Something I wrote quick, all at one sitting. An hour fic,
sort of, inspired by the near endless supply of Ranma as
a senshi fics that are being worked on. :)
Ranma: Thank kami-sama nobody is working on a Ranma/Tonde Buurin
crossover...
Akari: But Ryouga-sama would be perfect for the role!!
Ryouga:......
***
Mallet Girl - in Text!
(a Ranma 1/2 magical girl spamfic)
Sailor Senshi: ~/Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Wonderfull Spam,
Wonderfull Spam!!/~
Ranma: Shut up!!!
Akane: Bloody Senshi....
> Ranma would never win the Nobel prize for female
psychology, but at the moment he had a feeling that Akane was
mad at him for something. He had been so bored with his pop off
getting tanked with Mr. Tendo that he was actually sitting and
watching her practice martial arts, or as he liked to call it,
'making
kindling the hard way.'
Akane: Well if you can think of a better way to make fire wood than
I'd like to hear it!!
Ranma: Do we even have a fire place?
Akane:......
*Clumsy tomboy,* he thought bitterly as she directed
another scathing look in his direction. Here he was, doing his best
not to offer her a banana, and this was the thanks he got.
Akane: Chiquita Banana, Chiquita Banana...La la la...
Ranma:.......
Hmm...Suffering from a paragraph seperation problem here...Might want
to add a
few tabs into to make the seperation clearer.
*Stupid Ranma, we don't you just leave?* Akane thought in
irritation as she glanced back to confirm that yes he was still
sitting
there scowling at her. Normally, when she cranked up the pissed-
off tomboy act he'd do something that at least gave her an excuse
to get rid of him, but he seemed to determined to wait her out
tonight, and she was started to tire of her fake practice session.
Final sentence is awkward and has a tense problem I think...You might
want to change it to...
, and she was starting to tire of her fake practice session.
Or drop the was (but than i don't think Started works here so....)
Ranma: But there's nothing intresting on TV tonight!!!
*Could he have found out my secret? Come on, this is
Ramna. He couldn't figure out that... Where is she anyway?*
Missing a * in front of Where...
Ramna spelled Ranma too...Unless this one of those Eric like
Ranma's...:P
Ranma: Of course I know your secret!!
Akane: You mean, you mean...
Ranma: I know you're a clumsy, flat chested, tomboy...
Akane:......
"Nihao!" suddenly came a cry that was loud enough to
remain audible over the splintering of wood as a Amazon-sized
hole was knocked in the side of the dojo. "Shampoo come for date
that husband promise!"
Ranma: Amazon sized?
Shampoo: It's a standard used by all chinese Amazons in hole making.
There are strict rules and regulations covering width, height, and
area and the composition of material used to patch said hole.
Ranma: Oro?
"What?!" Ranma shouted in alarm, backing away from his
bubbly and boiling fianc�es. "I never promised you anything like
that!"
Shampoo: But you promised Shampoo last week!!!
Ranma: I did no such thing!
Shampoo: But you signed your name on the bottom of this bill right
here.
Ranma: but it's just a Ramen bill...
Shampoo: Look down below Airen!!
Ranma: 'The signee agrees to take Shampoo out on a date and pick up
the entire tab....'
Akane: Looks like somebody didn't read the fine print...
Nabiki: Fine? This print is in large font...
Ranma:.........
"Husband no remember?" Shampoo asked as she bounced
closer to him, not seeming to notice the fuming Akane behind her.
"Husband promise that if Shampoo keep secret of date with rose-
girl from Akane, you would take Shampoo on date!"
Ranma: It wasn't a date, I had to fight her bride in some weird duel!!
Akane: And how'd you get into that Ranma?
Ranma: Well I met this weird guy in a car and he said he'd me the ends
of the world...
Akane:....
"Going on a date with Kodachi and Shampoo!" Akane
raged as she stomped closer and closer to Ranma, the wood
starting to buckle under her feet from the force of her steps.
And somewhere, deep in the wilds of British Columbia, the small town
mill is once
again kept in business thanks to the destruction and reconstruction of
the Tendo Dojo....
"Violent girl here?" Shampoo blinked in an appearance of
innocent confusion. "Shampoo make mistake. So sorry. Good
thing Shampoo not say how husband seal deal with kiss... oops."
Shampoo: First came the french kiss on the hand, than came the kiss in
the cheek, than came the lip kiss, and than came the kisses Shampoo
can't talk about in a family C&C!!!
Ranma:.......
"Akane, she's making it all up!" Ranma's voice was nearly
shrill with panic as he held his hands out before him to ward off
the oncoming short-haired disaster. "I don't know what she's
talking about!"
Shampoo: But I have photo evidence!!
Ranma: Those aren't real, they're fake...They have to be!!!
Shampoo: But the kiss didn't feel fake....
Ranma: Your not helping you know...
Shampoo: Shampoo know!!
Ranma:......
Akane picked up the mallet conveniently at her side and
held it aloft like a katana. "Ranma... you pervert!"
