Subject: [FFML] [FFML][SUPAA SPAMMU] Scenes That Were Edited Out
From: "A-kun McCrillis" <akun15@hotmail.com>
Date: 8/16/2000, 9:51 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

======================================================

    Scenes/Ideas/Subplots that were edited out

    Note: None of these scenes actually existed.
    But, hey, it would be funny if they did. ^_^

REALLY BIG WARNING: If you cannot handle gross, sick, weird, bizzarre or freaky humor (why are you even on the FFML?), skip parts of the Fatal Fury, Slayers, Bubble Gum Crisis and Tekken sections; if you cannot stand strong language, skip parts of the Fatal Fury and Slayers sections; if you cannot live without eating something that was endorsed by a talking mutt or an athlete, don't read this at all; if you dislike bad guys getting their @$$3$ handed to them, don't read the Slayers section; if you actually like Valgaav or that stupid annoying twit and overall LOSER Pantyhose Tarou, skip the Slayers section; if you don't like Chalupas... then READ NO FURTHER or GET A BETTER SENSE OF HUMOR.

Slightly Smaller, Not as Valid Warning with Fewer Words Capitalized: Most of this was made possible by late nights staring at the monitor after watching an anime, too much caffeine, a few moments of Scream 2-induced hysteria, Scary Movie, the Simpsons (which is the focus of a LOT of our ideas) and plain insanity.  Jokes range from short and stupid to long and stupid.  Get used to them if you're going to read this.

If anyone reads this, A-kun will most definitely be surprised.

A-kun: This is partially my fault.  The rest is their fault. [points to TharzZzDunN and C-chan and motions to ?????'s secret e-mail account and A-chan who has somehow appeared on the monitor.]  The f**king weird moments are from TharzZzy and me.  And for my parts, I think I somehow got high on crack.  Butt-crack, that is, because I've been raiding various porn sites as of late. [motions to various pornographic images on his hard-drive.  A-chan seems to have wander off, while ????? looks through the porn collection, ogling the girls.]  I make the comments at the start of each segment.

TharzZzDunN: Music recommedations - For soft scenes, play the ever peaceful and popular love song "The God That Failed" by Metallica.  And for moody scenes, play the depressing song "Don't Mind Lai Lai Boy" by... um someone.  For those extra dark and bloody scenes, play Weird Al Yankovic's disturbing "Dare To Be Stupid".  And for those WAFF scenes, I whole-heartedly recommend "Brain Damage" by Pink Floyd.  It's guarenteed to make that scene something so heart-warming that you'll want to share it with your whole family and your therapist.

======================================================

    =========
    Bubble Gum Crisis (unless marked, it could work for either one) - Bubble Gum Crisis is hands down one of the few series that actually NEEDS psychotic authors making fun of it.  In fact, I'd like to challenge someone to create a fanfic involving everything that the Knight Sabers faced or used and make it as un-Dark as you can.
    =========

    For Bubble Gum Crisis 2033 specifically....
    A subplot that was removed before production: Mackie, getting upset at the Sabers effectively nullifying his ability to peep, finally began marking his territory.  After careful consideration, numerous protests from Priss and Linna about having to clean up the 'markings', and the fact that they all had to tip their hardsuits upside-down before climbing in with galoshes, they decide his peeping is a lot more acceptable.

    Sylia, growing sick and tired of Priss's hotshot attitude, orders Linna to get an enema.  (originally, she was going to order Priss to get the enema, but came face-to-barrel with Priss's gun)

    For Bubble Gum Crisis 2033 specifically....
    Be grateful this never became an anime: Priss and 3 55-Cs in "The Luv Saber".  (This was A-kun's stupid idea, BEEEEDAH!) ^_^

    A little known fact: If you look at a picture of the two side by side, Leon and Yoda look absolutely nothing alike.  For that fact, you could replace the picture of Leon with one of any of the major cast and get the same result

    Another little known fact: Daley is actually the most popular with women.  Mostly because of his fashion sense.

    Yet another little known fact: Priss was actually the director's daughter, that's why she gets a large majority of the focus.

    One more little known fact: The actresses who play Linna were always chosen by the actresses who play Nene.  The fact that the Linnas brought their own hardsuits helped in their selections.

    For Bubble Gum Crisis 2033 specifically....
    Cry because this WASN'T made into an anime: Priss, Anri and Sylvie in "The Luv Saber Strikes Again".  (This was ALSO A-kun's stupid idea.  BEEEEEEEEEDAH!) ^_^

    "Hey, goatface!"
    Sylia turned around to see Nene giggling and Linna pointing.
    "I can't believe you respond to that name!" Linna laughed.
    That turned out to be a mistake as neither of the laughing girls were wearing their hardsuits and Sylia was.  Their laughing died quickly as Sylia marched towards them, a murderous glint in her eye.

    For Bubble Gum Crisis 2033 specifically....
    Just after Largo's second death, an ADP police officer turned to the still semi-fused Boomers and asked in a haughty tone, "Where's your messiah now?!"
    "Here I am!" came the friendly cry from a nearby Boomer.
    *BLAM* *KLUNK*
    "Smart-ass boomers." the ADP police officer growled, lowering his gun.
    "Now I'm over here!"
    *BLAM*
    "MISSED ME!"
    *BLAM*
    "Say, are you missing intentionally?"
    *KABOOOOOM*
    "BLEAH!"
    *ZAP**ZAP**ZAP**ZAP**ZAP**ZAP**ZAP**ZAP**ZAP**ZAP**ZAP**ZAP**ZAP**ZAP*
    "Ooooh, almost got me with that one!"
    *CHUGGA**CHUGGA**CHUGGA**CHUGGA**CHUGGA**CHUGGA**CHUGGA**ZORCH*
    "What the he-"
    *WHIRRRRRRRR-FLORMP*
    "Eeewwww!  Gross!"
    *PLOP*
    "Hey, that one wasn't a messiah!"
    *BLAM*

    Nene finds an odd system that almost went totally unnoticed in her searches through Genom HQ computers.  She decided to hack around in the system for a bit before heading off to mess around in Genom Accounting.
    In unrelated news, Quincy ordered a surprise business meeting with the top Genom Executives, then ordered the security boomers to hold the execs in place, before the Chairman mechnically poured boiling hot coffee in their crotches.

Boomer: So, babe, wanna do it here or in the bathroom?
Priss: [thinking] I'll kill whoever helped Genom come out with the Jackass Routine.
Boomer: Oohh, tough love!  Give it to me, hot momma!

    Never meddle in the affairs of a Knight Saber, because of the fact that replacing your tires costs a lot of money.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Knight Saber, because your bank account is hackable, and she just found these DARLING shoes.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Knight Saber, because your spine can't withstand eight rail spikes hitting it at high speed.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Knight Saber, because whether you're with them or not, Genom will target your ass with a few hundred thousand 55-C boomers.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Knight Saber, because your disk is not resistant to a magnetic pulse!

    For BGC 2040 specifically...
Linna: "You always make these sandwiches with too much mustard, Priss!  And that ruins the sandwich."
Priss: "Your point?"
Linna: "Just cut the mustard!"
    [Sylia, Nene, Mackie and Nigel breaking down laughing as Priss facefaults.  Linna doesn't get the meaning for a few seconds, then turns beet red.]


    =========
    Princess Mononoke - A warm movie for the family... this ain't.  When I went to see it in the theater, I almost pissed myself laughing when I noticed a large number of parents with about six or seven kids each.  They must've gotten lost on the way to Pokemon: The Movie.  ^_^
    =========

    San and her wolf-mother, Mono, are walking along a beach when San turns to her mother.  Mono senses hesistation from San just before San finally inquires, "Mom, have you ever felt... not so fresh?"

    San looked at the gun.  It was strange that such a long metal stick could be so dangerous.  She examined the end of the barrel.  From what she had over heard, there was something called a 'bullet' inside.
    "It's so dark inside the gun.  How does the bullet know where to g-"*BANG*

    Ashitaka looked at Lady Eboshi.
    "You want to give me something?" Ashitaka inquired.
    "That's right.  You'll need these for your first date." Lady Eboshi said, grinning mischieviously.
    Ashitaka had spent enough time with Lady Eboshi to know her cruel grin from her mischievious grin.
    "What are they?" Ashitaka inquired.
    "Flea collars." Lady Eboshi managed to blurt out before falling over, laughing her ass off.

San: "AI NO SENSHI PRINCESS MONONOKE IS HERE!"

Mono: "You know, this black powder stuff ain't half bad.  Now for some hot and spicy sausages.  Hmm, they seem to be on fire.  Oh well." *KABOOM* "Now THAT'S what I call spicy!"


    =========
    Tekken - This anime is @%$@@#$ing hilarious.  Ever see the part where Detective Lei Wulong  is dropping down on that guard, who manages to point his gun at Lei and shoot it like seven times directly at Lei before Lei somehow lands in midair and kicks him in the face?  It's f**king hilarious.
    =========

Kazuya:    "Look, I don't know you or your history.  (Catches an accordion file from
        off stage)  Thanks Nina!  Damn... slept with no men... WOW!  I didn't think that         many cheerleaders... ever!  Well, I'll take a batch of the color photos too.  I         think the VHS and DVDs would be a good purchase, make a great hannukah gift for my         mom....and I think I _will_ go ahead and order the arcade game, the Playstation game         and the RPG for my PC."
Jun:        Order now and it comes with this free state of Kansas jello mold!

    Kazuya wins the Miss South Pacific beauty contest after devastating the other girls in the evening gown segment of the competition.  (This was TharzZzy's stupid idea! BEEEEEEDAH right back!) ^_^

    "Look, your words alone won't keep me from killing my father." Kazuya told Jun.
    Jun showed him her boobs.  Kazuya thought for .000038 seconds.
    "All right, you win." Kazuya answered as he wiped the blood from his nose.
    [Good thing I had one of those Kodak Instamatics in my hand.] Kazuya thought.

