Subject: [FFML] Re: [fanfic][TM!] The Devil and Miss Mihoshi
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
Date: 7/19/2000, 10:11 PM
To: "D.F. Roeder" <dfroeder@flash.net>
CC: <ffml@fanfic.com>

Ohh. From D.F. no less. Excellent:



MUAAAHAHAHA!! Another victim of my nit-picky C&C!

That's the best kind, except for the C+C that comes with cash as well.
Don't get those very often though...


DEVIL:  Hey, man. You're stealing my thunder.

DB: (to Devil) Not really. DF's laugh was deep and menacing, whereas yours
sounded like someone was sticking a carrot up your butt.

Devil: That's just plain mean, man.





 The Devil and Miss Mihoshi

Oh, boy. If there was ever a loaded title... and I don't mean it in
the H way, either. :)

Heh

Used almost all of your grammar comments, BTW.




 Writer's note: Yes, I'm aware Mihoshi isn't Mihoshi's
 last name, but the
 title just wouldn't be the same if I said Miss Kiramitsu
 (spelling's off
 the top of my head, it could be a little off)

Kuramitsu, but Miss Mihoshi works. It's a reasonable translation of
Mihoshi-san, more or less.

True. Hadn't thought of it that way. I guess it works out after all.


 Day 1

 Existence was good for the Devil.

Well, if there were ever a time for disaster to strike... :)

Hey, it's me writing, so you know something disasterous is going to happen.
:)




 into his realm where he could take a personal hand in
 their torment.

 But which one of the delicious individuals to start with?
 There were so
 many to choose from: Demons, Queens, Goddesses.

Curious why you capped all of those.

To show their value to the Devil. Mihoshi would have merited nothing more
than 'mere police officer', which would have shown just how much he had
underestimated her.




 Then it was decided. That one. She would be the easiest
 to trick and gather
 into his grasp. She would serve as an appetizer, then he
 would move on to
 another one that was more substantial afterwards. Perhaps
 the indecisive
 boy would be next.

Gee. I wonder who that could be? :P

The guy with the big lips from Tenchi's school, of course. :P



 delightfully demonstrate to her. Ten thousand years? He
 had been at the
 collecting game since the very first soul was created.
 Even a so-called
 Goddess

Again, why the cap?

Explained above.


 transport both
 himself and others across immeasurable distances using
 just his own
 personal power, but it was annoying. Investing the time
 to create the
 machine proved to be much less of a drain on his personal
 power.

"Thank God for Black and Decker!! Oops! Did I say 'God'?" The Devil
snickered.

Heh.



 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 Sunlight seemed to force Mihoshi's eyelids open as the
 rays poured into her
 blue-white orbs and forced her awake.

force:forced   Suggest changing one.



 With the return of
 consciousness, she
 was forced

And yet a third... :)

Whoops. Yep. will change.




 outside on the back
 porch. She lazily sat up, almost catlike, and stretched
 out, raising her
 hands to the skies and yawning. As her hands came back
 down, one of them
 brushed across the wooden handle of a broom that had been
 lying next to
 her.

I kept expecting the brush with the handle to set off some Rube
Goldbergian disaster. ^_^ Tease.

Not familiar with that particular term.



 full from the wonderful lunch that Sasami had made that
 Mihoshi just knew
 she needed to have a little nap. She had laid down with
 the mental promise
 that after she had awakened, she would sweep.

HAHA! Maybe an unintentional play on words, but it almost felt like:
"...after she had awakened, she would sleep."  ^_^

I'd like to take credit for it, but it is unintentional.


 broom and was about to wander off and see what the flash
 was when a hand
 tapped her shoulder. She turned to see a sharply dressed
 man in a brown
 business suit standing casually behind her, as though he
 had been there the
 entire time, despite the fact the entire yard was an open
 area and Mihoshi
 knew she hadn't seen him before.

This Mihoshi is significantly dimmer in the frontal area of the
brain than that of "Vacation Days," no?

Vacation Days was a serious story with humor. This is merely a humorous
story, so it works better with her being dimmer than usual.