Ranma: And now for sight gag #121, The mallet gag with the cry of
pervert...
Akane: We'll we had to cut corners somewhere...
Bang, bang, Akane's wooden mallet came down upon his
head. Ranma did his best to dodge, but like magic the mallet
unerringly struck him dead center of his forehead. After a brief
moment of pain filled with fireworks, he entered the blissful realm
of unconsciousness.
Ranma: Yeah, off to the land of dreams where I'm free of all my
fiancee problems!!!
Lum: Darling, there you are t-cha!!!
Ranma:.......
Shampoo leaned over to check Ranma driven half-way
through the floor. "He out like light," she confirmed with a grin
to
Akane.
Akane: Mallet on! Mallet off!! Mallet on, Mallet off, the Malleter!!!
"Stop talking like that!" Akane told her with a frown.
"Where were you anyway? We're late for our rounds, again."
Shampoo: And our square, Trapzoid, Octagon, and Triangle!!
Akane: The square root of the hyptonouse of an Isoceles triangle is
equal to the sum of the square roots of the sides!
Shampoo: That's a right Triangle!!
Akane: D'oh!!!
"I know, but I had a hard time getting away from Mousse
tonight. I think that even a moron like him is starting to suspect
something," Shampoo explained in fluent Japanese.
Shampoo: That and Shampoo just can't break this Viz speak...
Akane: You're doing it again!!
Shampoo: Holy Bad accent Mallet Girl!!!
Akane:.......
"Ugh, I don't want to know the ecchi thoughts that he'd
have seeing us together. Why doesn't your great-grandmother ship
him back to China anyway?" Akane asked.
Shampoo: She doesn't want to waste the return postage on Mousse
Akane:.....
Shampoo sighed. "She's says that it's good training for me,
to help keep me on my toes at all times. I think she got the idea
from some French movie she saw once. Anyway, he's usually not
that big of a pain, especially when I'm the reason he got cursed."
Mousse: Oh Shampoo, you really do care!!! *glomp*
Shampoo: Umm, That's not me Mousse...
Mousse: What do you mean Darling...Oh hi Akane, how nice to see you
here...
Akane: Ecchi!!! *mallet* (Mousse is sent flying through the air)
Shampoo: Another hole in one!!
Akane: Ippon-ne!!!
Akane nodded as she easily pried Ranma out of the floor
and laid him gently on a mat, making sure there weren't any serious
injuries. She hated to do this to him, but she knew that if he
found
out the truth about her, he'd have to interfere and probably wind up
getting himself hurt or worse
Shampoo: Worse?
Akane: Yeah, he might actually like the outfit I'm wearing and want to
wear one too...
Shampoo:....
Akane: Well he is a pervert and he still has his bunny outfit
around...
Shampoo: So that's where you go the bunny outfit from...
Akane: ........
.
"Baka," she whispered softly and kissed him gently on the
forehead.
Ranma: Akane...
Lum: Darling!!! Divine RETRUBUTION!!! *ZAP*
Ranma: Ack, this a nightmare!!!
"Baka is right," Shampoo affirmed. "I don't know what you
see in him. The fool actually thinks I want to marry an idiot like
him. Fine husband he'd make when all he knows how to do is fight
like a cowardly dog, eat like a pig, and has all the manners of...
his
lazy father."
Akane: but look at his chest!!!
Shampoo: He's a girl right now Akane....
Akane: So?
Shampoo:.......
Akane frowned again as she turned to face the Amazon. "I
really wish you wouldn't tease him so much."
Shampoo: Well everyone needs a hobby...
Akane: You can always take up knitting.
Shampoo:.......
Shampoo smirked in reply. "I have to keep my cover up,
don't I? Besides, it provides the perfect excuse for Cologne to
train
him to be a fitting life-mate for you, even if I think you could do
much better."
Shampoo: You can get someone to cook and clean for you while your
fighting crime!!!
Akane: But I want to do the cooking for us....
Shampoo: .......
"I know, and I'm grateful to her for that," Akane replied as
her eyes studied Ranma's sleeping face, wondering if he was
having a nightmare about a violent tomboy making his life hell.
Who was she to judge? She probably hurt him more than anyone
else, but she really didn't have any other choice. "I only wish..."
Ranma: Actually I'm running from an alien girl that likes to zap
me...Though I've seemed to have lost her...
Akio: Come, if you want to escape than follow me to the Ends of the
World...
Ranma:......
Lum: Darling!!!
Ranma: help....
"Wish what?" Shampoo prompted as she tapped her foot
impatiently. "That you were a normal girl with a normal life, that
could grow up and have a normal family? Well, you're not, so you
won't. Get over it; life is tough all over."
Akane: Tell me about it, why this recision has dried up alot of my
savings funds.
Shampoo: Same here, though the booming US Stock market has helped
offset the difference.
Akane: Yup, and the dynamic and changing working envrionment will
ensure us many opportunites for Employment down the road...
Shampoo: Like?
