In a message dated 7/17/00 12:31:44 PM, sweetryoko@hotmail.com writes:
Apparently there are a lot of men that read this mailing list, if
there were more women I wouldn't have gotten the replies about
Ryoga and Ayeka falling in love and wanting to stay together
forever. I believe, as do quite a few women, that when you meet
your soul mate then nobody or nothing else matters, just being
with that one person. I tried to convey that they are soul mates
that found each other, but some missed the point so this chapter
will try and explain the consequences of their devotion.
Sweet, do you mind if I call you that? I'm gonna give you and the rest of the
newbies some advice I'd wish I had gotten when I joined the list.
The FFML is composed of (for the most part) technical anime fans. What I mean
by that, is that they are familar with Anime and Manga you and I have
probably never heard of. Also, they have very clear-cut ideas about
characterization and how those characterization. I think this is where a lot
of the criticism about Tenchi's Choice is coming from. I'm pretty laid back
about fics, but Ayeka falling completly in love head over heels with Ryouga
is stretching even my admittly lax belivability.
Here's how I see the problem:
Ayeka spent some time agonizing over Tenchi, because she thought she was a
commoner and didn't activley pursue him until after she found out his
heritage. Now Ayeka stumbles across this new guy and doesn't even stop to
think, but just jumps in with both feet.
This is not Ayeka. Maybe she jumped in at first, but I think she would stop
herself and examine her feelings. Ryouga has to do the same thing. He spent
most of the Ranma run agonizing over Akane and according to previous
chapters, Akari dumped him. He's been burned. Twice. Soulmates or no, they
both have to take some time and figure out if they're just trying to find
someone, or if it's more.
Also, you said that when you belive that when find your soulmate, nothing
else matters except being with that person. Hey, that's cool, it's great. But
you're injecting your personal beliefs into the fic and onto the characters.
I can't really fault this since I'm guilty of it myself. The problem is your
presentation. There's no drama, no conflict.
Great stories thrive on conflict. Take Eva for example: There's multiple
conflict. Humanity vs the Angels. Shinji vs his self-doubt. Asuka vs Shinji.
Misato vs her hangovers, and so on. Your story needs something like that.
To be blunt, when I read this, I don't see a fic, I see someone telling us
who she thinks belongs with who thinly disguised as a fanfic.
My advice. Take all the comments you get and have got, go back, and rewrite
from page one with an actual story. How Tenchi chose Ryoko is a good start.
It's actually very in character. However, it's the result of that choice that
has everyone cheesed. Also, since this is a Ranma/Tenchi crossover, which by
the way is good, I can actually see Ranma and Tenchi as friends. Paticularly
considering their love lives. But since both young men also have a lot of
people after them, you could get some mileage just out of those people
meeting and fighting. There's huge amount of possibility here.
Next, if you get advice about grammer and punctuation. Take it. Trust me.
I've been on the list only a few short months and I've learned more about
grammer and punctuation and the value of a rewrite in those few months then I
learned growing up and going through the public school system.
Good luck!
Agreeable Komodo
He who bought it, supplied it.
Just say yes to prophylactics.
"There are two major products that
come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence."
-Jeremy S. Anderson