    "You purposely threw your own son off that cliff to place that hatred in him!" Jun accused Heihachi Mishima.
    "Think again.  Kazuya, show her your Mr. Happy." Heihachi said.
    Confused, Kazuya dropped his pants.  Jun's eyes were filled with hearts.
    "OOOOOOHHHH!!!  _THAT'S_ why you did it!" Jun said, drooling.
    "What?  You mean I wouldn't have a eighteen incher if you hadn't tossed me into that canyon?" Kazuya asked, baffled as he pulled up his pants.
    "Exactly." Heihachi said, smiling smugly.
    "Well, I suppose I should at least thank you for that." Kazuya mumbled, kicking a stone and shuffling his feet.
    "Wait, if you want to kill him, then you'll have to go through me!" Jun said, before flaring with a deadly aura and flailing her limbs like a monkey on crack, "PREPARE TO DIE!  HIKEEBA!"
    "MAYBE you should get up first." Heihachi told her as he stared down at the flailing woman on the ground.
    Heihachi looked up at Kazuya, "You SURE she's good enough for you?"
    "Eh.  She's got a goofy streak, but she's great in the sack." Kazuya responded.
    Heihachi nodded sagely, wiping a tear from the corner of his right eye, "That's just how I wound up with your mother, Mihoshi."

    Detective Lei Wulong looks at all the guards standing and looking pretty as the ferry slowly moves past at over twelve thousand miles per hour.  (12,000 MPH, yeah, that's cruising for a ship, right?  I mean, it's gotta go that fast to stay aloft, right? - A-kun)
    "Man, I can't believe over half these guys will be Chalupas by tomorrow!"

    "Man, this place is like a prison!"
    A real fighter wanders past, "Are you kidding?!  I've seen heavier security in a Kwik-Trip gas station!"

    "Man, this place is crawling with guards!"
    A real fighter (secretly Jerry Garcia) walks by, with a snide comment, "Yeah right, my sister's twelth birthday party had more security, and _they_ weren't armed with twenty year old Russian knock-offs!"

Jun: Open your mouth and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise!
Kazuya mumbles and eventually complies with her request.
Kazuya: Hey wait, this isn't just another of your schemes to stab me in the ba-AAACCKCKKKK!!!
Kazuya flops to the floor with over two hundred knives sticking out of his skin.
Jun: [wiping her hands] Well now, with the smart one dead, the rest will fall like Eva-02!


    ----

A-kun: Let's face it, guards in most Anime are just stupid.  So, these next few will display just that.

    Detective Lei Wulong puts headphones on the guard, then plays the Barney theme song and catches the collapsing form of the guard as his testicles lept up into his skull and crushed his brain.

    "Duh!" The falling guard squealed as the solid block crushed his skull in.  The guard standing across the jetty just shook his head in dismay, "Damn, that's a lot of seagull shit!"

    "What's wrong?" The second guard asked as he watched his buddy fly headfirst into the water after a large _something_ had nailed him.
    "Oh I just saw something yummy!"

    "Who are you?" the third guard questioned the detective with suspicion.
    Suddenly, Jack leapt out of the water, grabbed the guard's head and crushed it.
    "Hey, where's the cream filling?" Jack asked.

    "Who are you?" the third guard questioned the detective with suspicion.
    Suddenly, Jack leapt out of the water.
    "Where's your gun?" the guard asked Jack.
    Jack responded, "These are the only guns I need.", kissed his biceps, then proceeded to give the guard an Atomic Piledriver.

    ----

    "S experiment begin!"
    "Releasing the S.I.'s into the field."

    "Well, that looks like our boat to Hell." Lei Wulong declared, catching sight of the boat that would take them to the Mishima Conglomerate's private island.
    "When will you stop harping on how weak and defenseless women are?" Jun demanded.
    "WHOA!  Where the hell did that come from?!" Lei asked.
    "Sorry, I read ahead in the script." Jun responded.
    Lei stared at her as she kept looking at her hand as if actually reading from a script or a booklet.  He sweatdropped.  First that tan blonde-haired Mihoshi girl who kept whispering into her coat and saying she was from the Galaxy Police and now this.
    At the first dock...
    "Well, that looks like our boat to Hell." Lei declared.
    Later, at dinner...
    "Well, this looks like our meal from Hell." Lei commented.
    Later, at the other dock...
    "Well, this looks like our hotel from Hell." Lei announced.
    When he caught sight of Anna Williams...
    "Well, that looks like our prostitute from Hell." Lei stated.
    "Lei, it's been a long time.  Listen, I don't have enough lube with me, so _I'll_ have to play the role of the girl this time." Anna told him.
    As Jun's eyes widened, she and the rest of the fighters began to step away from him, he muttered to himself, "Yep, prostitute from Hell."

    "Hey what the hell is that?" Detective Lei Wulong stared stunned at the beams shooting out of the android's eyes to unlock the blast door barring their way.
    "It's a common ability amongst all Pokemon!" the mohawk dude replied.
    "Cool, can you hack my bank account?"
    "Sure." More beams shoot out, seconds pass. "You now have thirty-nine cents in your 401(k)."
    "WHOO-HOO!  That's two hundred dollars up from what I had yesterday!  What exactly are you anyway?"
    "I was an Oddish before the Viagra experiment, then it all went blank and I woke up in Gainax's headquarters naked with an inflatable sheep stapled to my butt and the words 'Anno-sensei's love monkey' tattooed on my chest."
    "That's why you got the tacky muscle shirt."
    "Yes, I could not afford anything better after all the skin moisturizers."


    =========
    Just... Weird - I couldn't think of a proper place to put this.
    =========

Announcer's voice over: You'll love the Chalupas or you'll be in the mix the next morning.


    =========
    Sailor Moon - If ever there was a series on American TV that was just BEGGING to be MSTed, this is it.  Sailor Moon had more cliches, bad plots, stupid villians and heroes all tossed into one 30 minute segment on an almost daily basis.  With 200 episodes, the only real problem is over-repeating your jokes.
    =========

    A running gag that was removed: All throughout Sailor Moon R, Ami stops by Usagi's house to give Shingo a vicious beat-down.  Laughs all around, but Shingo fans shot it down.  All three of them.

    Never meddle in the affairs of a Senshi, for you have a lovelife and they can screw it up.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Senshi, for if you lack a lovelife, they'll give you one.  (Usagi - "Oh, you're perfect together!"
Random SI - *with tears in eyes* "I'M SORRY!  I'LL CONFESS TO ANYTHING!"
Usagi - "Now, now.  Badiyanu is a REFORMED villianess!"
Random SI - *sweatdropping mightily* "I thought she died at the end of the Super S movie..."
Badiyanu - "SQQQEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHK!"
Usagi - "We try and refrain from mentioning her death or she shrieks like a howler monkey.  Oh, and never let her grab your shirt or she'll-"
*HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT*
Usagi - "-headbutt you mercilessly.  Um, did I mention she only has a little brain damage?"
Random SI - "A LITTLE?!"
Usagi - "Yes, her IQ was only lowered 25% or at least that's what Ami keeps saying."
Ami - "No, I said all BUT 25% was damaged and is completely unuseable."
Usagi - "Oh.  Oh well.  Have fun, you two!"
Random SI - "Help me." *cries as Badiyanu starts shrieking like a howler monkey**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT**HEADBUTT*)
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Senshi, for you have a mid-term paper due in eight hours and they can burn both it AND your printer.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Senshi, because you cannot survive having your spine do a 780 degree spin.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Senshi, for you have a fully stocked fridge and she can hear her tummy growling.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Senshi, because your butt is not grounded.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Senshi, or else she might bring the [SILENCE] down on your ass.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Senshi, for though they are not many, they _do_ adopt.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Senshi, because your bank account is hackable.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Senshi, especially when they get a picture of you butt-naked, because it'll be _all_ over the internet.
    Never meddle in the affairs of a Senshi, because your disk is not resistant to a "Magnetic Pulse SURPRISE!".  (A-kun's note: [shrill] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!")

    A running gag that was removed: Every episode in Sailor Moon S ended with Usagi eating too much and puking on something that belonged to Haruka.  In Sailor Moon SuperS, the gag was changed to Luna puking in Setsuna's shoes at the start of every episode.

    A running gag that was removed: Every Sailor Moon R episode ended with the Wiseman doing the pee-pee dance before running offstage into Rubeus's bedroom.  We'd hear a loud, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" offscreen.

    The only reason that all of the Senshi agreed to acting in A-kun's "Sky's Reflection" was the fact that they got to beat on A-kun afterwards.  Of course, A-kun didn't feel a thing.  He was watching the "Friendly Foes" episodes and laughing his ass off at all of the discreptions.

    ----

    The Neptune and Uranus Joke Time!  In order to make the two enigmatic Senshi seem more human, the creators came up with this idea.  Here were some of their jokes.

Neptune: Hey, Uranus, if Sailor Jupiter falls in a forest and there's no one around to hear her, does she still yell, "AAAAAAAAAH!"
Uranus: Yeah, probably.  You know Sailor Venus is at a party when you hear someone say, "God, I'm SOOooooo drunk!"

Uranus and Neptune: [happily singing] ...%DARKNESS!  IMPRISONING ME!  ALL THAT I SEE!  ABSOLUTE HORROR!  I CANNOT LIVE!  I CANNOT DIE!  LIVING MY LIFE IN HELL!%

Neptune: How can you tell if Sailor Pluto really knows the future?
Uranus: I don't know.
Neptune: You go an entire fight without her saying, "OH @#%#$%^@!"

Uranus and Neptune: [moodily singing] ...%These days are yours and my happy days!%

Uranus: Hey, Neptune!  What has pale skin, red hair, a slutty dress, no brains and dies twice in Sailor Moon?
Neptune: Zoicite!
Uranus: Uh, no.  Kaolinite.
Neptune: [frowning] Make the questions easier or you'll be sleeping on the couch from now on.
Uranus: [cowering] Yes dear.

    [Uranus is pouring herself a cup of nasty American coffee.]
Neptune: Hey, Uranus, guess what?
Uranus: [sipping some coffee] What?
Neptune: Chicken butt!
Uranus: [groans] That's lame, Michelle.
Neptune: It's MICHIRU!  I'm Japanese, not DiC!
Uranus: [laughing] Just kidding.
Neptune: Well, I've still got a great joke.
Uranus: What's that?
Neptune: I saw Luna 'P'ing.
Uranus: [groans] Yeah, where? [sips her coffee]
Neptune: In the coffee pot about a minute ago.
    [Uranus spits out the coffee in her mouth.]

