Subject: [FFML] Re: [fanfic][R.5]Le Plus Ca Change Prt 6 [CORRECTED REPOST]
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
Date: 7/15/2000, 2:58 AM
To: "Dave Menard" <deibu_kun@sympatico.ca>
CC: <ffml@fanfic.com>

Ah, I repost. Good thing I hadn't already started the C+C on the last
version yet:

Dave Menard wrote:


   Hiya. I ordinarily hate reposting so soon, but I've been informed that
there were some formatting problems with the original release of this fic.

Ah, so maybe that was why there were no quotes around the flashback
dialogue (at least I hope that was why they were absent)


LE PLUS CA CHANGE...
Gods above, it's another damn Ranma 1/2 fanfic

But one that's finally caught my eye with this chapter. Now I'll have to go
back and read the others more thoroughly, which means I might be in the
dark a bit about what's going on.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This one's a bit longer than the usual chapter,
also a little less silly. Oh, there's foolishness aplenty, but
also some serious stuff, too. A bit of a departure from the
usual LPCC chapter, I know, but bear with me, 'cause next
chapter's gonna be HUGE.

I don't know as we really need a forewarning of this measure, but it's your
call to make.


WHAT HAS GONE BEFORE:

Now this is useful since I confess to skimming over the earlier chapters.

The year is 2015, and the children of
the Ranma 1/2 cast are the stars of the show. Kobuta Hibiki,
the son of Ryoga and Akari, has just met his iinazuke, Sachiko
Tendo, youngest daughter of Ranma and his late wife, Akane.
Things didn't go as well as their folks hoped, but about as
well as could be expected,

Wouldn't be much fun if it had. :)


CHAPTER SIX

***************************

    The air was thick with unspoken tension. From the
outside, it might appear to

it might have appeared to be (I think. The tense sounded off to me)

be a proper Japanese gathering.
Ryouga, Kobuta, Sachiko and Ranko knelt politely at the table,
Ti-Pi knelt slightly behind her Airen's father, massaging his
broad shoulders.

Heh. Already trying to kiss up to the parents.

    Ryoga grumbled, bearlike. "They've been in there a long
time..." the big man muttered.

    "Aiyaa..." Ti-Pi breathed, nodding. "Honoured Father-in-
Law speak truly; Ti-Pi not know that Auntie have Airen..."

Well, only half of the parties involved would agree that's true. :)


    "What's keeping them, anyway?" Sachiko muttered. she was
dressed in a red dress

Overuse of dress. perhaps:

was wearing a red dress
or
covered in a red dress

that barely concealed her petite form,

Petite? More like mom than dad then. :)

her planned date-from-hell forgotten.

Now that part I do remember. I much more sadistic streak than either parent
posessed. I rather liked it as well. Helps to give her her own unique
characteristics that seperate her from her parents rather than just being a
carbon
copy of them.


She glared across the
table at her so-called-fiance, the one who was, to her mind,
the author of her father's current misery.

Heh. Does have the habit of blaming the wrong person though. :)


    "Hey, don't look at me, Sachiko-san. It's not like I knew
what I was getting into. I didn't _mean_ to..." Ti-Pi looked
up at that, giving Kobuta a hurt look. He gave her a sickly,
apologetic smile. The girl's face brightened slightly, and she
winked back.

I see she's learning how to deal with Kobuta well enough.


    "Would you two quit flirting!" Sachiko muttered. "Some of
us are trying to digest dinner here..."

    Ranko yawned hugely.

That sounds very awkward to me. Can't say why exactly. I'd almost rather
see something like

Ranko gave a tremendous yawn.

Not that that's much better, but it's all that's coming to me now.

"All I know is that this'd better
finish up soon. I need to hit the sack. Don't wanna win that
tournament tomorrow with bags under my eyes; how'd _that_ look
in the papers?"

Heh. The Saotome cockiness. Winning isn't what's in doubt; it's whether or
not you look good while doing it.


    Ryoga sighed. "I _said_, the committee said I was too
destructive. It's not my fault the stadium fell apart. Damn
substandard workmanship..."

Heh.


    "Oh." Kobuta mumbled. "Darn. Would'a been fun to compete.
I could've shown you girls my stuff..."

    Sachiko snorted. "Martial Arts. Phooey."

