Greetings, again!
This is a bit late, but I've had very little free time lately.
No problem. Late is better than never, and I know what it's like when RL
decided to rear its ugly head. I usually beat mine into submission with an
aluminum bat. ^_^
> Here is the part where I beg for you to send me C&C. I know, I know,
that's
> a novel and fascinating idea. But it's just so crazy, I think it might
work!
> Give it a try, and let's see, shall we? ^_^
Ask... no. BEG, and ye shall receive. ^_^
I've said it before and I'll say it again : I'd pick C&C over dignity every
single time. ^_^
Selling yourself in your notes, my friend? Shame on you! ^_^
I doubt it will stick : I'm utterly shameless. ^_^
And don't think I didn't saw those lovely URLs up there. That's three in
a
row! Yeah! ^_~
Now, of course, I'll forget on the next one. That's the way this tends to
work.
> Anyway, let's get on with the real reason you're here, shall we?
Awww, I really like reading the author's notes. Seeing the writers rant
sometimes proves very funny.
True, but a lot of people get turned off by long notes. As an old precher
once said : "I believe in justice and mercy. I study hard, to do justice to
my sermon, and speak quickly, to show mercy to my audience."
> The story awaits!
And here we go again!
As always, any and all comments are IMHO, so feel free to ignore my
almost-delirious ravings if you can't take them any more.
No need! I always pay very close attention to my C&C. After all, fair's
fair. ^_^
> Say Bye to Slow Internet!
SLOW INTERNET: Goodbye, all! I'm moving to Argentina!
REALLY-REALLY-SLOW INTERNET: Hey, me too! In fact, I already know a guy
down
there. Latin... something.
^_^
So THAT'S where Really-really-slow Internet moved. He didn't even send me a
postcard... probably because of all the nasty things I said last time we
met. ;b
> -- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
Oh, Listar, Listar. What would Morgan's (and my own, too) formatting do
without you? :-b
Probably stink. And then our readers would crucify us to windmills (Because
then you get the pain AND the dizziness). I figure we aren't the only poor
souls who'd be up there, either. ^_^
> Chapter Five :
Heheh. DO I have to say anything? At all?
I FORGOT! Okay? >:-(
> Yamanouchi Naotoki was cold and tired. The two tended to happen
> in unison, a fact he chalked up to the unknown scaly father whose cold
> blood still ran through his veins. He blinked, and his eyes did not
> quite open as wide as they had been when he started. In the background,
'When he started' doesn't sound right. I know what you mean, but
something
seems... off. Why not:
...as they had been before.
Or something
Okay. I was a bit uncertain about that line myself, but I couldn't really
think of a better way to put it. Sometimes all you can do is just leave it
be and hope someone with a better idea C&Cs you. ^_^
> he could dimly hear a radio humming platitudes to itself as two voices
Platitudes... Don't have a clue about what that is. Not that my
vocabulary
is that big to begin with.
Platitudes are basically words with no meaning. Like cliches, platitudes are
just things that everybody always says when they can't think of anything
better. Like : "So, how about that weather?" or "Wet enough for you?", for
example.
> discussed the weather like old men sitting on a porch. Occasionally,
> their discussion was interrupted by some highly annoying person trying
> to convince him that his life was incomplete without something called
> a "Nintendo". More often, their discussion was interrupted by the
> swearing of Nasuti Yagyu.
Nintendo IS a big part of my life--and Playstation, too. But Naaza
wouldn't
appreciate it--I doubt you can get many computer games in the Dark
Kingdom.
Actually, now that I think about it, I doubt there's even ELECTRICITY in
the
Dark Kingdom.
Bingo! Naaza has never played a single game from Squaresoft. Pity him. ^_^
> "Oh," she groaned, "come ON! Start, you useless piece of-" With
> an exasperated sigh, the woman slammed her head against the steering
> wheel and proceeded to curse both loudly and with emphasis. Yamanouchi
> smiled to himself as he rolled onto his side and stared lethargically
> at the falling rain outside. He liked a woman with a healthy
> vocabulary.
