Kii fell back and his fingers were knocked out of their killing
mode. Burning pain shot from his chest. He looked down and saw four
scratch marks across his skin. They tore through the skin and were
beginning to bleed.
Owie. ::grimaces:: Neko-ken.
hard on the wall and he got the wind knocked out of him.
on the wall, and he got
BECAUSE 'he got the wind ...' could be a sentence on its own, my (rather
old-fashioned, despite how young she is) English teacher said to stick a
comma before the... conjunction, I think it's called. ::thinks back to
those silly Schoolhouse Rock videos Strickland used to show:: >_<; Yup.
Just as he leapt out of the way, the wall was sliced into
splinters
as if it was just made of paper.
Question: Paper splinters? :) I know it SHREDS.
"You mean you no witness Ranma-darling do legendary 'Cat Fist'?"
Does Shampoo call him Ranma-darling? I thought that was Kodachi...
while she was in this state and I had a pretty hard time with her. And
Cologne? Maybe if you took 'pretty' out, it'd sound exactly like her.
^_^
Kii screamed in pain. He blindly flung his arm just to get the
annoying pest off of it.
HEEEE... >:} I like that!
With his free hand, Kii readied it to stab at Ranma.
How about 'Kii readied his free hand to stab at Ranma'?
Without thinking twice, Akane went towards the column of spinning
air. She fought against the drag of the wind. She took the lid off of
the kettle and flung it into the spiral. She only hoped that...
This paragraph seems a little mechanical, if you'll read it aloud. 'She
did this,' 'She did that.' Vary the sentence lengths a little maybe, and
it'll sound better. ^_^
Oooh. :) This is interesting. Someone may have finally gotten the
better of my darling Ranma Saotome! I like how you describe things
without cluttering it all up. Keep up the good work, Mr. Zu. ^_^
Nibun