"I didn't mean I'd show you my martial arts. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge,"
Kobuto clarified.

Sachiko snorted again. "Just because you have a normal sex drive doesn't
impress me either. We're still not going to be engaged."


    "Well..." Ranko mulled, "Registration doesn't close until
the first match starts. Why'ncha sign up? I ain't interested
in marryin' ya, but I wouldn't mind seeyin' what yer gonna be
teachin' my eventual nieces an' nephews..."

Definitely intent on keeping herself from contention.


    "Ranko!" Sachiko yelped. "We're not getting married!"

    "Oh, so you're gonna have a litter outta wedlock, are ya?
Very progressive of ya, 'tochan," she teased. Sachiko turned
purple.

What, Sachi doesn't hit her sister for busting her chops like that?



    "You shut up!" Sachiko snarled. "You don't have to
encourage them!"

Them? Only Ranko's talking. Or is she refering to Ryouga and Ranma?


    "Sachiko be nice to Airen!" Ti-Pi warned. "Or Ti-Pi have
to put shield-hand wife over her knee!"

"Not that Ti-Pi would not enjoy it. Wink, wink, Nudge, nudge," she
clarified.


    "I m

drop 'm'


am NOT your wife, and you wouldn't dare!!!"

"Besides, I do all of the spanking in my relationships!" Sachiko warned.

******************


    Sachiko was in the middle of berating her father and
potential father-in-law for fighting in her kitchen (No, Mr.
Hibiki, I _don't_ believe it was Daddy's fault. Daddy, quit
sticking your tongue out at Mr. Hibiki!)

Heh. The more things change...

when the vidphone
rang.

Oh yes. Forgot it was the future for a moment.


    "Darn it! All right, then. You two-" She pointed
meaningfully at the supposed adults, "-get to work cleaning
this mess up! I'll get the phone. I _heard_ that, Daddy, and I
am _not_ bossy!"

Cute dialogue. Sachi's reactions are definitely enough to figure out what's
going on in the rest of the room.

She reached out and toggled on the vid-
phone's voice-only option. "Moshi-moshi, Tendo-ku, Sachiko
desu... Auntie Kasumi! Hi!"

    "Hello, dear."

dear," Kasumi



    "Oh, well, yes. If you could tell him that Shampoo is in
town, and that she'll probably be dropping by before long."

    "Shampoo? Someone's delivering shampoo?"

Kasumi: Oh no. Someone already did that years ago. Most likely a mid-wife
rather than an doctor, given the rural area in which she lived.


    Kasumi sighed. "Just tell your father, dear. I've got a
housecall to make,

Shoot. Really got to reread the former chapters of this. Still holes in my
memory on what's happened to people.

Give my love to
your sister, and tell her that Ono,

I'm with Chan Wei Lik. I think it's pretty much accepted that Ono is his
family name (at least in every fanfic I can remember), and would recommend
changing it just to keep things from being confusing to the reader.
Besides, with all the new characters you're introducing, things are going
to be confusing enough as it is.



    "Shampoo?" Ranma blinked. "There's plenty in the ofuro, I
didn't order any..." She

Ranma's female now? I don't recall you mentioning that earlier. Was it in
last chapter?

paused as a light dawned. "Wait, did
she say someone was _delivering_ shampoo, or did she mention
someone _called_ Shampoo?"

Sachi: Well, I assume someone called her about the shampoo, so yes, I
guess.

actually would be better if Ranma said "...mention someone_named_ Shampoo?"



    "Err... Yes?" Ranma temporized.

    "This isn't another unpleasant moment from your past that
come back to bite you in the rear, is it, Daddy?"

    "Errr..."

Ranma: Well, I figure Shampoo will either want to bite me in the rear or
cut off, depending on how she thinks of me nowadays, I guess.


    "Terrific." Sachiko muttered. "It's a day for
revelations. This'd better not be another fiance, Daddy..."

Ranma: Not one of yours, no.

********************


    "I don't know, Sacchi," Ranma (once again in his natural
form) interjected. "Shampoo's usually not one for doors..."

    "She generally makes her own." Ryoga

own," Ryoga


    Shampoo glanced speculatively down at the girl who had
answered the door. So this was Ranma's daughter. She strongly
resembled his girl half, except for her hair colour and style.
Were it not for the scandalously tiny dress she was wearing,
she might have taken them for the same person; but not even
the mirror-generated Onna-Ranma had dressed that brazenly.