Neptune: Hey, Uranus, I just got this adorable parrot.
Parrot: Neptune is ultra-kawaii.
Neptune: Isn't it smart?
Parrot: Neptune is ultra-kawaii.
Uranus: Hmmm, I like this bird.
Neptune: Here he goes. [put Parrot on coffee table and leaves]
Parrot: [looks at Uranus] Hey, ugly, bring Neptune back.
Uranus: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Parrot: Bite me, you sexless BOY!
Uranus: [barely restraining herself] Just a bird, just a bird...
Parrot: If I was out there, I'd poop on your shoe.  And your car!
Uranus: [eyes blazing] No one disses my car!
Parrot: You wanna piece of me?!  COME ON!! [The Parrot pulls a switchblade.]
    [A few seconds later, Neptune returns to find the cage empty]
Neptune: Where did my parrot go?
Uranus: Hey, Neptune.
Neptune: Yeah?
Uranus: [looking left and right] Do you know how fast your parrot can fly?
Neptune: Not really.  Why do you ask?
Uranus: [shoving both halves of the now dead Parrot under couch] It flew away.

    ----

The Night Usagi Went Crazy
"The Night Santa Went Crazy" by "Weird Al" Yankovic
Adaptation by A-kun and TharzZzDunN

Down in the Dark Kingdom
all the youma were stealin' energy
From the good Shinto girls
and the good Gentile boys
When the heroine busted in,
nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a Ginzuishou in her hands and
cheap whiskey on her breath
From her chin to her boots
she was covered with ammo
Like a big dumb drunk psychotic female Rambo
And she smiled as she said
with a twinkle in her eye,
"Merry Christmas to all...
now you're all gonna die!"

The night Usagi went crazy
The night Sailor Moon went insane
Realized she'd been puttin' up with stupid plots
Something finally must have snapped in her brain

Well, the Dark Kingdom is gone now
she decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces
of Kunzite covered in vomit
And she tied up the Daimons
and she held the youma hostage
And she ground up poor Nephrite
into general sausage
She got Jadeite and Iron Mouse
with an old German Luger
And she slashed up Beryl
just like Freddie Krueger
And she picked up a flamethrower
and she barbequed Zoicite
And she took a big bite and said,
"It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Usagi went crazy
The night The Savior went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the D-Point
Without steppin' in youma guts

There's Galaxia and the Witches Five
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
and helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky
And the insults are flyin', the body count's risin'
and everyone's dyin' to know, oh Usagi, why?
My my my my my my
You used to have a very nice tie (with reality)

Yes, Seiya, now Usagi's doing time
In a fanfic prison for her infamous crime
Hey, Small Lady, now don't you cry no more tears
She'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
But now Demando's in therapy
and Esmeraude's still nervous
And the droid-os all got jobs
working for the postal service
And they say Miss Hino,
she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights

They're talkin' 'bout - the night Usagi went crazy
The night Serenity flipped
Broke her back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like she was tired of gettin' gypped

Wo, the night Usagi went crazy
The night the World Saver went insane
Realized she'd been lackin' a movie deal
Something finally must have snapped in her brain
Wo, something finally must have
snapped in her brain
Tell ya, something finally must have
snapped... in her brain

    =========
    Fatal Fury - This series was, next to Tekken, one of the most hilarious animes I've seen to date, especially when you see the movie.  I know art is allowed to change in battle or if the series is a light-hearted one like Dragon Half, but that some scenes made it past the Director of Animation is absolutely hilarious.  I mean, in the ambush right before the huge battle at the end of the movie, check out how freaky Andy and Mai look.  I know about budget cuts and such, but they still should've done better.  I mean, it's a MOVIE.  This thing is going to be remembered for years to come.
    =========

    THE THOMPSONS!
    Sulia Gaudeamus, Andy Bogard, Terry Bogard, Mai Shiranui and Joe Hagashi get out of a Lincoln Towncar and race onto a boathouse.  They go below deck and sit in front of a TV, but the hold above them opens to dump eight hundred pounds of fresh fish onto them.

    "Good night, Sulia.  Pleasant dreams.  And don't worry about a thing." Terry said, closing the door.
    Sulia relaxed, laid her head down and began drifting off to sleep...
    When suddenly, Terry ran into Sulia's bed wearing the new Laocorn Gaudeamus with Flaming Armor of Mars costume and jumped onto Sulia's bed.  Sulia shrieked in horror.
    "Huh?  Oh yeah, nightmares of your brother." Terry responded.

    "You'll feel a lot better when we put your hair up in curlers and put you in a bubble bath, 'Andeena'." Joe said.
    "Why that would be delight-Shut up, Joe." Andy snapped back.

    The glass roof of NeoGeoLand explodes and three shadowy forms drop agilely to the floor, face-first.  The three gi-wearing guys with masks leapt up around Terry.  Terry rolled his eyes.
    "Oh, great.  SELF-INSERTIONS." Terry grumbled.
    "No, actually we're just Avatars." the freaks, er, AMERICAN KARATE STUDENTS, replied, IN PERFECT AND FLAWLESS JAPANESE NON-ACCENTED.
    "HIKEEBA!!" the trio yelled, ripping off their underwear and prancing around like sissies.
    Terry sweatdropped and muttered to himself, "This is the last time I let the director slash the recruiting budget."

    ----------- Here's a long tangent we got onto, think of it as a long string of scenes that were supposed to go into the movie's original timeline

    (WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS REALLY GROSS!)
    "Hey, is this dramatic enough?" Terry answered, holding up a wiener on a fork.
    "Um, I thought they didn't serve wieners." Mai said.
    "They..., hey Terry, let me see the serial number on that." Joe said.
    Terry, confused, handed it to Joe.  Joe looked at it.
    "Yep, the numbers match." Joe said, sticking the fork into his pants.
    "EEEWWWWWWW!!!!" Terry said, spitting repeatedly.
    "MMMMmmm.  That fancy mustard feels good." Joe commented.
    Terry began dry-heaving, with Andy following in suit (figuratively, silly). Mai just paled and shuddered uncontrollably for a few minutes.

    "Whoa.  You think that's reason enough to help you just like that?" Terry responded.
    "And what do you mean by 'Armor'?" Andy inquired.
    "No, I said 'Armour' as in scents.  The Armour of Mars.  It's hideous." Sulia responded.
    "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.  I don't help anyone without getting some action first." Terry responded.
    "So, Mortal Kombat or Tekken?" Sulia asked.
    "Uuuuuuhhhhhh.... Tekken... hey, wait!" Terry responded.
    "Too late!" Sulia crowed triumphantly.
    "Damn.  Thirteenth girl in a row that's tricked me into helping them without me getting any tail." Terry grumbled.

    "Mysterious men, all my underwear has been missing for weeks... well, the CLEAN underwear... this can only mean one thing... Lily, the Queen of South Town, is back from the grave and hell-bent on getting back the forty bucks I owe her or getting my current girlfriend in the sack!" Terry declared.
    "Whoooooo-booga-booga-booga-booga!" Lily cried as she wandered past in the background, wearing a lovely white off-the-shoulder silk gown from Calvin And Hobbes and twirling Sulia's bra in her right hand.

    "This island of Lodoss in the Mediterranean.... it's almost as if Light and Dark.... are both having a big sale at Dayton's.  I'll see this sale through to the end... the fall fashions are just delicious on me!  Andre said so." Terry muttered.

    "Alexander the limp-wrist?" Terry asked.
    "He built a great troupe of actors and actresses.  And he couldn't rest until his kingdom covered the earth.  He and his troupe won numerous contests, most of which were the Mister Tight Buns and the Wet T-shirt contests.  History books say that it was fatigue and bruises that defeated Alexander's Troupe, but I've discovered yaoi doujinshi that proves otherwise. (image of Sulia looking through a bunch of porno mags and drooling)  On this island, Alexander met a man even more ambiguous than himself, and thus was finally defeated.  He struck a treaty with Gaudemous and returned home.  But, he couldn't stop thinking of Gaudemous's buns, so he lured Gaudemous to a waterfall where he stripped Gaudemous naked and-" Sulia began.
    "Sulia, Sulia... that's enough." Terry responded, hastily.
    "But I haven't even got to the part where Alexander made Gaudemous squeal like a pig." Sulia protested.
    "THAT'S ENOUGH!" Mai, Andy, Joe and Terry shrieked, all turning a pale shade of green as they all reached for their 19 cubic ft. barf-bags.  They had to ask for three replacements from the stewardesses.
    Later...
    "The paintings and inscriptions drawn in this cavern were made by my ancestors, showing what my brother will wind up doing if he ever finds all the pieces of the Armour of Mars." Sulia said.
    They entered the cavern and looked around.
    "There's nothing here but a CD player, a Village People CD, a tall metal pole, a disco ball and some colored lights." Joe declared.
    "Don't forget the one piece g-string." Mai said, pointing.
    "That's right.  My brother will wind up a male stripper at the Birdcage!" Sulia exclaimed, on the verge of tears.
    The entire group gasped.
    "He's already sashaying everywhere he goes!" Sulia sobbed, before breaking down in tears.
    The rest of the group broke out in giggles.
    "IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Sulia yelled.

    "It looks just about the size of that coin, wouldn't you say?" Terry asked.
    "Yeah, it kinda sorta does." Joe kinda sorta agreed.
    Sulia took the center piece of her necklace out and placed it in the specialized slot.  The piece almost fell out of sight, but Joe's fast fingers slid a piece of string through one of the holes.  Suddenly, one of the pillars near Mai swung down, almost touching the floor, and shot back to it's original position.
    Suddenly, some of the runes began swirling at an incredible speed.  One stopped to display a rune of a stone crown.  Another stopped to display the same.  The final one displayed a cherry.
    "Awwww..." everyone, save Joe, groaned.
    "Ha!  Wanna try again?" Joe inquired, tugging the piece out of the slot.
    They tried again, this time tying the string so that it was sure not to lose it's grip.
    The first rune was a coin.  The second rune was a coin.  The third rune was a coin.  Suddenly, six hundred pounds of gold coins spilled into the room.
    "WE'RE RICH!" Everyone cheered.
    "Let's keep going!" Joe said.
    By the time they were done having gotten every combination (thanks to a little cheating), they were set for life and bought a tactical nuke to kill Laocorn.  Sure, Rhodos Island no longer existed, but they didn't care.