ASUKA: Dumkopf!
NAAZA: My love! *runs after her*
AKANE : Baka!
NAAZA : Oh, beautiful one! *runs after her*
RANMA : Man, another nut with a sword. That all we need. What an idiot.
NAAZA : PIG-TAILED GODDESS! I WOULD DATE WITH THEE!
> "It's nearly nine-thirty in the morning," Nasuti moaned as she
> turned her head just far enough to see the watch resting on her wrist.
> "We were supposed to be in Odawara hours ago! What's WRONG with this
> stupid thing?"
I'm just guessing here, but I think the problem is that it doesn't start.
^_^
She's not a professor of Engineering, my friend. She can't be expected to
leap to conclusions like that.
Come to think of it, what the hell DOES Nasuti teach at Shinsai University?
Isn't it Romantic Literature, or something like that? I think I'd better go
look that up again...
> "Hey, what can I say?" Yamanouchi shrugged and stared at the
> roof of the vehicle as he rested his hands behind his head and fought
> the urge to yawn. "I guess the kamis are causing trouble."
But isn't 'kami' a Japanese word? You once told me that the plural was
the
same as the singular when Japanese words were involved, so it should be
'kami', right?
And so my own C&C comes back to haunt me. Yes, "kami" shouldn't be the
plural
of "kami". I guess I slipped up. Will fix!
As we're on the subject, why don't you simply use 'gods'? I've heard a
couple of people talk about gratuitous use of Japanese before...
I have a reason. Trust me, pretty soon it's going to be important to know
the difference between a god (or goddess), and a kami.
> Specifically, he thought to himself, the kami he had been praying to
> for the entire drive. Yes, he thought as he slowly reclined his chair,
> everything was perfect...
>
> "HEY!" A foot kicked him sharply in the kidneys. "Watch it,
> snake-eyes! I'm sitting back here! You nearly crushed me!"
>
> Well, Yamanouchi admitted as Jun Yamano kicked him again,
> NEARLY perfect, at least. "I'm very sorry," he said with a wicked
> smile at the boy. "Next time, I'll be sure to give you less warning."
>
> "Hey, any time you want to try me, Naaza..."
>
> Yamanouchi curled his lips back in a snarl just as a well-timed
> flash of lightning gleamed off of his exposed fangs. "Is that an
> invitation, twerp?"
I don't think killing Sailor Saturn's boyfriend is a good idea, Naaza.
PLEASE, think about it.
NAAZA: I don't wanna, and you can't make me! Bi-daaah!
Seriously, I don't think Naaza would care who Jun was dating if Jun got him
mad enough. The Masho of Poison isn't exactly the thinker of the group. He's
closer to being their mascot.
> "From," Nasuti corrected him, "each other, so we need to get
> along. This goes for you too, Naaza, so stop smirking at him. The last
> thing I need right now is you two bickering at each other, like you
> have been for the past six hours! I'm getting a headache!"
>
> "Sorry, Nasuti," Naaza said sheepishly, and returned his chair
> to its original position.
Heh. I seems Naaza has already learned the 'Yes, dear.' routine, ne? ^_^
Hey, if you had Kayura for an Empress twenty-four hours a day and seven days
a week, I think you'd learn to "Yes, dear." pretty quick, too! Sure, she
acts pretty nice, but she also kicked the crap out of both Touma and Ryo at
the same time! I'd be bowing so often, people would forget what my face
looked like!
> "Sorry, Nasuti," Jun said with a mean grin at Naaza to show
> exactly how sorry he really wasn't. The Masho of Poison scowled and
> immediately began planning various intricate forms of death for the
> little brat. Perhaps the Fleeing Maiden and the Singing Blades of
> Destruction? Nah, he decided, the punk was too short to get the
> required hang time for that one. Maybe he could try the Hangman's
> Hundred Handed Horrifier, again. No, he quickly reminded himself, that
> one usually just ended with him looking stupid. Last time, his victim
> had escaped and he'd needed both Rajura and Anubis to untie him. Those
> knots were REALLY tricky...
