chan and kept it secret from me!"
   
Ranma could only wince at this and tried to hide it from her but she
was unusually observant today so her eyes widened.

  "You.. You did! Why you.. Ranma no Baka!"
  
With her usual war-cry she malleted Ranma out of the house and ran back
to her room and threw herself on her bed and started crying.

-----

  "I'm not lying officer! There was this guy.. he was like.. falling from
   the roof.. and he landed right in front of my car.. and I swerved to
   avoid him and crashed into this other car!"

The police officer eyed the man with contempt.

  "Oh yeah? So where's the body.. I don't see any man-made pizza on the
   ground here.. There's only that hole over there that should have
   been visible from far away? You obviously weren't paying attention and
   only noticed the hole too late and desperately tried to avoid it.."
   
The innocent man wrung his hands but couldn't really fault the officer..
I mean.. who'd believe that the boy who jumped simply stood up from his
hole and walked dejectedly down the street...

-----

Kasumi walked back into the house and looked through the mail. 

  'Bill.. advert.. magazine for nabiki.. bill.. postcard from kuno.. ad..
   suicide note from ryouga.. bill..'

She walked further into the house and called out that the mail had
arrived.. Nabiki walked by and grabbed her magazine and the bills and
headed upstairs.. Kasumi looked at the remaining letter which was
labelled for Akane and went to her room..

  "Akane.. There's a letter for you.."
  
Akane opened her door and sniffled.. her eyes were puffed and red and
it was obvious that she had been crying for a while.. She wordlessly
took the letter and closed her door.

Kasumi looked at her closing door and thought how nice it was for 
Akane to get a letter from her friend Ryouga.. She turned and headed
for the kitchen where she set forth to prepare dinner.. Suddenly 
without warning she could here Akane yelling from above:

  "WHAT!? The Baka! He didn't have to go that far!"
  
-----

Ryouga gestured for another drink and the bartender complied. The
bartender thought he looked a little young but since he had passed
the security guard on his way in he obviously must be of age. 
Little did he know that the security guard lay knocked out outside
the front door courtesy of Ryouga's fist.. He did think that the
little guy had been having a little too much to drink.. Ryouga
looked around blearingly and leaned forward on the counter..

  "You know.. *hick*.. It's all that bastard Ranma's fault.. If
   *hick*.. he hadn't pushed me into that spring this wouldn't
   have happened.. *hick*.."
   
He quickly guzzled down his drink and gestured for the barkeep
to bring him another.. He missed a bit when he tried placing the
glass back on the counter though and accidentaly made quite a 
large hole in the solid counter. The barkeep noticed this and
bigsweated.

  "Uh.. no.. sorry.. closing time.. all guests have to leave..."
  
Ryouga was quite sozzled at this time and didn't find it the
least suspicious that the bar was closing when there was still
daylight outside or the fact that there were several other
costumers present.. He threw a few more coins on the bar and
slid off his stool to walk unsteadily out the door..

-----

  "Ranma.. you don't think he'd actually do it do you?"
  
Akane looked anxiously at Ranma who was reading Ryouga's suicide
note. He was very worried that this final thing might have pushed
Ryouga over the edge.

  "Uhhmmm... well.. maybe not.. but well.. I mean.. He's always
   depressed and all.. I mean.."
   
Akane actually looked guilty at the turn of events and spoke sternly
to Ranma.

  "Ranma! I want you to go out there and stop him! Do you hear me?"
  
Ranma gulped and looked over at Akane. He slowly nodded and stood
up.. 

  "I'll bring him back.. don't worry.. none of this is your fault.."
  
-----

  Ryouga cursed vehemently again at the obvious falsehood of the
saleswoman who had sold her these razors.. He took out the last one
of the ten-pack and put it against his wrist.. Muttering another
prayer of forgiveness he quickly drew it across his inner wrist.. 
and back.. and forth.. and back.. 

  "ARGH! These blasted things only break! I knew I shouldn't have
   trusted that woman.. hmm.. I bet Ranma got to her and it's all
   his fault!"
   
Muttering curses under his breath he walked out of the alley he
sat in and looked for another way of release from his eternal
torment.

-----

Two country bumpkins stood on a small farm road and looked at eachother.

  "Did you see that?"
  
  "Uhuh.. Did you see what he did?"
  
  "Mmmm.. I wonder how he survived it though..."
  
They both looked down at the scene which lay before them. Someone had
accidentaly forgot a crate of TNT at the old mine down the road and the
boy had obviously carted it up here looking for a light.. One of the 
bumpkins had lent him a lighter and he then proceeded to put the
sticks in a circle with him in the middle.. Muttering somthing low
under his breath he had ignited the sticks which blew up with a fiery
boom.. Since he was in the middle most of the blast had tried to force
him away from it.. seeing as there was ground below the only way he
could go was up.. and up he went.. The bumpkins looked over the
horizon at where he had flewn..

  "I wonder if he survives the fall though.."
  
  "Uhuh.. Hey.. Did you hear about Peggy's pig having triplets?"
  
  "Nooooo.. why that......."
  
-----

Ranma walked away from another useless questioning of a pedestrian
and looked arund.. She (he had been accidentaly splashed with water)
had been walking around the city asking if anyone had seen Ryouga
for a few hours now.. She couldn't help but wonder why so many of
the people looked at her sadly and wished her good luck at finding
her boyfriend.. I mean.. sure Ryouga was a boy and her friend.. but
what was so special about that? I mean.. he was a boy too.. right?

Ranma shook her head to rid herself of such superflous thoughts
when she spotted a familiar bandanna lying down in the middle of the
tracks of a nearby railroad.. 

  "RYOUGA! Hey.. Pig-boy!"
  
Ryouga looked up from where he was lying and shouted.

  "RANMA! Go away.. I don't have time to fight you right now.. I 
   can hear the train coming!"
   
Ranma leapt forward and rushed to the approaching locomotive.. 
matching speeds with it she leapt aboard and managed to convince
the driver to stop the train.. Leaping out again she saw that the
train had stopped just a few inches away from Ryouga..

  "Phew! You're lucky there pig-boy.. If I'd been a little later 
   you'd have bought it for sure! I mean.. wow.. you really ought
   to thank me you know..."
   
Ryouga looked up at his endless tormentor and finally realised
that he had a reason for living.. He slowly stood up and gathered
his depression.. Why.. He couldn't even kill himself without 
Ranma messing it up!

  "You're right Ranma.. why.. It's all your fault.. ehm.. I mean
   it's because of you I'm still alive.. and that means.. that I
   can still kill you! SHI SHI HOKODAN!"
   
As Ranma got blown away totally unprepared for the chi-blast he
laughed out loud. It was so obvious! It had always been Ranma's
fault.. It was obvious what his life was about.. He had to torment
and kill Ranma for all he had done to him! He broke out into a
huge bellowing laugh..

  "Mommy mommy.. why is that man laughing so strangely?"

  "Now now.. don't look at him.. He's probably violent.. come 
   now.. I'll give you an icecream!"
   
Ryouga sweatdropped and stopped laughing.. He finally had a 
reason to live again.. It was all Ranma's fault!

-----

The End!

-----

/ Mats Fors�n, garnax@lysator.liu.se




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