    -----------

    Sulia was doing the laundry in the backyard, when a spaceship flew overhead and began broadcasting loudly, "_WARNING_! _WARNING_!  _WARNING_!  YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE AB-DUCTED!"
    Suddenly, Sulia was hit over the head with a mallet and dragged into the spaceship ankle-first by Andy and Joe in spangley Disco suits.  Twelve flights of stairs later, as Sulia sat nervously on a couch, Mai and Terry, also wearing spangley Disco suits, entered.
    "Greetings, human.  You have been selected for our crossbreeding program." Mai said.
    Sulia shifted uncomfortably.
    Mai continued, "To put you at ease, we've recreated the locations where your species procreates the most.  You can choose from: the back seat of a car, a Doco concert, Toy Story 2, the drive-in to a Taco Bell, a best friend's wedding, in the bathroom of the Metrodome when the Twins won a World Series, or the back alley of an anime convention."
    "I absolutely _REFUSE_ to do this.  But since I have no choice, I'll take the convention." Sulia said.
    Mai snuggled up next to Sulia, offering witty conversation, "My, your scent is not overly reminiscent of porcine fecal matter this evening!"
    A beam of light flashed over Sulia's forehead and her feet.
    "That will be all, earthling!" Mai dismissed Sulia and picked up the remote to dump her out the laundry chute.
    Sulia goggled, "That seemed quick..."
    Mai scowled, "What are you _implying_?"

    =========
    Variable Geo - Big-chested girls fight an S&M spirit that strives to possess another big-chested girl.  Some plot, lots of weird meta-stuff, lotsa fighting and the eye candy can be appreciated for their wits as well.  I publicly announce that I hate Washio, though.
    =========

    Lines we hope are never spoken by the announcer of Variable Geo:
    "Goddesses, inflate!"
    He received five hundred thirty-four kicks to the crotch per minute for six hours every five hours.  (in other words, infinite pain)

    "Goddesses, descend on the mess in Aisle 3!"
    The VG warriors grabbed him and headed to the restrooms.  They held him upside-down while dunking his head into each toilet and flushing repeatedly.

    "Goddesses, descend to the snack bar.  I desire something light and chocolatey."
    A mallet was firmly wedged into his skull.

    "Goddesses, would you mind picking up my dry cleaning?"
    He wisely runs off before they can answer.

    "Goddesses, my coffee cup isn't filling itself."
    He was ripped a fifth corn shoot before the minute was done.

    "Goddesses, would you mind filing this in the _bottom_ cabinet?  Ooooooh, baby..."
    They throw a 2000 lbs. safe at his forehead.

    "Goddesses, pick up a present for my wife's birthday."
    He's tied to the bumper of a 1978 Roadmaster and slammed into a Mack Truck repeatedly.

    "Goddesses, does this look infected to you?"
    The VG warriors shiver and back away.

    "Goddesses, you're not going out dressed like _that_, are you?"
    Their glares burn through his skull.

    "Goddesses, does this skirt make my butt look big?"
    The VG warriors ran outside covering their mouths only to puke on his freshly waxed car.

    "Goddesses, warp factor 6, engage!"
    He was burned down in a hail of phaser fire.

    =========
    Mega Man - This was the ultimate sequel game.  You could win all the games and you wanna know what would happen?  They'd make another game for another system.  And the fact that Wily kept popping up in the regular series added the frustration most gamers felt when they realized, "Great... Yet ANOTHER sequel is being made."
    =========

    Now, what, you may ask, was edited out of Mega Man?  Did you know that there were more Robot Masters planned for each game?

    Schlong Man - Edited because the pixel gradient was too high and the female designers demanded 3D graphics.
    Assmaster Man - Removed for obvious reasons.  I mean, they didn't want Skull Man getting jealous.
    Girl Man - They didn't want to infringe on the Ranma 1/2 Copyright.
    Pokemon Man - Similiar reasons as above.
    Lesbian Man - It was a contradiction in terms and also, most of the weapons would only work on female robots.  And as we all know, unless they went ahead with Girl Man, the Lesbo Cannon wasn't going to be of much use.  However, the Hyper Alternate Preferences Beam was surprisingly devastating, but deemed inappropriate as various robots glomped the female Mega.
    Death Man - It just sounded stupid.
    Bone Man - Huh-huh-huh-huh... huh-huh-huh-huh... huh-huh-huh-huh...
    Fun Man - Could easily be countered with the Apathy Ray from Stoned Man.
    Sarcasm Man - Was declared too devastating to players and Mega Man both.
    Protein Man - It was a brilliant attempt at getting kids to eat more vegetables, especially with the Artery Clogging Beam.  However, playtesters complained that the preceeding level was too hard.  Or something like that.  It was difficult to hear them as they chowed down on lobster, prime steak and ribs with extra-greasy fries and a side order of bacon.
    Roll Man - When this idea was presented, even the game designers laughed so hard, they hurt themselves.  However, the executives decided to try the idea.  The game designers tried for eight entire days to come up with a single idea for Roll Man other than a giant Bagel, which got Roll Man changed into Bagel Man.  After a long series of mishaps, Bagel Man wound up as Dive Man.
    Salad Man - The game designers had a hard time on this one too.  The only weapon that they could think for Mega Man to receive after defeating Salad Man was the Salad Shooter.  The execs decided to change Salad Man into Skull Man and the problem began anew.
    Immortal Man - Deemed far too powerful and annoying, Immortal Man lasted through most of production before being changed to Cut Man at the last minute.

    =========
    Miscellanious Titles - What would this be like if there wasn't something to encompass a lot of series?
    =========

    Some of the titles various Anime MIGHT have wound up with!

    Those who hunt Dwarves
    Those who dwarf Elves
    Those who elf Dwarves
    Bubble Gum Dwarves
    Bubble Dwarf Crisis
    Dwarf Gum Crash  (Dwarf - "Oh no!  Our teeth have gone off line!")
    Dwark Mononoke
    Otaku no Dwarf
    Dwarf Seed (or Blue Dwarf)
    Dwarf Varga
    Dwarf Ball Z (or Dragon Dwarf Z)
    Gude Dwarf ("Here's a biscuit.")
    Neon Dwarf Evangelion
    Magical Project Dwarf
    Sakura Dwarf
    Fist of the Northdwarf
    Dwarf Pair
    Dwarf Pair Flash
    All-Purpose Cultural Cat-Dwarf Nuku Nuku
    Dwarftech
    Saber Dwarfs J (or Dwarf Marionnettes J Again)
    Irresponsible Captain Dwarf
    Hyper Dwarfs
    Dwarf Muyou!
    Gunsmith Dwarves
    Cutey Dwarf
    Dwarf 1/2
    Sailor Dwarf
    My Dwarf Marie
    Gundam Dwarf
    Oh My Dwarfess
    Sorceror Dwarfs
    Golden Dwarf
    Pretty Dwarf
    Urusei Gnomes (or Urusei Kender)
    Cowboy Dwarfs
    Dwarf Hazard
    Dwarf Junction (or Haunted Dwarf)
    The Vision of Dwarf (or The Dwarf of Escaflowne or Escadwarfe)
    Martian Dwarf Nadesisco
    Dwarfs of Ramune
    Dwarf Explorers
    Phantom Dwarf Corps.
    Ushio and Dwarf (or Dwarf and Tora)
    Metal Idol Dwarf (or Dwarf Idol Key or Metal Dwarf Key)
    Burn Up Dwarf (or Dwarf Up W)
    Dwarf of Crystania
    Fatal Dwarf
    Variable Dwarf (or Dwarf Geo)
    Dwarf Stalkers: Revenge!
    Dwarf Minerva
    Voltage Dwarf Gowcaizer
    La Filette Dwarf Utena
    Dwarfical Twilight
    Dwarf School Detectives
    Dwarfs: The Motion Picture
    Project Dwarf
    Maison Dwarf (or Dwarf Ikkoku)
    Dwarf Skippers
    Venus Dwarf
    Debutante Detective Dwarf
    Dwarf/1999 (or X/Dwarf)
    Queen Dwarfarldas
    Fushigi Dwarf
    Dwarf of Lodoss Wars
    Dwarf Lion
    Hanappe Dwarf (or Dwarf Bazooka)
    Dwarf Cadets (or Ninja Dwarfs)
    Please Save My Dwarf
    Dwarfian: The Final Conflict
    Advancer Dwarf
    Dwarf Angel
    Private Dwarf (or Dwarf Lessons)
    Metal Fighter Dwarf (or Dwarf Fighter Miku)
    Megami Dwarf (or Dwarf Paradise)
    Private Dwarfs Tokio
    Crystal Dwarfs (or Dwarf Triangle)
    Gall Dwarf
    Dwarfbuster (or Gundwarf)
    Dwarfgaio (or Dandwarf)
    Baldwarf
    Vampire Dwarf Miyu (or Dwarf Princess Miyu)
    Dwarf Hunter D (or Vampire Dwarf D)
    Dwarf Half
    Dwarf Report: Yu Yu Dwarfsho
    Iron Dwarf Jun
    Panzer Dwarfoon
    Art of Dwarf (or Dwarf of Fighting)
    Moldwarf
    Ayane High Dwarf (or Ayane Dwarf Kick)
    La Dwarf Girl
    Urutsukidwarfi
    [Not Anime, but] Power Dwarfs (or Dwarf Rangers)
    Heroic Legend of Dwarf
    Dwarfjack
    Silent Dwarf (or Dwarf Service)
    Dwarf Dwarf Mai (or My My Dwarf)
    Kotetsudwarf (or Kodwarf or Kotetdwarf)
    Capridwarf
    801 TTS Airdwarfs

    =========
    Slayers - There's plenty of comedy just waiting to be explored.  Just don't get so caught up discussing it that you accidentally watch Battle CanCan or Panzer Dragoon.
    =========

    "That's right, Lina Inverse, my name is Valgarv..." Valgarv began, before noticing Lina was ignoring him.
    "LINA INVERSE!" Valgarv snarled.
    "Talk to the hand, bitch, because the face ain't listening." Lina responded with extra sass.
    "You tell him, girlfriend!" Gourry cheered.
    "Mmm-hmmm." Zelgadis added, rotating his head.

