Sorry, it's been a bit longer for this part, but I had some serious writer's
block on this part. And then my dog ate my first draft and my girlfriend
shot my mother and... anyway, sorry it's late. :)
C&C away and don't read on a full stomach.
=======================================================================
Garden of EVA 2:5 - The Girls All Blow!
Book 2: Blows
Neon Genesis Evangelion characters and situations created and Copyright by
Gainax, Project Eva, ADV Films - Used without permission
Garden of EVA series created, written, and copyright 1998-2000 by Jim Lazar
A series set within episode 26 of Neon Genesis Evangelion that will blow
your mind.
<Speech text in angle brackets is thought by character.>
"Speech text in double quotes is spoken as Japanese."
E-mail comments and/or criticisms to: mailto:jimlazar@animeprime.com
Previous parts and my other fanfiction can be found at:
http://www.animeprime.com/ff/geva
=======================================================================
Oh... heck. If you've read Garden of EVA up to here you know what to expect:
Sex, drugs, and rock n' blood.
=======================================================================
The girls according to Shinji:
Annoying, naked, and I wish they'd stop fooling around with my penis.
-E- -V- -A-
"Asuka, I'm home!" Shinji called out as he came in his front door. He
had just taken off his shoes when a red blur tackled him and started to lick
his face. "Missed me, huh?"
Asuka barked once in agreement.
Yes, she barked.
Shinji reached up and ruffled the large dog's thick red hair. "That's
my girl."
Asuka barked again and then licked Shinji's face.
Needless to say, this was going to hurt the Shinji in the theater. A
lot.
-E- -V- -A-
The axe crashed into the theater floor right between Shinji's legs,
missing his mighty oak by a leaf. The oak tree made a hasty retreat towards
Shinji's body.
"How could you make me a dog!!" Asuka shouted and pulled up the axe for
another swing.
"I'm sorry... but things weren't working out any other way!" Shinji
screamed as he backpedaled away from the naked redhead.
"And you call that-" Asuka pointed at the viewpoint, which was frozen
on a image of Misato paging through a magazine titled '1001 Big Dicks to
Lick Your Lips On - Now Cherry Flavored!'. "-working out?"
"How the hell could I know Misato would start craving big penises!!"
Shinji cringed as the axe came down and missed his oak tree by a leaf stem.
His penis disappeared further into his groin. "Where did you get that axe,
anyway?!"
Asuka frowned and looked at the axe head embedded between Shinji's
legs. "I don't know." She shrugged. "Oh well..." She lifted the axe up again
and made another attempt on Shinji's manhood.
Shinji rolled to the side and sprung to his feet. He set off running
with the redhead in hot pursuit. "I'm sorry, dammit!! I wanted to see if
things could be better without you!"
Asuka stopped in her tracks and she lowered the axe's head. "Huh?" She
trembled slightly. "You... wanted a world without me?"
Shinji was a little surprised that Asuka was taking that so calmly, so
he stopped running and looked back. "Well.. no... but those worlds kept
falling apart and having problems, so I... well I just wanted to
experiment."
"And making me a dog is just an experiment to you?" A single tear
dripped down Asuka's cheek.
Shinji eyes widened and followed the tear down her cheek. "Um...
well... I'll try again."
Asuka smiled slightly. "Thank you."
Shinji turned around and walked towards the storyboards, not noticing
the broad smile that appeared on Asuka's face.
<Sucker,> Asuka thought as she drove the axe into the floor. She walked
towards Shinji in order to make sure Shinji did the storyboards right this
time, not even noticing the axe slowly fade away.
-E- -V- -A-
"No!! Make me bustier!!" Asuka insisted, pointing at the storyboard
version of herself.
Shinji frowned and looked closely at the breasts. "Um... they're the
same size as yours are." He looked up from the drawn breasts at the real
breasts.
"So?" Asuka retorted. "Make them bigger, you jerk!"
"Yes, Asuka." Shinji sighed as he rubbed out Asuka's boobs--the ones
drawn on the storyboards, not her real ones of course--and drew a larger
circle.
"Bigger!!"
Shinji sighed. "I'll have to make the panel bigger then."
"Whatever it takes." Asuka smiled. "After that, I have some other
suggestions."
"I'm supposed to be making this world, not you, Asuka!!"
Asuka reached for the axe, which had suddenly appeared behind her
again. "What was that?"
Shinji gulped.
After endless back and forth arguments on one thing or another, Asuka
grabbed the marker. "You're so dense. Here, let me do the rest."
Shinji opened his mouth to argue, but shut it when he saw the axe.
-E- -V- -A-
Asuka walked towards school. Or to be more exact, her breasts bounced
towards school and dragged the rest of her body with her. Just how big were
they? Well, even Michael Jordan would have a hard time dribbling them if
they were basketballs. Of course, he probably wouldn't bother dribbling
these huge puppies if he got his hands on them. He would be more likely to
stroke, squeeze, and pinch them.
"Helllloooooooo, Asuka!" a row of boy's chorused as her breasts
approached.
Asuka giggled and waved to the long line of boys waiting for her to
show up. Or to be more exact, her boobs to arrive. "Hi, guys!" She strolled
past the line of boys, all of who were at attention. Well, their dicks were
at attention, while the rest of their bodies were trying their best to look
macho and attractive.
She strolled down the row and stopped in front of a small geeky boy,
who was picking his nose. "You're up today."
The boy stopped digging for his booger and looked at Asuka's boobs.
"Huh?"
Asuka knelt down to draw his attention to her face. His eyes moved
downwards, locked on her pert nipples that were clearly visible through her
uniform's blouse. "I'm picking you to be my boyfriend today, didn't you read
the school rules?"
The boy frowned. "I thought that was a joke someone was playing on me."
Asuka smirked. "Nope."
"So you really are the queen bitch around here?"
Asuka frowned. "Who said that?"
The geeky boy pointed down at a tall, dark haired boy standing at the
front of the line.
Asuka scowled at the boy. "Touji, you're off the waiting list for a
month!!"
"No, way!!"
"Yes, way!!"
"Bitch."
"Make that two months."
Touji opened his mouth to speak, but Kensuke--who was standing at
attention by his side--slapped his hand over his friend's mouth before Touji
dug himself a deeper grave. The other boys would beat Kensuke up later for
his attempts to keep Touji in the running. The frequent fights over Asuka's
breasts--better known as the Boob Wars--frequently cut down Asuka's choices
for young, healthy, and well hung males. But she didn't mind since that just
made the winners stronger. Natural selection at its kinkiest.
Asuka looked back at the geeky boy and held out her school bag. "Come
on."
"Um... why me?"
Asuka pondered that question for a few seconds before answering. "Well,
sometimes tall, good-looking boys with huge penises get boring, so I figure
I should try some of the geeks now and then."
"Oh... then that's a problem."
"Why?"
The geeky boy leaned over and whispered into Asuka's huge breasts.
Asuka's eyes went wide. "Really?"
The boy nodded.
"Wow...." Asuka looked at the boy's groin. "Who'd have thunk that." She
grabbed the boys arm and pulled him out of the line. "Let's go... um... what
was your name?"
The geeky boy smiled nervously. "Shinji, Shinji Ikari."
-E- -V- -A-
Shinji shook himself out of his trace and staggered backwards. "What
the... you... you... YOU MADE ME A GEEK?!"
Asuka casually shrugged her shoulders, causing her normal sized--well
normal for her--breasts to bounce. "Well, I think your parents had more to
do with it."
Shinji's eyes went wide. "Are you calling me a geek!!"
"Yeah."
"You... you..." Shinji turned around and walked away. "Dammit."
Asuka smirked. "Watch your mouth... the ink's still wet." She looked at
the storyboards and laughed maniacally.