 Stars nearly appeared in Mihoshi's eyes as she clasped
 her hands together
 and began jumping up and down. "Wow! Moldiver is my
 absolutist most
 favorite television show here on Earth!"

See the Mecha-Washuu episode from the TV series, kids. ^_^

Yep. The TV element I mentioned in the opening.




 The man's smile grew wider. "And they can all be yours if
 you just sign on
 the dotted line." He held out the contract plainly before
 her so that she
 could read every word, including the fine print towards
 the bottom that
 specifically stated that the price of the tapes was
 Mihoshi's mortal soul.

Wouldn't that be "immortal" soul?

Devil: Nah. After a couple of millennia, the souls get old and go to Des
Moines, then they voluntarily accept Oblivion and cease to exist.





 He would have preferred obscuring the words somehow, but
 there was a cosmic
 set of rules even the Devil had to follow.

But, of course. EVERY-thing has rules. :)

Of course. That's a rule too. :)



 "HAHAHAHAHA!" The Devil's voice boomed throughout the
 valley the shrine and
 house was located in.

Ending on a preposition. Suggest: The Devil's voice boomed
throughout the valley in which the shrine and house were located.

Ordinarily I have no compunctions about ending on a prepostion, but here it
is a useless word. Will drop.


 Mihoshi considered that. "Wow! If it cost that much, they
 must have been
 really hard to find."

And so it starts... ^_^

Oui.



 he
 was very much on the ball. Over the millennia

Over the millennia,

(I must commend you on the proper spelling of 'millennia', although
I understand the single 'n' version is also considered correct. ;)

Thanks. Although you can actually thank my spell-checker, since I used it
to give me the correct spelling. :)



 I
 preferred the Cajun style of cooking we had at another
 restaurant the next
 day. Sasami did try to make some once, but it just lacked
 something. I
 don't-"

Torture through minutiae. Mihoshi's trademark. ^_^

Yep, as the Devil is about to find out.







 "You should try laughing with a more high pitch if you
 want to sound evil.
 Kagato did that and it really scared me. What you're
 doing is just mildly
 annoying."

^_^

And now it really starts to kick in.




 "If you really want to make people suffer, you should
 make it more humid.
 This is more of a dry heat, and everyone knows that if
 it's hot and humid
 it's much more miserable than it just being hot."

 "That's a good point. I'm surprised the boss never
 thought of that," one of
 the demons surrounding Mihoshi said. A moment later, its
 head was ripped
 off its shoulders.

HAHAHAHA!!

Even in Hell, you don't upstage the Boss. :)



 Devil bellowed at the body as it
 hit the ground.
 As his temper reached the breaking point, control over
 his corporeal form
 was lost. His eyes grew to twice their size and turned
 red, blood beginning
 to pour from them in rivulets.

 Mihoshi handed him a tissue. "If you get blood on that
 suit it's going to
 stain."

*THUMP!*  C&C'er falls out of chair...

She's just being considerate; it's the way she is. :)



 Devil raged, turning away from her and to
 one of the demons
 at hand. "Enough! Brack'che!"

I feel I should understand something about the demon's name, but it,
ah, escapes me. Gomen.

Nope. Just a made up name.




 his craft, it was
 that demon. Truly the Devil had outdone himself when he
 created that one.
 Never had a soul failed to shatter under Brack'che's
 skillful hands. Only
 the fact that the Devil wanted the rest of those souls
 near the Misaki

Masaki

Argh! You think after all the times I mispelled it I'd learn to
double-check.


 Besides, he didn't particularly want to be around
 Mihoshi. She had made him
 lose control in front of the demons, something the Devil
 hadn't done since
 he had lost that stupid fiddling contest with that boy
 from Georgia. Worse,
 that particular little pustule had made an annoying song
 about it and now
 everyone knew the Devil had managed to be tricked. Even
 worse, it had been
 at the hands of an inbred redneck cracker.

ARGH! Not THAT song?!

