Ranma (in girl form- it was too damn sticky to even
contemplate anything to do with hot water) was dressed in a
pair of shorts and a tanktop, lay on her back on the tatami
mat, staring at the ceiling.
Maybe 'Ranma (...), who was dressed in ..., lay on her back ...'
OR
'Ranma (...), dressed in ..., lay on her back' etc.
"Yes..." Kasumi said, perplexed. "If you're hear to
challenge Father or Ranma, you really should use the back door
like the sign says..."
Spelling: "If you're here ..." Hear is related to the ears, I think.
"It wouldn't happen to be Ranma Saotome would it?" Kasumi
asked pleasantly, mentally cursing at the cleanup she'd have
to do after Ranma's latest visitor issued her inevitable
challenge.
to be Ranma Saotome, would it?
"Hey, you're famous in certain circles Ranma," Akane
teased, coming down the stairs with a panting P-chan in her
arms.
in certain circles, Ranma
"My name's... Well I guess you could just call me Neko, I
guess..." the visitor began, not noticing Ranma's shudder as
she settled down awkwardly into a cross-legged position, "I'm
looking for my husband. He disappeared last week."
Well, I guess you could just
"Mm-hmm," The woman nodded, "Although I have reason to
believe that he may have come here, to the Tendo Dojo. He's
not in Okayama, or Juuban, or Tokyo..."
"Mm-hmm." The woman nodded. "Although I have reason
It's wasn't like there was anything missing, except his
wallet, so I figured he'd stepped out for a couple of
moments...
I dunno if it's the way this Neko is talking, but shouldn't it be, "It
wasn't like"?
"Oh dear god, NO!" Ranma cried. "Not that!!!"
Comma: "Oh, dear god, NO!"
^_^
Despite the spurious statements attributed to me in my
baka-husband's fic, I wouldn't really kill Dave if he ran around
on me with Nabiki. I'd just take Ryoga to bed and call it even.
Bai-bai!
Heee. :) I LIKED this story. It was pretty funny, and I thought it was
really written well. I didn't find any spelling errors, either (GODS,
IT'S A MIRACLE!), and there was none o' that tense-switchin' stuff.
Thanks, Mr. Menard and Ms. Arnold, for a cute story, whether
self-insertion or not.
Nibun