Y'know, this is the second time you've mentioned this one. I'm beginning
to
wonder about it. In fact, I believe a detailed description is in order
(don't forget to add the [Really-Dark] tag).
Ah, it's more of a running joke than anything else. However, it will
actually be performed on someone before this fic is done, so you WILL get to
know the details. Although... isn't the name bad enough? ^_^
> "Naaza? Are you listening to me?"
>
> "Huh?" Blinking, Yamanouchi turned to the beautiful woman with
> the auburn hair who sat next to him. "Sorry, Nasuti. My mind must have
> wandered there, for a second. What did you say?"
>
> "I asked if you would mind taking a look at the engine. We
> might have snapped our fanbelt, or maybe killed the battery."
>
> Naaza opened his mouth to gently remind the young woman that
> he was over four centuries old, and could barely tell an engine from
What does his age has to do with this? On the contrary, I'd expect his
knowledge to grow with the years. Maybe something like:
Naaza's age is important because he LOOKS seventeen. This is why Nasuti
forgot the fact that he was born a good three centuries before the invention
of the internal-combustion engine. Or the harnessing of electricity, for
that matter.
He may know of their existence, but that doesn't mean he's sure what they
are.
...woman that he had lived in the Dynasty for the last couple of
centuries,
didn't know a thing about mechanics, and could...
Actually, I have no idea where Naaza's lived all those years (I know very
little about the series), but you can easily fix that.
The Dynasty. The Masho (and Kayura) were taken by Arago and brainwashed into
his service centuries before they actually attacked Earth. I always figured
that was part of why the Masho didn't stay in Japan after the battle ended :
they knew that they just wouldn't have been able to fit in.
Anyway, the point is that I'll get around to rewriting that. Thanks for the
tip!
> a waffle iron, then shut it and simply nodded. At least it would give
> him a chance to stretch his legs a little, he decided, and opened the
> door. Unfortunately, he had forgotten about the seat belt he was
> wearing, and attempted to step out. Tangling in the straps, he nearly
> choked before finally managing to slip free and land in the mud with
Suggestion:
...he decided. Opening the door, he attempted to step out, forgetting,
unfortunately, about the seat belt he was wearing. He tangled in the
straps,
nearly choking before...
The way you wrote it is a bit confusing--to me, at least.
Okay, will change! Thanks for the suggestion, my friend! ^_^
> all the grace of a diseased crow. As Nasuti graciously closed the
> door behind him, he tried to ignore the sound of Jun's laughter.
>
> **********
Nitpick: If I'm not mistaken, you use these asterisks to separate scenes,
right? Well, I don't think you need them here. After all, both scenes are
written from Naaza's POV, and there doesn't seem to exist a noticeable
lapse
of time between them.
Good catch! Truthfully, those asterisks mark where I had originally switched
to a scene with Setsuna saying good-bye to Shutendoji as she leaves for
Earth. I decided I didn't like it : it broke up the flow of the story, and
ruined the surprise of her appearance later on. I deleted the scene, but I
must have missed one of the scene change marks.
> Naaza sat in the mud for several seconds, waiting until the
> ground stopped spinning before he clambered to his feet. Now, he asked
> himself, where would the engine be in one of these things? For that
> matter, WHAT would the engine be in one of these things? Probably, he
> decided sensibly, whatever had just started making all the smoke up
> front.
<SNIP NAAZA... TALKING WITH THE UNDEAD NINJA>
> "I'd ask what you want with me, but I really don't care," he
Besides, I doubt the undead could answer him, even if he asked.
Of course not, but he doesn't know that. Besides, that's one of those
cliched lines I've always hated : "Who are you? What do you want with me?" I
mean, does the hero actually expect an answer? And does it really matter?
> planted his falling left foot firmly into the creature's chest. Using
> the leg as an axis, Naaza then pivoted his body and slammed his right
> foot into his opponent's temple. The creature in question flopped to
> the ground like a puppet with its strings cut.
