Author Notes: I know I sound like a sadist when I ask this but, will
everyone please tear this fic apart? I really need the c&c. Please?
Pretty please?
Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. I do not own or claim any
legal rights to it in any way (no matter how many times I stand outside of
Rumiko's house begging for her to adopt me).
'' single quotes indicate thoughts
[ ] brackets indicate dialog spoken in a language other than Japanese
Chapter Two: We're not in Kansas anymore P-chan
"Ahhhh! Run everyone she's coming!"
The inhabitants of munchkinland fled for their lives. An ominous black cloud
hung in the night sky. An evil was approaching, one so vile, so hideous, the
mind could barely grasp it. A horror so menacing, it was like looking into
the pit of hell.
"Oooooo Pierre!"
The embodiment of evil herself looked down at the miniature village. A smile
that would have made the most hardened criminal cringe spread across her
face. Her long curly hair was pulled up with a comb made of animal bones.
Her ruffled skirt blew in the breeze by some unknown ghastly wind. The pink
and black sequence on her outfit reflected the moonlight and light up her
face giving it a demonic visage. Her deceptively cute blue eyes swept across
the area until she caught sight of what she desired.
"Pierre!" She pounced on a nearby munchkin and wrenched his lollie pop from
his hand.
"Hey! What are you doing?!" The munchkin glowed red with anger. The
sequenced beast of cuteness held the candy just out of his reach. The young
munchkin boy jumped up and down for it unsuccessfully.
"Ha ha! You can't reach it!" The witch giggled insanely. This process was
repeated several times until the munchkin boy finally gave up and kicked the
witch in the shins. The witch hopped on one foot in pain. "Ow!" Her face lit
up with rage. She quickly grabbed her broom from behind her and bashed the
munchkin on the head. It impacted with a loud cracking noise and the boy
fell to the ground unconscious.
The sadistically cute witch giggled insanely and clutched the lollipop to
her chest like a child with a new toy . . . or a serial killer with a tazer.
A man approached behind her, walking with a superior haughty gait.
"Can't we leave? There are no lovely ladies here."
The person was dressed similarly to the witch. He wore a matching pink and
black sequenced outfit, only with pants instead of a skirt. He folded his
ruffled sleeved arms across his chest and looked down at the munchkin in
distaste. He stopped a moment and looked in a nearby fountain. He fixed his
hair by the reflection and winked at his image after he was done. Suffice to
say, he was the closest person there to a lovely lady.
The girly man walked up to his counterpart who was still giggling madly.
"This is becoming very tiresome. Come on, just give up the candy and we can
go somewhere else." The man put a hand on the witches shoulder and tried to
steer her in the opposite direction. His hand came dangerously close to her
candy and the girl misunderstood his intentions.
"Noooo!" The witch clutched her lollipop closer to her chest. "Its
mineminemineminemineminemine!" She beat her flunkie repeatedly with her
broom.
"What are you doing you crazy bit-- OW OW! STOP!" The cutesie demon stopped
suddenly and looked up at the sky.
"oOooOoooOO! What's that?" She slung her arm around her flunkie's neck in a
death grip. A dark shadow fell onto the pair.
"Ack . . . can't breath . . . "
"Ooo look its Hilberta!" The evil witch of cuteness shouted gleefully and
pointed to the sky directly above them, unaware of her fate. Her underling
however . . .
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Let me go! You stupid--
**THUD**
----
Throbbing pain was the first thing Ryouga became aware of. His head seemed
to be a separate entity with its own individual heartbeat throbbing in a
steady pulse. Tiny pin pricks of pain spread across his body as it awoke
from its slumber. The next he realized was the cold wooden floors he was
laying on. His mind awoke a little and he heard the debris falling around
him. His mind snapped into the waking world and the first thought that
crossed is mind was--
'Damn you Ranma.'
It was his traditional way of waking up. Ranma was the first thing he
thought about in the morning and the last at night. Some people would call
this "obsessive". Ryouga liked to think of it as "dedicated".
He was pressed tightly between a wall and a desk. It was getting hard to
breath.
'I'm stuck! Damn it! I'm going to die here, stuck between a wall and a desk.
