Well, sugar, since you asked so nicely for my comments. Mind you, I'm not
the grammar maven that sound previous C&Cers are...
"Hey!" Ranma protested, then calmed a little. "Um... Kasumi? When's
dinner?"
Laughing merrily, Kasumi said, "Whenever you'd like, Ranma-chan."
Just a thought... the Kasumi you've created might as easily refer to our
hero(ine) as 'Ranma-sama'... with gentle facetiousness, of course.
Ranma jerked to a stop, and an uncustomary annoyance flashed in her
eyes, but she sighed and stopped herself. <It's not her fault. I'm
gonna have to talk ta her real soon, or-->
Now, refresh my memory... he, er, she's annoyed at my presence why?
"Ranchan?" Ukyou asked with some worry.
"Errr, hey, Ucchan." Ranma smiled wanly. "What's up?"
"I... I'd say you are, Sugar."
Ranma looked past her feet to the floor about thirty centimeters
further down. "A-heh, yeah... It's a long story, Uccha--"
Oh, yeah. 460 meg and counting...
You know, when a girl tells ya what you've got is really big, that's
generally a good thing (at least, that's how guys seem to think) But isn't
this taking things a bit far? ^_^
The fight ended before it began because Tatewaki
disappeared from sight. Ranma blinked and looked down to see him
prostrating himself on the floor.
"Oh, my pigtailed goddess!! Let me worship at your feet!! Let me
pray to your magnificence!! Fill me with your divine love that I may
whisk you away from these foul environs and show you my true--"
Well, to a certain extent, he knows how to treat a goddess. Pity his respect
for her doesn't quite reach the 'I'm not worthy!' stage... after all, he
*has* assumed the position.
*POW!!!*
Like I said. "Thank you, megamisama, may I have another?"
Kodachi was not a happy camper. Expecting to see her Ranma-sama in
the dojo, what she got was the female version instead. She stamped
her foot.
Sending it to Sears for a new pair of shoes, I take it? ^_^
Sorry, old joke. Please continue...
"I am NOT amused!"
...your Majesty. What is this, Dachi-chan thinks she's Queen Victoria? She
sure doesn't dress the part...
Happousai buried his face in Kodachi's bosom and frotted around.
And now Happosai's discovered 'Victoria's' secret...
Mara rounded one corner of the dojo and stealthily approached an
open window. She almost jumped out of her skin when shouting started
to emanate from every crack in the building.
<What's going on in there? A war?>
No, that happens in a much worse fanfic (sorry... been archiving through
Website Number 9 looking for vacation reading material)
<Ah, HA!> Her eyes followed Kunou as he glomped the new sex goddess.
She felt a momentary rage at the young goddess build in her, but she
stamped it down. <All in good time... All in good time...>
More stamping, huh?
The fic brought to you by the US Postal Service - What's *your* priority?
DFR: Sex!
Ucchan: I can believe that. Does this mean Retsu-chan is an author avatar?
^_^
"KUNOU! ARGH!! EEEK!!! DON'T TOUCH ME *THERE*!!!"
"MY GODDESS!!! I BEG YOU!! COMMAND--"
You know, if ya stop and think about it, Ranma IS commanding Kunou to do
something already, ne?
But then, 'thinking about it' would be rather OOC for Kuno, now, wouldn't it?
Or for just about *any* of us in the Ranmaverse...
Ranma patted the top of her chest with the flat of her hand, and
then started as she realized how feminine the gesture was.
Wouldn't she have *stopped* upon realizing that?
Ukyou clutched the spatula to her and gazed adoringly at Ranma. "Oh,
Ranchan! You DO love--" Ukyou phased out for a few seconds, although
a blank smile formed on her face.
"Ucchan?"
"Ukyou?"
"What wrong, Spatula-Girl?"
Her eyes cleared, and Ukyou blinked at the faces peering at her.
"What just happened, Ucchan?"
Blushing purple, Ukyou just mumbled, "Never you mind." <What the
hell brought THAT on?!>
Aaaand we're off. Should I assume it gets stronger as we go along? From
what you mentioned to me about this thing, I shouldn't be able to remain on
my feet...
And why do I feel like Emily Litella all of a sudden?
I will say that if you hadn't told me about this beforehand, I'd'a greeted
this scene with a 'huh?'...
Finally returning to consciousness and hearing Ranma's cry, Tatewaki
leapt to his feet, all evidence of damage gone. "PIGTAILED GODDESS!!
I SHALL COME TO YOUR--
Y'know, for all his florid speeches, I'd say Tacchi-chan has just arrived at
a poor choice of words...
...please, don't make me spell it out, sugar...
"Where ya goin', Stud?"
Of all the names I've heard Kuno called... this has never been one of them.
Unless he were to get run over by a snow tire. And I could picture that
happening...