"You should have heard what I wanted to say," Shinji muttered as he
returned to his trance.
"What was that?!" Asuka bellowed.
But Shinji was already in his trance and couldn't respond. At least
that's what he let Asuka think.
-E- -V- -A-
"Shinji, jump that horse for me," Asuka commanded during gym class.
Shinji looked at the gymnastics horse for a couple seconds before
nodding. He took a running start and leapt gracefully into the air. The
graceful part ended when he slammed into the end of the horse, crotch first.
He fell to the floor and groaned.
"Asuka Langley Sohryu... failed the horse," the teacher remarked, not
even caring that it wasn't Asuka who had attempted the jump. Her scorecard
said it was Asuka's turn, so that's who she graded.
"You jerk! I told you to jump the horse, not hump it!" Asuka bellowed,
causing the other students around her to laugh.
Shinji just continued moaning and rolling around on the floor, holding
his crotch.
"If you've hurt my toy, you're in deep shit, Shinji."
-E- -V- -A-
Asuka frowned as she looked at the plate Shinji had given her during
lunch. "This isn't the cutlet sandwich I asked for." She tilted the foam
plate and tried to figure out what the green substance on it was.
"But all the big guys always go for those," Shinji remarked timidly.
"So?"
"They'll beat me up."
"So?"
"I could die."
"So?"
"Then my dick would die."
Asuka frowned. "Good point." She looked at Shinji's groin. "It's so
lively too." She winked and then looked around. "Come on." She stood up and
pulled Shinji towards the back of the schoolyard.
"Where are we going?!" Shinji asked, looking around.
"Never mind that, just come on!"
"Yes, ma'am."
-E- -V- -A-
In a dark, secluded spot known as 'Asuka's Playpen', Shinji lay on the
ground and stared wide-eyed at Asuka as she unzipped his pants. "Ack!"
"Quiet or someone will find us."
"But... but... but... ahhhhh."
Shinji's eyes rolled upwards as Asuka lived up to this part's title.
And then some.
Shinji spasmed.
"Don't you dare come yet!!" Asuka ordered.
Shinji tried his best, but--as the white fluid that rolled down Asuka's
cheek will attest to--he failed.
"Now then... get me a cutlet sandwich, okay?" Asuka asked while wiping
her face off.
Shinji lay on the ground, a crooked smile on his face. "O....kay." He
hurried off towards the lunch counter.
Asuka smiled and licked her lips. "Now if he dies, at least I've had a
taste."
Screams were heard from the direction of the lunch counter.
Asuka smiled. "He should have zipped up first."
-E- -V- -A-
Asuka bit into the meat and savored the taste as it flowed down to her
stomach. "Hmmmm..."
"Where'd you get that from?"
Asuka looked up from the half eaten cutlet sandwich and smiled when she
saw Rei. "Hey, girlfriend." She glanced at the sandwich. "Shinji got it for
me."
"I hope he didn't get beat up too hard."
"He'll live." Asuka laughed. "You know, Rei, you're just too kind for
your own good."
Rei shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe, but I'd never use a man like you
do."
Asuka smirked, knowingly. "No, you wouldn't. How are you and Hikari
doing?"
"Great... her parents are remarkably happy that she's a lesbian."
Asuka cheerfully slapped Rei on the back. "Well, when the alternative
is Touji anything is better in comparison."
Rei nodded. "Yeah, thanks for lending him to us so we could freak out
Hikari's parents and get them to accept that I'm Hikari's lover."
"How does that work anyway?"
Rei winked. "Lots of toys and lots of positions."
"That must be a sight."
"Want to join us sometime?" Rei asked seductively.
Asuka chuckled. "Not on your life. Give me a boy with a huge dick any
day."
"Oh, we've got plenty of those." Rei winked.
Asuka frowned. "Huh?"
Rei smiled. "They're made out of rubber and don't talk back."
"Ah..." Asuka nodded her head.
Rei remembered something. "Actually we have one that talks."
"What's it say?"
"It's and assortment of Mel Gibson clips from all those classic movies
of his."
Asuka gasped and a trickle of wetness flowed down her inner thigh. "Can
I borrow it sometime?"
Rei nodded. "You can keep it, we don't really have much used for a
talking dick."
"Well, Touji did help you out with your parents."
Rei almost choked on her tongue as the laugh erupted from her mouth.
-E- -V- -A-
"You made Rei and Hikari lesbians?!" Misato shouted, looking between
Rei--who was calmly watching the viewpoint--and Asuka.
"So? I wasn't going to let Hikari's life be ruined by pairing her up
with that bastard Touji."
"But why Hikari and Rei?"
"Why not?"
Misato rolled her eyes and came to a internal conclusion. <She's
probably trying to keep Rei out of her way.> "Shinji might have made
mistakes, but at least he cared about the problems he was causing."
"What possible problems could making Rei and Hikari lesbian's cause?"
-E- -V- -A-
There should be a scene here with Rei and Hikari having hot lesbian
sex, but that would belong under the 'sucks' book and not the 'blows' book.
So, unfortunately, we present to you twelve minutes of Pikachu and
Jigglypuff doing the nasty.
Yellow and pink flesh undulated everywhere as the rat shagged the...
the... whatever the hell Jigglypuff is.
-E- -V- -A-
After having hot, lesbian sex in the gym's store room, Rei and Hikari
walked together into their next class, home economics.
"Okay, class, today we are going to-" the teacher read from her class
planner. "-learn how to satisfy your man with the proper blow job
technique." Without realizing what she had just said, the teacher turned
towards the blackboard and jerked in surprise when she saw the detailed
diagram of a man's erect penis was drawn on the board. Not by coincidence,
the penis lined up perfectly with her mouth, witch was gaping open in
surprise. A girl in the back clicked a quick picture that would be
distributed around the school for years to come. "What the..." The teacher
looked back at her class planner. "Who changed my planner?!"
The girls just giggled and talked about the diagram. Except Rei and
Hikari, who remained impassive and just looked on uninterested.
"Ayanami and Horaki, you look very guilty," the teacher remarked.
"Huh?" Hikari said.
"You're all flushed and not giggling like the other girls."
Rei smiled. "That's because we just had s... hmmmmpppffff."
Hikari slapped her hand over Rei's mouth and smiled at the teacher.
"Um... sorry, teacher, we had to run across the school yard to get her in
time after lunch."
The teacher's eye's narrowed as she looked at the two girls. "Why don't
I believe you?"
"Because you're a... hmmmmmmpppff."
Hikari glared at Rei. "Are you trying to get us in trouble?" she
hissed.
Rei smiled devilishly. "What could they do?"
-E- -V- -A-
"Expelled?!" Asuka shouted after school let out.
Rei and Hikari nodded.
Asuka looked around. "I'll find out who played that joke and teach them
to screw with my best friends."
"If she's cute, we'll be glad to screw her," Rei remarked.
Hikari gasped. "Rei! That's the kind of joking that always gets us in
trouble."
Rei smirked and shrugged her shoulders. "So what?"
Hikari slapped her head.
Asuka chuckled. "Now don't have a lover's spat here... wait till you
get home and suck all your troubles away."
"Asuka!!" Hikari snapped.
Asuka chuckled. "Don't worry, Principal Katsuragi doesn't stand a
chance against me. I'll get you reinstated within a day or two. That old hag
doesn't stand a chance against me."
"Thank you." Hikari smiled and hugged Asuka.
"Get your hand off my butt, Hikari."
"Sorry, I couldn't resist."
-E- -V- -A-
"Are you sure about this?" Shinji asked as he stood in the entry to
Asuka's apartment.
Asuka grinned. "Yeah, my mom and dad are in Hawaii for their
anniversary."
"Well... I don't think I should."
"GET IN HERE!!" Asuka bellowed.