I thought the mirror version made breakfast in nothing but an apron once.


    Kobuta noticed The Dress. You could tell he d

he'd


    "Well, it s

it's


    Ti-Pi witnessed the display with trepidation. This little
sex-bomb was to be her co-wife?

Ti-Pi's latent bi-sexual tendencies suddenly became less latent. :)


    Shampoo cleared her throat, and Sachiko remembered her
manners.

    "Oh! I m

I'm

Your apostrophes seemed to have disappeared. Formatting error? Not going to
point them out anymore.



    "Of course, please," Sachiko

please." Sachiko

waved them in, tugging them

the

hem of her skirt down self-consciously.

However this had the effect of pulling the wrap down far enough to free her
breasts, which effectively negated the initial reason behind pulling the
skirt down in the first place.

"This way, please..."
Sachiko stepped lightly over Kobuta s prone form into the
hallway.

Ah well, at least she didn't step on him as though he didn't exist. :)


    Ti-Pi sighed as she looked down on her Airen.

I'd recommend changing to '...down on Kobuta.' since you use 'Airen' in the
next sentence. Adds some variation.

******************

    Goddess, she thought to herself, he s still so damn sexy!
Age had recast Ranma s boyish features into handsome, manly
planes. His steel-blue eyes were careworn, but still soulful
pools a woman could drown herself in. Her earlier fear that
his body might have degenerated into the slothfulness of his
father was completely dispelled.

Genma: It was all muscle, I'm telling you.

 Despite the gulf of years, it
was almost all she could do from charging across the room and
taking him in her arms, so powerful were the feelings his
presence stirred.

So she satisfied herself with simply kneeing him in the groin. "Nice to see
you again, jerk!" she said to his doubled-over form.


    Ranma gasped, his eyes wide. The Amazon s girlish beauty
had blossomed into the form and figure of a warrior queen. Her
violet locks, once done up in maiden s braids and buns, hung
long, loose and vibrant to her knees. She was tall, easily 200
cm,

Yikes! That is tall.

at least a head taller that he. At sixteen, he had thought
her figure lush, her features cute. How things had changed!
Now that the fullness of womanhood was upon her she resembled
nothing so much as a goddess out of myth. Simply put, she was
stunning.

    "Shampoo.

what'dya fall into? Spring of Drowned Giant?"

"Close," she admitted. "Spring of Drowned Pro NBA player."

It s... good to see you."

"How's the air up there?" he asked, tilting his head back.


    Ryoga looked back and forth between his two old allies,
their mutual admiration obvious. This, he thought to himself,
is

I think 'was' sounds better than 'is' here, but it might be just me.


    Shampoo tore her gaze away from Ranma. "Ryoga? Is... that
YOU?" A smile spread across her face. "LOOK at you! You re
so... so..."

    "Porky?" Ranma interjected, unable to restrain himself.

Heh.


    "Um, yes, Akari s wonderful, I... Excuse me, but what is
that young lady doing with my son?"

    Ti-Pi smiled and drew herself up. "Greetings, Honoured
Father-in-Law! Am Ti-Pi, warrior of Joketsuzoku. Ti-Pi is too-
too happy to meet her new family!!"

    "Oh, no..." Ryoga moaned. "He didn t... He isn t..."

"Yes, he's gay,' Shampoo said.

"NOOOO!" Ryoga cried.



******************

    Sachiko, as might be expected, took the news quite well.

    "Hey, congratulations, Kobuta. Couldn t happen to a nicer
fellow."

A surprise. I figured her to get jealous at the idea he'd 'dumping' her
instead of her getting the chance to dump him. Guess she's a better thinker
than I anticipated.


    "C mon down, Oneechan!" Sachiko called. "Kobuta s here,
and he s introducing us to his new fiancee!"

    "New fiancee? Oh, I gotta see Pops

Pop's


    "Er "

"Er," Ti-Pi


    "H-huhn? Uh, sure... We can be friends..." Sachiko
squeaked from the hug.

    "Ti-Pi is so glad Sachiko agree to be shield-hand wife!
Ti-Pi sure we be like sisters in no time!"

    Ranko blinked. "Shield-hand wife? What s that mean?"