"Hello, my dear. Shall we away from these awful women? I can see
what you need, I know what you desire. I KNOW..."
No you don't, Retsu-chan... if Yggdrasil was ignorant about Ranchan's, ah,
peculiar situation, so are you. And a damn good thing.
"MADAM!! Unhand the Kunou family's future glory!!"
Heh. Kuno-chan WOULD call it that.
"Say hi, Mr. Sword!"
*That's* only a little less predictable (which doesn't diminish it in the
least). By the way, is it some curse of hell that demons should always have
bad taste in potential sex partners?
Ryouga was still present in the dojo, but he was laid out on the
ground, his lifeblood seeping away, doomed to nasal ejection by
virtue of the four women who'd been going at it on the dojo floor.
His eyes gazed but did not see.
Ohhh, you better do something about this, Dave-kun... unless you PLAN for
this story to go dark. Terminal nosebleed... whatta way to go...
Ranma blinked. "KUNOU?!?! HELL, Lady, you can HAVE him!!"
Good choice of words... especially for talking to a demoness.
Mara's eyes narrowed. "OH, no! You're not getting off THAT easy!
Bad choice of words. Oh, the innuendo...
Near the entrance, Soun was apoplectic. "My... my dojo..."
Kasumi rubbed his shoulders. "There, there, Father. I'm sure it'll
be all right."
Nabiki rolled her eyes.
Nabiki: It's not like *you* ever use the place, Daddy...
Amaterasu's katana faded in and then
flared to life, wisps of fiery mana coruscating off the sharpened
edge. "Let's dance," she grimly invited.
Gary takes you to task for using Japanese phrases that every otaku worth
their salt should know after the first year. But he's ignoring the fact that
there are some equally perplexing *English* words in this fic. Coruscating?
Sheesh, let me go find my pocket copy of the OED...
Tatewaki blearily came to and then stared in awe at the sight of
Ranma wielding what could only be a weapon worthy of the greatest
swordswoman, someone fit to stand by his side and face the battles
of life. It didn't hurt that it was two of his favorite things
wrapped up into one. "Oh, my goddess," he whispered.
Yes, that's *one* of the sources for this fic, Tacchi-kun...
"You're not wearing any underwear!" Happousai complained. "If you
don't wear any precious darlings, where's MY fun?!"
All you male otaku out here, could y'all explain something to Happosai?
"EEK!!" Urd jumped, skittered, waltzed, and mambo'ed around the
creaking dojo, trying to remove the pest next to her skin.
Whoever mentioned that the apostrophe was superfluous is quite right, but I
dunno if the 'e' belongs there... either way, sugar, you're gonna look like
Dan Quayle...
The residents of Nerima blinked once, if they did at all, and
quickly (for their sanity's sake) chalked it up to more, even
stranger doings at old man Tendou's. If it wasn't flying minotaurs,
or something similar, it was odd balls of glowing air shooting off
at random.
Oddballs, indeed...
Hiroshi and Daisuke ran down the street, following Ranma's path.
"The view was nice."
"Indeed so..."
You know, their apparant detachment makes these two so hard to figure out. I
can't quite tell if they're pervents or not. (Then again, I can't tell if
*I* am, so I'm obviously a poor judge)
The boozing Mara had done earlier proved to be her salvation, as she
couldn't quite find the necessary concentration to fly in straight
lines. Ranma was left to wonder: <Is she reading my moves?>
Heh. Now *you* know what it feels like, eh, Ranchan?
Ukyou looked at her appraisingly for a second. "Yeah... okay.
Shampoo, you go right, I'll go up the middle, and Akane can go
left," Ukyou snickered, "so to speak."
Blushing an angry red, Akane stomped off.
Well, at least the stamping stopped.
"Next lesson, kiddo. Power runs out, and you don't want to be caught
flat-footed someplace you don't want to be."
Ranma-sama: Better that than flat-chested...
"That was Cologne. She told me to tell you that Mousse is coming
over to send you to hell for casting spells on his beloved
Shampoo... or words to that effect."
And wouldja believe that, for once, the blind bat is right?
"Ranchan! Hey... Well, darn it! ... Oh!!" She smiled
dazedly, her body moving slightly, images of onna-Ranma flashing
through her pleasure centers. She completely forgot about following
the real one.
Talk aboutcher consolation prizes...
"Put your glasses back on!"
Mousse raised his chin. "No."
"Why not? You're even worse than usual without 'em!"
"Yes," Akane chimed in, "why *do* you keep them up on your head?"
Mousse blushed and stammered, "None of your business."
Has anybody managed to answer that one satisfactorily?
She looked at Akane on the ground and Ranma laughing. "Oh, my! How
many children are you two thinking of having?"
Ranma promptly fell out of the air and face-planted next to Akane.
They both groaned in response to the question.
Ranma-sama: Geez, Kasumi, they aren't *mine*... they're Mousse's!