    Valgarv fired a powerful blast of magic at Lina and company.  The heroes dodged and the blast exploded only thirty feet away, kicking up a miniature sandstorm that enveloped the heroes.
     Zelgadis looked at his marshmallow, before stating loudly, "Pffft.  It's not even partially cooked.  Pretty pathetic, Valgarv.  IIIIIiiii'm afraid we can't hire you."
    "Please Mr. Zelgadis, I can improve... and I've got nowhere else to go..." Valgarv pleaded, tears in his eyes.

    Valgarv fired a powerful blast of magic at Lina and company.  The heroes dodged and the blast exploded only thirty feet away, kicking up a miniature sandstorm that enveloped the heroes.
     Zelgadis looked at his marshmallow, before stating loudly, "Pffft.  It's not even partially cooked.  Pretty pathetic, Valgarv."
    Zelgadis tossed his marshmallow covered stick behind him, incidentally sticking it in Valgarv's forehead, who screamed as blood began spurting from the injury.
    "Oh, I'm sorry!" Zelgadis yelped.
    "Here's the first aid kit-" Amelia said, rushing over and opening the kit.
    A scalpel shot out of the poorly packed kit and stabbed into Valgarv's right arm, causing the green-haired pansy to shriek as blood began spurting from the new injury as well.  Amelia winced and produced a bottle.
    "Here's antiseptic!" she cried.
    Valgarv grabbed it, but got dizzy and spilled it on his eyes.
    "Oh, wait, that's Pepto Bismal..." Amelia sweatdropped as Valgarv howled, clawing at his eyes in a futile attempt to clear them of the stomach healing fluid, "Here, drink this..."
    Valgarv managed to snatch the bottle and began chugging it.
    "Wait, THAT'S the antiseptic!" Amelia yelped.
    Valgarv spat, before throwing his head back, "By Lord Armace, what did I ever do to de-"
    Valgarv's speech was cut short as a bird decided to loosen it's bowels above him and hit the green-haired freak in the left eye.  Valgarv yelped and stumbled backwards as a conveniently placed donkey kicked him forward.  His eyes opened in startlement as a passing camel turned and spat, hitting Valgarv in his right eye.  Valgarv shouted in pain before he stumbled over a pebble and fell head-first towards a bull that was facing away from him.
    Crying in surprise as the Mazoku did something no one in even the vaguest of levels of sanity would ever do willingly, the bull took off, shaking it's hindquarters violently and kicking the stuck Mazoku whenever possible.  Half an hour later, the bull finally performed #2 and Valgarv was unstuck.  However, that was when he noticed he was near a river.  Alligators leapt the eighty feet from the waters to him.  They swiftly pulled him back to and under the water, as Valgarv kicked and screamed.
    "Man, Valgaav just isn't very lucky, is he?" Gourry noted.
    Three hours later, Valgarv managed to find the adventuring group's encampment and was about to attack when a bunny flew out of nowhere and glomped his head.
    "I wonder when Valgarv will be back." Amelia wondered aloud.
    The roaring fire that the group had built combined with the small talk Zelgadis and Lina were engaging in was loud enough to cover Valgarv's muffled and panicked screams as he ran around in the distance, the bunny blocking his ability to breathe as more bunnies glomped him.
    "Oh, don't worry.  I'm sure he'll return in top form to fight us tomorrow." Phylia assured the princess.
    Valgarv's screams became louder as he stumbled by, now bleeding from the neck wounds that other bunnies were inflicting as they slowly began eating the Mazoku.
    Lina arched her back and yawned loudly, followed shortly by the rest of the group, incidentally covering the death screams of Valgarv as the native carnivorous hugging desert bunnies began feasting on his body.
    "You're right.  Let's turn in." Lina declared.
    Somewhere, Armace sighed.
    "Dammit, that's the eighteenth high-class Mazoku servant I've lost to those native carnivorous hugging desert bunnies.  And they don't seem to bother with humans or dragons or even sand people.  Only Mazoku... strange... aw well," Armace noted, before turning to his remaining minions and asking, "Who wants to be all powerful this week?"

    "You must be-" Lina began, as the image of Gaav superimposed itself over Valgarv.  Then, for a brief moment, Rezo's ass superimposed over that.
    "That's right, Lina Inverse-" Valgarv began.
    "GAAV'S ILLEGITIMATE DAUGHTER!" Lina cried, causing everyone, including Armace and her, to facefault simultaneously.
    "Whoa, she's even smaller breasted than you, Lina." Gourry noted.
    "But, she's got a great ass." Zelgadis tossed in.
    "IIIiii wouldn't want to date anyone who looks that slutty." Amelia said.
    "I'm sure our good friend Diol could fix that... maybe give him Naga as an assistant..." Sylphiel joined in.

    "Now you can feel the pain that Gaav felt when you didn't let him into your tea parties, when you ignored his request for you to be at his wedding, and when you didn't even invite him to your weekly game of badminton!" Valgarv declared.
    "That's insane!  I never knew he got married!  And the invitations must've gotten lost in the mail!" Lina cried.
    All the lights cut out.  The lightning technician on hand had fallen asleep for a brief second and leaned on the button a little early.
    "Ummmm, Lina, I'm sorry.  I stole them.  I was jealous of all the time you were spending with Gaav when you could be with me." Amelia cried.
    "Oh, Amelia!  Just because Gaav and I were such good friends, you felt such jealousy!" Lina cried dramatically.
    The spotlight, also mistimed, chose that moment to illuminate a small chihuahua taking a whiz on Valgaav's leg.
    "I'm sorry, Lina, can you, Gaav and Valgarv ever forgive me?" Amelia begged in a heartfelt plea.
    Valgarv turned to Gaav, who was wiping a tear from his eyes.
    "I can, but please don't cut me out of Lina's life." Gaav responded, sobbing.
    "I won't anymore, Gaav.  I know now that you two are merely very good friends!" Amelia responded, chest heaving with emotion.
    "I forgive you, my love!  Come, jump into my arms and we'll make love for hours on end!" Lina cried.
    "Excuse me, but-" Valgarv began.
    "CAN IT!" everyone shouted.
    Valgarv hmphed, growing jealous at the attention Gaav was giving Lina.  After all, Valgarv WAS Gaav's betrothed...

    "NOW DIE!" Valgarv cried.
    "ZELGADIS!  AMELIA!  OBI-WAN!" Lina cried.
    "Right!  These are not the main characters you're looking for..." Obi-wan began.
    Valgarv turned around and fired his shot at a crappy filler character from Ranma 1/2 named Pantyhose Tarou...
    (This skit was made in a poor attempt to honor the death of the actor who played Obi-Wan Kenobi, Alec Guinness.) [What a load of Gaav poop, it was made to honor Pantyhose Taro, the unlikable flaky frenchman that he is! - Forboding tattoo's of TharzZzDunN]

    "NOW DIE!" Valgarv cried.
    "ZELGADIS!  AMELIA!  OPTIMUS PRIME!" Lina cried.
    "RIGHT!  AUTOBOTS, ROLL OUT!" Optimus Prime called.
    Valgarv shrieked and spun around before running for the hills as every conceivable form of vehicle began aiming for him, all going at least seventy MPH, even the skateboard Autobot.*
(* - There never was a skateboard Autobot..... to our vast knowledge.)

    Xelloss chuckled, "It seems that all the players are in their places.  Now to get what I've always wanted."
    Valgarv concentrated his full power on breaking down the barrier that Lina, Amelia and Zelgadis had formed.  So, naturally, he didn't notice Xelloss appearing behind him, but he did notice a sudden loss of significant weight. His concentration vanished and his spell dispersed.
    "WHAT THE- MY WALLET!" Valgarv roared.
    Just then Filia leapt out of the ground and K.O.'ed Valgarv with her mace, spraying his brains, entrails, and genitals across the desert, ending the Mazoku threat a lot earlier.
    Meanwhile, in the nearby town, Xelloss was on a shopping spree.
    "I've wanted these pumps for quite a while.  And are those sixteen inch platform shoes?  That'll help me get onto some of the rides at Mazoku World." Xelloss noted.
    Meanwhile, at Mazoku World...
    We see a roller coaster and nearby an enormous cardboard cutout stands nearly blocking out most of the sky.  The sign reads itself aloud, "You must be as tall as Lord Shaburnigdo's toe to ride this attraction."
    Phibrizzo looked at the sign and ignored it until the attendant pointed forcefully at it.  The attendant compared the Hellmaster against it and noticed he was a full eight feet too short.  The attendant shook his head.
    "SH*T!" Phibrizzo shouted.

    Learning a New Killer Technique - Price?  8 Weeks of Servitude
    Kidnapping a Rival's Girlfriend - Price?  $24.95 for a good taser and $85 car rental
    Performing a Vicious Beatdown on Pay Per View Because you have their Loved Ones Hostage - Value? Priceless.
    There are things in this world that you can't buy.  For everything else, there's Mazoku Express.  Mazoku Express.  Accepted everywhere you wish you could be and everywhere you can't be.

    =========
    POKEMON - Little creatures that grow spontaneously and pop out of balls.  And just imagine, the people who made it were dead serious.
    =========

Gary: Ash and his friends entered a 10' by 10' by 10' room and saw fifty orcs...
Misty: I'm casting a landscraper fireball!
Ash: I ready my Holy Hacker +12!
Brock: I prepare to backstab!
Pikachu: PIKA!  I WASTE 'EM WITH MY CROSSBOW!


    =========
    GUNDAM WING - If you can go an episode without a flashback to Dragon Ball Z or Evangelion, you're either a newbie or a freakier freak than we are.
    =========

    Heero walked past Relena Darlian.
    "I'll destroy you." Heero whispered into Relena's ear as he walked past.
    "You talkin' to me?  YOU talkin' to ME?!  DAT'S IT!" Relena cried, before proceeding to give Heero a good old fashioned beat down.
    "STOP! STOP!" The director cried as she pulled out a crowbar.

    Heero walked past Relena Darlian.
    "I'll destroy you." Heero whispered into Relena's ear as he walked past.
    "I DON'T THINK SO!  SHINKU HADOKEN!" Relena cried.