I'll be p-chan sandwich, forever trapped. Thirty years from now, someone is
going to come by and think why didn't anyone save that poor little pig? The
world is a sad and lonely--
"Owwww," a voice grumbled from across the room.
'Its Dorothy! Oh happy day! I'm saved!' He squirmed in his small enclosed
space and tried to call out. He was getting much oxygen so he could only
bwee softly.
"Toto2? Where are you? . . . oh!" He heard rustling noises from the other
side of the room and the desk lifted from him. He staggered out from
underneath it.
The room was in shambles. Lamps were smashed, the curtains were ripped to
shreds, the dresser was overturned, and the house seemed to be leaning in
one direction. A soft light flooded through a hole in the ceiling.
"Oh Toto2 you look horrible!" She bent down and picked Ryouga up.
'Well gee thanks.'
"You poor baby. Come on and we'll get you cleaned up."
She carried him to the kitchen and found a cloth to clean him up with. She
also got a Band-Aid from the first aid kit in the kitchen, ripped open the
package, and carefully put it on the cut on her forehead.
"Good thing Auntie Em kept one of these under the sink."
'What couldn't Auntie Em have kept some hot water under the sink? I've got
to sneak away. I'll do it as soon as this girl finds her family. It wouldn't
be right to abandon her right now. Although, what good could I do to help
her as a pig? But . . . if I go to try to find some hot water I might not
ever find her again. ARGH!'
Dorothy finished her ministrations and slowly walked to the door with her
pet pig in her arms. She reached it and flung it open. Her feet hit the dirt
and she turned to run to the storm shelter.
Dorothy halted.
'Hey why are we sto--
Ryouga looked around. There wasn't any storm shelter. He stared wide eyed a
familiar sensation came over him.
He wasn't in Kansas anymore.
Ryouga stared dumbfounded. Sure he got lost trying to find the bathroom and
couldn't even remember where his own house was, but he had always thought
that at least if he stayed still he couldn't get lost. Apparently, he could
get lost even while unconscious.
The world he had wandered into was beautiful and alien. A crystal blue sky
shone over head. Tiny blue birds swam through the sky like beautiful swans.
Flowers of every imaginable size, shape, and color dotted the horizon.
Multicolored butterflies fluttered a few feet in front of him.
The thing that caught his attention most though, was the small village. The
houses looked like children playhouses. In the center of the town, was an
enchanting fountain. Lights had been installed in each mini fountain within
it giving it the appearance of mini rainbow geysers. A sparkling golden and
a crimson road broke off in different directions from the village. The
village was void of people and eerily silent.
"How could anyone live in such small houses?" Dorothy said out loud in awe.
'Maybe I've wandered into some kind of Amazon retirement home. Full of
shriveled up matriarchs hanging out by the pool playing shuffleboard.'
Ryouga shook his head violently and tried to banish the thought from his
mind but it was too late. He was going to have nightmares for weeks.
Ryouga was set down on the ground softly.
"Hello is anyone here?" High pitched giggling came from different corners of
the village. Ryouga walked over to Dorothy and stood protectively by ankles.
"Who's there!" Dorothy fell into a fighting stance as a bush began to
giggle. The bush abruptly fell silent when her gaze landed on it. Ryouga
growled at the bush in the most aggressive way a cute little black pig
could, which made the bush start giggling again.
"Hey I know martial arts so don't try anything!" Silence descended upon the
village once more.
'And there's a very dangerous little piglet that going to bite your ankles
too! . . . Ah hell that was so lame.'
Out of the corner of Ryouga's eye, a pink light twinkled into existence. It
started small but grew brighter and larger as it came closer. The ball of
pink light reached the ground and shifted. A young women clothed in a
sparkling pink dress stepped out of the bubble wearing a small jeweled crown
upon her head. She absently swished her short shoulder length dark hair back
and strolled up to Dorothy
"Are you the one that killed the wicked witch?"
"What?" Dorothy blinked.
"The witch over there," the women said and pointed over to the house as if
explaining to a small child.
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
The young women eyes widened a fraction of an inch. She slid nonchalantly
over to a building and took down a reward poster, quickly folded it up, and
stuffed it into a trashcan. She then turned back to Dorothy.