Kasumi: Oh... well, does Shampoo know how many children he was planning on?
Ranma-sama,Akane: <snorting sod>
"Ranchan?" a teary voice asked. "I-- I-- After this, I th-thought
y-you... loved me..."
"U-Ucchan, look, I, um, well, you see--"
"AH! OOOHH! AAAAAH!!" Ukyou shouted.
Everyone's eyes bulged at the okonomiyaki chef, cradling her weapon
and rocking.
o/~ Rock-a-bye spatula, on the treetop... o/~
Kasumi: Oh my... and how many children were YOU thinking of having, Ukyou?
"OH, RANCHAAAAANNNNNN!!!" Visions of multiple onna-Ranmas making
wild, passionate, and condensed love to her filled Ukyou's mind.
Ukyou: None, if I'm doing it with onna-Ranma...
BTW, what's condensed love? Is that like condensed milk? 'Cause that *does*
look like... ah... I'll shut up, now...
"No! NO! NOOOO!!!" Ukyou burst into tears. "Ranchan GAVE it to me!
It's miiine... I love that... I gotta have... I NEED that spatula...
no... please..." She turned around and leaned into Akane, wailing
into her shirt.
Never thought of myself as a sex addict before...
Ranma stared, and then approached hesitantly, guilt eating her up.
Wish *I* was... WHAT AM I SAYING?
Ukyou took a moment to make a mental observation. <This doesn't feel
as good *live* as it did in my head...>
Nope... that's why I think I may have gotten the better deal...
She hesitantly hugged the
redhead back. "I... I forgive you, Ranchan. Was there ever a doubt?
And if you Akane-fanciers thought there might be... biiii-dah! :-þ
It's just a spatula. C'mon, Sugar."
"WaaAAaaaAAaaaAAaahhh!!!"
"Man, when she blows, she blows completely," Ukyou muttered aloud.
Several of the women in the room snickered.
I refuse to make any hentai comments at this point.
"You're that Hibiki peasant, aren't you? The one that's always
attacking my Ranma-sama?" she asked in a threatening voice.
">"Peasant?! Who died and made you god-- dess... Um..."
"Poor choice of words at the moment, Hibiki.
At least you recognize one when you hear it, Dachi-chan.
Now stand asi--"
*SPLASH!*
Kodachi: Erm... that'll do nicely.
Lowering him and holding him from his bandanna like a purse, Kodachi
scooped up the empty clothing, grimacing at the dirt and grime.
"My word, Hibiki-san, do you never launder your apparel?"
Shaking her head, Kodachi made for home with something of a spring
in her step, swinging Ryouga from side to side, forgetting, for the
moment, that he wasn't a purse.
Won't be the first time pairing up Kodachi and Ryoga... though I suspect
Ryoga isn't gonna like this one as much.
Putting her arms down, Urd breathed in relief. "Don't say the
P-word."
"P-word?" Ranma scratched her head.
Okay, everyone else has been making jokes about this line, so I'll refrain.
"Promise."
Ranma-sama: So, I guess I should ask Kasumi to buy a different brand of
margarine, shouldn't I?
Chuckling, Urd said, "No, Student, this is a Rule...
Y'know, Urd watches so much telly, you'd almost expect her to refer to
Ranma-sama as 'Grasshopper' at this point.
Selecting the one she wanted, she put the others back.
Carefully reading the label to be sure, "Urd's Special Love Potion
No. 17," she nodded and broke the top off.
"This one I *know* does what it's supposed to!"
And what's it *supposed* to do?
She poured half of the contents into Ranma's cup and half into
Akane's. "That should do nicely," she smirked to herself. "No loss
of control, but severe loss of inhibition and a generous helping of
lust."
I got a baaaad feeling about this...
Genma felt feverish. How is it that he never noticed how well formed
Ranma was? The large, juicy, creamy mounds of-- <GAH!! Old fool!
That's your child!
Ewwww...
I wonder where--> and he saw her.
"No... chan..." he whispered. He knew from experience that she also
had large, juicy--
"Genma... kun," Nodoka breathed. She'd forgotten how... manly Genma
was. Her eyes roamed his form, an action not lost on the other.
"Ne... No-chan. I need to, ah... *speak* with you for a bit...
*upstairs*."
"I thought you'd never ask, Genma-kun."
BWAHAHA! Finally, Urd's potion *works*, and on two people it probably
*should*! Nice work, Dave-kun.
Urd looked up with poorly disguised annoyance. "That was *supposed*
to be for you two."
"WHAT?!" Ranma and Akane chorused. They looked at one another, and
then turned away, blushing red to the roots of their hair.
"Senseeeeei!!"
"OOOH-HO-HO-HO-HOOOOO!! You two needed... and *need* an icebreaker."
A steady rhythmic noise began to filter down from upstairs.