A gust of wind flashed past Asuka and down the hall.
Asuka walked down to the living room where the wind had blown too. She
gasped when she saw Shinji standing in the middle of the room, naked as the
Shinji in the theater. "Eager, aren't you?"
"Not really... but I figured it'd be better to get this over with."
Asuka chuckled and checked him out. "Boy, it looks even bigger now!"
Shinji blushed and covered himself.
"But I wasn't planning on having sex with you."
Shinji's jaw dropped. "Huh?"
"What, you think I'm some kind of slut?"
"Yeah..."
"What did you say?!"
Shinji cowered back. "No... no, of course you're not!"
Asuka chuckled. "Relax, Shinji. I'm a virgin."
Shinji's mouth twitched.
"I just love to play around with guys. A little taste here and there,
but the closest I've been to having sex is letting Touji lick me all over
when we were having that water shortage and I couldn't take a proper shower
or bath."
Shinji's mouth dropped open. "Wow..."
"Now then... I need you to do something for me."
Shinji gulped and reached for his pants.
"No, don't bother. It'll be better that you're naked for this..."
Shinji tried to think of what she could need him to do that didn't
involved sex and needed him naked. <Well, I guess it can't be all that bad
then.>
He was wrong.
-E- -V- -A-
"It's a... it's a p... p... p..."
Asuka smiled. "It's a penguin, stupid."
"I thought they were extinct?" Shinji remarked as he watched the
penguin waddle across the room.
"He's a genetically created warm water penguin." Asuka patted the
penguin on the head. "His name is Pen-pen."
Shinji knelt down in front of the penguin and looked at it. "Hi ya,
Pen-pen." He titled his head and laughed when Pen-pen mimicked the gesture.
Shinji looked at Asuka. "So what did you want me to do?"
"What do you think?"
"Give him a bath?"
"No."
"Feed him?"
"No."
"Hold him down while you give him a blow job?"
Asuka 'acked' and fell over to the side.
"I guess that's a no."
Asuka chuckled as she got back to her feet. "Some imagination you have
there, Shinji."
"So what do you want me to do?"
"Catch him, skin him, and cook him up for dinner, of course."
Shinji fainted.
-E- -V- -A-
"WHAT?!" Misato screamed and glared at Asuka. "You want to eat my
Pen-pen?!"
"Not really." Asuka looked at the storyboards. "I did put Pen-pen in
there, but not as dinner."
"Then why..." Misato whispered to herself.
"Beat's me. I don't recall really detailing anything about what Pen-pen
was around for, I just threw him in for kicks."
Misato sighed. "You're like a TV producer I used to date, he'd throw in
cute and cuddly characters into a show just so he could sell toys."
"Surely he had his reasons."
"You remember that drama last year about the Pacific War?"
Asuka nodded. "The one that explored the Japanese Navy's efforts to
liberate that island with all the yellow rats?"
Misato nodded. "Those rats were a recycled video game character from
just before Second Impact."
"Really? Wow... it seemed so realistic."
-E- -V- -A-
"I'm not going to cook a penguin!!" Shinji shouted, cowering in the
corner.
Asuka laughed. "I was just kidding. I just need you to give him a bath.
He got into some oil yesterday and I'm not going to ruin my perfect skin for
a stupid flightless bird."
"If he could fly, would you wash him then?"
Asuka glared at Shinji. "Careful, or I'll have you give him a enema."
Pen-pen squawked and ran from the room.
Asuka smiled. "Better go catch him."
"Yes, Asuka."
-E- -V- -A-
While Shinji made a mess in the bathroom trying to get any part of
Pen-pen in the tub, someone started pounding on the door.
Asuka scowled as she put down the latest issue of 'The Modern Woman's
Guide to Making Men Do Whatever You Say' and stomped towards the front door.
"What is it?" she snapped as she opened the door a foot or so to see who was
there.
Two men in black and white suits pushed the door open and rushed in.
"We're here for the penguin!" the taller of the two exclaimed and adjusted
the eyepiece with a red laser he was wearing on his left eye.
Asuka's eyes went wide. "What?"
The short man flashed a badge. "We're with the Penguin International
Salvation Service."
"Oh, piss off!!" Asuka spat and tried to close the door.
"You've heard of P.I.S.S. then?" The tall man looked down at his
partner.
His partner nodded his confirmation. "We'll have to change the acronym
for our top secret organization again."
"How about Association for the Salvation of Salt Water Inbred Penguins
Everywhere?"
The short man nodded, causing his laser to draw a picture of a penis on
his partner's groin. Yes, he was that short. The size difference came in
handy on those long patrols when they couldn't sit or lay down. "I like that
one." He looked at Asuka. "Okay, where is the penguin, ma'am?"
Asuka ducked the laser as it swept near her own groin. "Penguin? What's
that?" she replied with an expression that wouldn't fool anyone except the
two bozos in front of her.
"It's a small flightless waterfowl that looks like this," the tall man
said, pointing at his black and white suit. "And has a beak like this." He
pointed to the yellow beak on the top of his penguin suit.
Asuka tried not to laugh. "Nope, no penguins here."
"Damn... we were so sure this time." The tall man turned around and
started to leave, but froze in his place when he heard the unmistakable
crying of a penguin being leaned on by a fourteen year old boy. "What was
that?"
"I didn't hear a fourteen year old boy leaning on a penguin," Asuka
replied straight-faced.
The tall man shook his head. "Damn."
The two men turned to leave, but stopped when the sound was repeated.
They looked at each other--one up and one down--and silently decided on a
course of action while their lasers burned a ragged scar across each other's
faces.
"I'll go check it out," the short man said and raced past Asuka.
"Hey!!" Asuka made to follow, but the tall man grabbed her by her huge
breasts and restrained her. For some reason, that 'restraining' involved his
moving his hands in circular motions.
A minute or so later the short man returned to find his partner lying
in the entryway, writhing in pain from the opposite of this part's title.
"What happened?"
"Nothing!" the tall man said in a high squeaky voice.
The short man's eyes went wide. "She kneed you in my plaything, didn't
she?"
The tall man nodded. "What did you find?"
"Oh, there's a kid back there choking the bird."
The tall man jumped to his feet. "What?! We have to save that poor
bird!"
The short man rolled his eyes. "No... no... I mean he's spanking his
monkey."
"Well... it's not really our job, but Monkey United Front For Defending
Inbred Vertebrates Everywhere Required has helped us out before."
"No, he's playing with his one armed bandit."
The tall man showed no hint of comprehension.
"He's jerking off!!"
The tall man scratched his head in bewilderment.
The short man sighed. "He's masturbating, you idiot!!"
Still nothing.
The short man shook his head. "He's shellacking his bark!!"
The tall man gasped. "Oh!! Why didn't say so in the first place." He
stared off into the distance as if remembering a fond memory. "Ah... I
haven't had to shellac my own bark since we became partners."
"Let's go..." the short man pulled his partner out by his pussy willow.
Asuka stared at the door as it slowly closed. "What the fuck was that?"
She turned around and hurried down the hallway to find Shinji and Pen-pen.
After finding the bathroom empty, she burst into her room and found Shinji
masturbating on her bed. "Ack..."
"No... huh... penguins... huh.... here... ahhhhhhh."
Asuka followed the glob as it arced through the air and nailed her
pussy. "Wow... nice range."
Shinji seemed to notice Asuka for the first time. "Asuka! Are they..."
"They're gone." Asuka started to rub the white cum off her pussy.
Shinji sighed. "Thank goodness. Um... sorry about your pussy."
"You should be!" She put down the stuffed cat and eyed Shinji's naked
body. "Why are you jerking off, anyway?"
Shinji blushed and covered his fallen tree. "Um... it was the first
thing I thought of."
Asuka raised an eyebrow. "You're a sick little boy, you know that?"