Which leads me to ask, how DO you kill one of these things? It's not like
they have a brain, or a heart, or lungs... You get the idea.
Well, as Kayura found out a chapter or two ago, they kind of melt once they
lose their heads. Decapitation has a long and respected history of being the
sure-fire way to kill things, even undead. Rolling a 1988 Suzuki Sidekick on
top of them works well, too.
> "Oh," he said as he watched all of the creatures draw their
> swords and advance on him in unison, "you brought friends. Well, THAT
> was certainly a bright plan. Kind of wish I'd thought of it, myself,
> to be honest..."
Well, I'm pretty sure he has his yoroi with him, so I don't think they'll
be
that big a trouble. Especially after seeing how Rajura went through them
as
if they weren't there.
Ah, but Naaza is something Kayura was not : half-asleep. Remember how I
mentioned that the cold was making him sluggish? That's the main reason he
has any trouble with these things at all.
> **********
>
> Kujuurou Sasaki grunted as he lowered himself into the steaming
> hot water. "We're wasting our time," he growled, and leaned his head
> back to rest on the edge of the furo.
>
> "I disagree." Sitting against the opposite edge of the tub,
> Jirougorou Kuroda took a deep breath of the steam and relaxed slightly.
> "If you want to be accurate, it's the Outer Senshi who are wasting
> our time. We have exactly-" He checked the watch still strapped to his
> wrist. "One hour and ten minutes to find Naaza and go home, or we're
> going to be in trouble."
I notice you're using the actual names of the Masho, and I believe that's
a
first in this series. Is there a special reason for this, or you just
wanted
to keep me guessing for a while? ^_^
I just thought, since they don't have their yoroi with them, it made sense
to introduce them by their civilian names. Plus, it WAS kind of to see how
long
it would take people to make the connection between those two men and the
Masho.
> Kujuurou growled and raised his head, baring his teeth as
> though planning to tear out his fellow Masho's throat. "Yes," he
> snarled, "and you clearly do not agree with me, Rajura. Why? Why
> shouldn't we-"
>
> "Why shouldn't we beg?" Jirougorou scowled as he shifted his
> position in the water. "Because we have our pride, Anubis. More
> importantly, because I don't like asking for help from people we've
> tried to kill."
Um, I don't think Rajura would put his empress AND his kingdom in
jeopardy
to keep his pride intact.
Of course not. He's also not the type to immediately admit his real motives,
when he can lie instead. ^_^
> Anubis barked with laughter, throwing his head back once more.
> "Rajura, we've tried to kill everybody we know, including each other!
> We don't have time to find someone new, NOT try to kill them, and ask
> them for help."
>
> "I'm serious, Anubis. I don't like these Outer Senshi. We don't
> know them, we don't understand them, and we can't control them."
Now THIS I believe. He can't control them, so he doesn't trust them.
Exactly. Rajura can't stand not being able to control people, and he doesn't
really know any of the Outer Senshi (except Setsuna) well enough to
manipulate them.
<SNIP>
> "Come on," he taunted them, as he clutched the damp fabric of
> his shirt with one hand. "Test your might!" With a rough yank, he tore
> loose his clothing, to reveal a form-fitting
...blue suit with a big red S over a yellow shield embroidered on it.
What
really got the undead ninja's attention, though, was the long read cape
that
fluttered now in the wind.
^_^
Now THAT would be an unexpected twist--not to mention that it'd make the
battle very, very short indeed.
True... but Naaza doesn't really have the build to pull that outfit off. Out
of his armour, he's actually a bit... well, scrawny.
> Nasuti turned to face Jun just as the jeep tipped over onto
> its side, hurling her into the window. Crimson goo and black rags were
> smeared all over the outside of the glass, and a more familiar pool of
> crimson was forming under Nasuti's head. Jun began to move towards
There is such thing as a 'pool of crimson'?
