[FFML] [Ranma] Rock Bottom

W*ING Higley Presents:

Rock Bottom

The 16,000 fans in attendance at Tokyo�s Nippon Budokan Hall made a collective groan as Ryoga Hibiki collapsed under Ranma Saotome�s assault.

The ring announcer screamed, �The winner of the 2nd Annual King of Nerima Tournament, and STILL CHAMPION: RANMA SAOTOME!�

Ranma stood in the middle of the boxing/wrestling ring and grinned as the referee raised his hand in victory. Akane rushed in and hugged him while Soun and Genma patted him on the back. He basked in the crowds cheers as the tournament officials presented him with a giant trophy and wrapped a gold title belt around his waist.

Finally, the TV announcer came in and interviewed Ranma.

�Ranma, first of all, congratulations.�

�Thank you, Larry. First of all, I�d like to thank God for bringing me this far and helping me to win the tournament. And second, I wanna thank my family and fianc�e for being here for me.� Akane beamed as he acknowledged her as his fianc�e.

�Ranma, this is the second year you�ve won the King of Nerima tournament, and the second year you�ve beaten Ryoga Hibiki to do it.�

Ranma nodded. �Right, right. Ryoga�s a tough guy, you know, but nobody beats Ranma Saotome.�

�Nobody?!?�

Ranma, and the crowd, spun to see Kodachi Kuno standing in the aisleway, holding a microphone of her own.

�Whadda ya� want, Kodachi?�

�I have come, Ranma Saotome, to be the first challenger for that gold belt you now wear.�

Ranma stared at her incredulously. �You wanna challenge me for my �King of Nerima� title?�

�Correct. More specifically, I wish to issue a challenge on behalf of MY champion.�

�Your champion? You�re on Kodachi, I should have no problem beating one of your drugged out goons.�

�Oh, Ranma-sama, he is not one of my goons. And the only drugs he takes are over-the-counter muscle enhancers.�

�Whatever, just bring em on.�

�As you wish.� With that, Kodachi signaled to a group of people standing behind the dressing room curtain. A few moments later, a short, blond-haired woman entered the ring and took the microphone from the ring announcer.

Back in their seats, Nabiki stared at the woman. �My God, if I didn�t know any better, I�d swear that was WWF ring announcer Lillian Garcia.�

Suddenly, two men were seated at the TV announcer�s desk. One was wearing a black cowboy Stetson hat and the other was wearing a king�s crown.

Akane started. �And that looks like Jim Ross and Jerry �The King� Lawler.�

Now Genma and Soun began sweating. �Oh God, no. Please don�t let Ranma�s opponent be who I think it is.� The Tendo girls just stared at their father.

Lillian Garcia: �Ladies and gentlemen. This is our main event of the evening. A one-fall match with a 60 minute time-limit for the King of Nerima Championship. Introducing first, the champion. From Tokyo, Japan. Weighing in tonight at 160 lbs. Ranma Saotome!�

The crowd cheered.

Lillian Garcia: �And his opponent....�

PA System: �IF YOU SMELLLLLLLL, WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN�!!! <Dum Dum Da Dum. Dum dum dum, da dum.......>

Lillian Garcia: �From Miami, Florida. Weighing in tonight at 178 lbs. The World Wrestling Federation Champion, THE ROCK!!!�

The Rock, the most electrifying man in sports entertainment today, stormed down the aisle and entered the ring.

Soun and Genma were now openly crying.

�Father,� Akane asked, �what�s wrong?�

�You don�t understand, Akane. Wrestling is real!�

�WHAT!??!�

�Yes. You see, pro wrestling is actually a form of martial arts. The ultimate form of martial arts, actually. The practitioners of pro wrestling-fu are able to generate an aura around them that enables them to take tons of punishment, such as getting hit in the face dozens of time, without taking any real damage. It also enables the wrestler to create an aura that causes their opponents to stay stunned for inordinate amounts of time while they execute outlandish maneuvers, such as slams through tables or dives off the top-rope.�

�My God, Ranma�s going to get killed.�

�Exactly.�

Back in the ring, Ranma watched as The Rock grabbed the microphone and climbed up to the second-rope, basking in the audiences cheers.

�Finally! The Rock has come back to Tokyo! Now, Ranma Saotome, I�m gonna take that �King of Nerima� title, turn it sideways, shine it up real nice, and SHOVE IT UP YOUR ROODY POO CANDY ASS!�

The crowd cheered at The Rock�s nonsensical threat.