"Yes, Asuka."
Asuka looked around. "Where'd you hide Pen-pen?"
Shinji slid over and pulled the sheet off his pillow, which turned out
to be Pen-pen.
Asuka gasped. "You... you were bedding Pen-pen while you choked your
chicken?"
-E- -V- -A-
Shinji sighed and dropped to the floor of the theater. "This blows!!"
Asuka nodded. "Yeah, you'd never have the guts to really masturbate."
Shinji flinched remembering the time he had done just that over Asuka's
unconscious form. <I'm so pathetic.> Then he remembered when he used to do
her laundry. <Really pathetic.> And when she fell asleep and I cut her bra
and panties off her body. <Really, really pathetic.> And when...
His long list of pathetic masturbation remembrances was cut short when
Asuka spoke again. "You're just so pathetic. Even the Shinji in these worlds
has bigger balls than you do."
Shinji clenched his eyes shut. "Shut up..." he muttered.
Asuka didn't seem to hear him. "You're making these other Shinji's with
more spine than you'll ever have," she taunted, ignoring the fact that she
had made the last Shinji.
"Shut up..." Shinji clenched his fists.
Asuka's eyebrow raised. "What are you going to do if I don't?"
Shinji's eyes snapped open and locked on Asuka, causing her to flinch
and take a step backwards. Shinji jumped forward and grabbed her hand. In a
quick movement that would make Rhet Butler proud, he swept her into his arms
and...
Asuka's heart throbbed in anticipation. A part of her brain told her
arm and hand to slug Shinji, but her arm and hand decided it would rather
wait and see what happened next. The readers seconded that vote. Sex always
wins out over logic.
Shinji leaned down, his eyes locked with Asuka's. A fierce fire of
determination burned within those eyes as his lips neared hers and...
Asuka sneezed.
The mood shattered, Shinji dropped Asuka on her butt. "Um... I wasn't
going to do anything... honest!!" he said, while slowly backing up.
Asuka wiped her mouth and then rubbed her fanny. A part of her was very
mad as being dropped while another was disappointed at the missed
opportunity. Then she remembered what had started this sequence of events.
"You spineless wimp!!" She jumped to her feet and ran towards Shinji, her
hands raised to the beat the living daylights out of him.
"I'm sorry!!" Shinji blurted as he ran away from the angry redhead.
"You will be. As of right now, I'm licensed to kill anyone who plays
with my heart!!"
"I wasn't playing!!"
Asuka's anger faltered. "Then what were you doing?!"
"I was... I was..." Shinji's spine vanished. "I was just angry and
trying to get back at you."
Asuka's heart shriveled up inside her chest. <You spineless jerk...>
The force of Asuka's punch sent Shinji sailing across the theater. He
crashed into one of the thirteen corners and slid to the floor, dazed. <I'm
sorry, Asuka, but I don't think it's a good idea to get involved with you
until I know if you're alive or dead.>
-E- -V- -A-
Later after he regained consciousness, Shinji grabbed the storyboards
and began to tear, only to be stopped by an urgent shout.
"Don't, Shinji!" Misato yelled running up to him.
Shinji looked confused. "Why? Asuka's world is so stupid and childish."
"And the world where you were surrounded by thousands of naked,
impossibly well-built, teenage girls wasn't childish?"
Shinji blushed. "I was just curious what that would be like."
Misato smirked. "Don't worry, Shinji, those feelings are normal in a
teenage boy."
"Normal?" Shinji asked, as if shocked by the idea that anything about
him or his life was normal.
"Yes. Of course, most boys don't have the power to actually make it
come true."
Shinji dropped to the ground. "Maybe I'm the wrong person for this
job."
"Maybe, but you're stuck with it." Misato knelt down in front of Shinji
and took his hand. "You just have to dig down deep inside your heart and
find that perfect world."
Shinji looked up and met Misato's gaze. "You want to try?"
Misato's jaw dropped on top of her breasts. "What? Didn't you just hear
what I said?!"
"Yeah, but my heart isn't in it. You stopped me from tearing up Asuka's
world, so why don't you see if you can make it better from where her
storyboards left off." He pointed at the pile of storyboards.
"Shinji... I..."
"Give it a try, you couldn't make it any worse."
Misato sighed. "That world wasn't that bad."
"She made you the pointy-nosed principal with horn-rimmed glasses."
Misato jumped to her feet. "What?!"
"Yeah, you must not have been watching when you expelled Rei and
Hikari."
Misato clenched her fists. "That little, redheaded..."
"The blank storyboards are over there." Shinji pointed at a pile of
blanks.
"She's going to rule the day that she made me her principal." Misato
stomped over to the storyboards.
Shinji frowned. <I've got a bad feeling about this.>
-E- -V- -A-
"Asuka Langley Sohryu, please report to the principal's office. Asuka
Langley Sohryu, please report to the principal's office."
Asuka looked up from her desk at hearing the intercom. "Yeah... yeah...
when I feel like it."
"Immediately."
Asuka frowned. <How did she... oh well.> She stood up and walked to the
door, accompanied by wolf whistles and catcalls. <Odd, I didn't tell them to
do that, I wonder why..>
Shinji leaned over to the boy next to him. "Shouldn't we tell her that
her skirt is tucked into her panties?"
"Are you crazy? She's got the second best ass in the school."
Shinji scratched his head. "Who's got the best then?"
"Principal Katsuragi, of course."
-E- -V- -A-
Principal Katsuragi, sneezed and scratched her butt. <Someone must be
talking about my butt again.> She sighed and lay back on the tanning bed,
the light playing over her perfect body. The sweat dripped down her firm
breasts. Her flat stomach glistened in the light. Her pubic hair framed
her... awww... you get the idea.
"Principal Katsuragi, Asuka Langley Sohryu is here to see you,"
Misato's secretary's voice called out over the office intercom.
Misato frowned. <That didn't take as long as it usually does to get her
here. Ah! She must have been in Professor Fukusuke's class. He's boring
enough to cause the dead to rise and flee his lectures.>
She slipped off the tanning bed and checked her perfect body in the
nearby full-length mirror. "Perfect as always." She grabbed a long frumpy
dress and started to get dressed. After zipping the dress up, she grabbed
her horn-rimmed glasses--which had a fake pointy nose attached--and slipped
them on.
She spun around in front of the mirror and nodded. "Have to keep up
appearances for the students." She admired he form in the mirror. "Hmmmm...
I bet the kids still have wet dreams about me. There's only so much of this
fantastic body I can hide."
The intercom buzzer shook Misato out of her vanity trance. "Principal?"
Misato shook her head. "Ah... yes, send her in." She stepped through to
her main office and locked the door behind her. It wouldn't do for anyone to
find out that she had a tanning bed, jacuzzi, sauna, and Hans back there.
Hans being her masseuse, of course.
She had just sat down behind her old desk when Asuka came in. "You
wanted to see me, Principal Kantscratchherownbutt?"
Misato decided to let the brat get away with that one. "Yes, I
understand you've been forcing the male students to wait on you hand and
foot."
"I wouldn't call it forcing."
"You've also been giving them blow jobs behind the school." Misato
grabbed a remote and pressed a button. A wall panel slide aside showing an
array of twenty televisions, each showing Asuka's lips wrapped around a
different penis.
"Err... well... they enjoyed it."
"Yes, so they said when I examined the evidence."
"Evidence?"
Misato nodded and had a flashback to the interrogations where her lips
were the ones wrapped around the penises. <That Shinji was pretty tasty.>
-E- -V- -A-
Shinji snapped out of his trance and looked behind him. "Misato!!"
Misato looked innocently back at him. "What?"
"You set it up so you could give everyone bl... bl..." Shinji
stammered, unable to say this books title followed by 'job'.