"I'm sorry. I have forgotten to introduce myself. My name is Glinda. Some of
my associates call me the good witch of the North. Welcome to the land of
Oz." The corner of Glinda's face twisted up into a half smile.
"Uh my names Dorothy. What do you mean Oz?"
'Oz? Wow France is bigger than I thought.'
"You don't know much do you?" The witch rolled her eyes.
"Hey! What do you mean your a witch?" Dorothy's eyes widened as a thought
occurred to her. Looking at all of these miniature houses it all seemed like
. . .
"Your in some kind of cult that abducts little kids aren't you!"
"What?! No! Try using your brain little girl. I'm wearing a sparkley pink
outfit. Do I look evil to you?"
'Don't answer it Dorothy it's a trick question!'
"I guess not."
"Listen, you've vanquished the Evil Witch of the East," Glinda pointed to
the house once more.
Ryouga walked over to the base of the house where she indicated. Sure enough
two pairs of feet stuck out from underneath the house. They sure looked
dead, kind of smelled that way too . . . eww.
"I dropped my house on someone?!"
"Don't worry about it. No one really liked them anyway."
"Oh. Shouldn't someone clean that up or something?"
Glinda waved her hand dismissively. "Nah not until I can take some
pictures."
"Your taking pictures of the dead people?!"
Ryouga shuddered as an eerie sense of deja vu crept up his spine. He quickly
trotted back to her side. This lady gave him the creeps.
"Hey can't blame a girl for trying to get a little cash. I can make
souvenirs that'll sell for 30 gold pieces a pop." She cupped her hands
around her mouth and called out. "You can come out everyone! Its all right!"
Miniature people emerged from every nook and cranny in the village. Soon,
throngs of miniature people were swarming around the village. Everyone of
them was a midget. The largest one only came up to Dorothy's waist.
A small girl in a tutu walked up to Glinda and tentatively tugged on her
skirt.
"Is . . . is she really gone?" she asked softy.
'That witch must have been a horrible person to pick on these helpless
little people.'
"Yes." The girl held her up lollipop in her tiny hand in triumphant.
"YES! THE BITCH IS DEAD!" Dorothy and Ryouga fell face first onto the
ground. At least, Ryouga didn't have that far to go.
"WHOO HOO! PARTY TIME!" someone screamed from the back of the crowd.
"I'LL BRING THE KEGGERS!" someone else called from the crowd.
A small boy in suspenders walked up to Dorothy.
"Hey Miss, when you getting your reward?" Dorothy stood up from the ground
and picked up her "pet".
"What reward?" she asked and turned toward Glinda. Glinda's eyes narrowed
slightly at the munchkin. Ryouga attempted to give Glinda the patented
Hibiki "glare of death" but it didn't seem to be transferring to pig form.
"Oh yes a reward, I was just getting to that." The Good Witch of the North
made a gesture in the air with her hand. The body underneath the house
crumbled. A bright light shone on Dorothy's feet and then two ruby slippers
there. They glittered and sparkled as she moved her feet back and forth.
"These are magical slippers. As long as you have these on your feet you will
not be harmed," Glinda explained.
"Oh cool!"
"I'm not giving them to you."
"Huh?"
"They're on loan. You must bring them back within 30 days or legal action
will be taken. If they happen to be stolen or damaged in anyway you will be
responsible to pay for them or the cost of repairs." The good witch of the
north pulled a legal contract and a quill pen from out of thin air. "Now
sign here," Glinda said and pointed to a spot on the bottom of the document.
"What does all this small print say?"
Ryouga squinted at the document. The print was really hard to read. 'On case
of accidentally death I wave all liability? Huh?'
"Its not important," Glinda replied and shoved the pen into Dorothy's hand.
She reluctantly signed on the bottom.
'What are all those little people doing?' He peered over the edge of
Dorothy's arms. They were moving a large wooden platform to the middle of
the square.
"So I'm in Oz? Where is Oz exactly?"
"Sit over here and have some tea. This is going to take awhile."
Dorothy nodded and set Ryouga down on the ground. Her looked up at her like
a puppy does when someone drops it off at the side of an abandoned road.
"Toto2 sit down here and be a good boy ok?" She turned and walked off with
Glinda toward a small gazebo. He watched her go and then hung his head.
