Well two chapters have passed, and no sign of the magic watchers
club. This is an oversight. You should be showing at least a
little of their futile attempts to overcome Ken's supernatural
ability to repel women.
"No, you don't know me," Ken began to explain, catching
his breath. He felt worn out for some reason, like he'd just been
running a marathon. "I saw your game last week and wanted to tell
you that you're really an incredible volleyball player. The other
team didn't stand a chance!"
And, let's face it, this attempt by Ken to do it, is totally unbelievable.
He can't run off to chase a woman, because the leash won't let him, and
I can't believe that he'd forget that Yumiko is right there and perfectly
capable of more than killing him if he pushes her too far. If you want
a demonstration of how good he is at striking out, then you should probably
put it at the start.
would be something like that. The girl's jealousy was so blatant
that it wasn't hard to believe that she'd think her and Ken had some
past relationship.
think Natsume and Ken had been involved.
needed. Realizing that they made such a cute couple, the last of
Natsume's lingering jealousy faded as she gestured up the stairs
What jealousy? You didn't mention any jealousy? More likely envy,
anyway, but it should probably be mentioned earlier.
leading to the second floor. "Let me show you the rest of the place
and then you can give you slave some more training."
your
Ken looked down at her and had to firmly tell himself over
and over that laughing at a demon girl that considered him to be
who considered
"I had a little trouble taking off my shoes. The laces seem
to be stuck," Kumiko explained weakly a she sat up and dusted
as she
eyeing Kumiko as if she were a sleeping cobra. "I can show you
two around anytime!"
any time
don't remember him too well. He was kind of old and short, and he
was always smiling even when there didn't seem to be any reason
I get the impression that Kumiko has been subverted. Her tutor
didn't happen to bear a distinct resemblance to Jerry Garcia,
or George Burns, perhaps?
her opinion, bondage didn't sound like fun at all, though she was
intrigued by the tying up part.
S&M
how true Kumiko's words were. With the bond that linked them
together, he wouldn't even be able to go the bathroom in peace.
Strictly speaking he probably could go _to_ the bathroom in a
private bathroom if he could convince her to stand outside the
door, but public bathrooms are another matter.
was the martyr. She would have to find a pure human soul who
was willing to sacrifice her or his chance at Heaven so that she
could live on. Ayame wasn't sure that she could ask that of
OK, I'm balking at this one. It has to be some kind of test.
"The Creator made us this way for a reason and it is not our
place to question his judgment," Ayame recited to herself as she
The Creator: Fan service!
shaking, she bowed deeply and replied, "Thank you, Sir. I hope I
will earn the trust that you have placed in me."
Those "Sirs" don't have have to be capitalised.
"About face! Forward, march! One, two, three, four, one,
two, three, four!" Kumiko commanded, cracking her whip after
each count. She was trying look confident about her orders as her
teacher had instructed, but she wasn't sure if she was getting two
classes mixed up here.
I want to see some close order precision wafting!
Oh wait, that's angel boot camp. Never mind.
*Ugh, what table manners,* Ken thought, half-disgusted
and half-amused. *I'm taking her to a restaurant... if I can avoid it
somehow.*
not
sense of logic to their layout whatsoever. And did they really need
to have so many languages? Those were thoughts for another time,
That's your boss's fault!
that... the very thought made her ill. It was a perversion of
everything she had ever believed it, making a mockery of the
Creator's great plan...
believed in
so vile and disgusting that she would... Ayame couldn't even bare
to think about it anymore. Even Hell could not sink so low as to
bear
the demon's head reared up to look her in the eyes.
With a soundless scream, an angel fell to Earth in a dead
faint.
What, does Kumiko look familiar?