Warning: one of my big bugaboos as a critic is insufficient
Japanese verisimilitude. Unfortunately, this fic runs afoul
of this on several points, possibly deliberately.
I don't know any, at least not enough to make it sound
credible. Actually, back when I lurked on the ASMR website,
somebody posted some advice, part of it basically said,
in reference to using Japanese forms of adress and phrases
when writing SM fics based on the dub, "If you don't know
enough Japanese to make it look real, don't." I don't, so
I don't.
I wasn't counselling that you use Japanese language forms
(sorry that wasn't clear); I was counseling more attention
to the details of your setting. But, as I say, I'm hardly
mainstream on this.
"Well. . ." Tenchi began as he looked at the setting sun. It
was getting late and he still had an hour on the train to get
home.
...and either Okayama is much closer to Tokyo here, or
Tenchi doesn't live in Okayama... (which is between 3 & 4 hours
>from Tokyo by Shinkansen).
The TV series of Tenchi implied he was living just outside of
town in the lower mountains and busing in to go to school.
The OAV, if memory serves, said basically the same thing.
Yes, Tenchi lives within a short bus trip of "town". The town
is not Tokyo. TMiL makes this fairly clear; we see the whole
class spend several hours on the Shinkansen. "Tenchi in Tokyo"
also makes this fairly clear: the characters go back and forth
by Shinkansen several times; we see Washuu set up a series of
relays for her mini-cams (and the map references for each).
The OAVs have Aeka's and Ryouko's spaceships wipe out the Great
Seito Bridge and still bounce into the lake below the Masaki
Shrine.
That said, you're hardly the only one who conveniently resets
Tenchi to nearby Tokyo. So this is an alterverse? Fine.
I liked this description, btw. OTOH, Ucchan's doesn't have
booths, just a counter.
And hopefully tables for the lunchtime rush. 'Specially if
Ukyo has half the brains I give her credit for. They're sitting
at one of the tables then.
(Okay, it's an alterverse...) Well, no. Not in canon. Ucchan's
is of a size quite a bit smaller than any fixed-location restaurant
in the 'States, but these do exist in Japan. (I've spent some time
in a bar which looked very similar inside.) There's a L-shaped
counter, behind which she cooks (hers being western-Japan-style
okonomiyaki instead of Tokyo's native cook-your-own). There's a
short curtain between the dining area and the back, in which there
are stairs up to her room. Any customers who don't fit at the
counter have to stand, as they do in the "Ukyou's sick" story in
Tankoubon volume 36. All of this is illustrated very consistently
in the manga.
However, you do say you're going off of the anime, and we've
already established alterverse, so go with it.
This is in Ucchan's? And there's no spatula decorating Ranma's
head immediately afterwards?
Ukyo's not paying attention, and they're not exactly within
earshot of the counter. All she might see is to guys toasting
something.
Given your version of the restaurant, I guess this makes sense.
You might want to emphasize (for the benefit of readers like me)
that they're out of earshot.
I thought Kami-Sama was part of the Shinto religion. Doh!
Well, no. (Dealt with at length, I hope, in earlier message.)
Who said he wouldn't have problems?
Clearly, he will, this being Ranma and Tenchi, and you
having a story to tell. I just think you could keep Ranma
a little more IC in getting your story started.
Again, this is in Ucchan's? So she knows right away.
Presumably this is why the title. (Ukyou leads all the
other denizens of Nerima to the Masaki Shrine, and they
all camp there all summer?)
Sore wa Himitsu desu. . . ;-)
I thought you didn't know any Japanese? :)