Maybe 'crimson pool', or 'pool of crimson fluid', or something?
Well, I don't know about that. The "pool" kind of implies "fluid". I was
trying to draw a connection between the red slime that these critters are
made of, which was on one side of the glass, and the blood, which was on the
other side of the glass.
> her, and heard the distinctive sound of twelve undead ninja hurling
In my dictionary (the one that had war-torn, so now I don't trust it that
much), 'distinctive' means 'easily identifiable'.
Is that particular sound distinctive, then? I'm not sure.
My implication was that once you've heard that particular sound, it is very
easy to recognise, should you ever hear it again. Soldiers in WW1 got so
good at it, they could tell what kinds of bombs were being dropped just by
the sound they made as they fell.
> themselves against the undercarriage of a 1988 Suzuki Samurai.
>
> The jeep began to roll over, and Jun began to scream.
>
> **********
>
> Naaza watched in sheer terror as the deceptively small red
> jeep began to tumble down the muddy slope in his general direction.
> Even as his eyes bugged and his jaw fell slack, the rest of his body
> was acting on sheer animal instinct. Flinging his hands behind him
> blindly, the Masho of Poison grasped two branches on the thick oak
> he lay against and snapped his spine
...losing the capacity for walking. Naaza is now the only Masho that
fights
from a wheelchair.
^_^
NAAZA : To me, my X-Men!
ANUBIS : That's the tenth time he's done that this week. It's getting
annoying.
RAJURA : Hey, you're the one who shaved his head bald...
Seriously, I agree with K'thardin in this. 'Snapped his spine' gives the
wrong idea. Maybe 'cracking his spine like a whip'... but that doesn't
sound
too good, either.
Exactly. It was either "snapping" or "cracking", and both sounded awful. I
picked the one that sounded the least like an injury.
> like a whip, launching both
> himself and his captors over the fallen tree and down the hill in a
> tangle of limbs. This inhuman knot sorted itself out as the five of
> them hit a pine tree and scattered like bowling pins after a strike.
<SNIP ONLY ONE PARAGRAPH. DON'T COMPLAIN> ^_^
> Naaza hissed venomously and narrowed his hooded eyes, slitted
> pupils seeming to disappear as the orbs glowed with a sickly purplish
> light. "Oh," he breathed, his breath steaming from between his lips as
Um, 'breathed' and 'breath' in the same sentence is awkward. Don't know
how
you could change it, though.
Yeah, I can't believe I missed that one. That's usually one of the first
things that I notice when I C&C other people... Oh well. Will fix somehow,
I'm sure. I just need to get out my trusty thesaurus, I guess.
> "Consider it a favour to them on my behalf." Setsuna Meioh
> slowly floated down closer to the ground, though she did not land.
Now, now. Pluto is able to fly?! I recognize I'm not the biggest SM fan
out
there (though I DO have a poster with Sailor Mars playing voleyball in
the
beach... in a bikini) , and I only watched the Anime (and only till the
story arc where the Outer are introduced). But I never saw THAT.
I never said she was flying, I said she was floating. The difference is that
flying implies moving upward, and she wasn't. Basically, I thought that
Sailor Pluto, as the Senshi of Time, could fall as fast or as slowly as she
wants. So, if she falls so slowly you can't even see her moving down, that's
called floating.
> "You're already nuts." Setsuna easily knocked aside his first
> strike with her Time Key, barely even flinching as he snarled and
> kicked at her face. The Garnet Orb she bore flared, and Naaza slammed
> into the mud again. Shaking off the hit like a prizefigher, the Masho
Typo: prizefighter
Will fix!
WOW! Only one typo in the whole fic! Who ARE you, and what have you done
with the real Morgan? ^_^
Thank you for that. :p
> of Poison jumped at her again, and scowled as she dropped her weapon
> and grabbed his wrists, halting him in mid-air.
<OH, YEAH. IT'S ANOTHER SNIP>
> "I don't believe so," Setsuna answered as she glanced over at
> the boy fuming on a nearby log.
