"Because you're evil demons of course. Don't try and fool us, we know
better!" cried another one of the girls. She had short cut brown hair
that matched her leader in dramatic billowing easily.
evil demons, of course.
short, cut, brown hair that matched her leader's in
"Take this! Star power fire chain!" cried the girl next to her, her hair
was long and dark.
next to her. Her hair was long and dark.
Akane growled but kept still waiting for the next move.
but kept still, waiting for the next move.
Ryoga smiled as the blasts stopped pelting him. The spells where mostly
warding magic.
Spelling: The spells were mostly warding magic.
The girls charged forward and Ryoga took up a defensive stance.
The girls charged forward, and Ryoga took up
Ryoga snapped out in a punch
that slammed into her chest and sent her away into a wall crushing it to
dust.
sent her away into a wall, crushing it to dust.
Is there any other word, perhaps, Mr. Hibiki, that you could use instead
of 'sent'? I'm sure it could sound better.
The other girls caught up at that moment and the two martial artist
moved at speeds they could barely see.
Can you see speeds? You can see speedy people, or in this case, you can't
see speedy people...
She
roared in anger and lifted the first senshi to reach her over her head
taking a hard blow to the chest without blinking in exchange.
over her head, taking a hard blow to the chest
Likewise, each of your other sentences that takes this form should have a
comma after the main clause--or whatever it is that it's called. (I hope
I learn about those next year.) I won't be pointing out the rest of the
spots in which you need commas, so maybe you should look over your fic,
okay?
"Power up girls," said Sailor Sol as a bright aura started to form
around her.
"Power up, girls."
Akane stepped forward and frowned at them. "Why won't you leave me
alone? Every night you crazy psychos attack me for no reason. I'm
getting
a little tired of it."
Heee. :} That was very good, Akane-chan.
Ranma ignored them and turned towards Ryoga. "You did good Mr. P. I
never would have known it was this bad if you hadn't come along and let
me keep an eye on things."
"You did good, Mr. P. ..."
Unfortunately I
figured out what was happening and took care of that."
Unfortunately for him, don't you mean?
Unfortunately, I figured out
"Whoever pulled this little stunt knew about me. He knew I was too
powerful to risk my interference. I'm on to him though," Ranma smirked
confidently and turned towards the group of girls. "You had better check
your sources more carefully. Where did you get this information Stella?"
When you address people, set off their names with commas. "Where did you
get this information, Stella?"
Another new voice broke the silence. "Well, it seems my distraction did
not make it in time Ranma Saotome."
See above. I won't be pointing those out, anymore, either. (Besides,
once is enough, right? ;) The more I say it, the more you'll be annoyed
with me.)
"Whatever your reasons. I won't let you hurt Akane. I know who you are,"
snarled Ranma defiantly.
"Whatever your reasons, I won't let you hurt Akane."
The reply caught Gosunkugi by surprise and he sneered at her. "You don't
know what you're dealing with boy."
by surprise, and he sneered at her.
Ryoga blinked and looked around in confusion. "So...now what?"
Was he here? ^_^;; I kinda forgot...
Ryoga turned slightly green. "Akane, is there somewhere else? I kind of
eat a lot of Ramen you know?"
eat a lot of ramen, you know?
About an hour later Ranma walked into the Cat Caf� with her head hung
low.
About an hour later, Ranma walked into the
"I have to look into
this, it can't be ignored..." she muttered the sentence to herself when
a
bundle of energy flew into her arms and kissed her full on the lips as
she walked into the restaurant.
"I have to look into this. It can't be ignored..."
"No reason. I have a guest you say?"
"I have a guest, you say?"
Nibun