The disclaimer, practically every character here is NOT mine.  They all belong to their respective company.  I am using a lot of them, so I can't list them all.  Beside, I am gonna add more series to the story later on.  Don't sue me.  You won't get a penny out of me.  Trust me, you won't.  For others, there are SOME characters I made up, but who cares?  I don't.


Ranma Crossover fanfic

first fanfic alert!!!
draft alert!!!
and...
Ah heck, read at your own risk.





STALLION

Chapter 5.

< A new hero?  Or a new headache? >


Part 1.




Inside the Nekohanten's kitchen, the Joketsuzoku matriach was cooking up ramen.  After she took a sip from the pot to make sure it was done, Cologne poured the content into a bowl.  She then shouted out through the counter.

"Shampoo!  One beef ramen!"

"Coming, great-grandma!"

The young Amazon skillfully caught the bowl Cologne threw, and set it down on a table.  She then frowned, trying to remember who ordered it.

"Who asked for beef ramen?  Oh, Shampoo remember!  MOUSSE!!"

"Yes, my love?"

WHAM!

"Don't call me that.  Now, deliver beef ramen to this place."

Mousse took the direction slip from Shampoo's hand, rubbing his now sore nose.  He squinted his eyes to make out the letters on the paper, but couldn't.  Then he put his glasses back on and looked at it again.

'Much better.  Hmm, a temple?  That's weird.  Who orders ramen in a temple?  Morisato something...(1)  Wait a sec!'

"Wait a minute!  There must be a mistake!  This is on the opposite side of town!"

BONK!

"Shampoo no make mistake!  We deliver ramen ANYWHERE now.  It our new promo! Stupid Mousse remember?"

"Oh, yeah...  I remember...  But I still say it's absurd!  What kind of restaurant delivers all over town?"

"Shampoo no care," Shampoo replied, shrugging off his protest, "Mousse is one who deliver, not Shampoo.  Shampoo only deliver ramen for airen now."

"That's the other thing!  Why do 'I' have to deliver this?"

CRACK!

This time it wasn't Shampoo.  It was her great-grandmother.

"It's your job because YOU agreed to take it!  Now stop complaining and leave already!"

"But, but..."

BAM!

This time it WAS Shampoo.

"No but!  You remember what Shampoo said if Mousse don't do delivery?  Shampoo no joke!  You want to see Shampoo's knife again?"

Mousse eeped and covered his crotch with his hands.  He now remembered how he got himself into this.  Shampoo had threatened to cut off "a certain part" of his anatomy if he didn't listen to what she said.

"No, no!  No need to bring that out again!  I am going!  I am going!"

"Good, go!  Or Shampoo change mind!"

The amazon male grabbed the bowl, put it in the delivery box, closed the lid, and ran out the door before she changed her mind.  She followed him out the door and shouted at his retreating form.

"Go fast!  That kid sounded too too hungry!!(2)"



After she finished shouting, Shampoo came back into the restaurant.  Cologne had gone inside the kitchen again to prepare for the upcoming dinner rush.  The purple-haired waitress also began to her preparations.  She wiped the tables, cleaned the floor, checked the dishes and put some hot water into the teapots.  When she couldn't find any more chores to do, she finally decided to take a break.

Shampoo sat on a table, with her chin leaning on her arms.  There was nothing left to do before dinner time.  Normally she would visit Ranma to offer him some free food right about now, but she wasn't feeling up to it today, because she knew he would decline her gift again.  While all those rejections didn't stop Shampoo from her "free food" strategy, she was less enthusiastic about it these days.

Shampoo sighed.  She didn't know what to do. Ever since Jusendo, Ranma hadn't been himself.  He had changed, and not for the better either, at least in Shampoo's eyes.  He was getting along better with Akane, but Shampoo's own relationship with him was taking a downfall.  Her main tactic of "getting a man through his stomach" wasn't working well, but she had no alternative plan.  So at the moment Shampoo was at a disadvantage.  That spatula girl was still his best friend, and that the violent girl was living with him in the same house.  Shampoo, meanwhile, was living apart from him and was busy with her job.  What was she going to do?

Shampoo heavily sighed again.  It was then when she noticed the teapot on her table.  She had just filled it with fresh hot water, so the tea must be ready by now.  She lifted the pot and began to pour hot liquid into the cup in front of her.

