In a message dated 8/2/00 2:32:21 PM, sweetryoko@hotmail.com writes:
I was crushed when Tenchi's Choice was a failure.
Hey hey hey! Stop right there. Time out! Tenchi's Choice was not a failure!
You had a good idea, it was just sloppily executed is all. You can't let bad
C&C get you down. Hell, I have a Sailor Moon/Guyver crossover and for the
first few chapters, the same guy kept E-mailing me and telling me what a
stupid idea it was. Then all of a sudden, he turned around and started raving
about how cool it was.
My point is, you can't let bad C&C get you down. Everyone's first whack at
writing sucks and I'll prove it.
Below is an excerpt from one of my first attempts at writing (it dates back
to oh, 1993 or so) and with all the original anime flavored fics popping up
on the FFML, I may give it another whack. It was an attempt by a friend of
mine and I to write a fic based on one simple premise: What if the Predator
was a good guy?
Then it mutated. . .
*******************
It was a hot summer evening in 1996 at the Tampa Shop & Save, where Fillipe
Nivaro and his partner in crime, Luis Rodriguez where holding hostages.
“Those Capalist Pigs will now realize that we mean what we say!” He cried
while waving the AK- 47 at the terrified hostages.
“Has the government responded to our demands?” Luis asked. Fillipe tossed
back another swallow of beer.
"The pigs believe that they can negotiate with us. HA! They are fools!" Above
them peering through a skylight, knelt a creature. The creature rose from its
crouch, yellow eyes never leaving the scene being played out in the store
below.
It was a sight to behold. The creature stood eight feet tall. Beneath a
trenchcoat was golden armor sculpted around muscles. Black leather fingerless
gloves fitted around Five-fingered hands. Armed with rectratable claws, the
creature was quite capable of digging into solid rock or climbing a wall by
sheer arm strength. Well-muscled legs beneath Kelvar pants allowed it to run
at speeds up to 30 miles an hour, jump twenty feet straight up or cross
fifty feet if it ran then jumped. Around its waist hung utility belt. The
creature removed its helmet and wiped its brow. Yellow eyes, with pupils like
a cat's blinked in the dimming light from the setting sun.
The creature's face resembled a lizard's. Long pointed teeth showed as it
grimaced against the oppressive hundred and nine degree heat. It's nose was
flattened against it's face. Nostrils flared slightly. as the creature
breathed the humid air. It made a sound that resembled snort of laughter.
"This isn't a laughing matter you alien fart! You make one wrong move, and
all those people down there are dead! I don't know how things work on your
world, but here on earth, we do things different!" The creature faced the
human cop who had spoken.
"Oh please." The creature's voice was a raspy whisper. "I want save them as
much as you." The creature replaced its helmet. Then it jumped through the
skylight to the floor, landing amid a flurry of glass.
************************************************************
Damon Thompson killed the engine of his motorcycle and took off his
helmet, wiping his brow.
“How was it ‘bro?” Diana asked?"
“Same type of thing. You know, the usual stuff."
“There was something on the news about something at Desert Oil, you know, the
company notorious for oil spills and dumping.” Damon grabbed his helmet and
put on.
“I’ll check it out,” he remarked. He wheeled around and shot out the garage
door. Diana's eyes narrowed.
“I hate it when he does that.” She said as she rolled over to face the TV.
Damon took off his helmet, carefully surveying the scene. The trouble
wasn't too hard to find. He could hear windows breaking. His left hand curled
into a fist and slammed into his right palm. Energy surrounded him. Then
vanished, leaving the Hunter.
He knocked aside a chair that came flying through a window. Then he
faced the wall, and jumped. Claws dug into the concrete sides of the lab as
the Hunter flattened himself against the wall as a desk sailed past him to
crash on the rocks below. The Hunter pulled himself up arm over arm to the
roof. Then he pulled out his spear. When he turned around, he came face to
face with a gray-blue creature. They both screamed in surprise, and they
took off in opposite directions. When he returned to the site of the
sighting, it pounced him.
Although he was captain of his wrestling team, Hunter could not reverse the
creature’s pin.
“‘OrE PetTy gOod,” it squeaked.
“you can talk?” The Hunter looked again. It was covered in a wet terry
robe, and the top of its face was silvery blue, and the bottle nose down was
gray. From the shape, the Hunter guessed that it was dolphin, but it had
arms and legs.
“‘E ‘OlpH. yU are-sAn.”
“Hunh?"
“‘E ‘OlpH. yU are-sAn.”
“I can't understand what you’re saying.” Its face flushed. It scratched
what It was saying in the floor with a piece of metal:
I’m Dolph, are you Tarzan?"
“No, actually my name is De'arth ne gaz, the last of my race. Call me
Hunter”
“‘IcE causume, ‘s’It ‘alloEEn?. ‘E OlhIn - Air.”
“Say it in metal.”
Nice costume, is it Halloween yet? I’m a dolphin-were.
"You mean you’re half human - half dolphin?"
“Um-Ing Ike At.”
“Well, Dolph, why the destruction?”
Dolph flushed with anger. “
t‘At, t‘At.” He stomped off, continuing where he left off in the
destruction.
*******************
What can I say? I love superhero stories. BTW, I'd be happy mail the entire
story to anyone who wants it and feedback would be appreciated.
In closing, I'd like to say that you should give Tenchi's Choice another try.
Keep plugging at it, learn from other people here on the FFML, and don't let
negativity by others get you down.
-Komodo
The Wright Bothers weren't the first to fly.
They were just the first not to crash