Something bad. Evidently Ranko's hasn't 'lived in interesting times' just
yet. :)


    Ti-Pi broke out of the hug, maintaining an arm over
Sachiko s shoulders. "Is Amazon law! If Amazon s Airen have
already claim on hand, then Amazon must either kill rival girl
or accept as shield-hand wife.

Sachi: What if the other girl just cancels the engagement?

Ti-Pi: Is no allowed. Makes for boring story.


    The import of Ti-Pi s words slowly penetrated Sacchi s
mind. Wife? Marry? A GIRL?!

    "WHA-AT?!?!" Sachiko and Ranko chorused.

    "Yeah, that was my reaction at first," Kobuta said, "but
when Sachiko-san agreed so readily... Well, who am I to
complain? I admit, it ll be difficult, providing for all three
of us, but I promise I ll take care of both of you." Kobuta
struck a righteous pose. "Fear not! I, Kobuta Hibiki, will be
the best husband I can be!!! I- UKRK!"

Heh. At least his heart is in the right place. Brain's in neutral, but it
makes things more fun that way.


    Sachiko elbowed him in the gut. "Knock it off, Casanova!
And _you_," she whirled on Ti-Pi, "You... Hussy! I m not
marrying ANYBODY!!!"

    "Who you call hussy?" Ti-Pi chirped. "Ti-Pi not one who
is wearing itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-red-as-fire-engine fuck-me
dress!!!"

Ah. Female bonding. Ain't it sweet?



    "O-of course..." Ranma stuttered, looking up at his
guest. "We'll talk in the dojo."

    "Fine," Shampoo nodded. "Ti-Pi?"

    "Y-yes honoured Auntie?" Ti-Pi yelped, trying to extract
one of her braids from Sachiko's nigh-foaming mouth.

Heh. Nice imagery.



**********************

    "She's a cute kid." Ranma

kid,"

    "Oh?"

    "Well, maybe a bit like both of you. She doesn't seem
like much of a fighter, though. Oh, she's very fierce, but..."

    "She doesn't practice the Art, if that's what you mean.

Oh well. Looks like physical confrontations between her and her new 'wife'
won't happen frequently.

Not for ten years, anyway. Ranko is the school's heir."

    "Your eldest?"

    "Yes. She's very talented."

Ranma: At least that's what all of the boys she goes out with say.



    "I've missed you, Ranma."

    "Have you."

"Have you?"

His voice and expression were unreadable.

Learned a poker face then, eh?



    "You know I-"

    "That doesn't change the fact that it's true. As far as
our laws are concerned, you are still my husband."

    Sigh.

Perhaps:
Ranma released a sigh.


    "I heard what your niece said." Another sigh. "I... I'm
putting my foot down this time, Shampoo. I won't have a child
of mine go through the same misery I did."

Ohh. Wrong word choice with the wrong person.


    Shampoo's eyes went wide. "Misery? You call what YOU went
through MISERY? You arrogant, self-centred

centered

BASTARD!"

Ranma: Yeah. I am, but you loved me anyway, Baby.



    "Shampoo..." He sighed. "Shampoo, I loved her..."

    The matriarch spun, tear-filled eyes blazing. "And you
held nothing in your heart for me, is that it?

"Well, no," Ranma admitted.

Shampoo grabbed a nearby bokken from its place hanging on the wall. "Ranma
you jerk!" She cried out as she hammered him in the head with it.

"Whoa! Just like being married all over again, except without the sex,"
Ranma said.

 Not even
FRIENDSHIP?! Damn you, I would have DIED for even THAT much
>from you! But instead... Instead I was the Chinese Bimbo! The
Gaijin WHORE who could be used up and then thrown away like
some piece of... of  GARBAGE!" She slapped him, hard, across
the face. He took it unflinchingly.

Not put anything behind it or is he that tough?

race was wallowing about in the mud in Korea. We have resisted
invasion, escaped genocide, weathered the fall of of the
P.R.C... Don't you EVER presume to tell me our laws are
stupid!"

    "T-that may be..."

Nah. I can't see Ranma stuttering over this.

 Ranma said, coming to his feet
uneasily. He'd been unprepared for her strength, after his
years of complacency. "But I didn't want to marry anyone who
wanted me because of a _law_.

