Jerry/Patch Monkey wrote:
Since I'm more in the mood for C&C, even though I've been getting hate
letter about me not writing for a few months, here's some C&C on this one.
I like it. I like it a lot, especially the Ranma/Akane interactions, and
the sorta role reversal.
This is a nice (if possibly unnecessary) recap of volume 38.
This has actually been a point of discussion with several of my
pre-readers. What can I say? I want this measly half-page in the story,
and I think there're several (subtle) changes in it, that show Ranma's
state of mind better at the beginning of the story.
And I didn't want to drop it just because a lot of people have read all
the manga or saw all the anime.
"That's a question I should ask you, Ranma!" Akane told him, shaking a
finger in his direction accusingly. "You've been silent and distant ever
since you came to yesterday."
Yesterday? What was yesterday? The wedding? A nap? A boot to the head?
A trip to the koi pond? A large whiney complaining robot landing on his
head?
One other reason for the previous recap is that the story starts the day
after the failed wedding (as explained in the aforementioned recap). The
'came to' part refers to the forced nap Ranma took after getting ganged
upon at the said wedding.
"It's nothin'. I just have a lot on my mind. All those people... how
could they do this to me? How could they betray my friendships like
that?" Ranma replied, turning his head away from her.
Friendship? Ukyo, sure. Mousse and Ryoga, possibly. Shampoo, Kodachi, and
Kuno? Naw.
I think Shampoo is also a friend. After all, he went through a lot
during the final two volumes of the manga just to save some unwanted
fiancee, wouldn't you say? As for the Kunos... well, you can't win them
all. Fortunately, I haven't said _everyone_ who trashed the wedding were
Ranma's friends, or people he considered as such. 'All those people'
doesn't necessarily mean everyone present, just everyone Ranma thought
about at the time. I doubt he spends much time thinking about the Kunos
or the old lech.
Also, there were other people Ranma sees as friends present (Konatsu
comes to mind).
"Heh. After all we've been through lately, I guess I shouldn't be
surprised that you caught on, huh? 'Course, you've been about the only
person without some kinda 'hidden agenda' payin' any attention to me
lately, right?" Ranma said, managing a small smile.
Hmm...Maybe this happened as Jusenkyo to cause this...(hehe)
WIZARD OF JusenkyOZ: Back where I come from we have universities, seats of
great learning -- where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come
out, they think deep thoughts -- and with no more brains than you have....
But! They have one thing you haven't got! A diploma! <Reaches into a pool
and pulls out a diploma.>
RANMA: The volume of a cone is one-third pi times the radius squared time
the height! And I should keep an eye on my tounge in regard to Akane! Oh
joy, oh rapture! I've got a brain!
WIZARD: As for you, my scarlet-named friend, you want a heart! You don't
know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until
they can be made unbreakable. I could have been a world figure, a power long
men, a - a successful wizard, had I not been obstructed by a heart.
AKANE: But I still want one!
WIZARD: Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure at
this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection.
And remember, my sentimental friend....that a heart is not judged by how
much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.
AKANE: Listen, Ranma! It ticks! Oh my...I can't believe how much I've
hurt you and you've cared for me!
Akane is actually much nicer in the manga than in most fanfics. My best
reference would be the end of the Herb arc (the ending/closet scene of
the invincible suit arc would work just fine). I don't think it's fair
to call her heartless, especially at the end of the series.
As for Ranma's insults, he usually uses them in return for something
Akane said or did, but not nearly as much on his own. It's much easier
to call her 'uncute' after she calls him a pervert, then just wake up
one beautiful day, look at the rising sun, and think 'What a lovely
morning! Let's go call Akane names to make it perfect!'
Also, right after the failed wedding, R&A would probably feel much
closer to each other, even if temporarily, simply because everyone else
has betrayed them in one way or another.
"Well, he was half-god, after all," Akane replied in an unsure voice.
'Well, kind of,' she amended mentally.
"Fine. And how many gods have we met before?" Ranma countered, sparing
her a glance before looking away.
At least eight. The Seven Lucky Gods of Martial Arts and Ashura/Rouge all
are gods/goddesses.