    Heero walked past her.
    "I'll kill you." Heero whispered.
    "Key does not understand why Heero does not like Key.  Is it Key's breath?  What about Key's shoes?  Could it be that Key does not have a large enough bento for Heero to steal?" Key inquired.
    "Hey, Tro-wa!  Let's get her Bena-to box!" Heero suggested.
    "Um, isn't it supposed to be a 'Pick-a-nick' basket?  And, Heero, I must insist that you stop yelling my name before starting a panty raid." Trowa responded, wearing the traditional uniform for panty raiding: Nothing.  (For you Trowa-fans out there!)

    "I'll kill you." Heero whispered as he walked past the girl in the yellow dress.
    "YOU MUST BE A DELIQUENT!  HAPPO FIVE YEN SATSU!" Miss Hinako-chibi cried, extending a five yen piece.
    "Wha-NO!" Heero tried to protest, but it was too late.  Miss Hinako drained a large majority his vitality and fighting spirit.
    "Ohh, I haven't felt this drained since Tailhook." Heero complained from the ground.
    Heero looked up at the now fully grown Miss Hinako and then addressed the other Gundam Pilots, "You were right, it _was_ worth it..."
    (Alternate 1: Heero addressed the other Gundam Pilots, "You were right, they _are_ pink.  Guess I lose the bet....  Well, better go get engaged to Relena now...")
    (Alternate 2: Heero addressed the other Gundam Pilots, "You were right, Quatre, she _does_ wear nothing at all.  Trowa, you lied to me....")

    "I'll kill you." Heero whispered to the long-haired girl.
    "I don't think so.  Mari!" B-ko commanded.
    Heero turned to see an enormous fuku-clad monstrosity, let out a kiai of, "YETATATATATATA-TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA!"
    Heero crumpled to the ground like a used tissue as Mari squeaked out, "Your body will explode in three seconds."
    *FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP*
    "OH GODS, THE SMELL!"

    "You piloted this model of Mobile Suit before?" Quatre inquired to Trowa, as they climbed into the Leo.
    "Yeah, my girlfriend had one.  Actually, it wasn't my girlfriend's, it was her dad's.  And she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived in the same Circus I did and never closed her tent flaps." Trowa responded.
    "Trowa, remember what I said about ending your stories one sentence earlier?"    Catherine inquired.
    Trowa shrugged and responded, "I forget."

    Heero walked past Relena Darlian.
    "I'll destroy you." Heero whispered into Relena's ear as he walked past.
    "MORTAL KOMBAT!" Shang Tsung shouted, popping up from a nearby bush as standard Three's Company music began playing.

    Heero walked past Relena Darlian.
    "I'll kill you." Heero whispered into Relena's ear as he walked past.
    Relena turned chuckling, as bats seemed to swirl up from nowhere and fuse into her outfit.
    "Morrigan of Clan Aensland is always up for a good fight." Relena-Morrigan said, licking a finger before patting her butt.

    Heero walked past Relena Darlian.
    "I'll kill you." Heero whispered into Relena's ear as he walked past.
    "HEERO BOY!"
    "I MUST SUCCEED!" Heero cried as he leapt out to try and stop Godzilla by pounding ineffectively against Godzilla's toe.  Godzilla stomped on Heero, thus preventing roughly 80% of the angsty bullcrap that went on for far too long.

    Relena hurried down to the beach where Heero was laying face-down in the sand with his helmet on.  She flipped him over and pulled his helmet off.
    "Ow, I landed on my keys!" Heero whined.

    Heero walked past Relena Darlian.
    "I'll kill you." Heero whispered into Relena's ear as he walked past.
    "Not so fast." Relena replied.
    Heero walked by slower.
    "Look, why don't you just stop all together?" Relena asked.
    Heero stopped and put his raised foot down.
    "Relena, can't I give hollow threats to you anymore?  We used to laugh..." Heero began.

    "YEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
    *whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRR**WHOOM**KABOOM*
    Duo climbed out of Gundam Wing with an embarrassed look on his face.  Heero stood next to the smoldering wreck tapping his foot impatiently.
    "Guess I shouldn't have stolen and altered that jet-fighter's pilot's license just to get permission to use Wing, huh?" Duo inquired.

    Heero faced off against Milliardo Peacecraft or rather, Zechs Marquis.
    "Heero, I must commend you.  I've never had such a wor-" Zechs began.
    Suddenly, a very loud and distinct noise was heard over the com-link.  Heero arched an eyebrow.
    "What was that?" Heero inquired.
    "I farted.  I didn't think you'd hear it over the com-channel." Zechs responded, blushing with embarrassment.
    "No, I mean the other popping noise." Heero deadpanned.
    "Oh, I'm making popcorn.  My boyfriend Trieze is coming over and we're going to watch a scary movie..." Zechs answered cheerfully.
    "Do you like scary movies?" Heero asked, his voice now distorted by a voice distorting thingamabob.
    "Yeah." Zechs answered, twirling a lock of hair.
    "What's your favorite scary movie?" Heero inquired creepily through the voice distorting whatchamacallit.
    Zechs thought for a while before farting again.  Heero waved a hand in front of his face, "Hey, hey, hey!  Come on!  Split screen, butt-monkey!"
    "Oh, sorry.  I forget that you take up the upper half of the screen." Zechs responded.
    Zechs resumed thinking before answering with, "Ford Fairlane."
    "That's not a scary movie." Heero responded, using the uh... whatever to screw with his voice so that it sounded a lot like Wu Fei after the Gundam 05 pilot had been kicked in the crotch a few times by Lt. Noin wearing a pen over one ear.
    "You haven't seen Andrew Dice Clay." Zechs answered.

    As Deathscythe and Sandrock battled the very first Mobile Dolls and were getting their butts stomped handily, both Gundams crashed to the ground.  An airbag popped out of Quatre's control board and began smothering the blonde boy.  Thankfully, all Duo got was severe whiplash.

    ---- This next section makes fun of the commercials that the Cartoon Network made for GW

    "WE HAVE TO MAKE IT INTO SPACE, EVERY-" Quatre began.
    Suddenly, Gundam Sandrock plummeted out of the camera's view.
    "Cheap strings!" the director cried.

    "WE HAVE TO GET TO THE MALL OF AMERICA!  EVERY ONE OF US!"
    "WE HAVE TO GET TO THE MOVIE THEATER!  EVERY ONE OF US!"
    "WE HAVE TO GET TO THE HOBBY SHOP!  EVERY ONE OF US!"
    "WE HAVE TO GET TO THE BATHROOM AND TAKE A HUGE DUMP!  EVERY ONE OF US!"
    "WE HAVE TO GET TRAPPED BY A BEAR AND FORCED INTO A YEAR LONG TOURNAMENT PLAYING POWER RANGERS ON AN OLD SUPER NINTEDO!  EVERY ONE OF US!"
    "WE HAVE TO GET TO THE PORNO STORE!  EVERY ONE OF US!  Especially Relena!"
    "WE HAVE TO GET TOSSED HALF-DRUNK INTO AN ALLEY-WAY BY HOBOS!  JUST ZECHS AND TREIZE!"
    "WE HAVE TO GET TO THE PHARMACY TO GET WU FEI'S CREAM!  JUST ME BECAUSE HE'LL KILL ME!"

    "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"
    "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
    "OHHHHHH!"
    "WHOOOOO!!"
    All of the Gundam pilots stopped their auditions, turned and stared at Zechs and Noin.
    "Find a room, you two!!"

    "After Colony Year 195... URRRRRRGGGAAaAAAAAAAH!  Sorry, just took a dump.  Anyway...  You know, you could wait for me to get off the can before doing the URRRRRRRAAAAAAAAOOOOGGGHHHH final recording.  I know those guys at Sunrise Studios are chea-AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGOOOOROORRRHHH!"

    ----

    Heero walked past Relena Darlian.
    "I'll kill you." Heero whispered into Relena's ear as he walked past.
    Relena turned, chuckling, as bats seemed to swirl up from nowhere and fuse into her outfit.
    "Morrigan of Clan Aensland is always up for a good fight." Relena-Morrigan said, licking a finger before sticking it up her butt.
    Heero just STARED at her.  Her classmates just STARED at her.  The succubus-human blushed as she realized she was now standing in front of a large number of her schoolmates with a finger up her butt.
    "HEEEEEEEEEEERO!  THIS IS ALL _YOUR_ FAULT!" Ryoga Hibiki cried as he burst out of the ground.
    Heero, Relena and the classmates who were present stared at the newcomer.  Ryoga, seeing that something X-rated going on, wasn't sure if he should barf, bark or faint.
    (Disclaimer: Be glad that this version had a form of lubricant and HER butt.  Relena is still giggling about finally having Heero, or rather his remains, in her clutches.)

    Heero walked past Relena Darlian.
    "I'll destroy you." Heero whispered into Relena's ear as he walked past.
    "I'm your huckleberry." Relena said as she dropped her cigarette and ground it into the dust with her boot.
    Heero came to a complete stop and turned to look at her.  There she was, decked out in twin holsters with a black hat, she tipped her hat back and gave him a lazy, scary smile.  It was even more frightening since she was naked.
    "DRAW!" she cried, pulling both pistols and firing sidewinder missiles at him, blowing him to shit.

    There she was... just'a walkin' down the street, thinkin' "Heero's gonna kill me and I'm in deep diddy-doo!  Oh, I'm so happy, I'm pissing in my shoes, singing doo-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-doo!"

    Heero walked past Relena Darlian.
    "I'll steal your Pokemon cards." Heero whispered into Relena's ear as he walked past.
    Suddenly, both of them were surrounded by a gang.
    "So, stealin' Pokemon cards outside'ahdah orgin'zation, eh?  Eh?  EH?" one asked.
    Suddenly, Relena pulled out a special yo-yo...
    SUKEBAN DEKA GUNDAM WING 3!

    Relena hurried down to the beach where Heero was laying face-down in the sand with his helmet on.  She flipped him over and pulled his helmet off.
    "Ow, I landed on my keys!" Heero whined.
    Suddenly, Heero leapt up and hit a button on his spacesuit, causing something to explode in his suit, knocking him back temporarily.
    "HA!  I can't reproduce!" Heero exclaimed.
    "That's a good thing?" Relena inquired.
    Long pause.
    "SHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-ooot!" Heero finished lamely.