At the end of Shampoo's first arc it's pretty obvious that's not the case,
but I can see Ranma not thinking about it that way. From personal
experience I can vouch it's easier to dump someone if you're convinced they
don't really love you, or if they do for all of the wrong reasons.

a Matriarch cannot stand alone, she must have a worthy mate.
'Behind every great woman, stands a great man.' That's what
she used to tell me. Did you know," she turned to face him.
"That my Great-Grandmother's greatest regret was that she was
unable to rule alongside the one warrior who had bested her?"

Shampoo: So instead settled for a man that was hung like a bull.


    "You mean... the old lech?!"

    "She claimed he was not always so bad, you know.

Shampoo: Personally I think she was full of crap.

But that
is neither here nor there. Suffice it to say that at one time,
his qualities outweighed his vices. I find myself in a similar
predicament. The man I loved proved unworthy of me,

Ranma; Wow! Sorry to hear that. He must have been a real putz.

Shampoo: I'm talking about you, stupid.

Ranma: Oh, Right. He must have been one misunderstood fellow.

despite
the fact that I showered him with all the love in my heart. It
was a sad lesson. For their sakes, it is one I hope your
daughters need never learn."

Nah. Nearly everyone goes through a broken heart at least once in their
lives.


    "H-hey... Wait a minute. Who're you calling unworthy?
Just because I didn't love you is no call to-"

    Shampoo's gaze was haughty and cold. "You proved unworthy
because you didn't care about the consequences of your
actions.

Well, Shampoo never really did that either. Still, we do tend to block out
our own bad tendencies, especially when irritated with others.

 A better man would have bothered to try to minimize
the pain he caused a woman who loved him. Do you know what my
failure cost me, Ranma?"

    "So you lost a little face, big deal.

I can't see Ranma blowing that sort of thing off like that. More likely he
would just be ignorant about it outright. Something like.

"Wait a minute. I thought you already got punished for screwing up with
that cat curse. You mean they did something else to you too?"

 I-"

    "Shut up, you ignorant barbarian.

Sounds a bit too high handed. "Shut up, you ignorant man!" sounds better to
me.


    "When I returned without your head or your hand, I was
disgraced. That, I tolerated." She laughed ruefully. "After
chasing you for two years, I had little dignity left to me.
For a daughter of the ruling house of Joketsuzoku, however,
the punishments are more severe. I endured the trial by combat
at least, so I was not given to the Musk as a brood mare.

Considering Herb, Lime and Mint's ignorance with women, I assume that sort
of thing doesn't happen too often.

Instead, I was given over to a rival family as a bondswoman
for ten years..."

    "Bondswoman?"

Ranma: You mean you posted bonds for criminals?

Shampoo: (sweetly) Ranma, come here.

Ranma does so and is promptly struck in the head with a bonbori.

Ranma: (holding head) Yep. Just like the good old days. Didn't realize how
much I missed Akane until now.


    "Slave, if you prefer... I was stripped of my name, my
warrior's rank; everything I had left."

    "M-mousse... He never said anything..."

    "He didn't know. Men are not kept appraised of the secret
rites of our tribe."

Shampoo: They told him I was on vacation.



    "A parole, if you will. When word of her death reached my
Great Grandmother, I was given the opportunity to reclaim my
honour by taking back my husband if I could. But I couldn't,
not with Akane still warm in the ground.

Yeah. She would have been tempting death there to try something like that
at that time.

You were a ruined
wreck of a man, hardly the Ranma I remembered... Do you recall
the rather large women who accompanied me to the service?"

    "Y-yes, vaguely.

Again I see no reason for him to stutter here.


    "Soldiers, yes. They were my jailers, not my troops. A
year after that, I challenged for my freedom and won it by
force of arms. By that time, Great-Grandmother was very ill.
My mother was effectively running the tribe in my absence.
When I regained my name, I regained my title, and mother
stepped aside. She'd never wanted the office, you understand;
she wasn't a warrior by inclination..."

Shampoo: Mind you, she was so good she could have defeated Saffron with one
hand tied behind her back, but she very much wanted to follow her true
passion: karaoke singing.


    "I can't believe they did that just because you couldn't
get a husband..."

Shampoo: You should see what they do to people who bounce checks. They tie
them to the ground, naked, next to a fire ant hill as and cover them with
honey.