The Seven Lucky Gods were not only in a Ranma 1/2 movie (which is
not the most canon reference by far), but I'd also point out
that they were no gods. They just called themselves in that way.
'Magical princes' would probably be a better nickname. Saffron was
immortal, a Phoenix, no less. And still, he didn't get called a full
god.
Ashura _was_ a goddess (she drowned way before the Ranma 1/2 timeline),
while Rouge is a Jusekyo-cursed human. While I agree that Ashura would
be considered a goddess (even a full one), neither Ranma nor Akane have
met _her_ in person. Further more, they couldn't know whether she would
revert to an infant state once 'killed', which is exactly what happened
with Saffron, and is the point of the whole Akane/Ranma discussion.
"Wait! I remember what I was wearing... it was my favorite outfit, only
completely in black, even with the matching bracers and all. In fact,
the only thing that stood out was a small imprint of a Pegasus..."
"...on the left side of your chest, red blood and looking so much alive
that you can almost touch it?" Akane completed the sentence for him.
"How did you..."
I like the way Ranma and Akane are interacting here, even if it is...odd. I
think it works really, really well.
Thanks... I think :)
"Hello, you have reached the Goddess Help Line..."
And, as they like to say, here our troubles began. On the preceding
section, I like it. It's a really good setup, even if they're slightly OOC.
Of course, I refuse to write them in character either, and I like them this
way, so it's less of a problem to me than it would be to others.
I prefer to think that unusual situations would cause the characters to
temporarily act a bit differently. The power of semantics at work. ^_^
And with that thought, Urd disappeared through a strategically located
television set. Of course, there were always other ways of learning
about the people who made the call, the Yggdrasil directory being one of
them, but Urd was always one for the direct approach.
URD: Hey, what's this button do?
*Boom!*
URD: Ouchie.
Very Urd. She does get her *boom* later on, though. I'm thinking of
repeating it per chapter...
"Another one of your girlfriends?" Akane growled at Ranma, trying very
hard not to show any signs of jealousy towards the newcomer's physique
and failing miserably.
RANMA: Actually, yes, she is. Urd, Akane. Akane, Urd. How's it shakin,
hot pants?
We need Akane rational for the time being, not homicidal, remember? ^_^
"No, no, it's nothing like... oh, hell," Ranma replied dejectedly, his
shoulders slumping. The sad thing was that with his luck, she probably
was another fiancee.
Shouldn't that be "Oh, heavens?"
Nope ^_^
Urd smirked, and turned to look at Ranma for the first time. A cute guy,
no doubt about it. Under different circumstances, she might have even
made a pass at him but, unfortunately, work came first. And she was on
probation as it was.
Has Urd ever NOT been on probation?
For the sake of the story, yes. Why, there was that time at 2000 BC...
never mind.
Suddenly, the two teenagers started to glow as well. Ranma's clothes
shimmered, and became identical to the black outfit he wore in his
dream. Akane grew black, bat-like wings and donned black, tight-fitting
body armor, her presence becoming obscured by shadows.
Yes! Evil! Evil! Evil!
I like this. They're so often good, or aligned to be good, that you don't
get to see what would happen if they worked for the other side...
But we don't know exactly what they are yet.
And the term 'evil' is going to be redefined a bit...
"No, I won't kill anyone," Urd could hear him say.
Excellent...this is really good for Ranma. It's more like he's a Lawful
Evil characters...which, when done correctly, tend to be really, really
interesting. (And always have a chance to be redeemed...)
See above :)
Akane's eyes, completely black and without pupils, betrayed no emotion.
After a moment, she told him that leaving a goddess aware of their
existence alive was a mistake. Urd noticed that her voice has changed,
and was different somehow, more guttural and inhuman, strangely
befitting her current form in some way.
I think this would be more effective if she actually said it. It
feels...lacking this way, more like an essay, if you will.
I see your point. This will probably be changed in the revision.
Ranma sighed, and continued to walk towards Dr. Tofu's clinic.