Tick!

With the loud noise, the cup broke, leaving a long crack on its side.

Shampoo sat there, frozen.  This was definitely NOT a good sign...



"Konatsu!  You done cleaning the grill?"

"Yes, Ukyou-sama!  I cleaned the counter, too!"

"Thank you!"

Ukyou closed her bathroom door after talking with Konatsu, who was preparing for the dinner shift in the restaurant.  Although he was somewhat DIFFERENT, he was very reliable.  In the things that he knew how to do, that is.  True, he wasn't a great cook, and he was TERRIBLE with money, but at least he worked hard, not to mention cheap.(3)

Ukyou opened the tap, and washed her face with cold water.  Today was a little hot.  She would have to work in front of a hot grill pretty soon, so she wanted to stay cool until then.

When she looked up, she saw herself on the mirror.  Looking at her reflection, wearing her usual attire, She sighed.  While her clothes were convenient and easy to move around in, it did not show much femininity.  Ranma called her cute before, but even Ukyou herself had hard time finding the "cuteness" in her.  How was she going to catch Ranma at this rate?

Earlier today, Ukyou had dropped by the Tendo Dojo to visit her fiance, only to find Ranma and the entire Tendo household gone.  She didn't know where they had disappeared to.  She even spied on the Nekohanten to make sure Ranma wasn't with that Chinese hussy.  She didn't check on the Kuno mansion though, knowing full well that there was no need.  Ranma would never go there of his free will.  Besides, the place gave her creeps.

'Then where is he?'

Ukyou couldn't answer that question, but she knew one thing.  Wherever Ranma was, he was with Akane.

She heaved another sigh.  Ukyou didn't hate Akane.  In fact, other than Ranma, Akane was the closest friend she had in Nerima.  But with Tendo's engagement to HER fiance, some conflicts were bound to happen.  The already fragile friendship between the two took a dive when Ukyou crashed Akane's wedding.  Although she was just one of the MANY who sabotaged the event, Ukyou suspected that Akane still hadn't forgiven her yet.

However all Ukyou could do was to shrug it off.  She did what she had to do. She couldn't just sit idle and watch HER fiance marrying another girl, could she?  Ukyou had a valid claim on Ranma, and she wasn't about to give up on it yet.  Ranma was hers, and she would do everything she could to make sure of it.

Only if Ranma would get more sensible and listen to his CUTE fiancee...

"Ukyou-sama!  Should I open the shop now?"

Konatsu's voice shook Ukyou out of her trance.  She shouted back to the transvestite downstairs.

"Yes!  Go ahead!  I'll be right there!"

Ukyou washed her face once more to freshen up.  She would deal with her love problem some other time, right now she had a restaurant to open.

She lifted her face to look at the mirror again...

Crack!

...when it cracked.

Ukyou dumbly stared at the crack on her bathroom mirror.  Weird.  She got this thing only a week ago...



"Sasuke!!!  What are these dirty animals doing here?!?  Get rid of them this instant!!"

"I am sorry, Mistress, but they are just too many!!  I keep throwing them out, but more of them come back!!"

Kuno Mansion was not a friendly place.  Almost everyone in Nerima could vouch for that.  They had an alligator as a pet, for goodness' sake.

But that fact didn't seem to matter to these black cats, which had occupied the entire house.  In every corner of the house, there they were, the black furballs that kept meowing and growling.  The house of Kuno had become a very nasty mess.

The head of the house was not there to solve the crisis, since he was never there.  But the one who thought of himself as the head was.

"Sasuke!!  What's the meaning of this?!  Where had these ungodly creatures come from!?"

"Um, I don't know, sir.  They just came out from nowhere."

His current situation would have anyone puzzled, but Kuno Tatewaki had a logic that could fit ANYWHERE, in his mind at least.  He blamed this unholy circumstance on one very particular individual.

"Damn that Saotome!!!  He must have summoned his minions from hell itself!!  Knowing he himself has no chance against the mighty Kuno, he plans to put his underlings to fight me instead!!  But the great Tatewaki wouldn't fall for such a trick!!  I will find and smite that dark sorcerer Saotome for his crime!!"

However, this remark didn't sit well with OTHER head of the house.