    "Not merely that. I had failed to win the hand of a
powerful warrior who would have brought new blood to the
tribe, but worse, I left him in the hands of a woman who he
claimed to despise..."

    "It was just our way! I didn't mean it, I was just a
scared, stubborn kid."

Ranma: I mean, it took 38 volumes and a near death experience to get me to
whisper I loved her. Even after we were married Akane still had to knock me
unconscious and tie me down in order to get me to have sex with her. After
the first time it got prettty easy, though.


and I had to patch you up after you fell through the roof of
the restaurant. Again and again, you said you wanted nothing
to do with the 'uncute tomboy'. Even under the influence of
magic or drugs, you still steadfastly denied any feelings for
her.

Ranma: No, no. I denied I loved YOU when I was under the influence of magic
and drugs.

Shampoo: Oh, that's right. I knew it was someone. Guess my memory wasn't
what I thought it was.

 What was a lovestruck, naive girl to do, refuse to help
the man she loved escape from such a horrible woman?"

I agree with Mike Noakes that this is going too much Shampoo's way and not
enough Ranma's. Here would be a perfect place for him to stick it to her
about her attempts to use magic strings and hypnotic mushrooms. Then she
can try to excuse her actions with 'It seemed like a good idea at the
time,' or 'It was all I could come up with to try to win you over' or
something.


    "Oh, please. You reacted to her only marginally better
than you did to Kodachi. Am I to take it you loved her as
well?"

Ranma: Shhh. That affair I had with Kodi-chan is supposed to be a secret.


    "No, I didn't! But it's apples and oranges, you can't
compare them..."

    "Really? That's what it looked like to me. I suspect if
you asked the spatula-girl she'd tell you the same thing..."

True. They both most likely saw what they wanted to see.


    "Dammit! You can't tell me that my love for Akane was a
lie! I loved her, for Kamisama's sake! She gave me two
beautiful children and the best years of her life!"

    "I'm not suggesting that your feelings for her were lies,
Ranma, nor... hers for you. All I'm saying is that they
certainly weren't apparent to a lonely sixteen-year-old girl
fresh off the boat from China..."

Ah, better. Now she can admit she was wrong. Easy to believe after thinking
about it for the last twenty years.

 She sighed, melancholy. "And
now the cycle repeats itself. My beloved niece, it seems, is
destined to suffer the humiliation of losing a husband to a
girl of the Tendo clan..."

Ranma: Nah. If it comes to that, I'll marry her. I wouldn't want her to end
up disgraced like you wer...Shampoo! Put down that sword! I was joking. I
guess even after three thousand years you Amazons haven't developed a sense
of humor...


    "I don't know, Shampoo... The old ghoul..."

    "I am not my Great-Grandmother, Ranma, anymore than you
are Happousai."

'Ranma' began sweating. After twenty years of secrecy, the nearly perfect
plan of creating a 'Ranmanniichuan' by drowning Ranma, then using the
kiifuiton to lock himself in that cursed form, the using the nanniichuan to
give him a girl curse so no one was the wiser, made Happosai's plan to
marry Akane almost end up uncovered by an offhand statement by a silly
Amazon matriarch.

 There was a double meaning in that, she
thought. Unlike Cologne, she would not give up on her husband.
Nor did she think Ranma was beyond salvage...

Ah, still devious after all these years, I see.


    Ranma considered her words. The idea that the carefully
planned marriage he and Ryoga had arranged would fall through
worried him, yet how could he, in good conscience, doom
Shampoo's niece to ten years of slavery for loving
unfortunately?

Besides. Sachi isn't all that happy about it, and one would think he's a
bit more considerate towards his daughter's feelings than Genma was towards
his.



    "The fates are seldom so kind, Ranma." Shampoo

Ranma,"


    "I wish..." Ranma whispered.

    "What is it?"

    "I wish that I had known. Back then. I don't know if I'd
have done anything differently,

Ranma: Aside, from, you know. Getting the curse. Not waiting for Ryouga in
the backlot an extra day. Eating your food and ending up married to you.
Making Kodachi think I liked her. That whole crap with Ukyou. Ruining her
secret sauce. That time Ryouga and I got drunk when I was a girl and we...
well, maybe not that one. But all the other stuff I probably would have
done different.




