Standard disclaimer stuff: Ranma 1/2 belongs to that wacky Rumiko
Takahashi person, and whoever else owns the rights to it.
Thanks to Megane 6.7 and any others who C&C'd my last "work",
especially to that byooki guy who gave me someone to laugh at.
As for the story, I didn't do this to offend anyone.. this time.. and
it's all in good fun.. For me, anyway. It belongs to the person who
wrote it, and not me.. so. On with the sh-- er, fic!
!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i!�i
"Yaaaaaah!" Ranma awoke to being thrown head-first through a doorway.
"Stupid old man," he grumbled, dusting himself off.
Genma had taken it upon himself to teach his son another dangerous
technique-- The Otaku-ken. This one was taught by locking the student
in a room and showing him or her continuous amounts of bad
fan-material.. say, fan-fiction. The end result, supposedly, was that
the student would break and gain the powers of an Author Avatar.
"It's for your own good, boy!" bellowed Genma.
"My own good, he says. Haven't you learned your lesson with the
Neko-ken?!" retorted Ranma.
"Well..This is different!"
Just then, the wall burst through, and a yell of "Bakusai Tenketsu"
could be heard. "Ranma! What're you doing in Beijing?" questioned the
confused and quite obviously lost Ryouga. "This ain't Beijing, Ryouga,
you're in the basement that Pops threw me in," replied Ranma. "What'd
he do that for?" Ryouga asked, setting down his pack. "Feh, some new
technique. Forget about that now, let's get going!" Ranma exclaimed,
running to the wall that Ryouga had entered through.
Unfortunately for them, and fortunately for the storyline, they ran
right into Ukyou, who had stopped by to give Ranma a fresh plate of
Okonomiyaki. The result was that Ranma, Ryouga and Ukyou all fell
backwards, and Okonomiyaki hit Ryouga in the face. "Ucchan! What're you
doing here?" asked Ranma. "I just came by to give you some okonomi-..
Hey, what was that?" Ukyou pointed to the hole- actually, no longer a
hole- that she entered through. A thick, steel wall was now covering
it.
"Damn, now how're we gonna get out?" Ranma sighed. "Well, there's
always the Bakusai Tenketsu," Ryouga suggested. "Of course," said
Ukyou, "but why are we stuck down here, anyway?" "Some new technique
the old man wants me to learn.. Otaku-ken or somethin'," Ranma
explained. "Otaku-ken?!" Ukyou facefaulted, "What the Hell is that?!"
"Well, the old man says I'll have the powers of an Author Avatar,
whatever that is.. I think he's lost it," explained Ranma, helpfully.
"You're telling me.." Ukyou sighed.
"Bad news," Ryouga said, "The Bakusai Tenketsu won't work.. he did
something to these walls. Well, looks like we're stuck here.." "I'll
kill him.." said Ukyou, darkly. Any other threatening comments were cut
off as a screen flashed to life and Genma's face could be seen.
"Well, looks like you've got some company for this one, boy," Genma
said, ignoring the yelling and threats of severe bodily harm coming
from the three. "Today we're gonna show you three a story," Genma
explained, "about what could happen if otakus controlled your life.
Enjoy.."
Lights flashed, signs blinked, people said things, and somewhere in the
USA, someone watched an episode of Blue's Clues.
Then Genma's image faded from the screen and was replaced with...
In Mind and Body
------------------------
--Ranma: Hey.. what's going on?
--Ukyou: I've heard about this.. I think it's called a "fanfic"...
--Ryouga: A what?
--Ukyou: Well, it's a story based on an existing story made by the
fans...
--Ranma: Oh.. that doesn't sound too bad.
by Florencio B. de la Merced, Jr.
(fmerced@pworld.net.ph)
A fanfic inspired by the Anime Ranma 1/2
--Ranma: ..and the Manga was totally uninspiring and downright stupid,
eh?
created and copyrighted by Rumiko
Takahashi
A project for the Rec.Arts.Anime.Creative Archives
-------------------------------------------------------------------
--Ukyou: Someone's been going at this fanfic with a hack saw...
Prologue
-------------
--Ryouga: And the chainsaw got outta control..
[The dojo training hall exploded in a billow of splintered wood and saw
dust]
Ranma: Damn it! Ryoga! You didn't have to do that!
Ryoga: [breathing hard]
--Ranma: <imitates talking on the phone, breathes heavily> What're you
wearing?
Ranma! I'll get you for messing with me!
[Another hole erupted through a wall on the dojo]
--Ryouga: Yeah! I'll destroy the Dojo, and then you'll be.. you'll..
you'll, um..
Ranma: <I've got to stop him or he'll destroy everything.> KACHU
TENSHIN
AMAGURIKEN!!!