Misato shrugged her shoulders, causing her breasts to bounce. "Yeah, so
what?"
"Why?"
"If you ever have one, you'll understand."
Shinji decided to go back into his trance before Misato offered to give
him one.
"Want me to blow you now?"
Too late.
"No!!" Shinji shouted and then returned to his trance, his tree rising
proudly into the air.
Misato smirked. "I knew that'd get a rise out of him."
-E- -V- -A-
After school, Asuka was fuming. "How dare that witch suspend me! All I
did was use the entire male student body as my personal plaything!!"
Hikari smiled. "Well, at least she reversed our expulsions." She looked
at Rei.
"I'll have to thank her sometime." Rei liked her lips.
"Rei!"
Asuka wasn't listening to the lovers quarrel. Instead, her eyes were
locked on the Principal, who was walking across the schoolyard towards the
main gate. "That bitch."
Misato walked through the gate and just as she reached the curb, a very
expensive sports car screeched to a halt in front of her. "Kaji!"
Kaji smiled dashingly as he poked his head out the window. "Need a
ride, beautiful?"
Misato smiled and leaned down to kiss her man, not caring who saw her.
"What a hunk."
Asuka looked back at Hikari. "What kind of lesbian are you?"
Hikari giggled. "Hey, I know a good looking man when I see one."
Asuka's eyes narrowed. "You're not bi, are you?"
Hikari shook her head. "I don't think so."
Rei smiled. "I am. Why limit the playing field?"
Hikari gasped. "You're not playing that field anymore, are you?"
Rei shook her head and leaned in to kiss Hikari.
Asuka turned away, only to see Misato and Kaji still going at it.
<Damn, everyone's in heat.> She looked around for the nearest guy. "Kensuke,
get over here!"
Kensuke rushed over from where he was studying the new class schedules.
"Yes, ma'am." He snapped to attention.
"I order you..."
Misato cut her off. "Asuka, what did we talk about?"
Asuka mumbled something very unflattering to her principal and then
turned towards Kensuke. "Kensuke, would you like to go out with me tonight?"
Kensuke stared at Asuka with a blank look on his face.
Seeing that he needed a little sample, Asuka licked his tonsils for
several seconds. "Well?"
Kensuke started to jump around like a giggly, little schoolgirl. "Would
I? Oh yeah!!"
Asuka looked around. <Maybe I should've been more selective.>
-E- -V- -A-
"What the hell did you do to my perfect world?!" Asuka screamed as she
tried her best to pull Misato's penis, only to find out she didn't have one.
"Why are you grabbing at me?" Misato asked as Asuka repeatedly grabbed
her crotch.
Asuka stopped groping the older woman and smiled apologetically.
"Sorry. I guess it's just a habit I've picked up whenever Shinji messes my
alternate self's life up."
"Don't be so rash, having guys wait on you hand and foot may seem like
heaven, but it will only lead to heartache."
"Yeah, right. How the hell would you know?"
Misato dropped to the ground and sat cross-legged. "Remember when I
said I was a bit wild in college?"
"Well, you made it seem like you were more of a slut than just wild."
Misato looked at her storyboards. "The ink's still wet."
Asuka gulped and sat down in front of Misato. "So, what's your point?"
"Well, the guys would try to get close to me by buying me stuff and
treating me like a princess."
Asuka smirked. "What did you have on them?"
"Nothing. I was smart enough not to let a guy get me drunk, but when it
was my own hand I never seemed to know when to stop. So they were always
trying to stick close in case I had one of my 'episodes'."
"What a bunch of jerks!!"
Misato smiled. "Maybe, but jerks come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.
One of the guys got impatient and tried to... force himself on me."
Asuka gasped and looked away awkwardly. "Maybe you should tell this to
someone else?"
"Who?" Misato looked at Shinji--who was in his trance--and then she
looked at Rei. "What the fuck is Rei doing?"
Asuka chuckled and looked at Rei, who was moving back and forth along
the theater walls and rubbing her breasts against the wooden surface. "I
told her one of the walls was fake and she had to rub them with her breasts
to find out which one it was."
Misato stared incredulously at the redhead in front of her. "Asuka!!"
"Don't worry... I gave her some K-Y Jelly so she won't get friction
burns."
"Well, that's very consid... err... It's still not a nice thing to
do!!" Misato turned towards Rei, who had just moved onto another wall. "Rei,
you don't..."
The wall Rei was rubbing suddenly bulged at her touch. She backed up
and allowed the oak-paneled wall to turn into a large oak tree. "Found it."
Asuka keeled over backwards and gasped for air.
Misato couldn't believe her eyes. "Damn, that's a pretty impressive oak
tree."
Rei looked away from the oak tree and at Asuka. "Now what?"
Asuka and Misato exchanged a glance and then ran towards the walls.
Shinji emerged from his trance he was greeted by the sight of all three
girls rubbing their breasts against the theater walls. "Do I even want to
know why you are all doing that?"
"Rei made one of the walls turn into a oak tree by doing this and we're
trying to find out if any of the others will transform too," Asuka explained
as she rubbed her breasts across a mahogany wall.
Shinji turned completely around and frowned. "What oak tree?"
The three girls stopped rubbing up against the walls and looked around.
"Where the fuck did it go?!"
"It was here, I swear!!"
"That is very interesting, it was there."
Shinji sighed. "I think you're all losing it."
Asuka harrumphed and stormed over to Shinji. "This theater is strange."
Misato walked over. "You're just now realizing this?"
"Maybe it's because I let you two draw the world this time."
"Nawww... nothing wrong with my world," Asuka insisted.
"Except for the parts I fixed, of course," Misato replied, smugly.
"I doubt it's any better." Asuka glanced at the viewpoint. "Wowsa..."
She tilted her head. "Kaji and you are really going at it."
Shinji sighed. "Yeah... that's why I came out of my trance, I just
couldn't take much more of the endless sex and all the different positions.
" He looked at Misato. "You made his sex drive limitless, didn't you?"
"Who me?" Misato's denial was ruined when Rei picked up Misato's
storyboards.
"Mr. Kaji is hard and naked in every panel he appears in," Rei
remarked, flipping through the storyboards. "That explains the dark tinted
windows in his car."
"Well... so... um..." Misato thought fast. "He forgot to wash his
laundry, okay?!"
-E- -V- -A-
Misato spent that night on top of, under, beside, curled around, and
otherwise entangled with Kaji.
After their twister marathon, they had hot monkey sex.
As the sweat dripped from their naked bodies, someone started pounding
on the front door of their love nest.
Kaji rolled over on top of Misato, causing her breasts to bulge out the
side. "Ignore it, I'm ready again."
Misato smiled. "My stallion..." She ran her hand though his hair and
gave him a long kiss, ignoring the incessant banging from the front door.
After another round of hot, sweat-splashing monkey sex, Misato rolled
on top of Kaji's broad chest. Again, her large breasts bulged out the side.
"Maybe we should get the door," she suggested, looking towards the front of
their love nest where the knocking had continued.
Kaji sighed. "No... I'm ready again."
Misato smiled.
A loud crash and a dozen people rushing into the bedroom wearing monkey
suits interrupted her pleasure.
"We're the Monkey United Front For Defending Inbred Vertebrates
Everywhere Required!" the head monkey said, then his jaw dropped as he got a
good look at Misato's bulging breasts and naked backside.
The jaws of the other monkeys dropped and the groins of their monkey
suits expanded as they got a good look at Misato as well. Well, one of those
jaws belonged to a young teenage girl, so her groin didn't bulge, it just
became very wet with excitement.
"What are you doing here!!" Kaji screamed, trying to cover as much of
Misato with his body as he could, which included hiding her vagina with the
part of him that fit it perfectly.
"Oh, god, look at that huge dick!!"