Hey. One of the few countryish songs i can stomach. :)


 Interesting, I saw that on TV the other day.
Of all the coincidences...

Someone else said the same thing. Wonder if it was the same program. :)




 Day 2

 The Devil walked through the gateway back to Hell,
 extraordinarily upset.
 He had failed to get the soul he had so desperately
 wanted. That stupid
 Tenchi boy was such a weenie.

TENCHI:  AM NOT!

RYOUKO:  Well...

AEKA:  Okay, here's the test. Which of us do you choose?

TENCHI: That's easy. Ryo-Ohki.

AEKA: Not unless you want the title of the next story you're in to be
'Death Becomes Tenchi Masaki'


TENCHI:  Um... Which of what?

RYOUKO:  [rolling eyes]  Which GIRL?!

TENCHI:  Um... Um... Which? Do I hafta?

AEKA:  Right. Weenie.

TENCHI:  HEY!

Heh.


 take care of all of
 his girl problems, and all for the measly cost of his
 soul. Certainly it
 was a bargain. Like there was any other way the romance
 problem would be
 solved without bloodshed with those four parties
 involved. "Let me think
 about it for a couple of weeks," the boy had said. What a
 wishy-washy putz.

:)

Well, he sort of is.



 Mihoshi's whole body turned a beet red and she squirmed a
 little. "I'm so
 embarrassed. Don't let Tenchi know about it. I would just
 die if he found
 out."

O_O

TENCHI:  Uh, Mihoshi? Perhaps you're more Aeka-san's type.

MIHOSHI:  Oh?

AEKA-SAMA:  OUJOSAMA TO OYOBI!! *CRACK!*

TENCHI:  See?

MIHOSHI:  WAI!!!

/cue DEVO soundtrack... /cue FF bondage scene...

Heh.


 "I've never had this happen before. I could break anyone,
 even the most
 twisted of masochists," the demon continued sobbing. "But
 no matter what I
 did to her, it just wouldn't work. I used absolutely
 every trick I knew,
 but she'd just happily ask for more. And she was so
 polite. I can't inflict
 pain on them if they enjoy it. It's just plain wrong.
 This is Hell, not
 some S+M country club.

:P

Not enough leather there to qualify. :)




 Mihoshi picked up a whip. "Want me to punish you? Aeka
 showed me how to use
 one of these." The Galaxy Police officer gave an expert
 crack of the whip,
 getting a feel for the weapon.

SEE?! SEE?! I was RIGHT!! :)

I never doubted it for a moment. :)




 As Mihoshi began beating on the demon with a skill that
 would have made
 Aeka green with envy, the Devil ripped the weapon out of
 her hand. Blood
 once again began pouring out of his eyes, this time
 joined by green boils
 forming on his flesh.

Ewww. I'm flashing on a scene from Dune, with that Harkonnen doctor
muttering about the Baron's diseases... Gack.

Heh. I remember that. Was one of my favorite movies way back when.

 appeared. Each one had
 numerous long, ropelike protrusions in the shape of male
 phalluses whipping
 around their bodies. Impossibly larger ones protruded
 from their pelvises.
 Even their heads had what appeared to be purple helmets
 on the tops.

Oh, one lives for the details... ^_^

It's all in the details, dontcha know? :)




 The largest (in every way) of the tentacle demons moved
 forward. A milky
 white substance spilled from his mouth as he gurgled out,
 "Yes, your large,
 stiff, most evilness?"

<laughter>

Like Warr said, I tried to make the demons greetings appropriate with what
their 'profession' was.


 Day 6

 The Devil felt like ripping out another patch of his hair
 in frustration as
 he went directly to Hell using his inherent powers rather than the
 dimensional gate machine he usually employed. Before
 going to the shrine,
 he had spent a few days in the Mid-East, which had cheered him up
 considerably from the whole Tenchi and Mihoshi fiascoes.

Oooo, now a political slam. Wide-ranging humor here, folks. ^_^

Nah. Just a constant hot spot of activity that fit the idea of him going to
a place where such tensions were constant.