    Heero looked at a picture of Relena.  Duo looked on and grinned.
    "Looks like someone needs an S&M session and BADLY." Duo told Heero.
    Heero turned around and stared at Duo.
    "Not me, you freak!" Duo responded, recoiling violently from the very suggestion while pointing accussingly at the monotone maniac. (Heero, you idiots, not Dorothy!)

Zechs: As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain,
    I take a look at my Gundam and realize it's very plain!
    But's that's just perfect for a pilot like me,
    you know, I shun cheap-ass things like Model Aries.

All the pilots get their kicks doing the Heero bop!
(ooo-ooh, bop, bop, bop-shebop)
I got nude pics of Colonel Une and Noin in my shop!
(ooo-ooh, shop, shop, shop-sheshop)
I turned Quatre's sister into pork chops!
(ooo-ooh, chop, chop, chop-shechop)
I bagged Treize's ass in the stocks!
(ooo-ooh, stocks, stocks, stock-shestocks)

    Relena looked Heero in the eye, deadly serious, "I have to talk to my brother."
    Heero looked away and muttered, "Follow me."
    As the two passed a connecting corridor a soldier wolf-whistled after Relena, who stopped following Heero and skipped back to the crewman.
    Fluttering her eyelashes seductively, Relena struck up a conversation, "My, aren't you a bold one, you must be assigned a very important station on board, hmmm?"
    Grinning lewdly, the fool drooled over this hot chick, "You betcha little lady, Laundry Detail for Herman T. Zweibel!"
    Laughing along to his jokes, Relena was rudely interrupted by Heero heading back down the corridor.  "I thought you wanted to go see-"
    Tossing off a reply to the laconic troglodyte (Heero, not Herman!), Relena brushed Heero off, "Listen, why don't you go ahead and meet whats-his-face?" Snapping her fingers in frustration as she tried to remember such a trivial little detail, "You know, he wears a kid's training potty on his head?  Yeah, yeah, that guy, you go see him and I'll meet up with you in a couple of days, OK?  Bye-bye!"  Taking Herman's arm in hers, she wandered off asking excitedly if maybe they could do it in the lint screens.
                =====A week later=====
    "Listen Heero, you're not the boss of me!  And I want to know right now where these bruises on your butt came from!"  Relena raged about the penthouse suite the two shared.
    Sobbing quietly, Heero desperately thought up a decent lie, "I-i-i-it was Duo!  Yeah, he's the one!"  Chanting quietly to himself, "please don't ask about the fish or the fudgesicles, please don't ask about the fish or the fudgesicles, please, oh please, don't ask me!"
                =====Ten Minutes Later=====
    Duo looked up to a sky filled with the battered hulk of Libra as it plummeted straight towards his New York apartment.  He was fortunate enough to have a great view of the wreck.  But unfortunately, that was because his gonads were glued to the floor below the skylight.
    'That's what you get for taking my parking space, you bitch!' Heero chuckled to himself, even as he watched from the rooftop next door, vainly tugging at the beartrap seizing his ankle.

    Quatre rushed over to Wu fei and handed him back the lucky Angel of Darkness UFO-catcher doll, that was usually braided into his ponytail.
    A loud voice from the direction of the box seats stopped him before he could leave the stage, "Just hold on right there, young lady!  Turn and face us for a moment, won't you?"
    Quatre looked around in confusion for a moment before asking, "Um, do you mean me?  I'm sorry but I'm a-"
    The Master of Ceremonies shouted over Quatre's protestations, "She's perfect!  Gentlemen, I give you this year's Teen Dream Magazine Princess of Space!"
    Stunned at the directors buzzing excitement, Quatre looked at his friends accusingly, "You said you were trying out for Planet of the Apes 4!"
    Wu fei snorted, "Yeah right, cover up these sexy buns in some stuffy ape suit?  I think not!  I'm going to emulate my hero, Charlton Heston, and go half my career without any pants on!"
    Duo looked away abashed, muttering, "The merchandising deal included edible underwear and Hilde goes through four pairs a day!"
    Heero just shrugged, indifferent, "It gets me out of the house."
    Trowa was actually flushed in guilty pleasure, "I lost the last three hands of poker, so I woke up backstage."
    "Look, I don't care about the rest of these freaks, but I am NOT a woman!!" Quatre cried.
    "She's a little excitable already, let's get her on some tranquilizers right away."  Mr. Cameron told his assistant, who nodded in affirmation.
    Talking into his com-link, he yelled, "Ey, Dorsey, give me a number three on stage now!"
    Four darts streaked out of the balcony to hit Quatre squarely in the forehead.  He stumbled forward upon being shot and flopped to the stage floor, one hand falling between the footlights.
    "Idiots!!!  Do you know how much those things cost?!  We can't just steal them from press conferences you know!  After what they did to Trieze and Murakumo, our health plan won't cover disemboweling!"  The director howled at the Three Stooges, aka. Little Washu, Doctor Tomoe and Ami Mizuno.
    "CHEESE IT!" Little Washu cried.
    Doctor Tomoe, Ami Mizuno, and Little Washu waved their arms frantically and ran off as the Benny Hill chase music played.

    =========
    Saber Marrionettes J - A guy, three girls, an old man who advises, a twisted love triangle...  why does this sound like Tenchi Muyou! on another planet with androids?
    =========

    Lime was giggling and looking around the room.  This was odd, well, okay, unusual for Lime.  She usually had a good reason.
    "Oy, Cherry, I've got a good joke for you." Lime said.
    "All right, tell me." Cherry requested politely.
    "What has purple hair, wears pink and squeals?" Lime asked, giving a rakish grin.
    "I don't know." Cherry answered, trying to imagine a creature or object that would have purple hair, wear pink and squeal.
    "YOU!  WEDGIE!" Lime replied.
    *SQQQQQQUEEEEEEEEAAAAALLLLLLL*
    "Oy, Bloodberry..." Lime said, heading outside...

    =========
    Evangelion - Take a kid with no spine, a self-delusional psycho-bitch, a frigid albino girl, giant monsters with AT fields, and a large number of people who should be in mental institutes more than I should and you get Voltron-er, something not completely different from Evangelion.  ^_^
    =========

    Eva-00 drew the Lance of Longinus back, re-aligned the shot again, then heaved the mighty lance into the sky.  It stabbed into Armisael, piercing the AT field as if it weren't even there, then rent asunder it's body, causing the Angel of Birds to implode neatly.  The Lance then took up a geo-synchronis orbit.
    "Look, Rei shot a birdie." Shinji noted.

    To keep out SEELE members, Asuka's Type D plugsuits are zipped up, have the neck sewed shut and then are filled before being jammed into the doorways.
    "Gendo, are you sure this is a common malfunction?" Kihle Lorenz demanded.
    "Says so right here in the NERV handbook." Gendo responded, pointing to a single piece of white paper that had been scribbled on with white crayon.

    "Gendo, are you in there?" Kihle demanded, pounding on the inflated plugsuit.
    "I'm sorry, I can't hear you." Gendo shouted back.
    "Oh, that's okay... wait a minute..." Kihle began.

    The U.N. troops marched in only to find themselves blocked by an inflated Type D plugsuit.  The sergeant scratched his head, then poked the suit, causing a tiny ripple.  He turned to a soldier.
    "Go on, give it a poke." the sergeant commanded.
    The private poked his rifle against the plugsuit, causing the suit to jiggle violently and the empty limbs to swing like a monkey on crack, smacking six soldiers to the ground.
    "Can't get past here.  Call in the fortifications." the sergeant declared.
    "Fortifications, sir?" the private asked.
    "The beer." the sergeant responded.
    "Ah, yes, the fortifications.  Good fortifications." the private declared.
    Another private spoke up, feeling a very small bit of responsibility, "But, sir, we could get around-"
    The sergeant glared at him, "Don't talk nonsense!  The war is over for us!  Now, CALL IN THE FORTIFICATIONS!"
    "But, sir, seriously, if we hit the rele-" the second private began.
    The first private poked the suit again, causing the suit to lay waste to half of the hallway, but leaving the trio of men standing.
    "No.  Fortifications.  Now." the sergeant told the second private, before adding, "And don't forget to request ammo and replacement machetes this time."
    "Ammo?  Machetes?" the second private inquired.
    "Dammit, man, don't you read the NERV handbook?  It says it right here, 'Ammo = Salsa' and 'replacement machetes = nachos with cheese'." the sergeant said, pointing to a torn and stained coaster that had been scribbled on with disappearing ink.

    What if the U.N. broke into your facility?  And they brought beer.  Really good beer...


    -----------  This was originally going to be in Evangelion Neon Sign 3.  Be thankful it isn't.

    "Here's your copy of the Netscape Kooky Commie-Quiz, Rei.  That'll be three dollars for in-building service." Shinji said.
    Rei handed him three dollars.  Shinji inspected the bills.
    "Hey!  This isn't real money.  It's printed by the Hokkaido Militia." Shinji complained.
    "It'll be real soon enough." Rei hostilely shot back.
    She looked at the cover and read it aloud, "Are you an excellent clone?  Yes.  Are you a paragon of virtue, sexiness and worshipped by millions of fanboys and fangirls?  Yes.  Whoo-hoo.  2 for 2."
    "Uh, Rei, you know you're supposed to open it and take the quizzes inside." Shinji said.
    "Yes, the Quiz Mistress.  That'll amuse me briefly." Rei responded.
    Shinji blinked.
    "Uh, Rei, we missed a line of dialogue there." Shinji pointed out.
    "What I think you need is a great big glass of 'Shut up' juice." Rei shot back.

    As Ritsuko sniffed and cleaned her glasses, Rei totalled her score.
    "So, you got 67 out of a 100.  That makes you... a frigid frita.  I took thirty points off for all that laughing you did." Rei responded.
    "It's a little cruel giving me a clone test while tickling me mercilessly.  I'm only on my first one." Ritsuko responded.
    "What I think you need is a great big glass of 'Shut up' juice." Rei shot back.
    "Where did _that_ come from?" Ritsuko asked.
    "Last scene, but I felt it worked here." Rei answered.