Akane: Magical Girl secrtaries, Magical Girl Chef's, Magical Girl
Computer programmers!!!
With a gentle smile on her lips, Akane walked over to
Shampoo and put a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder. Almost
immediately, the Amazon's features softened.
Shampoo: We going to do a fanservice scene now Akane?
Akane: This isn't a lemon...
Shampoo: But we're going to do one off camera, ne?
Akane:.....
"Things have been the hardest on you most of all, my loyal
companion," Akane told her, her voice tender and serious. "We'll
find him again and get your cure someday. Do not loose hope!"
Loose=lose (I think....Unless it's a weird hybrid of a moose and
lose...:P)
Author: Running out of stock super-hero dialouge...
Akane: But it's only one chapter..
Auhtor: Don't worry, I plan to recycle a lot...
Akane:.......
"Right!" Akane agreed and then held up what appeared to
be no more than an ordinary wooden mallet. "As one of the five
princesses of the planet Asguard, I call upon the sacred power of
justice!"
Ameila: No, the power of justice is only for me to call on!!! *pout*
*If only you knew what you were missing right now,
Ranma-baka,* Shampoo thought, snickering, as with an impressive
light show, Akane's clothes were shredded away, only to be
replaced by a bronze-looking breastplate with leather straps that
accentuated her now more significant figure, a short white skirt
that didn't seem at all practical in anything but a heat wave, knee-
length brown leather boots with golden straps, and a bronze cap
with two cute little horns on either side.
Naga: Nice outfit, but do you have the laugh and confiedence needed to
rule the world. OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH!!!!
Akane: But I want to save the world, not rule it...
"Mallet Girl is ready to smash evil!" the now transformed
Akane declared using what Shampoo called stock silly pose #4.
Akane: Have we registered it with the ministry of Silly poses yet?
Shampoo: Nope, but we should be getting the patent for our silly walk
next week...
Akane: Excellent..It's all coming into place!
The super heroine strapped the now much fancier-looking mallet to
her belt and eyed her Amazon accomplice. "Well?"
"This is so embarrassing," Shampoo muttered with a sigh
as she shouted in Chinese with much less enthusiasm than Akane,
"As 104th Amazon champion, I summon the ancient power of my
people!"
Akane: Queue the stock effects and music people...
Shampoo: You're making me feel more embarrased I hope you know...
Akane: I know...
Shampoo: Meanie...
Shampoo's transformation was a little more dramatic; for
while her clothes also ripped away, her very features began to shift
as she grew whiskers, a long prehensile tail, her hands becoming
claws, and purple fur suddenly sprouted on parts of her body so
that she felt a little less exposed than if she were wearing a
string
bikini.
Last part of this sentance seems a bit awkward. Might want to change
the less exposed bit to more covered or change to...
and purple fur suddenly sprouted on parts of her body in the pattern
of one of the more risque string bikini's she had seen on the beach.
(Not much better is it...:P)
"Can't I wear my chisogasm over this, or something?"
Akane: And deny the public free service? Never!!!
Shampoo complained with a faint blush as she looked down at
herself. She thought her previous costume had been a bit too
revealing, though ever since she had been cursed by... but this was
simply ridiculous! Sure, she'd surprise Ranma naked, but then she
had the reward of teasing him. She'd have to go out in public like
this!
Public: We don't mind, really!!!
Shampoo: Hentai!!!
"It would impair you movement too much," Akane
explained for the nth time. "We're not fighting simple martial
artists here. We are fighting the villains of the world, the very
scum that clings to our global sink, and we need to do everything
we can to scrub them out!"
Shampoo: Can't we just use some lysol than and be done with it?
Akane:......
Shampoo sighed as she rubbed her head with her paw, her
nightly ritual to ward off headaches. *Where does she come up
with all those corny speeches?* "Let's just get going, meow.
Things have been too quiet lately and that's always something bad
for us, meow."
Akane: Think postively!!! I'm sure we won't run into any trouble froma
villan of the week or end up in a death trap which we'll barely escape
from at the last minute.
Shampoo: But we run into those all of the time!!!
Akane: Could be worse, we could fight Youma weekly....
"Quite right, Neko Avenger!" Mallet Girl declared and then
leapt effortlessly through the hole Shampoo had made earlier. "We
must keep the city save from evil! Onward!"
Save= Safe
Shampoo: But who's going to save me from your corny dialouge Mallet
Girl?!?
"I wish she wouldn't call me that, meow," Shampoo
muttered dejectedly to herself before following out into the night.
Akane: Well than what do you want to be called?
Shampoo: Call me Fellica!!!
Akane:......
--Final comments...
Fun begining, twisting the majority of Ranma as senshi concept around
while avoiding SM to do it. Plus tonnes of campy Sentai and 60's TV
super hero pokes can be made. ^^ Can't wait to see more...
Ja ne!!
Richard Beaubien
----------------------------
MULTI~!!!!!
Vist my fanfic homepage at http://www.anime.sobhrach.com/~beaubird/