>
> "Once," he said, "in passing. Don't feel bad if you don't
> remember : there was a lot going on at the time. At the Hikawa Jinja,
> last week?"
>
> "Only a week?" Setsuna blinked. "I thought I would have been
It surprised me, too. There has been so many adventures (and chapters)
since
then that I felt Setsuna had been vanished for more than a year.
Yeah, but it was a week. I went back over my earlier chapters and checked,
so I can even prove it.
- In RS : Cold, Seiji says he has a headache because "one of those youma
clocked me better than I thought, yesterday... (in Inner Battles 12, the
last time we see Setsuna)".
- Then, in Flashback 1, I said that "it hadn't snowed much, since that
sudden storm on Saturday... (in Cold)". That means it couldn't be more than
a week since Inner Battles 12, which would have been on the Friday.
- Naaza shows up in Flashback 2 and visits with Nasuti at Haruka and
Michiru's house, and that's the same day as Flashback 1. When Rajura and
Anubis show up looking for him, Michiru says that he "was here last night;
he dropped by with Seiji Date..."
So, add a day since Flashback 2, and it's still just a little over a week
since Setsuna got banished. Of course, as I had her say, if FELT like at
least a year, since so much has gone on since then (15 chapters, counting
the first four of Dark Crusade).
> banished for at least a year. Time passes strangely when one
...is having wild, passionate sex with her lost husband."
Sorry, I just had to say it. ^_^
It's okay, I understand. After all, she was. For at least a straight week.
^_^
> isn't
> actually existing in it." Her exotic red eyes downcast, the woman
> slowly sat on the log next to Jun and rested her back against the
> crumpled side panel of what was once Nasuti's jeep. "Do you need any
> help with her, Naaza?"
>
> "Well, let's see." Naaza carefully cradled Nasuti's head
> against his shoulder as he lifted her in his arms. "It's a pretty
> long walk to anywhere from here, and our ride seems a bit..." he
He (as he's not glancing the dialogue, he's just glancing)
Right! I'm fixing that right away! ^_^
> glanced at the crumpled pile of metal. "Out of shape. Would you mind
> giving us a lift?"
<I LOVE MY SCISSORS!>
> With little warning, the door suddenly opened and Hotaru Tomoe
> stepped into the kitchen. Her purple eyes went wide as, with little
> ceremony, she launched herself across the room and latched around her
> adoptive parent's waist. "Setsuna! Where have you been? Everybody's
> been really worried about you!"
>
> With a kindly smile, Setsuna stroked the young girl's raven
> hair
Which means Hotaru ISN'T a brunette, ne? ^_~
See? I remember EVERYTHING you say.
Even the really stupid stuff that doesn't make sense? You know, the e-mails?
^_^
> and kissed the top of her head. "I had to go away for a little
> while, Hotaru. There was something important I needed to do." Leaving
> the rest unsaid, Setsuna gently pried the Hotaru free and looked her
> in the eye. "Why aren't you in school, little one?"
<SNIP>
> Setsuna made a sour face as she glanced in the direction Jun
> was staring. "What a coincidence," she said acidly, "I thought I felt
> my strings being pulled."
So she's admitting to being a puppet?
More like referring to Rajura as a puppet master. As far as she's concerned,
he's probably manipulating everything and everyone, including her.
That's why Rajura says she's flattering him. He's trying to imply that he
could NEVER manipulate someone as big and mean as Sailor Pluto! No, never,
never...
> "Go, Hotaru. That's not a request." The tone of Setsuna's voice
> became far less soft, and far more firm. Hotaru began to open her
"Oh, yeah," drawled Hotaru. "Well, eat this! DEATH... REBORN...
REVOLUTION!"
If I were Hotaru, that's what I'd do.
Fortunately, Hotaru is a bit more soft-spoken than that. O_O
<SNIP>
> "Now, now, Rajura." Sailor Pluto slowly walked out of the
> shadows surrounding the nearby trees, clutching her Time Key to her
> chest protectively. "You should know better than to trust your eye."