Ryoga: Ranma! Aaahhh! [slumps on the floor after receiving a flurry of
punches]
--Ryouga: Hey! Yeah right! Ranma can't hurt me with that stupid attack!
--Ranma: Feh, you wish.
Ranma: [breathing hard] Whew! [A mallet hits his head]
--Ranma: Hey! Where'd that fanfic cliche come from? I don't remember
ordering one...
Oww!
Akane: Ranma! How dare you destroy the dojo!
--Ryouga: Hey! Akane's stealing my dialogue...
[bops Ranma's head again]
Ranma: Oww! Akane! Oww! It wasn't me. Oww! Will you stop it!
--Ukyou: However, Akane did not stop and her mallet crushed Ranma's
skull, spilling brains all over the floor, which Ryouga slipped in and
broke his neck, killing him. Akane was promptly arrested and given the
chair, The End.
Akane: [blinks] Ryouga?
Ranma: Hai! [gets bopped on the head again] Hey!
Akane: It's probably your fault anyway!
--Ranma: <as Akane> Yeah! You were born! Everything's your fault! It's
your fault the Yen is worth so little! It's your fault that insane
Martial Artist attack you!! YOUR FAULT!!
--Ukyou: Woah, calm down, Ranchan...
[Ranma and Akane continue to fight even during the repairing of the
dojo]
[In the yard, standing over the pond]
Happousai: [pouring some sort of liquid on the pond] Now, this will
have to
do. [throws away the bottle and pours a kettle of hot water] <Hot water
activates the potion.> [throws away the kettle] Now to get Cologne and
then
Ranko. Sweeto!
--Ukyou: PLEASE don't let this be a Cologne/Happosai lemon...
--All: <shudder violently>
[Inside the dojo]
--Ryouga: Things happened, which affected people, which caused them to
react, which caused consequences, which resulted in a resolution. The
End.
Ranma: Will you stop that!
--Ranma: <as Akane> Not until you start using question marks again,
Ranma!
Akane: And exactly what do you want me to stop?
--Ryouga: I dunno, hitting him with a mallet?
--Ukyou: I dunno, cooking toxic waste?
--Ranma: I dunno, having phone sex with Shinnosuke?
Ranma: [looks at his hand that's been receiving Akane's mallet
strikes]...
--Ryouga: <monotone> Ha. Ha. I was right.
Akane: If you just stop moving your hand, I'll be able to hammer that
board
properly!
--Ukyou: Brilliant reasoning..
[strikes away and smashes Ranma's hand again]
Ranma: Oww! Why do you let me have that hammer!
--Ranma: No, it is the hammer for mine.
Akane: Oh, no! It's my hammer!
Ranma: Then, find someone else to hold the nail for you!
Akane: Ryoga hands are already sore! Now hold still!
--Ukyou: Ryouga hands, now on sale at Sears for $8.95.
[In another side of the room]
Ryoga: I wonder how Ranma can stand Akane?
--Ukyou: I dunno, do you?
--Ryouga: I do?
--Ranma: I think you might.
--Ryouga: I coulda sworn I didn't.
--Ukyou: Then why'd you ask?
--Ryouga: <pauses> I don't know...
Nabiki: Yeah, it's so pitiful to even look at them go at it sometimes.
Ryoga: I'm happy that I've gotten over her. Though I still love her.
--Ryouga: Wait, I have?
--Ranma: How does that make sense?
Nabiki: Oh, by the way. How is Kounji-san?
--Ryouga: <as himself> Well, she's developed this nasty flesh eating
virus, and I think I've got it, too. By the way, would you like to use
this syringe when I'm done using it?
--Ukyou: What the Hell is going on?
Ryoga: [blinks] Damn it! That's right, I forgot all about our date
tonight.
--Ukyou: No.. we don't.
[finishes nailing a board]
--Ukyou: <giggles> Why Ryouga, I didn't know you had a wood fetish..
Nabiki: You have a date?
Ryoga: Hai. [start towards the doorway] Please excuse me to the two of
them.
--Ryouga: For the going I must be and the thing is to go and doing this
is going and I am going to go to be gone.
[turns his back]
[At the other side of the room]
Ranma: Let me have that!
Akane: BAKA!
Ranma: Kawaiikune!
--Ranma... aaaand we have gratuitous fanboy Japanese!
[the mallet hits him and he is sent flying across The
room and towards the outside]
Akane: Ranma no BAKA!
[Ranma slams into Ryoga and both of them land on the pond outside]
--Ryouga: ON the pond? That sounds painful..
