I always liked the first one of these, I'm glad you're continuing the
series.

---------


  "And so, our lose arrangement was formed.  Whenever they fled from
their wives, they would train under me.  To encourage them to return as
soon as possible, I made them face the most degrading work.  To make

# "lose arrangement" should be "loose arrangement"

be like for a girl just one generation removed?  He stared at Akane in
fear, eyes wide.  He remembered Akane yelling that he hated boys.  And
later, at Jusenkyo, that she liked him the way he was, a half-boy,

# "he hated boys" should be "she hated boys"

  Ranma tried to inch away, soothing Akane.  "Of course, Akane.
There's no way that old freak is you father."  She chuckled uneasily.

# "you father" should be "your father"

  "You mean she's not?"

# "she's" should be "he's" probably, since the subject of the
  last question was Happosai.

had found out about Shampoo's problem, she'd rejoiced at first.  There
was no way Ranma would ever want to many a pervert like her.  But as the
weeks passed, her joy had faded and been replaced by pity.

#  "many a pervert" should be "marry a pervert"

  She pulled her legs up to her body and cradled herself.  Was she
giving off some sort of pig signals?  Did P-Chan think she was a cute
sow?  Did having Happosai's blood in her veins make her some sort of
bestial pervert?  Was she... leading P-Chan on without even knowing it?

# Heh, this was an interesting twist.  Especially after I was
  expecting Akane to actually figure it out.

  Genma produced a stake and mallet.  "Of course.  We have to kill the
spawn of Happosai before she breeds," he said matter-of-factly.

# Soun will love that when he hears it :)

  Genma turned to look at his son (currently daughter) with disbelief.
"What are you saying?  She's the master's DAUGHTER!  Of course she's a
monster!  Who knows what fiendish powers she has.  She's probably a
siren, luring men to her and draining their manhood..."

# Master should probably be capitalized here, since he's using it
  as a title.

the building she leased for the Ucchan's.  That was the reason  she
hadn't brought any spatulas with her -- so she wouldn't be tempted to

# extra space between "reason" and "she"

without letting any of the hair fall out.  "How's that a problem?  What,
are you doing to turn into a sex fiend or something?"  She giggled.

# "doing to" should be "going to"

sort of pheromones that attracted all sorts of cute (if weird) boys to
her, and now she was going to turn into lady of the night?  Her Ranchan

# missing an "a" before "lady of the night"

  Unless, maybe she'd WANTED to be fooled?  She'd let herself think of
Ukyo as a boy, because if he grabbed the chest of a man, it wouldn't be
perverted.

# Yet a boy grabbing a woman's breasts is perverted, have to love
  those double standards ;)  "he grabbed" should be "she grabbed"

  Ukyo continued, her tone somewhere between a gripe and a wail.  "Why
do I have to be the one to catch the brunt of Akane 'coming out' party?
When Shampoo flipped, at least the groping and been spread all around!"

# "groping and been" is either missing a word or two after "and"
  or "and" should be "had"

  She didn't seem to catch the sarcasm in his voice.  "Until I calmed
down, yeah.  I was so frantic.  I guess I lost track of who many and
what exactly I did..."

# "who many" should be "how many"

  He refrained from mentioning that it might have started, anyway.
Her logic about stripping lots of girls to make sure she WASN"T a

# "WASN"T" should be "WASN'T"

  She decided then that she'd never let Shampoo have him.  He was too
perfect.  "I think it's too late, Ranma.  He's may not be like my
father, but it seems I've already found a pervert..."

# "He's" should probably be "He"

turn into a pervert...  I thought I already WAS a pervert...  All
because of what you said, Ranma!"  She looked up, and glowing red eyes
bored into Ranma.

# Then again, it's still not too late.  Perversion isn't necessarily
  gained solely through inheritance :)

  Oops.  She blushed.  Tomorrow she'd have to make sure to let out a
little more energy.  Humming a little song to herself, she hoped the
people of Nerima appreciated the contributions she was giving them.

# Kasumi as the cause of the chaotic Neriman atmosphere, I think I
  like that even more than the revelation about Shampoo :)

------

Alot of fun, I'll look forward to reading more of this when it comes
out.



--------------
-James M. Zema
-http://gozips.uakron.edu/~zema/ranma.html
-E-mail: zema@uakron.edu

________________________________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com