>
> "Very good," Anubis noted clinically, "I only heard you coming
> a few minutes before you got here."
...clinically. "I...
Right! Got it! ^_^
> "Sorry," Haruka answered with a shrug, "but there's no way we
> let you run off with these guys and have all the fun AGAIN. If you go,
> we go. Or
...I throw a Death, Reborn, Revolution, and...
> nobody goes."
Sorry about that, but I love that attack, and I hardly saw it in a fic.
Okay, it may destroy the whole world, but it's cool, anyway. You think
you
could use one somewhere in this fic? It's make a loyal reader ver
happy...
^_^
Rest assured, Hotaru will be using some of her cooler attacks at some point
in the fic. Of course, the problem with the Death Reborn Revolution is that
it pretty much gives Mother and her troops exactly what they want. They'd
probably throw her a party and leave, congratulating themselves on a job
well done.
> Michiru nodded, resolute. "That's the way it works, Setsuna.
> We're not sending you off into an alien dimension without somebody we
> trust watching your back. And the only people we trust to do that is
> us."
<MINI-SNIP>
> "WAIT! WAIT!" Crashing through the bushes, Jun Yamano burst
> onto the paved path, dragging Nasuti Yagyu by one hand. "We're coming,
> too! We can help!"
ANUBIS: I only heard you a couple of hours before I heard Setsuna. Good
work, sucker!
Hehehehe. Of course, Jun wasn't trying to be subtle. I don't think he EVER
tries to be subtle. ^_^
> "Oh, ye gods," Rajura muttered, "it's the woman and the brat
> again. Can't we spray for pests like them?"
>
> "Nasuti knows more about the Dark Kingdom and the Dynasty
> than anybody!" Jun's chest swelled slightly as he placed one hand on
> the woman's shoulder. "And she can probably figure out what you're up
> against, too!"
I notice he's not saying WHAT he can do, the useless weakling. ^_^
Hey, now! I'd tell you to play nice, but considering some of the things I've
said about Minmei in my C&C of your fic, I guess that was called for. ^_~
As we're on it, I just wanted to say something about the Jun-Hotaru happy
couple. K'thardin said in his comments that, if Jun didn't get some
powers
so he could fight by Hotaru's side, their relationship was doomed to fail
(these weren's his exact words, but I really don't have time to reply
directly to his mail. Sorry). Well, I disagree. How is it that a powerful
man/weak woman couple works (there're plentiful examples of this out
there),
but it doesn't the other way around?
Well, Jun's biggest problem has always been that he just can't leave well
enough alone. He attacked one of the youja lords with a STICK. I believe he
kicked Shutendoji in the shin. He's that one person who will, by the laws of
anime, NEVER be granted powers and made a hero, simply because that's
exactly what he wants. In the show, he starts to feel left out because all
of the other guys he knows are Samurai Troopers, and he isn't. He then goes
out and gets in trouble trying to prove that he can be a hero, too.
And what if Jun's left behind? I'm sure the Yoroiden didn't ALWAYS take
him
with them.
Actually, they pretty much do. He tags along with Nasuti, and the Troopers
always take her with them because she owns the car and has the information.
And, being a smart woman, she doesn't trust any of them with either one.
Jun even travelled to the Dynasty with Nasuti and Shutendoji, and tried to
help the Troopers by taking them the Jewel of Life.
Besides, with all the Senshi, the Yoroiden AND the Masho (as Nasuti'll
probably end up with Naaza) looking after him, that boy is gonna be very
difficult to kill. ^_^
True, but that's his problem. Who wants to spend their entire life
surrounded by superpowered baby-sitters? I'm not saying that the relatonship
can't and won't work, just that part of Dark Crusade is going to be about
Jun learning exactly what he can offer Hotaru that makes him special.
