At 07:52 PM 7/7/00 -0500, Douglas A. Reeves wrote:
*****
Megatokyo 2037
Bubblegum Crisis : Cry of the Phoenix
A fanfiction by Douglas A. Reeves
Chapter Three - Preparations
Much snippage
On reading this again, something really struck me as really wrong and OOC
for Sylia.....
Finding nothing of immediate interest, she turned off the ignition
and took the small datapad from the passenger seat. The driver's door
rose on cue, and she stepped out, pausing a moment to smooth her skirt
before closing the door again. A small LED on the dashboard flashed
twice to indicate that the security system was active, and she turned
toward the elevator that would take her above ground to her shop.
The doors opened for her immediately upon entering the security
code, and she pressed the button for the ground floor. The doors
closed again, and she wrinkled her nose at a very faint, unfamiliar
scent. The elevator rose, a soft chime announcing its arrival at the
destination, and the doors opened. Even as she stepped forward, a
sharper, more powerful version of that same odor flooded into the car.
She knew it immediately... the entire shop was flooded with gas! No...
not the shop, it was coming from the apartment above! <It wasn't
supposed to be done this way!> she thought belatedly as she
instinctively dove back into the elevator, her hand slapping at the
control panel. <There was supposed to be a warning-->
Of course the author needs to do with Sylia what he needs to do with Sylia
(the previous statement *does* make some sort of sense when you think about
it), but when she smelled gas why did Sylia go back into the elevator,
which would just take her back deeper into the bowels of the building (and,
presumably being electrically operated in some fashion, run the risk of the
elevator setting off the gas itself). Since she was already there, wouldn't
the quickest way out of the building (and away from gas) be through the
shop and out the front door (or through the front window)? Why did Sylia
panic and lose her head (possibly literally?) like this?
Jeanne Hedge
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