The monkey next to the monkey that had just screamed that looked oddly
at his male companion. "That's it, you have to stop watching me in the
shower room at M.U.F.F.D.I.V.E.R. H.Q."
"Awwwww, man," the gay monkey grumbled.
Misato looked over Kaji's shoulder. "What... eepppp!! Are you...
ahhhhhh.... Doing here!! Wooooo!!!" She was breathing heavily by the time
her question was finished.
So were the monkeys.
"We're with the-" Deep breath. "-Monkey United Front For Defending
Inbred Vertebrates Everywhere Required and we heard there were two monkeys
being forced to have hot monkey sex in here!!"
Kaji and Misato exchanged an annoyed--yet aroused--look before Kaji
answered. "That was just us having hot monkey sex!!"
The head monkey scratched his butt and flicked the flea away. "Damn, I
could have sworn it was real monkeys this time."
One of the other monkeys slapped the leader on his shoulder. "Sorry,
dude."
"It's not fair..." The leader raised his arms over his head. "Where are
all the monkeys!!" He turned around. "Come on guys, we've got to continue
our monkey patrol."
There was some grumbling from the men and one girl, but they turned and
followed their leader out of the room.
They raced back into the room when they heard the unmistakable sounds
of two monkeys having hot monkey sex.
Misato and Kaji stopped having hot monkey sex and glared at the men and
one girl in monkey suits. "It's just us fucking again, you idiots!!"
"Oh, yeah..." The leader slapped his head. "Doh!!"
"Come on, Homer, time to go."
Homer sighed and let his monkeys lead him out.
Kaji looked back at Misato and smiled. "I always thought we sounded
like two rabbits when we made love."
Misato smiled and shook her head. "No... we have sex like rabbits, but
we do sound like monkeys."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah... my family bred monkeys on our old farm. The sound is
unmistakable."
Kaji started to pump again. <That's probably where she picked up that
sound she makes as she cums.>
Misato suddenly sat bolt upright and started screeching like a monkey.
-E- -V- -A-
In the theater, Asuka looked at Misato. "You screech like a monkey when
you cum?"
"No!!" Misato snapped back, trying to hide her blush. Considering she
was naked, she wasn't successful.
Asuka chuckled. <Seeing Misato screech like that was almost worth
seeing myself give Kensuke that French kiss.>
Misato was sitting cross-legged on the floor and mumbling. "An aardvark
maybe, but not a monkey.>
-E- -V- -A-
"Oh.... oh... oh..." Asuka panted as she bounced with each of Kensuke's
thrusts.
"This... this... this is great!!" Kensuke shouted.
Asuka smirked. <Yeah... maybe I shouldn't have waited after all.> Her
eyes went wide and she screamed.
Kensuke cringed as Asuka's nails dug into his back.
Asuka started making monkey noises, while Kensuke's grunts sounded like
an aardvark in heat.
Suddenly the door was smashed open and eleven guys and one girl rushed
into the room. They were all dressed in aardvark suits.
"A redhead!!" the lone girl remarked and wet her panties and the groin
of her aardvark suit.
"Stop fucking that aardvark and surrender him to the Aardvark National
Appreciation League!!"
Asuka's muscles tensed as she looked at the intruders. "He's a guy, not
an animal!!"
"Yeah, right..."
Kensuke didn't seem to notice the commotion and continued thrusting
until he filled Asuka up.
"Hey, Homer, she's right. He doesn't look anything like a Aardvark."
Homer looked at his 'Pocket Guide to Extinct Animals That Have been
Genetically Recreated and Are Now Endangered Due to Humans That Fuck Them'
and slapped his head. "Doh!!"
-E- -V- -A-
Asuka's face was blue and she dropped to the floor of the theater. "Oh
no... not me and Kensuke... anybody but him!" She slapped her hands over her
mouth to keep from throwing up.
"Would you rather be fucked like a blowup doll by Touji?" Rei asked as
she walked over.
Asuka's eye twitched, causing her to lose concentration and send her
last meal spewing out of her mouth.
The vomit splashed across Shinji's legs, causing him to slip backwards.
He snapped out of his trance and twisted in mid fall, ending up on the floor
between Asuka and Rei, who he had pulled down with him.
Shinji squeezed his hands and felt a familiar sensation. Well, the left
hand was familiar; the right hand was squeezing something larger. He looked
down to see his hands were squeezing Asuka's and Rei's breasts. "Ack!!"
"Can you get off me?"
"That feels very interesting, please continue."
"I said get up!!" Asuka punctuated her request with a swift kick to
Shinji's stomach, which separated his right hand from her breast.
Rei frowned as Shinji's left hand separated from her breast.
"It was an accident!!" Shinji muttered as he shyly retreated from the
two girls he had just fondled. "Sorry," he muttered, trying to hide
something that rose to the occasion.
"Pervert!"
"Actually, it was a most interesting experience."
"Oh, shut up!"
-E- -V- -A-
"You did what?!" Asuka screamed.
Shinji straightened the storyboards in his hands. "I let Rei do a set
of storyboards to see if she could improve on the world you and Misato
made."
Asuka looked at Rei, who was examining the lint in her own navel.
"Well, she couldn't mess it up more than Misato did."
"What was that?" Misato snapped as she stormed over, her breasts
bouncing up and down with each stomp.
"Rei's going to fix all your mistakes.," Asuka laid the seed of a big
argument.
"What mistakes?" Misato asked, glaring at Shinji.
Shinji gulped. "That's not it! I... I... I just thought Rei deserved a
chance to try."
"Well, she better not have done anything weird to Kaji and me."
Shinji looked at Rei and shook his head. "I'm sure it'll be fine." He
turned and prepared to enter his trance. <Couldn't be any worse.>
-E- -V- -A-
"So what do you want to do this afternoon?" Shinji asked as he walked
home after school with Rei, who was wrapped around his arm like a boa
constrictor around the trunk of an oak tree.
"What do you think?" Rei winked and slipped her hand into Shinji's
pocket and wrapped it around his mighty oak.
"Again?" Shinji rolled his eyes. Maybe in exasperation, but probably in
appreciation of Rei's touch. "We go there almost every day."
"But it's fun." Rei squeezed again.
Shinji's voice rose several octaves. "Oooo..kay!"
-E- -V- -A-
Rei helped Shinji take off his shirt. Running her finger down his
ribcage when his chest was revealed.
Shinji reciprocated.
Rei arched her back as Shinji ran his hand down her chest. She felt his
hands around her waist as he started to remove her skirt.
-E- -V- -A-
Asuka's hand neared Rei's face, but the blue-haired girl ducked and
slid sideways along the wooden floor of the theater. Asuka scowled and
followed Rei's evasive maneuver. "I can't believe you of all people would
set yourself up for a little action with Shinji!!"
Rei ducked Asuka's next swing. "Actually, I'd be surprised if you
wanted to do this with Shinji."
Asuka flinched. "Well... well... of course I don't want to do that with
Shinji, but I... um..." A blush formed on her face. "Don't try to change the
subject!!"
"What's the subject?" Rei asked as she did a graceful back flip to
avoid Asuka's hand.
Asuka pointed at the viewpoint. "Ditching Hikari and setting it up so
you could screw Shinji."
Rei frowned. "I was not aware that Shinji was a robot and a loose screw
that needed tightening."
Asuka rolled her eyes. "He has a screw loose, alright." She watched Rei
walkover and start examining Shinji closely. She sighed. "He doesn't really
have screws!! I meant you wanted to have sex with him!!"
Rei looked up from the hole she was examining for a screw. "Oh, why
would I want to do that?" She released Shinji's penis and stood up.
"You tell me." Asuka pointed at the viewpoint, which now showed the
naked Shinji and Rei walking towards a naked Hikari. "Wha... what is Hikari
doing there?"