    "Okay, which of these games had the best graphics: Final Fantasy 1, Dragon Warrior 1, Milon's Secret Castle, Mega Man 1, _or_ Little Nemo in Dreamland?" Rei inquired.
    "Dragon Warrior 1!" A-kun called.
    "No, no, Milon's Secret Castle.  That duck made sure I knew there was only ONE Maharito." C-chan responded.
    "Okay, according to this, you're both idiots." Rei explained to A-kun and C-chan.
    "Wow, what do we owe ya?" A-kun asked.

    "Okay, there's Ramiel at the door, Sahaquiel at the window and Kiel Lorenz in your underwear drawer.  Do you A) None of the Below, B) Shoot Gendo Ikari, C) Cause Third Impact, D)..." Rei began.
    Shinji turned to her.
    "Rei, I'm trying to take a bath here." Shinji said.
    "Oh, I'm not embarrassed." Rei responded, wondering how Shinji's 'tree' could be that big and still hide in his plugsuit.
    "Fine, I'll take the next test myself.  'Will you survive Third Impact?'  Hmmm..., Hey Shinji, do you think they mean 'smokes per DAY' or 'smokes per hour'?" Rei inquired.
    "I don't know, Rei." Shinji answered, whining a bit in hopes of getting her out of the bathroom so he could leave.
    Ten minutes later, after recovering from having Shinji literally throw her out of the bathroom, Rei turned to Asuka.
    "Hey, Langely, do you think they mean honey-braised or deep-fat-fried council members?" Rei inquired.
    "I don't KNOW, Rei." Asuka responded.
    Two hours later, Rei sat next to the six empty buckets of Uncle Ikari's Home Fried Seele Members.  She licked her fingers.
    "Check.  Hmmm, according to this, my clone will only last until... the end of 2015?!!  WAAAAAAAH!  I wasted my whole life starring in that stupid 'Saved by the Eva'!" Rei cried.
    "Maybe you added it wrong.  Here, I'll take it." Asuka said, snatching the test book away.
    Asuka looked over the quiz, mentally adding up her own score.
    "NAAH-AAAAAAH!" Asuka yelped, noting that the only person that had the same qualifications as 'assured survival' was Shinji.  Maybe Fuzzy Lumpkins and Mojo-Jojo, but they were fictional characters from a fictional time.  She herself fell into the 'very, very iffy - depends on current author (P.S. Sell off all stock beforehand)' category.

    -----------

    =========
    Ranma - You take a lot of changing people, toss in spastic love triangles, weird plots, then have a few psychos pop in for brief stints.
    =========

Narrator: What if a little black piglet broke into your fiancee's room?  And he brought beer.  Really good beer.  Would you still kick him out?
[Ranma turns off the tape he was watching for a minute.]
Ranma: [Naked] YES!  But, I'd keep the beer. [Takes out fan and starts fanning himself with his left hand] Whew, this session really took it out of me.  My right hand's gone numb.
Narrator: [turning green] Do we need this here?
Cameraman: Let's just get out of here before his fiancee shows up.
Akane: [entering] Hey, Ranma, what are you, a narrator and a cameraman doing in here with really good beer?
Narrator: CHEESE IT! [He and cameraman wave their arms frantically and run out to chase music from the Benny Hill show.]

    =========
    Fushigi Yuugi - Two girls, three guys, one brain between them.  And it belongs to the emperor.  Ever get tired of Miaka's older brother gasping almost every time they cut back to him?  (P.S. Sorry this part sucks.  The skit was hilarious when spoken, but it was very difficult to write down.)
    =========

    Miaka's older brother stood looking in the book, Universe of the Four Gods, when he found the page of complimentary porn pictures and Lik-A-Made packages to apologize for the long and boring parts.
    He turns on a blacklight and looks at the first card.  He gasps at what he sees!
    He scratches and sniffs the one marked 'Scratch N' Sniff'.  He gasps at what he smells!
    He reads the instructions and fold the four corners of the third one.  He gasps at what he sees!
    He's asked to "make sausage with your index fingers".  He gasps at what he sees!
    He blinks as he's asked to hold a mirror upside down while looking at the fifth card.  He gasps at what he sees!
    He's asked to hold the sixth card up to a mirror.  He gasps at what he sees!
    He takes the seventh card and holds it up to the mirror while shining a blacklight on the card.  He gasps at what he sees!
    He tears the eighth into tiny pieces, then he throws the remains up in the air like confetti.  He gasps at what he sees!
    He holds the ninth card up to a TV displaying MST 3K.  The unnatural radiation forms new picture.  He gasps at what he sees!
    He lets his eyes go out of focus and sees the 3D image.  He gasps at what he sees!
    Touching the eleventh card, he gets possessed by the Clow Card "Collectable Porn" and spits green puke all over.  As the possession fades, he gasps at what he sees!
    He climbs up ladder with the twelfth card.  He gasps at what he sees!
    He holds the thirteenth card up to a light.  He gasps at what he sees!
    He tosses the fourteenth card into a fireplace.  After poking the ashes for a bit, he gasps at what he sees!
    He looked up into the sky to see a single bright yellow ball of blazing gas.  Glancing down at the fifteenth card, he gasps at what he sees!
    He launched four robots and a human into a satellite and starts MST 3K experiment.  Years later, as Deep 13 starts it's self-detonation sequence, he finally pulls crumpled and soiled picture out of pocket.  He gasps at what he sees!
    He realizes he ISN'T TV's Frank as he looks at the seventeenth card.  He gasps at what he sees!
    He buys a pink leather tutu for his pet squirrel, then snorts some cocaine before looking at the eighteenth card.  He gasps at what he sees!
    He dipped the nineteenth card in bleach until the card dissolved.  As he studied the new contents of the bottle, he gasps at what he sees!
    He almost gets a thought in his head, but then remembers he's supposed to be useless in the series.  He notices the twentieth card and gasps at what he sees!

    =========
    Dragon Ball Z - The people who taught us that getting the crap beaten out of you makes you eighteen times more powerful.... um, if you're a Saiyan.
    =========

    (Shock value?  Why, YEEEEEeeesss.... ^v^ [<--- $#!+ eating grin])
    To get the proper idea for these, imagine a guy who's got a fairly raspy and deep voice.  If you don't know anyone like that, try using James Earl Jones or Barry White.

Narrator: Uh-oh, Goku.  Those oysters don't look like they've been properly refridgerated!  And that five dollar sake wasn't made from rice, but instead from... apples?!  Mostly apples... most of the time.  Watch out, Gohan, don't use that cell phone for too long or you might wind up with a tumor!  And it seems Krillin is hanging out in those nudie bars a little longer than he should!  Stay tuned for scenes from the next exciting episode of Dragon Ball Z!

Narrator: Holy Billing Statements!  Looks like Bulma has maxed out her credit cards!  What will this spell for Yamcha and Puar, who stole Bulma's VISA to go on a shopping spree?  Watch it, Bulma!  Vegeta just found out about the full power of E-bay and it seems you're on the open market!  But, will some internet geek buy Bulma or will Bulma's luck change for the better?  Find out on the next exciting episode of Dragon Ball Z!

Narrator: Oh no, Chi-Chi!  That suit said 'dry clean only'!  And what will Goku say if he finds you wearing his panties!  And what's this?  Goku's coming home early from a 'business meeting'?!  Uh oh, Piccolo, better not dally in the shower!  Or you might get an offer you can't refuse!  Stay tuned for scenes from the next exciting episode of Dragon Ball Z!

Narrator: What's this?  Goku and Krillin sleeping in?  18 isn't going to be happy if Krillin misses Opera Night!  And what of Gohan's championship frisbee golf match at the U?  And watch out, Bulma, it seems a reporter got a picture of you and Chichi having twin affairs!  Will Vegeta get mad?  Or will he get caught in the act with his inflatable girlfriend, Denise?  What IS Puar doing with Oolong's yacht?  And is Vegeta buying an engagement ring for Denise?!  Stay tuned for scenes from the next exciting episode of Dragon Ball Z!

Narrator: My throat is killing me!  But not as much as Gohan's will be if Videl finds him with Trunks!  Gohan, your obsession with those Magic: The Gathering XVIM cards might be the death of you!  Watch out, Gohan, Trunks is eyeing your Lord of the Pit!  Stay tuned for scenes from the next exciting episode of Dragon Ball Z!

    =========
    EXTRA - What?  I'm supposed to say something funny or clever EVERYTIME?  That sucks.
    =========

    Never meddle in the affairs of AI-controlled battleships, for they are petty and cruel and plague humanity with lemon custard for supper... every night for four weeks running!
    Never meddle in the affairs of AI-controlled battleships, for they are petty and cruel and attack UEF forces. (Then again, the UEF sucks.  I mean, if they can't dodge fire from their own ships, how were they going to dodge the Jovian attacks?  Then again, the Nadesico is a pretty kick-ass ship.)
    Never meddle in the affairs of barbers, because they can shave a dirty word in the back of your head and you probably won't notice until that important meeting with the pope.
    Never meddle in the affairs of chefs, for they may allow your kawaiikune and talentless iinazuke to cook.
    Never meddle in the affairs of chefs, for they may choose to give you "bellpeppers and beef" for six weeks.  Minus the beef.

    Never meddle in the affairs of A-ko, or you may suffer HER Righteous Fists of Female Fury.
    Never meddle in the affairs of B-ko, for she will devise numerous stupid mecha to attack relentlessly.
    Never meddle in the affairs of B-ko, for she is relentless and cruel, and she knows where you go to school.
    Never meddle in the affairs of C-ko, for she may decide to cook for you to make up for whatever she did.
    Never meddle in the affairs of C-ko, for you may make up with her and she may want to make out. (A-kun's note: BRRRRRRRR!!)
    Never meddle in the affairs of C-ko, or you may suffer all of the above.

TharzZzDunN: I don't know what I sound like.
A-kun: I think of you as sort of a toned-down Mihoshi whine.
TharzZzDunN: [the Texas, not Kabuki, Wanker] Thanks!  How much do I owe ya?

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Those Guilty of "Suupaa Spammu"ing without a license ('cause there are no licenses):
A-kun
A-chan
C-chan
?????
TharzZzDunN

Watch the Sailor Moon episode, "Friendly Foes" with a sarcastic bastard.  You'll laughing your ass off.

Those Guilty of Reading This Stuff:
You, you bloody giant!
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