Jim Ross: �Wow! The Rock has really got this crowd riled up. Hello everyone, I�m �Good Ol J.R.� along with Jerry �The King� Lawler. And welcome to Nippon Budokan Hall in Tokyo where over 16,000 fans have turned out tonight to see the biggest match-up in the history of our sport.�

Ranma finally tired of all these idiotic gaijin theatrics and jumped The Rock from behind, laying into him with chops and kicks. The Rock shrugged these off and unloaded a series of rights to Ranma�s face.

Akane cringed. �God. Ranma just unloaded some of his biggest punches and kicks, and he just shrugged them off.�

Stunned, Ranma offered no resistance as The Rock spun him around and hoisted him up in the air, then dropped him on his knee.

Ross: �Viscous atomic drop by the WWF champion.�

Jerry Lawler: �Hey, J.R. Do you suppose that Ranma�s girlfriend is gonna show the crowd her puppies? Here puppy, puppy, puppy.�

The Rock clotheslined Ranma out of the ring. As Ranma staggered to his feet, he was greeted to the sight of Rock about to slam a chair into his face.

CLANG!

Ross: �And The Rock just levels Saotome with a chairshot to the head.�

Lawler: �Maybe that Kodachi girl will show us her puppies.�

Ranma staggered back into the ring, where The Rock scooped him up in a side slam.

Ross: �ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! It�s all over!

Suddenly:

P.A. System: (lyrics) �No chance, that�s what ya got! No chance in hell!�

Ross: �My god, that�s Vince McMahon�s music.�

Vince McMahon, the owner of the World Wrestling Federation, stalked to ringside. As The Rock turned to face McMahon, Ranma staggered to his feet and grabbed Rock from behind.

Ross: �My god. McMahon has come to help Saotome. McMahon has a chair, and Saotome is holding Rock in place.�

McMahon swung the chair, but The Rock ducked.

Ross: �McMahon hits Saotome! McMahon missed and nailed Ranma Saotome with the chair!�

Vince McMahon stared in shock as Ranma went down. Then The Rock grabbed him.

Ross: �ROCK BOTTOM ON McMAHON! ROCK BOTTOM ON THE OWNER OF THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION!�

The Rock grinned as he stood before the prone Ranma Saotome. He swung his arms about wildly and then took his elbowpad off and tossed it into the crowd. The Rock bounced off the ropes, then bounced off the other ropes, then finally dropped an elbow into Ranma�s chest, to the thunderous applause of the crowd.

Ross: �PEOPLE�S ELBOW! PEOPLE�S ELBOW! The referee makes the count. One.....Two.....THREE! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION! THE ROCK HAS OVERCOME ALL ODDS TO WIN THE TITLE!�

Rock�s music began playing as the referee handed him the title belt.

Lillian Garcia: �The winner of the match, and NEW KING OF NERIMA, THE ROCK!�

Akane stormed the ring and began to check on her unconscious fianc�e.

�Ranma, speak to me!�

Suddenly, new music began playing.

Ross: �Uh oh. Miss Tendo is in a world of trouble now. Here come the Dudley Boyz.�

Buh-Buh Ray grabbed Akane and held her while D-Von set a table up in the middle of the ring. Akane shrieked as Buh-Buh Ray dragged her up to the top-rope, then powerbombed her through the table.

Ross: �BUH-BUH BOMB THROUGH THE TABLE! The Dudley Boyz just put Akane Tendo through a table! Wait a minute, here come Ranma and Akane�s fathers.�

Genma and Soun began wailing away on The Rock and The Dudleys. Suddenly, the sound of shattering glass was heard.

Ross: �IT�S �STONE COLD� STEVE AUSTIN!�

Steve Austin stormed the ring and kicked Soun in the gut. As Soun doubled over in pain, Austin grabbed him by the neck and dropped him on his shoulder.

Ross: �STUNNER! AND NOW A STUNNER ON GENMA! AND ONE FOR VINCE McMAHON!�

Ranma by now had regained consciousness and staggered to his feet, where he was promptly kicked in the gut and stunnered as well.

Ross: �A quartet of stunners! My god, ladies and gentlemen, what a night. The Rock is your new King of Nerima, and Steve Austin has returned. For Jerry �The King� Lawler, I�m Jim Ross saying goodnight!�

*****

Author�s Comments: Oohh. This is bad. I admit that. But I was reading a MiSTy for my earlier �Tap-Out� fic and felt compelled to write a companion piece. But the Akane-haters will love this fic because she gets put through a table. Don�t bother sending C&C, there�s no point trying to critique this thing.

The Rock, Dudley Boyz, Good �Ol J.R., Jerry �The King� Lawler, Steve Austin, Lillian Garcia and Vince McMahon and their likenesses TM & copyright 2000 by World Wrestling Federation Entertainment Group.

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