    "Gee, thanks..." Ranma muttered. Shampoo squeezed his
hand again. "Heh. So... Where are you staying?"

Shampoo: In your bed?

Ranma: Try again.

    "Oh, I was thinking that this benighted ward needs a good
Chinese restaurant..."

    "Hmm... Well, Ucchan's serves ramen, now that Mousse is
co-owner..." the squeeze suddenly became a lot less gentle.
"Hey now! It's not the same...

Heh

" He smiled kindly as the
pressure lessened. "It's not like you used to make..."

    "That's better..." The Matriarch smiled.

    "Yeah," Ranma muttered teasingly, "no weird Chinese hug-
me herbs..."

Nice to see he still has his mouth on him.


    Shampoo's eyes went wide, then she caught the teasing
tone and grinned fiercely. "Oh, is that so..? Well, I need no
herbs for _that_, little man..." With a quick jerk on their
still joined hands, she brought Ranma to her chest. "See?"

Ranma: Yep. And now that I'm touching you, I've found out something I
needed to know.

Shampoo: (seductively) What?

Ranma: My tits are still bigger than yours! Wahoo!

    "What's the matter, Ranma..?" Shampoo whispered huskily,
her sweet breath tickling his lips. "Cat got your tongue?"

    "Ah, no, no..." Ranma sputtered. She was so close, and so
beautiful... and it had been ten years and change since...

Yep. That's a long time. Poor old boy's definitely ripe for the taking now.
:)


    "ALL RIGHT!" A voice yelled from the doorway. "That's
ENOUGH of THAT!!!"

    Ranma spun, practically leaping out of Shampoo's embrace.
Shampoo merely sighed and rolled her eyes. Of _course_ they'd
be interrupted, how foolish of her to imagine otherwise...

Indeed.


    Sachiko stood in the doorway, and outraged frown on her
face. "You get the heck away from my Daddy, you... you... "

Sachi: ...attractive, single woman my Dad's age, since I have no intention
of ever refering to you as stepmother.


    She was cut off by a quick hand over her mouth. Ranko
popped up behind her and wrapped her up in a half-nelson with
her free arm. "Aheh. Pardon us. Go back about your
business..."

Ah, good. Nice source of conflict between the daughters on their feelings
about their father possibly persuing a relationship. One thinks he should
continue honoring their mother's memory by dying a widow, the other
thinking he's old, not dead, and he might still have a few wild oats he'd
like to sow.


    Sachiko wriggled out of her sister's half-hearted hold
and stalked forward. "Now listen here, you! You leave-"

    "No, YOU listen here, young lady."

lady,"

Seems to be a common mistake here. I'd recommend double-checking your work
specifically for these sorts of mistakes.

Shampoo said firmly.
"It's very rude to eavesdrop on people, not to mention
entering a room unannounced. Now go back out, knock, and wait
to be admitted."

Interesting tactic on her part. Definitely keep Sachi on the defensive.


    "I WON'T!" Sachiko yelled. "Daddy, tell her..." She
stared hard at her father, who simply looked dazed.
Exasperated, she spun on Ranko. "Well?! Aren't you going to
say something?!"

    "Yep." Ranko

"Yep,"

 said, grabbing her sister and tossing her
over her shoulder like a sack of rice. "We're goin'. Now." She
turned and nodded at the adults. "Pops. Lady. We'll be waitin'
in the house. Take your time, but we're gonna expect an
explanation, alright?"

Nice mix of understanding while still tempered with some caution.


    Shampoo nodded. This one would be a worthy pupil.

Oh, Ranko will just adore Shampoo if she's going to help her with new
techniques.

 >
    "Good. Just make it soon, Okay? I got a tournament in the
mornin', an' I need ta sleep. Oh, an' Pops?" She looked over
at her dazed father, and flashed him a thumbs-up. "S'about
time, y'old goat.

Ranko: If you guys want, I got condoms if Shampoo ain't on the pill or
nothing.

Ranma: Why do you have condoms?

Ranko: Geeze, Dad. You know the sort of guys I go out with. Like any of
them are bright enough to bring 'em along when we go out on dates...



    "It's not that..."

Before I forget to mention, way too many ellipses in this. You need to cut
back on them a lot. They're distracting.


    "I understand, Ranma." Shampoo hung her head slightly,
resigned. I suppose it was a bit much to hope we could cast
all those years aside..."

