Hi there,
Well, this story has a nice enough premise, and frankly its one I
agree with. Tenchi chooses Ryoko--frankly, that's my expectation, too.
Most of the things that happen in the story also seem realistic
enough. Tenchi begs for Ryoko's pardon, excuses himself from his royal
blood, Ayeka feels all broken up about it, etc. etc.
My problem: everything happens too easily, too simplistically. I just
can't believe that any people would act like this. The emperor pardons
Ryoko without an argument. Ayeka flees without even making a final
play for Tenchi's hand. Ayeka comes back from Jurai without a fight.
Ryoko doesn't rub her victory in. Ranma and Akane appear from nowhere.
Weddings occur without incident. Life is just peachy.
The most problematic factor is in the title: Tenchi's choice. Look,
people don't *do* this. In any love triangle, square, or heptagon, the
ultimate choice isn't made by sitting down and listing characteristics
of each and basing your choice on them. You decide who you love
because of the way you feel around that person. And things like
airheadedness won't necessarily affect that. Yet all too often, fanfic
writers put characters in a situation where they sit down and start
listing characteristics. This is particularly true in the two
principal "harem" series--TM and R.5, where the main character has
multiple women after him. It's not limited to those series, though...
I can't count how many Eva fics I've tossed into the recycling bin
because of this motif.
For a good example of the *right* way to resolve a love triangle, read
Alain Gravel's "The One I Love Is...", which is available on almost
every Eva fanfic archive still being maintained. The reason the
"decision" works there is because Shinji makes his choice (hah! you
thought I'd spoil it!) based not on some listing of characteristics
about his partner, but on how he feels around her--he chooses because
he can tell that the one he chooses is his soulmate. There's no "Rei's
quiet, and Asuka's bitchy, but really that's just a shell, so maybe I
should choose her." It's not based on some logical system.
Why? Because love IS NOT logical. People don't apply value criteria
and count utils to determine who to fall in love with. They just fall
in love. There's no rational decision-making process, just an
instinctual choice. So that's what you should be shooting more for.
I'm also troubled that Tenchi seems to have no empathy for the women
he said "no" to. Just because he considers Ryoko his soulmate doesn't
mean that he suddenly doesn't give a rat's ass about the others. In
fact, he may still love some of them. I would particularly suspect
this in the case of Sasami and Ayeka, for whom he would continue to
feel some form of familial affection. That should be brought out. I
don't know what to do about our favorite galactic police--Tenchi might
still think of them as friends...
At any rate, I think that my main complaint is the overly simplistic
view this story takes of this event. There's no conflict, so the story
lacks any driving tension. For the first few chapters, I was wondering
what would happen when everyone found out about Tenchi's choice. I was
very disappointed to find out that the answer was "nothing." Which
makes me wonder why the choice was important at all.
Sparky
*********
"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."--Isaac Asimov
For Evangelion fanfiction and links visit Heaven's Gate
http://members.tripod.com/Sage_Ohlmin/evafic.htm
A Dies Irae Production
______________________________________________
FREE Personalized Email at Mail.com
Sign up at http://www.mail.com/?sr=signup