> "Wait a minute!" Nasuti lifted her hands defensively. "I never
> said anything about wanting to come! I've learned my lesson quite well,
> thank you very much : I happen to be allergic to danger, fear, and
Um, this colon doesn't look right. I'd change it for a period, as that
she
happens to be allergic, etc, etc, ISN'T the lesson she learned.
Very well, if you say so. ^_^
> pain. So... no. Thank you for thinking of me, but NO." Nasuti looked
> from one face to the other, hoping to find a shred of understanding.
> Finding instead only blank stares, she decided to try again. "I have
> bad luck with youja and such, you see. I prefer to avoid them whenever
> possible."
<SNIPPETY-SNIP>
> "So you're coming, then?"
>
> "Of COURSE I'm coming!" Nasuti stopped and blinked. "Wait a
> minute... I didn't... I mean... I'm..." Confused, she stopped and
> stared off into space for a second. Unnoticed by her, both a large
> glowing gate and Yamanouchi Naotoki were rising behind her.
Heh. This was a typical Ranma-reaction. Wonder if they're related
somehow.
Another spamfic begging not to be written...
Another of many... ^_^
> "All aboard!" Naaza crowed, and grabbed Nasuti by the back of
> her jacket. In a single smooth motion, he hauled her over his head and
> tossed her straight through the gate. There was a cut-off shriek, a
> flash of light, and then she was gone.
Ah, Naaza... I think you were meant to "CARRY" her over the threshold,
not
"throw".
NAAZA : Ooh! Right! I CARRY the girl, and I throw the RICE... Can I try it
again? I'm sure I'll get it right this time!
> "You heard Naaza! The gate closes in a matter of seconds!"
> Feet pounding in the cement, Anubis and Rajura pushed past Naaza. As
> they passed, each caught the grinning Snake Masho under one arm and
> hauled him along with them as they entered the gate and vanished into
> the swirling lights contained within.
>
> "Last chance," Haruka said to Setsuna, as the two Senshi
> approached the gate. A wind seemed to blast from the glowing opening,
> ruffling their hair and pushing against them as they walked closer.
>
> "Why are you two TAKING so long?" Jun raced by as fast as his
> legs would carry him, jumping into the gate just as Hotaru reached
> out to stop him.
Oh, sure, you're soooo brave. Let's see how fast you enter the gate if
you
don't have the Senshi AND the Masho with you.
He'd enter it just as fast if he was by himself. That's his problem : the
guts and attitude of Optimus Prime, trapped in the body of Wheelie. ^_~
> With a loud rumble, the gate slowly retracted into the ground,
> a small cloud of mist the only sign it had ever been. In the distance,
> a thrush warbled to itself, and the first rays of sunshine began to
> penetrate through the clouds that had been covering it all day. In
> Tokyo, at least, it seemed the storm was over.
Oooo, just the perfect cliff-hanger, you meanie! ^_^
Hey, I gotta do something to keep you reading! ^_^
> TO BE CONTINUED...
Please.
As always, I've seen myself unable to make many comments. Grammar,
spelling;
both nearly perfect. Characterization, awesome. Dialogue, funny and
smooth.
Action, exciting and well-paced.
Lesee... What else can I say to inflate Morgan's ego? ^_~
If you'd like, I have a list right here... you can start with "genius" and
work your way down to "modest"... ^_^
Y'know, I can't help but wonder what there was the deal with Setsuna's
left
wrist, but I guess you'll let us know soon enough.
Yep! As soon as the next chapter, in fact : it's not the biggest mystery in
the story, or anything. ^_^
Listen, fellow FFMLers! This is a series you MUST read, even if you hate
Sailor Moon, even if you don't know a thing about Yoroiden Samurai
Trooper.
You have no idea what you're missing...
Yeah! Just listen to the nice man, and nobody has to get hurt! ^_^
Well, this is it for me.
See you soon, Morgan, and keep writing!
See you later, Latin, and I surely will! Thanks for writing me : now all you
have to do is find time to finish your next chapter of Silent Battles, so I
can return the favour. (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, hint, hint...) ^_^
Ja ne!
-Morgan Hudson
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