"How dare you mock my darling Ranma-sama!  He would never do anything of that sort!!  If anyone would bring these lowly things to wreck my house, it would be none than red-haired hussy of yours!!  No doubt she seduced these animals into creating a havoc here, so she may go and take Ranma-sama all to herself!!"

Of course, Kodachi and Kuno really didn't get along.

"You take that back!"

"I will certainly not!"

Outside Kuno Mansion, the sounds of battle were heard again, along with sounds of things breaking and bones cracking, added with occasional meows and hisses.  The neighbor didn't pay much attention though.  After all, they were living in Nerima.




"Man, I am so hungry...  When is that ramen going to come?"

"Gee, you're hungry already?  I though you ate some vegis when you went IN the pot."

"How many time do I have to tell you?  I FELL in the pot."

"Whatever."

Morisato Keiichi was doing something that every man on earth could only dream of.  He was talking with a goddess, literally.  For him it wasn't unusal though.  After all, he was living with not one, not two, but THREE goddesses.  What was so unusal about this time was that this goddess was NOT one of his housemates.  Keiichi was talking with Peorth.

It was very lucky for Keiichi that Peorth had dropped by, or he would have been the only man in history to cook HIMSELF.  The water was dangerously hot when Peorth appeared from a portal on the kitchen ceiling.  Although it took some time for her to turn off the gas, mainly because she was too busy laughing her guts out, but she had saved him nonetheless.

Keiichi's humiliation didn't end there though.  When he came out of the pot in his six-years old body, Peorth had been on floor for next fifteen minutes, holding her stomach and huffing from all the laughs.  Other than Belldandy, any goddess who entered Keiichi's life had caused him a major headache.  But Peorth, no, she was totally different.  She WAS a headache.

Ignoring the giggling goddess on the kitchen floor, Keiichi went to the phone to order a take-out.  He had some difficulties at first.  For some reason many restaurants were either closed or didn't deliver that day.  So he took a chance and called a ramen place that he had seen in an advertisement.  He freaked out when an attractive female voice answered the phone, but was relieved to find out that she was just a waitress.(4)

But there was a reason why this place was the last place he called.  The restaurant was on the opposite side of the city.  He knew it was going to take some time, but he had no alternative.  He was definitely NOT in the mood for another cooking attempt, and he REALLY didn't want to eat anything Peorth conjured up with her magic.  Keiichi might not be the smartest guy in the world, but he wouldn't make the same mistake twice.(5)

So there he was, sitting in front of the gate, with his mouth sighing and his stomach rumbling.

"Humans are so pitiful.  They have to make their own food."

A voice that suddenly came from behind startled both Keiich and Peorth.

"Siegel!?  Banpei, too?!  How long have you two been there?!"

"Ever since "man, I am so hungry.""

"Um, okay... then what are you doing here?"

"We are bored."

"Ah."

Then they went back to their sulking, expcept occasional rumbles from Keiichi's stomach.  Without the Norns, their house was just way too quiet.  Well, Banpei didn't talk actually.  Siegel was wishing her master would come back soon to play with her.  Peorth also didn't have anything to do without her collegues there, so she kept her mouth shut.  Keiichi, well, he didn't mind this peace and quiet.  In fact he was enjoying it very much.

Living with the goddesses might sound like a dream, but Keiichi knew from his first-hand experience sometimes it WAS much like a dream, a nightmare actually.  There was so many things going around that he forgot to appreciate some normal things in life.  While being bored wasn't one of his favourite activities, it meant a break from his everyday hectic life.  Basically he had nothing to complain about.

But keeping silent with all these people, um, a goddess and two robots, wasn't all that comfortable.  So Keiichi tried to break the ice with some conversation.

"Oh yeah, Peorth.  Why did you come here anyway?"

"Oh, nothing.  Just came to warn... um, I mean, just came to visit!  Ho-ho-ho..."

But the slip didn't go unnoticed to the rest of the group.  Keiichi paled, and Siegel and Banpei rushed towards the goddess, who was now sweating furiously.

"What do you mean by that?!"

Peorth cringed a little at the robot-girl's yell, but kept her composure.  She had an image as a first class goddess, after all.

"That's confidential."

But Siegel didn't back down.