Ranma summed up everyone's embarrassment. "Oh, just *great*."
There but for the grace of Kami-sama...
"Hmmm." <Well, now business is *really* going to dry up. Time for
more fertile fields-->
Another choice of words that'll get the MSTers salivating...
"Sorry, Ranma," Akane giggled again, "but that was just so *you*. No
feminine modesty whatsoever."
"Hey! I'm learnin'!" she huffed.
"A little, maybe. Um... Are you going to put something on?"
Ranma considered that for a moment. "I don't know if I can. What
should I wear?"
Akane grinned evilly. "We could always raid Happousai's collection
and see if he has anything you like."
"Ewww, Akane. Get real." Ranma mimed gagging by poking a finger into
her open mouth.
Akane clasped her hands in front of her and leaned over in a
fetching, schoolgirl pose. "Awww, don't you think you'd look good in
a teddy?"
"ACK! No way! Um... What's a 'teddy'?"
Don't you remember, Ranchan? It's that little brown bear that you used to
sleep with back when we were kids... I had a dog, and you had that bear,
and...
"YOU... BWAAAHAHA!! YOU LOOK SOMETHING OUT OF THE ARABIAN NIGHTS!!
HAAAAAHAHAHA!!!"
Look *like* something...
Congratulations, Gary... you've just been tributed.
Nabiki rolled over on her futon and put a pillow over her head. The
laughter and the occasional thump on the floor were driving her
crazy. She rolled her eyes at a loud round of laughter that sounded
like Akane. <Oh, brother!>
A stretch of quiet followed, and Nabiki said aloud, "Finally!"
She should've been listening in or recording it, but she just
couldn't find any interest in it that night.
No, but it's a matter of principal, Nabbi-chan...
"I ain't THAT picky. Really! I'd even take a woman. I'm flexible!
WAAAHH!!"
Kasumi started, and then breathed out. <She's not talking about you,
silly.>
Would that even cross Kasumi's mind?
Hooking her arm through Urd's, Kasumi and the goddess strolled
upstairs. "We eldest sisters have to stick together, you know."
I hope you aren't serious about them *sticking* together...
Urd laughed for the sheer joy of it, while Kasumi pondered their
unlikely, budding friendship. <We're so different! But that's
probably why it works.>
Interesting. So many authors match up Belldandy and Kasumi (the voice
actress makes it almost too easy, not to mention their disposition and all
that). This is a novel approach... and that's not a comment on the story's
length (that's already been done).
Retsuji timidly held out his right hand, palm up, imagining the
ruler from Hell chopping it off or something more dire, perhaps.
No, if the HellLord were to chop off something more dire (and believe me, it
WOULD be more dire) he would have asked for it to have been held out instead.
Modifier, Dave... not that it matters to any but the MSTers. We all know
whatcha mean.
Akane studied Ranma as she drifted around the room. "I think I like
it better that you're worrying about being good enough instead of
assuming you are."
Granted, it's probably OOC, but then, Ranchan's been through an awful lot
thus far.
Dave, whoever said your serious parts were better than the comedy was
dead-on. Not necessarily for the repetitiveness factor - there is, after
all, the rule of three that you seem to be following in some of the slapstick
sequences - but the meat you're starting to hang on the bones. Kodachi's
looking almost sympathetic as she comes to the realization that Ranma-sama
isn't quite right for her (actually, I'd'a liked to see a third failed
scenario for her to visualize... not that I have any ideas offhand what it
might be). Urd brings her own baggage as the goddess of love who's never
really loved. And of course, the new relationship between Ranma and Akane,
as they both cope with the realization that neither of them are worthy of the
situation thrust upon them.
"Then I hit you, brain you, and pound you," Akane growled. "A lot.
Until you go back to being Ranma."
The goddess laughed, wiped her eyes, and then floated over and
settled on the floor next to Akane. She leaned against the larger
girl. "I hope that works, but NOW do you see why I need ya? You're,
um, my anchor... Is that right?" She turned and peered up into
Akane's face.
Akane: Hmm, an anchor... never thought about using one of those before...
it'd be kinda awkward, wouldn't it?
"What's normal, Akane? I... I can't give ya normal.
Ain't in the cards for me. Is normal what you want, what ya gotta
have?"
Ranma-sama: 'Cause the only way we're gonna be even *close* to Normal is if
we move to central Illinois....
"Ranma?"
"Yeah?"
"Where are we, um, going... with us?"
Ranma-sama: Didn't I just tell ya?
NOTE: This concludes the introductory arc of The Accidental Goddess.
Oy vey... all that, and it's just introduction? Granted, Gary did TEN
prologues for Hearts and Minds, but that was supposed to be an exception, ne?
But I'm really enjoying the story... even though I'm stuck with the short end
of the spatula handle. Keep it up, Dave-chan!
Itsu mo,
Ucchan ^_^