 The decades of
 people fanatically hating each other had provided him
 with a delightful
 vacation spot to relax and enjoy himself. Once he felt
 better, he went back
 to the Misaki

Masaki (I'm going to give you to Per'vurt Hen'Tai if you don't get
this right. :P)

Heh.



 First

First,


 he had approached Ryouko, who had somehow divined
 who he really was
 the instant she saw him.

Hmmm.

It's a demon thing. :) Also through that link is why Ryo-Ohki recognizes
him later.

 Instead of fighting or just
 rejecting him out of
 hand, she had tried to convince him of how nice and
 desirable it would be
 to take Aeka's soul instead of her own. For hours she
 lauded about how much
 better it would be to take a 'snobby, uptight, prissy,
 Juraian princess'
 instead of a 'cute, lovable, cuddly demon' like herself.

HAHAHAHAAA!!!

Well she is. :)




 Deciding Aeka would indeed be the easier target,

And proving himself amenable to suggestion, as well... :)

Just taking the path of (presumed) least resistance.



 Ryouko phased into the room to see how things were going,
 overheard Aeka's
 description of her, and the two got into a fight. The
 Devil had ended up
 getting bounced around the room several times in the
 melee, and eventually
 opted to retreat rather than let the corporeal form he
 was using take any
 further damage. They'd pay for their treatment of him; it
 was just be at a
 later time.

*THUMP-THUMP!*  C&C'er falls out of chair, gets back up, and falls
out again.  ^_^  That was a priceless bit. :)

Thanks. Glad you liked it.




 "It's unbelievable, sir," Per'vurt Hen'Tai said in a
 clear, melodic voice,
 devoid of any white fluid. "She's drained every one of us dry."

 The Devil's mouth nearly hit the floor. "What?"

 "It's true. Look." Per'vurt Hen'Tai picked off a piece of
 dried off skin.
 "See. My usually pretty sperm-oiled skin is flaking off."

Hmm, I guess Lubriderm is out the question. It's milky and white,
too! :)

Heh.




 demon
 confessed. He tried waving one of his limp tentacles. It
 moved less than an
 inch. "My confidence is shot. I just feel so... inadequate."

LOL!! Tentacle demon impotence. Who would've thought it could
happen?  :P

Only in one my my fics, ne?



 one piped up.

Heh, piped. Heh.

My, my, you're perverted too, aren't you? That one went over my head too :)



 In answer to his question, a seductive voice drifted from
 the direction of
 the cavern. "Oh Hen'Tai-chan, I'm ready for another
 round. You did say you
 could get it up again, didn't you?"

"Oh, Hen'Tai-chan. I'm ready...

Well, I see you've made up for Mihoshi not getting any in Vacation
Days in fine form. :)

In spades.





 Mihoshi pouted, one of the rare times she didn't appear
 her usual bubbly,
 cute self. "Mother always said men were like that. They
 just want sex for
 themselves and don't care about your needs and wants."

Ooooiiiii... Of course, bearing in mind how much Mihoshi eats, this
shouldn't, er, come as a surprise. ;p

Hadn't thought of it that way, but it it does make sense.

 took shape. Rock melted away to reveal a view in the
 seeming distance.
 Several people were bound and gagged with thick metal
 chains, insidious
 demons getting ready to fall upon them and engage in
 unspeakable acts. The
 people were everyone Mihoshi knew on Earth. From Tenchi
 to Aeka's wooden
 guardians.

DEMON 1:  Oi! Look at that. [points to a guardian]

DEMON 2:  What do we do with it?

DEMON 1:  Dunno. Have a weenie roast?

DEMON 2:  Yeah, we got that Tenchi guy.

KAMIDAKE:  What happened to the wonderful, spring-like weather we
were enjoying.

AZAKA:  Gone to Hell, I would imagine.

KAMIDAKE:  Oh... HEY! Keep that torch away from my feet!

hehehehehe.