Currently, there were only three people who might help them, but
Happosai, and especially Cologne, couldn't be trusted to genuinely help
them without some hidden agenda, which left good old doc Tofu as their
last resort. Before the discussion could be continued, an outraged cry
of 'Ranma! Prepare to Die!' abruptly ended it.
Again, the "Ranma, prepare to die!" seems like it should be spoken, rather
than narrated.
It will be spoken later on, by Ryoga, as several scenes in the story
(where the POV changes) slightly overlap.
'And that someone would probably be Ryoga,' Ranma mused, 'if this poor
excuse for a fight is any indication.'
Of course. Ranma wouldn't start it.
Where's the challenge in that? If Akane can meet Ryoga head on and beat
him rather easily, why would Ranma try anything? Ryoga is more likely to
be enraged by Ranma's 'pity'.
Suddenly, a bony hand landed on Ranma's shoulder from behind. Before
anyone had a chance to breathe, he turned with inhuman speed, thrusting
his open palm directly into the creature's ribcage. Dark purple lighting
blazed around Betty-chan, promptly eradicating her from existence. A
moment later not even dust remained of the unlucky skeleton, whose only
mistake was only being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Ranma - 1
Betty - 0
TKO!
I've always wanted Ranma to do that...
"No," Ranma replied, edging towards the doctor, "the last two times it
was just raw power, completely uninhibited. This time she's in control."
Wow, Akane is good...she can control energy in three tries. I know it took
me four.
She's not Ranma's 'sidekick' for nothing ^_^
"But why would demons have guardians?" Dr. Tofu chose that moment to
ask.
Well, as everybody knows, you need someone to look after all the little
demons.
Exactly! I'm still going to explain it in the following chapter, just in
case. ^_^
"What, why are you all looking at me for?" he exclaimed, uncomfortable
under the collective gaze of Akane and Tofu. "You're not the only one
with the flashbacks and all, y'know," Ranma shot defensively at Akane.
This sounds reasonable.
Very, since he was the one who started this whole mess.
fortunately for him, that was not his fate that day. Instead of a trip
to the stratosphere, Kuno was greeted by his goddess' proclamation of
love.
"Moko Takabisha revised: Lecher Blaster!"
Serious question: Akane just based this attack off of confidence? Since
she's using ki, I'm assuming that this means she's not in demon
mode...because then she wouldn't use ki, would she?
The 'Moko Takabisha' is Ranma's trademark technique, and he's the one
using it in this case. I thought it was obvious, since only Ranma is the
'pigtailed _goddess_'. Akane is his 'tigress' or something. As for why
it looks and acts differently, the answer is simple. Ranma is
(subconsciously) adding mana to it. It is still basically ki, but the
use of mana will explain the change in color, for example.
'Did they go back home, wherever 'home' was? Did they get reassigned?'
Akane gulped. 'Did they die?'
No, Akane. They just sleep...forever.
Not a very comforting thought for Akane, wouldn't you say? ^_^
The excitement was promptly quelled as Akane realized that she wasn't
sure they were the 'good guys' anymore...
Always a problem...and wonderful too.
It becomes especially interesting (imho), when Skuld starts executing
her revenge.
"All right, then you start on our dinner while I set up our equipment."
Wow...he sure did give up easy!
RANMA: Thank the diploma!
Thank the blasts she let loose on everyone who angered her lately. I
think Ranma wouldn't want to try and find out whether Akane's devotion
to him is more powerful than her desire to cook.
"Hey, Ranma, are you ok?" Akane asked worriedly. After all, she had only
added some salt and paprika for taste. She even, for some reason she
couldn't understand, had tried the food on herself before serving it.
WOW! Only salt and paprika? No motor oil? No gasoline? No pieces of
Banpei? No hair of bat or sperm whale?
Funny that you should mention pieces of Banpei...
All in all, I liked this, and I'm looking forwards to more. And maybe even
writing my own stuff soon. And recording my lines for "Taming of the
Horse".
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Jerry / Patch Monkey
Lord of Darkness, Brenin of Light
Reverend of the ULC
Thanks! BTW, Chapter two might come out even sooner than I thought.
Corwin