"There is something dangerous, isn't there?  That's why you are here, right?"

"I said it's confidential!  Didn't you hear what I said?"

"I heard what you said, and I don't care!  I want to know what it is!  I have to protect Skuld-sama!"

"I thought it was your metal boyfriend's job."

"He's NOT my boyfriend!!"

"Um... excuse me...  Is Morisato Keiichi here?"

A male voice broke the arguement between a divinity and a machine, who blinked at the sudden appearance of this Chinese man.  He seemed to be looking for Keiichi.

Keiichi's eyes sparkled with expectation when he noticed the delivery box in the man's hand.  The implication of Peorth's words already left his mind, as his stomach demanded a meal that it has been waiting for so long.  With his hands out forward, Keiichi happily shouted.

"I am here!  I am Morisato Keiichi!!"

"Oh, there you are.  Here is your ramen."

Everyone sweatdropped as the delivery man took out a bowl from the box and handed it to Banpei.  The man didn't seem to realize his error though, and kept talking to the robot.

"I am sorry it took so long, but this place is too far from us, you know?  I'll just get the money and leave..."

His words trailed off when he accidentally grabbed Banpei's arm.  His eyes widened and his mouth started to shake, much to the others' confusion.  Then he yelled out loudly, surprising them.

"Oh my god!!  You are so skinny!!  Doesn't your mother feed you?!"

BAM!!

Everyone around had their heads on the pavement, including Banpei himself.  The man was either a complete blind, or a complete idiot.  But when Peorth slowly stood up, shaking her head, she was even more surprised to see the man glaring at her.

"So, there you are!!  How cruel can you be?"

"Eh?"

"Don't lie to me!!  It's so obvious!!  You don't take care of your children!!"

"Huh?"

"Look!!  This kid is so tiny!!  Oh no.  What does she feed you?  You poor thing!"

Keiichi blinked as the man was now hugging him.  What was going on here?

A bead of sweat was on the back of Siegel's head.  She didn't know whether to laugh or sympathize.  The man was apparently very passionate, but his intellect was very doubtful.  She raised her hand to scratch her cheek, being so confused.  But the arm suddenly fell off.

"Eh?  Darn.  It must be broken.  Oh well, I am going to have to ask Skuld-sama to fix it..."

Siegel couldn't finish her sentence because the man was now looking at her with a horrorified face.  His trembling finger pointed out to her and his mouth quivered.  Then he yelled out loud.

"Oh no!!  Her arm just fell off!!  We gotta take her to the hospital!!"

BAM!!

Once again, their heads in the dirt.

But when Peorth got back again, feeling the pain in her head, her face was met by the glaring face of the Chinese delivery man.

"You are a horrible mother!!  In fact, you are not fit to be a mother at all!!"

"Eh?"

"You should be ashamed of yourself!!  How could you treat your children this way!?"

Slowly the recognition dawned on her.  Peorth now understood what this man had been saying.  That brought the another expression on her face, the one Keiichi recognized and feared.

It was anger.

"You think I am their MOTHER!?  How old do you think I am!?!"

"Old enough to be a terrible mother!  In fact, you look like you just had a baby already!!"

Mousse's sight was really bad.  Even if he saw Kate Moss, he would think he saw Roseane.

SWOOSH!!

Unfortunately, even angry Roseane wouldn't stand a chance against this scorned goddess.

"YOU DARE!?!?!?!"

The residents of the temple took a step away from now flaming goddess.  This wasn't going to be pretty.



Back in the Nekohanten, Cologne was throwing out garbage.

Kaboom!!

The old woman blinked at hearing a loud explosion from far away.  She looked up to the sky in time to find a trail of flame flying through the air.

"That's weird.  I haven't heard anything about a fireworks display today..."


part 1 ends.



(1) After his disastrous attempt(Chapter 4) of cooking a meal himself, Keiichi had concluded that ordering a meal was definitely better than being a meal.

(2) Actually, he sounded weak because he had burn all over his body(again, Chapter 4).

(3) Truth be told, it was more like "worked free..."  -.-;;

(4) He got Belldandy first time, and he called Peorth the second time.  Although he loved the presence of the goddesses, living with three was already more than he could handle.

(5) He totally forgot that he had called the Goddess Relif Line TWICE, both times by mistake.

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