    "Well, I'm not saying that I'm not

Ranma: Good ole 'Mr. Happy' would never let me hear the end of it, if you
know what I mean.

... Well... Perhaps, we
could have dinner together? Away from the kids?"

Somehow, I doubt if most of the kids would be willing to let such a thing
occur away from them. :)


    "That..." Shampoo's voice held a breath of hope. "That
would be nice."

    "Good, I'm glad." Ranma smiled. "It _is_ good to see you
again, my friend."

    "Thank you... friend." Shampoo smiled. Friend, and
hopefully, eventually... Maybe something more.

Well, I can certainly always hope you continue writing this long enough to
see it take place. :)


************************
    At the Kuno mansion, Kin lay in her vast four-poster bed,
visions of endorsements and championship titles dancing in her
head. Oddly enough, though, her last thoughts before drifting
off to sleep were of a certain diminutive ninja...

    Down the hall, her cousin, Burakuro Taro, dozed as well,
exhausted from his labours. His unwanted bedmate curled under
his arm.

    "Bura-sama..." Lina sighed happily, lost in her dreams.

Oh? That sounds like it might be an interesting relationship.


    At the modest home of the Gosunkugi family, Hikaru pulled
his attention away from the vidscreen and turned to his wife.

    "Darling?" He asked absently. "Where's Lina?"

    "She's over at her friend Kin's."

Heh. Well, technically I guess she is.


    In his bedroom above the Tofu clinic, Keiichi
doublechecked his alarm. He'd be up, out of the house, and at
the tournament before his folks even woke up. Once he'd shown
them he could handle himself, they'd forgive him...

Hmm. I naughty child for Kasumi and Tofu? That would be a switch.


    In a small bungalow near the uncleared rubble that once
was Tomobiki High School, a brown-haired half-oni girl curled
up, dreams of the myriad studmuffins she'd see at the
tournament tomorrow tantalizing her senses. All those big,
strong boys, getting all sweaty... their soaked dogis
straining against bulging pectorals, biceps and... Oooh!!!

    Supaaku Moroboshi giggled to herself. It was gonna be a
great day!

I see someone inhereted their father's sex drive. That's going to cause
problems.



    "Listen, Auntie. The only guy I wanna marry's waiting for
me back on Earth."

    "The Hibiki boy? The pig farmer's son? Are you mad?"

    "And what's wrong with him? He's honest, and brave, and
handsome, and fun..."

    "HE'S A PIG FARMER!!!"

Achika: Hey! Farming pigs isn't easy. Do you know how hard it is to plant
one with the way they struggle?


    "So? Dad was a carrot farmer..."

    "Your father was the crown prince! Gardening was merely a
hobby!"

hehehe. Nice line.

Ayeka looked distraught. "Please, Achika! What will
your mother think? She left you in my care while she and the
Emperor went on vacation!"

    "Ryo-Oh-Ki already checked. Mom says she doesn't care, so
long as I don't get knocked up, and remember to bring her back
some sake."

Yep. Sounds like Ryoko.



    Several floors down, another blonde girl, this one with
an almost silver mane, flopped down on her bed and sighed.

    "Tournament Fighting. Bleah. Oh, well, at least I'll get
to see my little Ranko-chan again!" She giggled to herself and
began to unpack, bouncing excessively. Ichino Bogard had
arrived.

Oh goody. Mai and Andy's kid.


    His laughter was cut short by a choking grip on his
throat. "It is a Musk name. It is _Prince_ Hemlock, worm. You
would do well to remember it..."

    At Giants Stadium in downtown Tokyo, the preparations
were already underway for the greatest fighting extravagaza in
history...


Be  wary. Up to now you've been taking it slowly with the new characters,
but introducing this deluge of them at once might be hard to follow for the
reader, depending on how many are major and minor characters. I might have
a slight advantage since I plotted out a second gen fic a while back, but
it might be a bit harder for others to follow.

Nice work, though as Mike said I'd work on making the argument between
Ranma and Shampoo a little more even in the middle before ending it as you
did. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.

D.B. Sommer




-- .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List---. | Administrators - ffml-admins@fanfic.com | | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@fanfic.com | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `---http://www.fanfic.com/FFML-FAQ.txt ---'