'I'm . . . being abandoned?' He almost started to cry but then suddenly shot
his head up. 'Wait! This is a good thing. I'll be able to find some hot
water and then turn back into a man!'
He turned and started toward some of the smaller houses. If he was lucky, he
could sneak into one of their houses when one of them opened their doors.
Bobbing and weaving through the hoards of midgets was proving to be
difficult but it was exhilarating at the same time. He felt like one of
those big pigs. He reached to everyone's knees here!
He walked around the fountain, making a mental note to stay away from it
once he got hot water, and paused near the middle of the square. There
weren't any open doors in the village so he couldn't sneak in. On the very
edge of the village, there was a restaurant.
He snorted and leaned against the makeshift stage for a moment.
'Finally I can be turned into a man! Everything is in my line of sight. I'll
be able to change and then come back to help Dorothy. My luck is really
turning around!'
**THUD**
"Is this where you want the amp boss?"
'Can't breath . . .'
"Move it a little to the right." A bearded munchkin scooted the amp a bit to
the right.
"Hey boss! It's kind of leaning to one side. Think something's under it?"
The bearded munchkin put his hands on his hips and waited for his companions
response. His boss took off his orange cap and scratched his head in
thought.
'Yes! Yes! Someone's under here you bastards!'
"Nah just push it down a couple of times. That should straighten it up."
'Argh!'
----
"Toto2! Toto2!" Dorothy shoved her way through the sea of partying
munchkins.
A wild rave was in progress. Drinking, dancing, and midget debauchery ran
rampant. Large speakers next to the stage boomed obnoxious pop music into
the air. Tables filled with various alcoholic beverages and some
questionable brownies lined the far left side of the town square.
"He has to be around here somewhere. How far could a little pig get?" She
stopped near the stage, leaned against an amp, and rubbed her temples. The
speakers were nicely quiet for once. The DJ had stepped out to go to the
bathroom and took his c.d.'s with him. Apparently, he didn't trust his
audience.
She glanced over her shoulder at the power outlet and played with the idea
of cutting the cord. She disregarded the idea rather quickly. She had no
burning desire to electrocute herself today.
"Oh Toto2 where could you be?"
Dorothy hung her head sadly. One of the munchkins noticed this and walked up
to her with a bottle outstretched in his grubby little fingers.
"Hey Dorothy younz wants a drink?"
"No!"
The munchkin took a long gulp of his bottle and staggered closer. He leaned
forward into Dorothy. His nasty alcohol breath wafted up to her nostrils.
"Heh . . . hey darling why yunz lookin for dat wittle piggy for? Wouldn't ja
rather take me home? I fit into your pocket . . .heh heh."
"YOU PERVERT!"
**PUNT**
And so the little man flew over the flew over the rainbow. Far, far, into
the sky he soared where happy little blue birds fly. The ruby slippers
flashed briefly, unnoticed by Dorothy.
"Toto2 where are you?"
----
Ryouga groaned in his semi conscious state. He momentarily wondered if
getting it in the head all the time was giving him brain damage. Ruby
slippered feet appeared at the edge of his vision.
'Its Dorothy I'm saved!'
He heard the sound of clicking heels and looked to his left where a pair of
pink stiletto heels joined the sparkley ruby ones.
"Still can't find him?"
"No, but he has to around here somewhere!"
'I'm under here damn it!'
"You have to leave soon if you want to make any headway before dark. If
anyone finds your pet--
Ryouga grimaced.
--then we'll be sure to send him your way."
"What's it going to cost me?"
'Your immortal soul! . . . wait this isn't Nabiki.'
"Let's just say you'll owe me."
"All right, I suppose I have no choice." The music picked up suddenly making
everyone jump and Ryouga promptly passed out.
"Miss Glinda how do I get home?" Dorothy yelled over the loud music. They
had talked for a long time but Dorothy had never been able to ask any
questions of her own.
"Well I suppose the Wizard."
"What?"
"The Wizard!"
"Who's the wizard?!"
"Just follow the yellow brick road!" Glinda shouted over the music and went
over to pour herself a drink.
Dorothy looked to her right and found a yellow road extending far into the
distance. She walked off as the munchkin DJ started to play the Electric
Slide. She shivered in horror and quickened her pace down the road.