Ranma: [scratches his head] Oww! That tomboy will get it! [rises to
confronts Akane]
Ryoga: [rises up] Damn it! Ranma! I'll get you for this later. Now I
better
change clothes before I meet Ucchan. [walks off]
Ranma: [steps into the dojo] Akane!
Akane: [blinks] What is it Ryoga?
--Ryouga: [blinks] a lack of commas.
--Ukyou: [blinks] you think they're trying to signal the mothership or
somethin'?
--Ranma: [blinks] could be...
Nabiki: [blinks] I thought you had a date with Ucchan?
--Ukyou: Heyy.. what happened to Kuonji-san?
Ranma: [blinks][looks around] What are you talking about?
--Ukyou: [blinks] The mothership should be here any second now...
Akane: [Walks out of the dojo and looks for Ranma] Ranma? Come on out
and
let's finish this.
Ranma: Hey, I'm over here.
Akane: [a bit irritated] Don't be foolish Ryoga.
--Ryouga: Yeah, be intelligent Ryouga. He's much more fun. Not like
that damn Jackass Ryouga.. Now HE'S annoying..
Now where did that BAKA go
to now?
--Ukyou: He's paying a visit to the Department of Redundency
Department, of course, obviously..
Ranma: Akane! Are you blind? I'm over here.
Nabiki: Are you all right Hibiki-san?
--Ranma: No, he's Ryouga Hibiki.
--Ukyou: Lame joke #1.
Ranma: [blinks] Hibiki-san? Nabiki I'm not Ryoga, I'm Ranma.
Akane: Will you shut up Ryoga. If you don't hurry up you'll never get
to the
Uutchan on time.
Ranma: What are you two talking about?
--Ranma: ..and what the hell is a Uutchan?
[Near the Uutchan]
Ukyou: [looks at her watch] Well, he's late again.
Ryoga: Ucchan!
Ukyou: [blinks] Huh? Ran-chan?
Ryoga: [hugs Ukyou] I was afraid you left already?
--Ryouga: I was?
--Ranma: You were?
--Ryouga: I dunno, was I?
--Ukyou: Were you?
--Ryouga: I don't know..
Ukyou: Eh, Ran-chan. What are you doing here?
Ryoga: [blinks] Ran-chan? Ucchan. It's me, Ryoga.
Ukyou: Ryoga? Ran-chan, what are you trying to pull here?
Ryoga: I'm not Ranma. Why do you keep calling me Ran-chan?
Ukyou: <Hmm...Ranma is up to something, but what?> Um, I know you
probably
don't approve of me and Ryoga. But please leave us alone Ranma.
--Ukyou: Who CARES if the guy I love is hugging me and seems happy to
see me? I want Ryouga!
--Ranma: I'm confused...
Ryoga: [a bit irritated] Ucchan, this is not funny anymore.
[Back at the Tendo dojo]
Akane: Ranma! Where the hell are you?
Ranma: What is wrong with you people? I said I'm over here!
Akane: Listen, Ryoga if you don't stop this...foolishness or
I'll...[brings
out her mallet and hits Ranma]
Ranma: Oww! You'll pay for that kawaiikune tomboy!
--Ranma: Yeah! She's $5.99 PLUS TAX!
Akane: [blinks] Ranma?
Ranma: [blinks] Yes! That's what I've been trying to tell you!
Nabiki: If that's you, Ranma. Then what the hell are you doing in
Ryoga's
body?
--Ukyou: <as Ranma> Well, see.. I was just expirementin' with
somethin'.. aheh.. I was curious! And.. well..
--Ryouga: Iick...
Ranma: Ryoga's what?
--All: SHE SAID "RYOGA'S BODY"!!
[runs inside the house to look in front of the mirror]
[A huge scream
--Ranma: No, it wasn't loud.. it was just BIG.
echoes throughout the dojo, and was quickly followed by a
very similar scream near the okonomiyaki shop]
End of Prologue
!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�
The text faded out and Genma's image appeared on the screen once again,
as Panda who was currently stuffing his face. The Panda signs, "Damn!
Spilled Sake in the controls... we're gonna have to wait until they're
repaired to finish.."
"Pops, what the Hell was that?" asked Ranma.
"Was there any point to that at all?" asked Ryouga.
"Do you wanna die?" asked Ukyou.
The panda onscreen whips out a sign that says, "Boy! Did you learn the
Otaku-ken yet?" "No, Pop," Ranma replied. The Panda signs, "Well, don't
worry. There's much more of this in store." At everyone's groan, the
screen flickered out and there was silence.
!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�!�
Ending, for now. Tell me what you thought- I kinda feel it needs to be
revised, but this was just a draft.
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get Yahoo! Mail � Free email you can access from anywhere!
http://mail.yahoo.com/