 The Devil grabbed Mihoshi by the neck and began shaking
 her. "WHAT IS THE
 MATTER WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT?!" he roared, finally losing
 the last semblance
 of control he possessed. Not only were his eyes bleeding
 and skin breaking
 out with pustules, but steady streams of steam poured
 from his ears and
 mouth.

Awww, come on! You were getting progressively more gross with each
rising indicator of the Devil's displeasure, and now you wimp out on
me. Steam?!  :P

Good point. Any idea? I'm thinking of some sort of jaundiced liquid spewing
from his mouth right now.





 "It is not! They're in Hell, you simpleton! Their souls
 are damned. That's
 damned! D... A... M... N... E...."

 "I thought there was another 'N' in there," Mihoshi mentioned.

LOL!!

Hey, It's Mihoshi. What can you say? :)



 Day 35

 A much longer vacation had been needed this time

LOL!

He needs some 'Vacation Days' himself. (BTW: That was not a plug. Really. I
wouldn't lie to you any more than a car salesman would.)



 But just as he approached her, that blasted little cabbit
 had wandered in,
 and like its mistress, was able to perceive the Devil for
 what he was. It
 sensed what he intended to do with Sasami and promptly
 reacted violently
 and effectively, driving him off with an attack of a most
 unusual nature.

 Damnit, carrots weren't supposed to go in THERE!

LOL!!!

If it happened to me, I sure wouldn't laugh about it. :P



 "Good boy! Sit! Excellent. Roll Over! Very good. Now Play
 Dead! No, no,
 Doggie! I said 'Play Dead', not 'Make Dead'. Leave that
 poor demon alone.
 Let's try it again. Now Play Dead! That's better. Come here, you."

Well, a bit predictable by this point, but hey, Cerebrus needs more
fic time. :)

True, since he appears later.


 The Devil just stared at where she had been moments
 before. "Any minute now
 I'm going to wake up and realize this is some horrible
 dream and everything
 will be back to normal, isn't that right, Cerebrus?" He
 looked down at his
 guardian.

 The three-headed dog was taking a leak on his leg.

Okay, that helped the scene. ^_^

Good. Glad something helped salvage it. :)


 Day 125

ERK!

The time needed to deal with Mihoshi gets progressively longer with each
part.

 dealing with him,
 she said she was only interested in one precise bit of
 knowledge: how well
 her new 'Ticklematic 2000' worked. And since the Devil
 had happened to be
 in the laboratory at the precise moment she had finished
 completing it how
 would he like to be her Guinea pig?

HEHEHEHE.

I thought it would be horribly IC of Washuu, especially since she has a
break from Mihoshi.


 Of course he had tried to resist, but somehow she cut off
 his ability to
 dimensionally travel and neutralized the rest of his
 Hellish powers
 temporarily.

O_O  Which should be telling him something, but alas...

No Need To Go Into That Here! (Had to throw a 'No Need' in there somewhere.
^_^)

 days later that she
 finally set him loose, his throat dry and cracked because
 he had been
 laughing for two days straight. He'd have her killed, if
 it wasn't for the
 fact she now terrified him more than he hated her.

HEHEHE.

Heh.






 business was just becoming too
 dangerous. Maybe it
 was time to get into another line of work.

Vinyl siding by Sears! Errr...

Oh, now that's just evil. I'd rather run Hell, myself. :)




 And now he was back in Hell, and he wasn't very happy
 about it. The answer
 was quite simple, really. It was all because SHE was
 there. He was at an
 impasse with what to do about her. Nothing worked.
 Elaborate tortures went
 over her head. Physical ones didn't bother her. He
 couldn't kill her; it
 was pointless since she was already in Hell, which was
 where her soul would
 end up since she signed the contract.

And cause you to lose the one current option you have for removing
her...

That too.


 the Devil's favorite evil mortal's souls. Somehow, in
 some way, she had had
 a long discussion with Hitler and had not only convinced
 him of the evil of
 his ways and had him repent, but also persuaded him to
 convert to Judaism
 and open a synagogue.

 In Hell.

:j

The bitter irony, dontcha know?