"It's more pleasurable with more people."
Asuka cringed back from Rei. "You... you... sicko!!"
"Thank you."
-E- -V- -A-
Hikari crossed her arms over her naked bosom and smiled. "You know,
Shinji, you could just come without Rei having to entice you."
"This is weird, that's all." Shinji said, looking awkwardly around the
vast room.
Hikari grabbed Shinji's left hand and pulled. "Come on already."
Rei grabbed his other hand and together the two naked, teenage girls
pulled him towards a steel platform.
Shinji gulped loudly as he was led up the steel stairs.
"Why don't you like this, Shinji?" Rei asked as she tested the
temperature of the pool in front of them with her toe.
"I don't know... it's spooky."
Hikari sighed and then pushed Shinji in. "Every time it's the same
thing."
Rei smiled. "Yeah, but the more the merrier."
Hikari giggled and took Rei's hand and then jumped in with her lover.
They quickly sank into the yellowish liquid until they found their natural
buoyant point in the thick, gelatinous liquid.
Shinji was holding his breath, but when the oxygen in his lungs ran out
he gasped and breathed the liquid into his lungs.
*Just relax and enjoy it, Shinji.*
Shinji flinched as Rei's unspoken thoughts filled his mind. *Its just
so weird.*
*At first, yes, but if you relax and let your thoughts wander, we will
become one.*
*Yeah...yeah... but it's never worked for me before.*
*There is a first time for everything.*
*Mr. Spock! You're here today?*
*Yes, over near the redhead.*
*Asuka, huh? What is it with you and redheads?*
*They are most stimulating.*
*In your dreams, logic-boy.*
Rei shifted slightly to face Shinji. *Just relax, Shinji. Don't think.
Just relax. Empty your mind of everything.*
*That'll be easy.*
Hikari shook her head sadly. *Asuka, please. Let Rei try and calm
Shinji's inner turmoil like she has yours.*
*Asuka's calm?*
*I heard that!*
Hikari shrugged, causing ripples in the form of her breasts to spread
through the liquid. *You should have seen her before this LCL center opened
up. She was always irritable and nasty.*
Shinji looked at Rei and didn't even have to think that Asuka was still
irritable and nasty.
They had become one.
Nine months later, Rei gave birth to a real dorky baby.
-E- -V- -A-
Shinji came out of his trance and dropped to the floor. "Rei..." He
looked at the naked girl. "Your perfect world would be inside your tank?"
Rei nodded. "It is the most peaceful and relaxing environment I could
imagine for us. To exchange information with my other selves was the
highlight of my day."
Asuka rolled her eyes. "Rei, you have to be the dullest person in the
world."
"Thank you."
-E- -V- -A-
Three years later T.S.T., Shinji tore up his most recent set of
storyboards. T.S.T. being Theater Standard Time, which Shinji and the girls
thought up to keep track of time in the theater. Basically it's a complex
measurement of the intervals between Shinji's erections, Asuka's bowel
movements, Misato's butt scratches, and Rei's blinks. After they got sick of
keeping track of all that, they just started guessing what time it was in
T.S.T.
Asuka walked up to Shinji with a scrap of storyboard stuck to her butt.
"So, that's what... six hundred and fifty fucked up worlds you've made?"
Shinji sighed. "Six hundred and sixty five."
"Well, at least you were close on that one."
"Close!!" Shinji snapped. "You turned out to be a mass murderer!!"
Asuka shrugged her shoulders. "So?"
"You killed everyone in the world!!"
"So?"
"And then you stuffed and mounted all the guys penises and... and..."
Shinji shook his head to clear the image of Asuka using the
penises-on-a-stick over and over again.
Asuka smirked. "You're just mad because I didn't use your penis."
Shinji blushed and turned away. "No!"
Asuka smirked.
Across the theater another Shinji shook his head and looked at his
ghostly mother. "Why are you making me watch all this again?"
"So you can learn from your mistakes," Yui said, hovering angelically
over the floor.
Shinji frowned. "I was supposed to be learning something?"
"Yes, weren't you paying attention?"
Shinji gulped and looked away from his mother. "Um... well...
sometimes."
Yui rolled her eyes. "Just like your father. I had to show him how to
combine and split recombinant DNA several times before he could do it
without creating some mutated monster or talk show host." She shuddered. "I
hope someday that the world forgives us for creating Jerry Springer."
"I'm sure they forgave you as soon as Third Impact happened."
"Really? I hope so."
Shinji looked down at the floor. "Sorry about not paying attention..."
Yui sighed heavily and then took Shinji's hand. "Well, let's go back to
Third Impact and see if you can retain more this time."
"Sorry."
-E- -V- -A-
The story up to here in super-ultra-condensed form:
Misato gave Shinji a French kiss. Shinji got a hard on (the first of
millions). Asuka was alive when she was pulled out of Unit Two. Or was she?
Oh... and then a little thing called Third Impact happened and the
Human Race was reduced to yellow goo and their souls went through Rei's
vagina and into her uterus where they are awaiting a perfect world to
recycle the souls into. But that's just a side story and not really that
important in the grand scheme of things.
Shinji has to make that perfect world.
He's not doing so good.
After six hundred and sixty five worlds were created and discarded,
Shinji looked at his mother and scratched his head. "Well, I guess I figured
out that making a world where O.J. Simpson was actually not guilty wasn't a
good idea."
"Is that all?"
"Don't make a world where everyone is the same sex."
"Why?"
"Because the human race dies out pretty fast if they can't have sex."
Yui nodded. "Yes, even if they didn't kill each other out of
frustration at not being able to get laid they would have died out when they
couldn't reproduce."
"Yeah, but you'd have thought they'd have all been gay under that
circumstance."
Yui shook her head sadly. "Are you gay?"
Shinji's eyes widened. "No!!"
"Good, I was a little afraid after you gave that blow job to Touji in
world sixty-nine."
Shinji blushed. "That was because Asuka changed the panels!!"
Yui nodded knowingly. "Yeah... yeah... so you keep saying."
"Well, now what?"
Yui pointed at the other Shinji who was putting the finishing touches
on a set of storyboards, surrounded by three naked girls. "Now we can see
how world six hundred sixty six turns out."
Shinji sighed. <This is really boring, but I'm sure my mom has some
reason for doing all this to me.>
Yui took her son's hand. <I wonder how much longer I can keep him
distracted before I can figure out how to get us out of here?>
-E- -V- -A-
Shinji pulled the storyboards together and tapped them on the floor to
straighten them. "There. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this world.
It's perfect."
Asuka rolled her eyes. "And how many times have you said that?"
Shinji frowned and looked to his left at the redhead. "I forget."
"Three hundred, fifty-six times," Rei informed them from the other side
of Shinji.
Shinji looked at Rei. "Really?"
Rei nodded.
Shinji concentrated. "Well... I really mean it this time."
Asuka looked at the storyboards. "Failure six hundred and sixty six
coming up!"
Shinji shook his head. "No... this one won't fail. No matter what I'm
going to see it through."
"That's very mature of you," Misato remarked, walking up in front of
Shinji.
Shinji stood up proudly. "I've spent an entire week designing this
world and I'm sure it'll be perfect this time!"
"Three hundred, fifty-seven," Rei said.
"Only if you made me queen of all the little men in the world," Asuka
remarked, standing regally with her breasts upturned.
Shinji shook his head. "Nope."
"Please?" Asuka asked while rubbing up against Shinji.
"No!" Shinji snapped, stepping away from Asuka.