 Mihoshi looked stunned. "Wow! Miss Washu says the exact
 same thing every
 time I enter her lab."

WASHUU:  Welcome to the club, Lucifer.

DEVIL:  WAAAHHH!!!

Heh, again




 The Devil said in a soft voice, "I hate you," and
 proceeded to walk away.

 Hell just wasn't as fun as it used to be anymore.

:)

Of course, it all depends on your POV. :)





 Day 200


 The Cubs had won a pennant!

Oh, well, there's the event signaling the Four Horseman. (Apologies
to Cubbies fans :)

Close.





 Devil raged to the Realm above as
 he finished
 stepping through the portal. As he put his foot down, he
 promptly slipped
 on a patch of ice and did an acrobatic somersault in
 midair before landing
 facefirst in a snowbank.

Again, predictable, but we all knew it was going there. :)

Of course. It was an inevitability


 exactly who it
 was. He just needed to see her one last time. He didn't
 have to wait long
 as the cause of all of his misery skied up to him, coming
 abruptly to a
 stop, kicking up a spray of snow that covered him
 completely in a thick
 sheath of the white substance.

 He felt someone jam a carrot in his mouth.

False Ryo-Ohki alarm.

heh


[snip]



 "OUT! OUT! GET OUT!" The Devil screamed as ripped up
 Mihoshi's contract
 into a million pieces and opened a gateway to Earth. He
 tried pushing the
 Galaxy Police officer through, but she held onto the
 sides of the portal,
 refusing to budge.

 "I want my Moldiver tapes!" She cried a deluge of tears
 that sprayed
 everywhere, including the control panel to the gateway.

She has her priorities. ^_^

Yep. Can't fault her for that.




 "Fine! You can take them with you!"

 "What about Doggie?"

 "You can take him too!" He whistled for Cerebrus, who,
 upon seeing Mihoshi
 distressed, began biting the Devil's legs with all three
 of his heads.

HAHAHAHA!!!

Told you he'd be coming back.




 The Devil stopped then, scarcely believing it was over.
 He had actually
 succeeded.

Well, in a sense, anyway. ^_^

True.




 The sounds of agony from the denizens of Hell began
 immediately after, the
 Devil's cries the loudest of all.

Ah. *nods wisely*  The Hell of Barneys. Now, there *is* a Ninth
Worst Hell.

Yep. The *True* Devil, the Purple Dinosaur one. :)




 Day 201

 "...and that was everything that happened to me while I
 was in Hell,"
 Mihoshi finished her tale to the others gathered around the table.

 "I guess he wasn't such a bad fellow after all," Yoshou
 said, wondering why
 the Devil hadn't made a play for his soul.

Good question, and intriguing.

And the answer was, not enough scenes for the fic. :)



 Tenchi winced as the argument over the cracker continued.
 A pity about the
 Devil promising never to bother him again. It had gotten
 to the point were
 Tenchi was ready to take him up on that offer of saving
 him from all of his
 girl problems.

Too late. You're now paying for your wishy-washy-ness.

Oui. :)



 Mihoshi's eyes welled up with tears. "The Moldiver tapes
 he gave me are in
 Beta format! I can't watch them, and it's all his fault.
 He tricked me, the
 big meanie. WAHHHH!"

HAHAHAHA!!! Oh, dear. The Hell of Beta Format. ^_^

You got that right. :)




 Hope you enjoyed. Just had to get that little thing out
 of my system. Might
 do one more shorter Utena fic before returning to my work
 on 'Should Old
 Acquaintance Be Forgot' after that, depending on how much
 time I have.

My request is "Old Acquaintance." :)

Your vote has been tallied. Actually have 15 pages of it done from before I
went on vacation. Just need to get back to it when I get all of these
shorter works out of my system.


Nice job, DB. Keep up the good work!

Will try my best. Thanks lots for the comprehensive C+C.

D.B. Sommer






-- .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List---. | Administrators - ffml-admins@fanfic.com | | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@fanfic.com | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `---http://www.fanfic.com/FFML-FAQ.txt ---'