Asuka frowned and looked at Shinji's groin. <Wow, he's serious. His
cock didn't even twitch.>
Misato smiled. <Wow, he's matured to the point that a naked redhead
rubbing up against him doesn't send his hormones out of control.> Something
else occurred to Misato. <I wonder if a brunette would get a rise out of
him?>
Rei tilted her head. <I think his penis is dead. Maybe Asuka broke it
the last time she twisted it?>
-E- -V- -A-
After school, the gang was sitting around the old oak tree in the
schoolyard. Kensuke was gesturing wildly with his hands, while Touji was
trying to nonchalantly look into Hikari's blouse. Shinji was listening
intently to Kensuke, while trying to ignore Asuka's complaints that she was
bored.
"I'm bored!!" Asuka repeated as she swung on one of the branches of the
old oak tree.
Shinji looked at her, only to catch a glimpse of Asuka's green lace
panties as she swung towards him. He blushed and looked back at Kensuke.
"So... you want to go today?"
Kensuke nodded.
Touji shook his head. "Um... well... I think we have plans." He grinned
lopsidedly at Hikari.
"We'll go," Hikari said, cutting Touji's wet fantasy date with her off
at the knees. It could have been worse; she could have cut something off
higher up.
Touji's head sank to her chest. "Darn it..."
Everyone looked at Asuka, who shrugged. "I guess... it's a bit boring,
but okay."
The others all looked at each other and exchanged a knowing look.
Asuka hopped down from the tree and put her arms around Shinji and
Kensuke, herding Hikari and Touji in front of her. "Lets go kick some Angel
butt!!"
"You're suddenly very eager," Shinji remarked.
"Just getting into the right frame of mind, buttwad."
Shinji smirked, knowing that Asuka loved to play Neon Genesis
Evangelion as much as the rest of them.
They made their way to the front gate of the school, only to have a
girl run around the corner and crash into them, sending them all crashing to
the ground.
"Look where you're going!!" Asuka snapped.
Shinji's eyes went wide as a beautiful sea of blue lace was spread out
before his eyes. He clutched his nose to keep the blood from spurting out.
Rei slapped her dress down. "Pervert!!"
"I like that shade of blue, Rei," Touji remarked and was immediately
flattened by his girlfriend.
"Jerk!!" Hikari harrumphed and stomped off, followed by a groveling
Touji.
Shinji got his feet. "Sorry... it was an accident."
"Yeah... right." Rei sighed.
Kensuke checked his watch. "We'd better get going guys, the Eva center
gets pretty crowded after six."
Rei's eyebrows raised. "Eva center?"
"Yeah, it's this cool game. Ever heard of it?" Kensuke asked.
Rei smiled. "I'm... familiar with it."
"Want to come play with us?" Kensuke asked, ignoring Shinji and Asuka's
insistent waves to not invite Rei. Asuka because... well, something bugged
her about the blue haired girl and Shinji because Rei wouldn't do anything
but crash into him and accidentally show him her panties. Most boys would
take the hint, or at least enjoy it, but this is Shinji we're talking about.
Rei smirked. "Sure, it could be fun."
"Let's go then," Kensuke said as he started off in the direction of the
mall.
Rei nodded and followed.
Asuka and Shinji exchanged an annoyed look.
"Well, I guess it won't be that bad to have her playing," Shinji
remarked.
"She couldn't play any worse than you do."
"Hey!!" Shinji snapped.
Asuka giggled and ran off towards Kensuke, who had been joined by
Hikari and a bruised Touji.
"Well... at least she has a great butt," Shinji said to himself as he
checked out the view from behind.
-E- -V- -A-
The ghostly Shinji looked at his mother. "This... this is the last
world I created."
"Yes, it is," Yui remarked emotionlessly.
"I remember this one... I wanted to stick with it even when it got
bad."
Yui put her hand on her son's shoulder. "That's a sign of maturity.
Sticking with a situation even when it isn't quite right."
"Quite right?! It bit the big one! It sucked!! It blew big time!!! It
was fu-" Shinji snapped.
"Watch your language, Shinji."
"Sorry," Shinji muttered and looked at his other self, who was in a
trance. "He should have started over when... when..."
Yui tilted her head. "You're not sure, are you?"
"Well... no."
"Although there were bad things about that world there were good
things, weren't there?"
"Yeah... I guess."
Yui smiled. "That's why you could never bring yourself to destroy it
and why..."
Shinji's eyes snapped open when he remembered how he came to be with
his mother. "Kaworu!!" Suddenly, the theater exploded around him. Splitters
of wood flew all around him as the walls blew apart.
As the winds blasted him, Shinji reached for his mother's hand, but she
withdrew it from his reach. "Mother!!"
Seemingly unaffected by the winds, Yui shook her head. "You have to
handle this on your own, my son."
Shinji saw his mother fade from view as he was sucked away into
darkness.
-E- -V- -A-
Shinji opened his eyes and saw a familiar, gray ceiling. "Where...
Oh... shit!! I'm in jail!" He looked away from the familiar ceiling and at
the rest of the cell. It was the same cell he had stayed in during his last
stay in the Tokyo-3 juvie hall. <No...> He shook his head. <That other
Shinji was here.> He looked around the cell and saw a two other guys snoring
in their bunks, leaving one empty. <How did I... I was with my mother in the
theater and then... what?>
A familiar feeling washed over Shinji's body. <I gotta take a dump.> He
slipped off the bed and silently made his way to the toilet. Looking around
to see if anyone was watching, he slipped off his pants and relieved
himself. "Ahhhh... it seems like an eternity since I've gone."
"You look cute like that."
Shinji went white with fright and looked at his cellmates, only to see
them still sleeping in their beds. He looked around and then saw the source
of the voice. "Rei?"
"How are you doing?" Rei asked, craning her neck to get a good look at
Shinji's mighty oak.
Shinji jumped up and ran to the bars. "Rei! What's going on?"
Rei looked down at her feet. "Well, you're pissing on my shoes, for one
thing."
Shinji looked down and saw that he had forgotten to shake and pull his
pants up, thus dribbling on Rei's shoes. "Eep!!" He reached down, but Rei
stopped him and pulled him against the bars.
"I don't mind," Rei said, and pulled him into a long tongue-twisting
kiss.
Shinji knew he shouldn't be kissing this Rei, but somehow couldn't pull
himself away from her. That probably had a lot to do with Rei's vise-like
grip on his penis.
The kiss ended and Rei ran her hand through Shinji's hair. "Don't
worry... we'll find some way to get you out."
Shinji frowned. "Why am I in here anyway?"
Rei flinched and looked away awkwardly. "You don't remember?"
"No... not really." Shinji concentrated, but couldn't remember anything
after the big fight in the Eva center. Well, except for reliving Third
Impact and his first six hundred and sixty-five perfect worlds with his
mother, but he didn't think he should tell Rei that.
"Well..." Rei looked away, troubled.
"Tell me."
"They charged you with murder after Hasamoto died on the way to the
hospital."
Shinji's eyes went wide. "Kaworu!!"
-E- -V- -A-
The girls according to Shinji:
My friends, family, and only reason I'm still sane in this twisted
place we call the theater. But I still wish they'd leave my penis alone.
[End - Garden of EVA 2:5 - The Girls All Blow!]
=======================================================================
Author's notes/ramblings:
And once again Shinji finds himself in the slammer.
Just to refresh your memories about world 666, you might want to re-read
books zero and one. Things really blow from here.
I'd like to thank my pre-readers David Johnston, EBJ, Reaver, Thomas C.
Kinnen, and Michael A. Chase for helping me find and fix problems with this
story. And a special thanks to Thomas Hackwood for a particularly helpful
suggestion. Thank you all. Of course in the end, any mistakes and botched
characters are my fault.
Revision 0.0 - Initial draft began (May 20, 2000)
Revision 0.1 - Initial draft completed (June 22, 2000)
Revision 0.3 - Pre-reader draft (June 22, 2000)
Revision 0.4 - FFML draft (July 12, 2000)